


in the dark - adam driver x reader (serial killer - modern AU)

by indiecisivepsych



Category: Adam Driver - Fandom
Genre: Adam Driver Smut, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Choking, College, Columbia University, Consensual Sex, Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Drama, Fanfic, Fluff and Smut, Graphic Violence, Indiana, Modern, Murder, NYC, New York City, Past Sexual Assault, Recreational Drug Use, Serial Killer, Stalker, Vomiting, adam does not kill women, adam is kinda mean, adamdriver, adamdriverau, adamdriverfanfic, adamdriverxreader, adamdriverxyn, alexwolff, broken home, distant father figure, graphic murder, i dunno i'm really bad at tags, purdue, serial killer adam, the smut is explicit but not super crazy kinky, think like dexter, we are kind of mean sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:08:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 153,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26215393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indiecisivepsych/pseuds/indiecisivepsych
Summary: You could already see him in your head: His wide frame, tall body, black hair, beautiful nose, mole-splattered face, full lips, Mystery Man emerging from the arch. The sight you looked forward to every. single. day. You started to think about your plan to just say something when your body tensed again. The anxiety that filled you was making you nauseous. You felt your legs tremble and your heart was racing. It felt like it was going to fly right out of your chest.-first fic I ever wrote - just a heads up :P
Relationships: Adam Driver & Reader
Comments: 23
Kudos: 47





	1. author's note

Hi all. I wanted to put a little note here before you get to the story.

  
this is a serial killer story. it's also a love story. it's weird. it's also really cute, if I do say so myself. Adam does not kill women--wanted to address THAT one right off of the bat. think Dexter, if that helps. 

  
I do not know anything about Adam Driver's personal life. this is set in an AU where all aspects of Adam's real life are not the same, except for him being from Indiana. again, this is just a fanfic. i'm really not tryna come for his family so plz do not come for me. this is just for fun. this is a story that takes place in an alternate universe. I love Joanne and Adam so much so this is in no way going to tie into who he is in our present universe.

  
warnings:

\- mention of sexual assault throughout the story (it's important and is only mentioned in slight detail once, I give a TW in the chapter and right before the paragraph it's mentioned in).

\- vomit is mentioned quite a bit. if that's a trigger, this may not be for you. it's never due to an eating disorder, if that helps. it's due to drinking alcohol or anxiety.

\- alcohol use.

\- mention of drug use.

\- mention of pregnancy.

\- details of graphic violence.

\- blood.

\- um, smut? It's not crazy or anything but be warned, this shit is mature.

\- academic talk: the reader is in college, getting their bachelor's degree. adam is a doctoral student. if you don't know what those terms mean, you may have to look 'em up. they're not super important, but just remember that a doctoral degree is higher than a bachelor's degree. he's older than the reader. i use the terms 'doc student', 'undergrad', 'grad school', and a few psychology terms. i think you'll be fine but i'm sorry if it's ever a little confusing.

\- speaking of academic talk and sexual assault, the title ix office is mentioned quite a bit. if you don't know what that is, it's basically the office at most universities where reports of sexual assaults/harassment are filed. the title ix office is mentioned quite a bit.

  
this is something that was for fun but has bloomed into something that means so much more to me. it's silly and cute and serious and heartbreaking and shocking and all of the things. i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i've enjoyed creating it.

i published the first chapter on august 31st, 2020 and here we are now.

bruh.

have fun!

  
A.

fic playlist:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5fpYLLbUchoVM8YUrIH8iU?si=jbwh5i3KQEuK968pHdjoVQ


	2. chapter one: are you following me?

**Thursday, August 20th**

"YO, did you borrow my AirPods?? I NEED THEM!" you yelled to your roommate as you were frantically checking all around your room for them.

Your roommate, Nia, stood in your doorway with one of her arms outstretched holding your AirPods. Nia was your best friend in the whole world. She always had a smile on her face and was beautiful, while you were _painfully_ average. She had perfect skin and her hair was always in a different style that never seemed to look bad on her. Nia made standing in your doorway look modelesque.

**(a/n: Nia is actress Taylor Russell)**

You lunged foreword to grab them and Nia pulled them back playfully. You weren't really in the mood for her games. You were in a hurry but of course, she knew that. Standing with your arms crossed and one hip taking your body weight, you got serious, "Nia, don't say a word. Give me the fucking AirPods and let me leave," She started to speak but you quickly interrupted her, "Eh—No ma'am, I said _not a word_. Pleeaaasssee just let me go. I don't want to hear your shit about it," you were begging now, looking absolutely desperate in the process. Nia looked you up and down, still smiling.

_This bitch is always smiling._

She walked over to you and hugged you, handing over the AirPods in the process. While she was hugging you, she whispered in your ear, "I love you, even if you're a little pervert,"

Pulling back, you rolled your eyes at her, "Nia, it's not 'perverted'. I'm just going on a walk. I already told you that I didn't want to hear your shit,"

Nia walked out of your room and into the kitchen and living room area. You followed, hopping into your shoes in the process, "I just don't get why you won't just _talk_ to him. Like, you pass him in the park every day. You even said you give each other _SMILES_. Like, girl. Come on. It's time to say something to Mystery Man," Nia gave him that nickname earlier this summer after you'd talked about him nonstop. She went on as she sat on the couch, "One of us needs a boyfriend. Please just ask him to go for coffee or something. Maybe fake trip? He could help you up and then it's a piece of cake from there,"

_Jesus Christ, Nia._

Gasping at her phone, Nia exclaimed, "Bro, some dude just got reported missing,"

Your eyebrows furrowed, "A male student?"

"Yea, I'm on Twitter and everyone is talking about it. Jesus. Well, don't get kidnapped,"

You sighed, grabbed your keys from the wall mount, and gave Nia a sarcastic smile and flashed her the middle finger, "I'm not a dude. Bye, Nia,"

As you were turning to shut the door behind you, Nia shouted, "GO GET SOME DICK!"

_Good, God._

Nia was relentlessly annoying but she was right. At the start of summer, you'd gotten in the habit of going on walks in Central Park out of boredom. You left your apartment every day at 3:30PM, got to the park around 3:45PM, and walked for about an hour every single day for the past two months.

Every. Single. Day. There is a man at the park walking his dog at the same time as you. You pass him at the same spot every time: the Glen Span Arch. This arch in the north side of the park became something to look forward to every day. You knew you'd see him coming out of the arch every day at 4:15PM.

In your head, this became your thing, like a date almost. At 4:15PM, his silhouette would pass through the arch while you were coming up on it. He'd emerge from it, looking so cute, and the two of you would exchange a soft smile. Once you walked by, you'd catch his scent that trailed behind him. The best way to describe it would be that he smells like wood or something manly that you couldn't quite put your finger on.

All you knew was that you needed to keep him around a little longer.

Now that summer was over and classes at Columbia were starting up again soon, your walks in the park would be soon overshadowed by homework, class, and a social life. This meant you had to make your move on Mystery Man _now_.

It's now 4 o'clock on the dot as you start on the path at the park. You were never late and neither was he. T-minus 15 minutes until you see him. For some reason, your stomach clenches and palms begin to sweat. You're nervous.

Still maintaining your usual route, you keep track of the time while listening to your music. By the time _Eternal Summer_ by The Strokes came on, it was now 4:08PM. By the time this gloriously long song was over, you'd be at the arch facing Mystery Man.

Were you hopelessly in love with Mystery Man? Maybe. Were you being dramatic? Definitely.

You could already see him in your head: His wide frame, tall body, black hair, beautiful nose, mole-splattered face, full lips, Mystery Man emerging from the arch. The sight you looked forward to every. single. day. You started to think about your plan to just say something when your body tensed again. The anxiety that filled you was making you nauseous. You felt your legs tremble and your heart was racing. It felt like it was going to fly right out of your chest.

_Bitch, control yourself. He's just a dude. Relax. Men are gross anyway. If he's into it, great. If not, his loss. I can do this._

Trying to hype yourself up didn't work. You still felt like you were going to pass out. Maybe it was the anxiety of talking to Mystery Man or just the fact that it was hot as balls outside. NYC in the summer was no fucking joke. You glanced at your watch.

_4:13PM._

_Two. Fucking. Minutes._

Two minutes away from him. Walking through the windy trail, you saw the arch in the distance. So fucking close. Your breathing started to get shaky so you practiced exercises of breathing in for four counts and out for eight counts. While breathing methodically, you relaxed a bit and found yourself in front of the arch.

4:15PM.

On the other side, a figure emerged and walked into the dark arch, creating a human shadow. Fuck those breathing exercises. You were practically hyperventilating now. There he was, out of the shadows and into the light. Mystery Man. He was somehow both gorgeous and dorky looking. His walk was more of a waddle and he was so tall that his long arms awkwardly dangled at his side, with a leash in one hand. You liked that he didn't seem perfect. You liked his awkward walk, smile, and appearance.

You took out one earbud and shoved it into your shorts pocket. When the two of you were ten feet apart he gave you a sweet little smile, per usual. You smiled back and decided this was your chance. Heart racing and breath uneven, you went for it.

_ALRIGHT BITCH LET'S GO._

Quickly, you looked up at Mystery Man with wide eyes and an awkward smile. Your legs never stopped moving, though. Your dumbass kept walking.

_FUCK, no I have to go back. Ugh, but if I go back now it'll be extra weird._

As you reached the arch and went under it, the darkness engulfed you. Pausing, you paced back and forth deciding whether or not to go after Mystery Man. You watched him pass through the trees in the trail. He was gone. Do you just leave at this point? Or chase him.

_Oh, God._

You made up your mind and marched right back to where you came from. Fast-walking down the trail, you finally came up on Mystery Man.

 _Okay, here I go_.

A stick snapped under your foot, so naturally, you freaked the fuck out and hid behind a tree. Peeking out, Mystery Man was looking right at you. You could die right there of embarrassment. Your soul felt like it left your body and was just letting your body awkwardly stand there, staring right back at Mystery Man. After a second, your soul came back and must have told you to get it the fuck together. Stepping out from behind the tree, you brushed your shorts off a little and said, "Uh, hi. Uhm, sorry I was just—um..."

Mystery Man finally spoke, "Are you following me?" his face looked like he was a mix of shock and confusion.

_Fuck. I'm done. It's over. Tell my friends and family I love them. I'm gonna die of embarrassment right on this trail in Central Park._

Alright, time to dig yourself deeper, "Uhm, I was _kind of_ following you...just now...not like all the time or anything. I mean—I, uh just have been meaning to say hi," you step closer, "I see you everyday walking here at the same time as me. I just um, wanted to say hi I guess,"

Silence. His face hadn't changed facial expressions. He was still confused as fuck. Great.

The silence made you uncomfortable. It was time for you to keep talking like a moron, "I just see you every day and I'm about to start my last year at Columbia so I won't have much time to walk anymore and I guess I just liked passing by you every day and I just wanted to know if you wanna get coffee or...something," you were completely out of breath after that whole ramble. 

You noticed while you were talking that your feet were shuffling awkwardly and your hands were twisting in front of you. Straightening your back and pulling your hands to your side, you looked into Mystery Man’s hazel eyes. He still looked at you like you were the strangest person he’d ever come across.

Mystery Man started to back up, pulling his dog with him, "I—uh have to go, sorry," he muttered anxiously.

You stood there in horror as he quickly walked away, leaving you alone in the middle of the path completely embarrassed and a little angry. What was wrong with you? It was a little awkward and sure, you _did_ follow him and hide behind a tree but...why'd he look at you like that? You passed him every single day. Why was he so shocked that you finally said hello?

 _Huh_.

Not wanting to complete the full hour of your walk, you started home. It was quite the depressing walk back.

"Fuck that guy, he's probably a weirdo anyway," Nia was trying to cheer you up after you told her about Mystery Man's rejection. It was so humiliating coming home and telling her about it.

On the way home, you stopped by a small grocer and picked up two bottles of Moscato. If you were going to be sad, might as well be wine drunk and sad. You stood in the kitchen and screwed the cork out of the bottle, grabbed two wine glasses, and poured them with wine. You gave Nia a normal amount of wine and filled the glass to the brim for yours. You really needed this.

"Can we just watch Bob's Burgers or some shit? I just wanna drink and chill. Fuck today and fuck school starting on Tuesday," you say exhaustedly as you brought the wine to the couch and plopped down next to Nia.

Nia replied sweetly, "Sure thing," and turned on Bob's Burgers.

After two episodes, Nia was passed the fuck out. You covered her up with a blanket, grabbed the wine bottle that hadn't been opened, and went to your room where you spent the rest of the night drunk in your room. How fucking depressing. 

**Friday, August 21st**

The next morning was a mess. You were hungover, looked like you just got run over by a train, and hungry as fuck. It was 10:19AM when you finally got out of bed, pulled your hair into a ponytail, put on a hoodie, and walked out the door to the pastry shop down the block on Amsterdam Avenue. As you walked by shop windows you saw your reflection. You looked like a drowned rat.

Great.

The pastry shop was in full view now after a minute's walk and you sped walked the rest of the way there. Pulling the doors open, you smelled literal heaven and saw your favorite human ever: the little Hungarian woman who worked in the shop.

"What's up, Katinka!! How are you?" you asked excitedly.

Katinka looked disgusted, "You look terrible," she said in her thick accent.

_Cool._

"Katinka, please. I've had a rough past 24 hours," you shoot her a playful smile even though that comment about your appearance stung a bit, "Can I get a Kakaós roll pleeeaaasseee,"

Katinka smiled, walked to the case and started to grab it, "Same as every time you come in here...which is a lot,"

_Okay...I really did not need this roast session today._

Embarrassed, you glance around the room to see if anyone is paying attention to Katinka's loud remarks about your eating habits. When you turned around, you notice a man behind you in line. You didn't realize someone came into the store behind you. When you look up, you see a familiar face.

_Mystery Man._

You shoot him a glare, still mad at him for rejecting you and making you feel like the ugliest person in the world yesterday, "Oh, so _you're_ following _me_ now," you say angrily as you spin your head back to Katinka, catching his scent.

_Ah, he smells so good._

"No, uh—I didn—I didn't follow you," Mystery Man awkwardly stuttered and looked shocked again.

You didn't look at him, "Whatever,"

As you were paying Katinka and taking your pastry, you just couldn't help yourself. You turned back to Mystery Man and questioned, "What's with your face? Like, why did you look like me talking to you yesterday was so terrifying? And why do you look like that now? Seriously dude, do I have an extra arm that I can't see? Jesus,"

His face went from shocked to slightly frustrated, "I'm not allowed to be shocked when someone is following me in the park? And then when I see them again the very next day somewhere else? I'd say _you're_ the one following _me_ ,"

You glared at him and pursed your lips, "I don't like you. I'm glad you didn't want to get coffee with me. Fuck you, dude," you grabbed your to-go bag from Katinka, "Thank you, Katinka," and stormed out of the store. 

**Tuesday, August 25th**

The weekend rolled by slowly and soon enough, it was Tuesday morning. Fall classes started today on campus and you were _not_ looking forward to them. With it being your last year, the classes were especially hard even though your major itself was fairly easy. Your classes for today were behavioral neuroscience and neuropsychopharmacology. There was another class that you were a teacher's assistant (TA) for, adaptive psychology. Glancing at the clock, you see it's 8:21AM.

_Kill me now._

You slowly rolled out of bed, showered, and got ready for the day. With barely any makeup on and your hair still damp, you went to the kitchen for breakfast. The clock on the microwave read 8:50AM.

Nia walked out of her room and looked like a million bucks. Her hair, makeup, and outfit were all perfect, of course. Meanwhile, you had on blue Nikes, black athletic shorts, and a Joy Division band shirt. Opposites attract, you guessed.

The two of you walked to campus together from your apartment. It was a five-minute walk that was particularly loud with the roar of new students in the streets and car horns honking at the jaywalkers. As you strolled onto campus' South Lawn, you said goodbye to Nia and headed to Schermerhorn Hall where all of your classes were.

Still tired, you lazily pushed open the doors to your first lecture class of the day, behavioral neuroscience. It was 9:55AM at this point and you were ready to get this the fuck over with. You saw a hand wave at you trying to get your attention. Sigh. Thomas wanted you to sit by him.

**(a/n: thomas is actor alex wolff. naked brothers band 4 lyfe)**

Thomas was a friend you had since your freshman year. Both of you came from out of state, lived in the same dorm, and was a psych major like you. Thomas was nice, attractive, and basically your type. He was a dark-haired, Jewish, stoner who wore flannels. The only bummer was that he was interested in you from day one. Maybe you were fucked up but you kind of hated when guys were interested in you. It bored you.

_Yea, I'm definitely fucked up._

You reluctantly took a seat next to Thomas. He was probably about to ask if you wanted to get high together.

"Wanna do an edible this weekend?" Thomas asked.

_Predictable._

You replied, "Abso-fuckin-lutely. Where have you been all summer? I've been bored and I missed you," you got out your laptop and set it on your pull out desk, "I wish you would've stayed in the city," you added as you nudged him and smiled.

Okay...you weren't exactly interested but you thought it was good to keep boys on their toes. You found it fun to keep them wondering what you were thinking by flirting a little and then getting distant. Good thing for you, Thomas never really made a move ever, except the one time he kissed you at a party two years ago. Nowadays, he was just your friend and occasional make out buddy when you were high or drunk, nothing more. At least, nothing more for you.

Thomas proudly replies, "Sorry, I've been on Cape Cod all summer with my family. I wanted to get away from the city for a while," Of course he's been at his house on Cape Cod. His family was made of money. Thomas starts again, "You're TA'ing for the other adaptive psychology class, right?"

"Yea, I've got the one today at three with Dr. Kennedy," you answer.

Thomas thought for a moment while looking at his schedule on his laptop, "Who's your professor that you're TA'ing with?"

You replied, "Dr. Kennedy...why?" he looked confused and disappointed, "Why is your face like that?"

"Oh, uh, I just have this doctoral student as my professor and I wasn't expecting to get him. He's kind of a dick. I've got him tomorrow at noon," Thomas said.

"Bummer, dude," you said unenthusiastically.

Your professor at the front of the lecture hall started class and for the next hour, you went over the syllabus and started the first unit on behavioral neuroscience. By 4PM, you were finished with all of your classes for the day and exhausted.

**Wednesday, September 9th**

That's how the next two weeks were: exhausting. You had so much homework due for your four classes and lessons to finish for your TA position. Adaptive psychology was so fucking hard and even harder to help teach. You were walking with Nia to class when your phone buzzed. 

"Ughhh, Thomas needs me to TA for his class today so I'll be home late," you annoyingly tell Nia.

Nia lifts one of her eyebrows playfully, "That reminds me, when are you going to marry Thomas? He has a house in CAPE FUCKING COD!" she was practically screaming and people were staring as you walked by.

"Nia, for the love of God, please be quiet. Thomas knows everyone h—"

She interrupted you, eyes locked on her phone, "GIRL another student went missing last night," she squinted at her phone, "Another frat boy it looks like,"

"Yikes, that's....what like the third one since late August?" you questioned nervously.

Nia's face looked scared, "Yea...it is,"

You sighed, "Wow, that's weird," a fork in the campus path stopped the two of you from walking, "Well, this is where I leave you, girl. I'll see you later," you gave Nia a side hug and both of you walked opposite ways.

Your two classes for Mondays and Wednesdays were human and artificial cognitive and social psychology, beginning at 10AM and 12PM, respectively. After social psych was over around 1:15PM, you rushed to the library to brush up on the adaptive psych material covered this week so you could help teach if needed. Around 2:30PM, you head back to Schermerhorn and reluctantly walk to classroom 242 to meet the dick of a doctoral student that Thomas usually TA's for. 


	3. chapter two: if looks could kill.

**Wednesday, September 9th**

As you walk up the stairs in Schermerhorn, a sinking feeling in your stomach starts. You were seriously dreading substituting for Thomas. Why did you say yes?? You were such a nice bitch sometimes, you hated it. When you reached the top of the stairs, you let yourself breathe for a second. What? Stairs suck ass.

_I should really start doing the elliptical or something._

When your lungs felt like they weren't dying anymore, you walked down the hall until you read the dreaded numbers:

**_242_ **

There was still twenty minutes left before class started so the halls were empty, as students usually file in right on time or late. This meant the classroom would be empty, too, and would leave just you and the dick doc student to get acquainted for fifteen painfully awkward minutes. You stared with big eyes at the handle of the door, took a deep breath, and opened it.

The auditorium door creaked as you entered. You were standing at the very top and started to go down the stairs to the main desk in the room. There was a figure on the computer that you couldn't quite see yet but you figured it had to be the dick.

"You subbing for Thomas?" he called out, not looking at you.

"Ya," you replied.

You were over halfway down the stairs when you peered closer to him. It was none other than Mystery Man.

_What._

**Step**

_The._

**Step**

_Fuck._

**Step**

You stopped at the second to last stair with your mouth open.

_This can't be happening._

Completely frozen, you didn't move or say a word, just stared at him. You tried blinking but his face never changed and he never disappeared. This was real. What the actual fuck?

He was still staring at his computer, completely uninterested in your presence. Little did he know it was _you_ , "S-S-So, you're uhm, Adam then," you say still standing on the stairs. You didn't want to go any closer.

Adam looked up at you, equally shocked, "Oh," was all he could say.

You took a deep breath, rolled your eyes, and began walking to the empty chair next to him where you put down your backpack, "Of course it's you,"

Adam matched you, "Of course it's _you,_ "

_He's such a fucking dick._

Arms crossed, you decided to get to business, "Today is epigenetics, right?" he nodded slowly, still trying to process how the fuck the two of you ended up here, "I can take the methyl group section. It's my favorite. I love the idea of suppressing genes. I'm sure you have the 'nice' gene suppressed or something," you shoot at him.

"You're thinking of the acetyl group, not the methyl group," he shot back trying to mansplain epigenetics to you. If only he knew he was wrong. What a dumbass.

Your eyebrow lifted, "Maybe read over your notes again, _Adam_. It's the methyl groups that attach to the genes on the DNA, not the acetyl groups. Are you fit to be teaching this course? What are you, a first-year doctoral student?"

_Fuck, I'm being such a bitch. I should chill._

Adam flipped through his notes and you watched in amusement as his face dropped. You knew he was slowly realizing that he was wrong and you were right, "I'll handle the course. You just sit there and pass the handout to the class when they get here," he stubbornly ordered.

_I take it back. I'm going to keep being a bitch. Fuck this Adam guy._

"Uhm, I can do a lot more than just pass out papers. Just because I'm a TA doesn't mean I can't do the teaching. Dr. Kennedy lets m—"

He interrupted, "I'm not Dr. Kennedy,"

You shot him a glare.

If looks could kill, he'd be dead.

So.

Fucking.

Dead.

Suddenly, two students entered the auditorium's doors and more followed behind them. Your jaw clenched when you looked back at Adam. His did the same at you. Both of you wanted to murder each other.

Adam started the class and you quickly found out his full name was Adam Driver from the loads of students "Mr. Driver"-ing this and "Mr. Driver"-ing that. Dumb name.

A few minutes into the class, you texted Nia.

Ugh. Why wasn't she hyping you up at freaking out with you like usual? The universe must be out of sorts right now because your whole day was getting a little too bonkers for your liking.

You shoved your phone into your backpack and started listening to the lecture that Adam was giving. He was standing at the front of the auditorium, pointing to the screen, and explaining the role of methyl groups in epigenetics. His long arm was outstretched and you noticed the top two buttons of his shirt were pulling apart. The sleeves of his shirt were tightened and draped over his arms, showing each curve of his muscles.

_Oh, my._

Wait.

_Bitch, snap out of it._

"The _methyl_ groups—" Adam glanced at you then looked back at the class, "—cling to the DNA, therefore suppressing them. The methyl groups come out when stress happens. Therefore, those who have more stressful environments do not have full expression of their DNA,"

Adam went on for the rest of the class explaining all about epigenetics to the very bored students. You noticed some were sleeping and others were on their laptops clearly not taking notes. Whatever. He deserved it.

When he dismissed class, everyone packed up and raced out of there. You were trying to pack up your shit as fast as possible too when Adam grabbed your attention and asked, "What's your name?"

"You don't _get_ to know my name," you swing your backpack around your shoulder, "See ya around,"

_Oooooh dramatic. I like it._

As you left Schermerhorn Hall, Thomas was calling you, "Hi, Thomas,"

_"Yo, how'd it go? He's a dick, right?"_

"Yea. Major dick. I'm never fucking doing that again. He tried to mansplain epigenetics to me. To _ME_. Can you believe that?"

Thomas paused for a second and you heard shuffling noises over the phone _, "Sorry, what did you say?"_ he sounded distracted.

Suspicious, you asked, "Thomas, where are you?"

 _"My apartment..."_ he answered.

 _Lie_.

"You fuckin' liar. You're not sick! I'm going to kill you for making me do that,"

Thomas started, _"Wait, no...well okay so—"_

"BYE THOMAS," you yelled and hung up.

_Men are trash._

You spent the rest of the day lying in your bed thinking of how much of an ass Adam was and how much it sucked ass you had to be in the same department as him. You never wanted to see that beautiful face you hated ever again.

**Thursday, September 17th**

You had a meeting today at 6PM with other student TAs and professors. That meant Mystery Man AKA dick doc student AKA Adam Driver would be there. You wanted to die. You wanted to dig a hole in the ground right now and throw yourself in it.

As you were walking to Schermerhorn, Thomas found you on the corner of Amsterdam and W 115th Street.

"Wait up!" he yelled as you pressed the crosswalk button.

You rolled your eyes, "Hi," Thomas ran next to you, "Still mad at you for last week, by the way,"

Thomas gave you puppy dog eyes and said, "Sooorrrryyyyyy," his smile was contagious and made you smirk a little.

"Don't do that shit again," you said in a serious tone but with a smile on your face. Thomas was for sure gonna 'do that shit again'. That's just the type of guy he was.

The sign turned on and you and Thomas crossed the street.

The rest of the way to the meeting, Thomas talked all about Fall Break that was coming up and what he was planning on doing for the long weekend.

"I'm serious. You and Nia should come to my house at Cape Cod," Thomas persuaded.

You pursed your lips, "I would love to but I've seriously got too much shit going on," a thought popped into your head that you couldn't decide was genius or stupid. You decided to share anyway, "Hey, why don't you just take Nia? She could use a break and y'all could get to know each other better for the weekend. She loves Cape Cod,"

When you saw the look on Thomas' face after you presented the idea, you instantly regretted it.

"Oh. Yes. Me and Nia? YES. Will you convince her to come with me? Please?" Thomas begged.

Eh, maybe they could be good for each other. Who knows?

You reply, "Sure, Thomas. I'll talk to her,"

The two of you arrived at Schermerhorn at 5:55PM. In the hall, you passed by a few missing posters. Another male student had gone missing since last week.

Thomas opened the door of the office meeting room for you and you slowly walked in, bracing to see Adam's smug face. The first face you saw was Dr. Kennedy's.

"Hi, sweet girl," she said and gave you a small hug, "There's water over there,"

Dr. Kennedy pointed to the opposite end of the room at a water jug. There was someone standing there filling up a paper cup of water. It was none other than Adam.

"Thanks, Dr. Kennedy," You give her a small smile and make your way to the water, giving smiles to other professors and TAs on the way.

Adam was standing there, staring at you. He looked at you like you were his prey.

"Hi, crazy eyes," you said as you waved your hands in front of his face, "Do you ever stop looking like you're so weirded out by me?" you ask, half wanting a real answer and half not wanting him to answer at all.

Adam's right eye slightly twitched and he answered seriously, "Never,"

Your heart skipped a beat and you felt your lips tingle.

_I need to change the subject before I bust._

He kept his gaze on you as you picked up a paper cup and filled it with water. You felt his eyes on you while you bent over, your back slightly curved. The look in his eye when you glanced over made your heart stop beating for what felt like forever. No one had ever looked at you like that. You couldn't tell if you were scared or turned on.

_Yikes. What a fucking mix._

Thomas walked beside you and turned to Adam, "Hey, Adam,"

Adam said hi back and Thomas seemed shy and intimidated by him. You'd never seen Thomas like this. He looked like a scared little baby. Standing up straight and staring at the two of them, you took a loud sip of your water, hoping to illustrate how awkward this was. None of them moved. They just kept looking at you, waiting for you to control the conversation.

_Dear Lord, men cannot do anything._

You looked at them with wide eyes once more then began, "Alright guys, this was fun but I'mma go sit down," when you walked between them to take a seat by Dr. Kennedy, your arm brushed against Adam's. You felt butterflies in places they shouldn't be, causing you to take a sharp breath in. Unlucky for you, you did this while sipping on your water, resulting in a choking fit.

As you were coughing, Thomas was asking if you were okay while Adam was smirking behind him. Fuck. He knew why you choked on your water. You shot him a 'shut the fuck up' look and sat down.

 _God, I hate him_.

The meeting was boring and our group of fifteen discussed plans for the semester, course planning, and of course...introductions. This was your least favorite part but at least it meant that the meeting was nearly over. Everyone went in a circle, said where they're from, a fun fact, and what they were researching, if they were faculty, or what they wanted to do with their degree, if they were a student. When your turn came up, you were extra nervous because Adam was basically peering into your soul as you gave your name.

_Great. Now he knows my name._

You continued, "Uhhh, I'm from out of state. A fun fact about me—" you glanced at Adam, then quickly looked away, "—uh a fun fact is uh, that I know some Hungarian because uh, I go to this pastry shop like every other day and I became kind of friends with a lady that works there and she taught me some stuff..." Everyone just stared at you during that ramble.

_Another embarrassing moment in the books._

"Uhm, and I'm currently applying to doc programs for clinical psych...so that's uh...what I wanna do after I graduate so I can become a professor," you gave an awkward smile to everyone and another student that was sitting next to you went.

Your hands were in your lap twisting and pinching each other. Why were you so uncomfortable right now? Looking up, your eyes went to Adam's, who was staring right back at you. You rolled your eyes and let your eyes fall back down to your lap, hands still twisting. Your mouth was drying and you took the last sip of your water. You felt your throat get scratchy as the water went down.

Adam's voice took you out of your own head, "I'm Adam Driver. I'm a first-year doctoral student in clinical psych and I'm from Indiana. I'm planning on teaching after my program is over," he glanced at you for a split second then looked away, "A fun fact about me is that I love cereal more than anything,"

After everyone did their introduction, the meeting was over, and you walked out of the room with your keys in hand and Thomas at your side.

"I've gotta go to the bathroom real quick," Thomas stopped walking, "Wait for me outside,"

You gave him a nod, walked outside, and sat on the steps to the building. Others filed passed you and walked off into the night. The door opened behind you so you looked to see if it was Thomas. Nope. _Adam_. Awesome. You turned back to your phone and pretended to do something on it, hoping he wouldn't talk to you.

Wrong.

**(a/n: lmao this picture is so funny to me)**

"Let me walk you home," he said as he stood in front of you at the bottom of the pavement.

You looked up at him in shock. He had put on a hoodie, "Um...no? Thomas is walking me. By the way, you look like a serial killer with that hoodie on," you looked back at your phone and Adam chuckled softly.

"Bye!" you said with attitude when he wouldn't leave.

Adam was smiling as if you were dumb, "Sorry, I wasn't asking. I'm walking you home. Come on," he half turned his body to walk away, waiting for you to join him. You hesitated for a few seconds and bit your lip.

_I mean...what's the worst that could happen?_

_Ugh but Thomas._

_Well, I guess I could just text him that I left cause he's taking too long._

You made up your mind. Shooting Thomas a quick text, you sighed and stood up, "Well...let's go cereal boy. Nice fun fact by the way,"

Adam smiled and the two of you headed toward your apartment. It was a pretty quiet walk between you and Adam. Small glances were shared every now and then and occasionally your hand would brush passed his, leaving your fingers tense. Eventually, you put them in your pockets to avoid further physical contact. If you had any more, you knew you'd have to rub one out to the thought of him later, which you could really not afford to do given all the homework you had.

"Why did you do that? In the park? Why'd you get all weird and leave when I just asked if you wanted to get coffee?" you randomly asked in the silence.

After a moment of thinking, he replied, "Well...it just surprised me, that's all,"

"Uh, well that's a short answer. K," you shot back. It was silent for another two whole fucking minutes until you muttered, "You really hurt my feelings, you know...at the park then the pastry shop, I mean,"

Adam looked apologetic, "Sorry...I didn't mean to. You weren't the friendliest at the pastry shop, though,"

Your eyebrows furrowed and anger boiled up inside, "Uhm, why do you think I was so rude to you? Because _you_ were weird with me the day before. I think I'm justified, asshat," well, all hope of being civilized was gone so you continued, "Why the fuck do you look at me like that? Like you're so shocked and grossed out by me. Honest answer,"

"I _am_ shocked by you," he said quietly, "The way you speak, your mannerisms...they're all so...intriguing, I guess," he added.

Rolling your eyes you said, "Well, glad to know I'm so fucking intriguing to you. Why are you even walking me home?"

Not missing a beat, Adam responded, "Because I want to,"

He looked down at you and you stared up at him as the two of you waited for the crosswalk signal to light up. His hazel eyes glowed with the help of the streetlights and you felt your breath starting to hitch. He was so close to you. So close you could touch him. So close you could kiss him if you wanted.

BLINK

The bright crosswalk light lit up and snapped you out of your trance. It seemed like Adam was also a little startled by the light. You gave him a small smile and walked across the street by his side.

Stopping, you turned to Adam, "Uh, you can go now. I've only got a block left," you told Adam.

He wasn't having it, "No, I'll walk the whole way there,"

"Uh, _noooo_. You can go. I'll be fine," your eyebrows knitted in annoyance.

He stepped so close to you, your chest almost touched his ribcage, "Haven't you heard? Students are going missing. You don't want to be out here all alone," he said quietly and quite honestly, really terrifyingly.

Your eyes widened and all of the saliva in your mouth seemed to dry up at once, "M-male students," you croaked out.

"You look scared," Adam stated, his tone still quiet.

Maybe it was because you were stubborn but that comment snapped you out of whatever the fuck weird moment you were having with him. Stepping back, you said, "I'm not scared of anything. This was such a fun walk, let's never do it again. Goodnight, Adam," Spinning around, you quite literally ran the rest of the way to your apartment while you heard Adam calling out behind you.

You didn't see him again for another three weeks.


	4. chapter three: special. different.

**Friday, October 9th**

_Ahhh, sweet Fall Break._

You didn't have class today or on Monday, giving you the long weekend to recharge. Somehow, you convinced Nia to go with Thomas to his parent's house in Cape Cod for the break per Thomas' request so you knew she'd be in your room any second to say goodbye.

You checked your phone: 9:09AM.

_School has ruined my ability to sleep in._

Scrolling through Twitter, you saw another news story about a missing student. The total was at five.

 _Damn_.

Rolling out of bed, you put on jeans, converse, and a graphic t-shirt. You had a date at the Museum of Modern Art today at 11AM. Who was the date with? Yourself. You needed this. Leaving your room, you headed to the bathroom to put on a little bit of makeup and brush your teeth. You heard music coming from Nia's room, _WAP_ by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion to be exact. You knew when Nia was playing that type of music, she was trying to hype herself up. Poor baby was probably nervous. For what? You couldn't tell. She was way out of Thomas' league.

When you were done in the bathroom, you made coffee and started eating cereal. Unfortunately, now anytime you thought of cereal, you also thought of Adam.

You were starting to hate cereal.

Nia came out of her room looking cute as a button, of course. She had her hair in small braids that she put up in a bun and it was her best look yet in your opinion. Nia had on a crème babydoll dress and a red cardigan over it.

She gave you a nervous look and asked, "So...how do I look?"

"Ugh, Nia, you look great as usual. You'll have so much fun with Thomas," you gave her a big smile and she smiled right back ten times bigger.

When Nia left around 10:30AM, you decided you should leave for your engagement, too. After stopping by the Hungarian pastry shop to get a bite to eat and visit with Katinka, you hopped on the Line 1 subway and headed to the MoMa. Once you arrived thirty minutes and a subway line change later, you felt yourself relax. The only places in the world that felt truly safe to you were art museums. Sighing happily, you went inside and began to walk around.

You started to come upon Andy Warhol's _Marilyn Monroe_ (1967) when you noticed a familiar face already observing it.

_You've got to be fucking kidding me._

Adam.

What the fuck is he doing here?

With your heart pumping as fast as it was, you felt like you could die. Your breathing got fast and shallow as you walked up next to him. You put your hands on your hips and raised one eyebrow, "Okay, this is getting weird," you say.

Adam turns to you and his face drops, "Jesus Christ,"

"Well damn, don't look too happy to see me. Who are you here with anyway? Your mom?" you say defensively.

He calmly says, "I see that _you_ are alone,"

He was right and it hurt a little.

"Perhaps," you reply nonchalantly and walk away.

_Please say something._

Adam pipes up behind you, "Wait," you turn around and face him again, "I'm here alone, too,"

You blinked at him and wondered if that meant he wanted to walk around with you. He didn't say anything after a moment so you took that as a no.

"Okay...well I'm gonna just uh...go to the next painting...four feet away," you awkwardly stammer out.

Adam steps in the same direction as you, stopping you in your tracks, "We could walk the MoMa together," he inputs.

You purse your lips. It would be nice to hang out with him but also WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING HERE at the SAME time as you on the SAME DAY??? His eye twitched as he waited for a response from you.

"Uh, sure," you looked at him suspiciously, "I swear to fuck, if you followed me here I'm going to call the police,"

He softly laughed then got serious when your face didn't change, "Wait, you're serious? You think _I_ would follow _you_?" he laughed in your face, "As if your life is so interesting for me to keep up with," he muttered.

_He's really pulling out all the punches today._

"Well, _Adam,_ the other day you _did_ say I was intriguing so yea...how dare I think you could possibly, _maybe_ be following me. Who knows? People are crazy and no one knows it all the time," you tell him. Not realizing you were being kind of loud, a security guard shushes you and you loudly whisper to them, "SORRY, I'M WITH AN IDIOT,"

Looking back at Adam, you see he's smiling.

Crazy bastard.

"Let's go to the next painting four feet away," he says as he reaches out his hand and gently touches the back of your arm. You instinctively jolt away from his touch, making him put his hands up in surrender, "Sorry," he adds.

You wished you weren't so jittery. You wanted him to touch you more.

The next few hours were...lovely. Honestly, you hated to admit it but walking around the MoMA with Adam was nice. He didn't talk too much, which was a pet peeve of yours at museums which is why you preferred to go alone, and when he did talk it was about a piece of art. What he had to say was usually thoughtful and added to your perception of the work. He was good company and that made it even harder for you to hate him.

Once you walked through all of the exhibits, the two of you silently went to the exit, not knowing what to do now. Do you say goodbye? Ride the subway back to the other side of the city together? Do something else? You didn't know where you stood with him.

He pushed open the door for you and you walked out of the museum into the cool air and warm sun. Adam walked out after you and stood close. He looked at you strangely, inciting annoyance in you, "Okay, what's this look for? Why do I always get the looks from you?"

Adam smiled and raised his hand to your face.

"Wha—what are you doing??" you frantically ask, trying to swat his hand away.

He runs his fingers run through your hair then throws something on the ground, "Bug in your hair,"

Your mouth slightly opens in shock and embarrassment, "Oh," you quietly say.

_Aight I'mma head out._

After a second of awkward silence, Adam reluctantly says, "We uh, we should get boba. Do you like boba?"

As if your whole world had just been lit up, you look up at him with big eyes and reply, "I fucking love boba,"

The two of you decided on a boba café close to campus, meaning you had to ride the subway together. Boy, was it crowded. You and Adam huddled into the subway car and were sandwiched between dozens of other people. As you went to grip the pole, you realized there was no more room for your hands to fit. Adam patted his bicep, signaling for you to hold onto it.

You gave him an annoyed look, "Uh, yea I'm good, thanks though," you said as you tried to balance yourself without any support. The train jolted, leaving you jolting with it. Quickly, you wrapped both of your arms around Adam's left arm.

_Muscles._

You didn't realize how long you were looking at his arm when you felt him staring at you. With wide eyes, you stared back up at him. The way he was looking at you scared you. It wasn't a scary look or an intimidating one; he looked at you like how a guy looks before they kiss you. Their eyes get hooded and heavy, each eye is glossed over with lust or love (usually lust where you were concerned), and their lips slightly part. Adam checked all three on the list. That's what scared you.

"Adam," you whispered, "Please don't look at me like that,"

He dipped his head down and his face came close to yours, "Why not?" he whispered back.

 _Fuck_.

You felt your stomach drop and knees go weak. A tingling sensation was building in your core. Not a good sign.

The subway car jolted again and some random dude bumped you, breaking the moment you and Adam were sharing. Thank God. Remember: this is the man you hate. The one who rejected you in Central Park, remember? Left you wine drunk that night? Yea, that guy.

The subway doors opened and loads of people got on and off.

Breaking your eye contact with Adam, you looked down and stared at your shoes. His demeanor turned serious, "Why are you so difficult?"

_He makes it so easy._

The question shocked you. One, it was just plain rude and quite honestly, a little sexist. Men are never called, "difficult". Two, you wondered if he was calling you difficult because you didn't put on a little flirty show with him.

_Hmm._

Your hands unwrapped themselves from his upper arm, "You think _I'm_ difficult? Why?"

The subway doors closed and the car shook again. Your hands found themselves back on Adam's arm. Fuck.

Adam narrowed his eyes at you and pursed his lips, "You confuse me,"

_Avoiding the question of 'why' I see_

" _You_ confuse _me_. Fuck boba," you shoot at him, letting go of his arm as the subway halts again. People shift in the subway car going in and out, so you weave your way to the opposite end and find an empty spot on another pole to hang onto.

The rest of the ride consisted of occasional shared glances and eyerolls from across the train. At your stop, you walked out of the subway and up onto the streets above, waiting for Adam behind you. When he met you on the sidewalk, the two of you faced each other. Both of you were frustrated and annoyed at the other but you _did_ have a good time at the MoMA.

You wanted to just walk away and prove that you were some kind of powerful queen who didn't care, but you kind of wanted to just stand there and look at him for a moment before saying a nice 'goodbye' to end your day.

_Decisions, decisions._

"Well, I'm gonna go home..." you nervously say. The only thing you could do was reach out and softly punch his arm, as if you were one of his dude bros.

_What am I thinking?_

Adam looks horrified but softly punches your arm back, "Bye freak,"

You turn and quickly walk away, cringing the whole time. What the fuck is wrong with you? Sure, his weird flirting on the subway made you feel a bit disoriented but why were you being so awkward? You beat yourself up about it the whole way home.

**Saturday, October 10th**

This whole long weekend was looking like it'd be a snooze fest. You spent your entire Saturday staring at the ceiling and drinking Capri Suns, occasionally scrolling through TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram. What a fun life you lead.

Around 8:30PM, you decided to get a pizza from a local place down the block. You put on your slides, grabbed your keys and wallet, and headed out the door. It was pretty dark outside already but you figured if you hurried, you'd be fine.

When you got to the pizza place, you ordered, paid, and waited ten minutes for it to be ready. After it was finally done, you grabbed the warm box and started on your way home. Your slides were scraping against the concrete with each step you were taking and it drove you nuts.

**Scrape**

**Scrape**

**Scrape**

**Scrape**

**Scrape**

Suddenly, the scraping of your slides became overshadowed by walking that was happening behind you by someone else's shoes. You spun your head around and saw two men staring at you while they were walking behind you. You looked ahead again but soon felt their steps get closer.

Your breathing halted as you waited for them to pass but they never did. The two men were now walking next to you, one on each side.

_Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit._

Now wasn't the time to be bold but who were you kidding? When did you ever listen to your gut? You stopped walking completely and watched as the men walked a little further, then stopped as well.

"Waiting for something?" you asked with hella attitude.

The men smirked.

 _Fuck_.

"Get the fuck outta here!" you demanded.

They didn't budge.

Around the corner behind the men, a figure came out from in the dark. As they made their way into the light, you saw it was Adam.

"She said to leave," Adam said simply. The two men mumbled under their breaths and quickly walked by you, nudging past you. Adam's tall stature alone could have made the men scurry off but his voice was just as scary sometimes.

Embarrassed at yet another random encounter with Adam, you furrowed your eyebrows and start walking again, "I can handle myself,"

Adam began to walk with you, "I'm not so sure about that," he said, trying to be funny. You didn't think it was.

"What are you doing here, anyway? Do you even live on this block? I'm seriously starting to believe that you follow me," you question Adam.

Adam looks offended, "I live close. Sometimes I walk at night. Is that a crime?"

You arrive at your apartment building entrance, hand Adam the pizza, and unlock the door, "I guess it's not, no," you take the pizza back and walk inside the building. Adam doesn't follow you, so you turn around and ask, "Uh, you coming?" he looks around confused, "Um, Adam! Hellloooooo. Are you coming up? I'm bored. You can have some pizza," you add.

His face softens and he says, "Okay," and practically runs through the door.

You lived in a fourth-floor walk-up so maybe inviting him up wasn't such a great idea. Once you got to the top, you were so fucking out of breath. You tried to conceal your breathing but DAYUM this was embarrassing. Walking into your apartment, you put the pizza on the counter, grab two paper plates, and put a slice on each of them.

"You shouldn't walk at night right now. A bunch of male students are going missing. As much as I'd love for you to disappear, I'm sure Thomas wants to keep his TA position," you half playfully spit out.

He didn't say anything to you. Adam was slowly walking around your apartment...looking. Just looking. There was shelf in the living room filled with your snow globe collection that he gravitated to.

"Yours?" he asked without looking at you.

_Weirdo._

"Er, yep...mine," you answer as you grab the plates and bring them to the couch.

Adam notices you sit and comes to do the same. He's on the far right end and you're on the far left, trying to stay as far away from each other as possible. Could this get any more middle school?

You take bite at the same time as him and the room feels so silent now, it's deafening. You weren't finished chewing when you decided to randomly say, "Good pizza,"

Adam nodded and you swallowed.

"You don't talk a lot," you blurt.

He squints at you in confusion and asks, "Is there something I'm supposed to be saying?"

Eyeroll, "God, you're frustrating. I don't know...like you could say _anything_ but you just don't,"

"I take it you're uncomfortable with silence," he inputs.

MAJOR EYEROLL, "Hey, no psychoanalyzing me or whatever,"

Another moment of silence.

"Were you uncomfortable by the silence just now?" Adam asks, taking another bite of pizza.

You smile a little, trying your best to hide it, "Shut up,"

Adam smiled back. He had the best smile. It was the same one you'd see in the park every day. That cute little dorky smile. His smile could probably cure cancer or some shit. Too bad you hated him.

After a few more minutes of pizza eating, staring, and not talking, you decided to turn on Rick and Morty. Halfway into the first episode you were watching, both of you were done with the pizza and had your feet on the coffee table. You were still on opposite sides of the couch, though. You were dying to be closer.

On the couch, you felt Adam shift, making him move slightly closer to you. Two minutes later, you did the same in his direction. As the show kept playing, you realized you weren't even paying attention at this point. You were just wondering when Adam would make another sudden movement. Each time he so much as twitched, your breath sharpened.

Adam moved again, slightly closer. You really couldn't tell if he was doing it on purpose or not, making you even more on edge. The thought of him next to you on the couch leaning over, biting your ear, and grazing his fingers on your neck made your lips tingle and fill your arms and legs with goosebumps. You started to breathe faster as your heart rate sped up.

_Fuck fuck fuck! STOP he's right next to me._

You made a mental note to kick your own ass later for doing this to yourself. You should have never invited him in. You should have never sat on the couch with him. But fuck if this whole situation didn't excite you.

Your ankles cross over each other and your right heel presses into the coffee table. You glance over at Adam and see that he briefly looked at your ankles, then back at the TV. He was feeling your every move, too. The hands in your lap began to twist together, your thumbs scratching your palms to offer some kind of mental distraction.

Adam suddenly sighed pretty loudly making you turn and look at him, "Bored, I see?" you note.

He looks at you and his left eyebrow cocks up as he says, "I'm never bored with you,"

Well...damn. The oxygen in the room seemed to get sucked away after he said that. Your breathing was hitched again, your chest rising up and down, up and down, up and down. The anxiety that was rushing through you made you start to bite the inside of your cheek. Adam's light brown eyes fixed themselves onto yours.

Both of you removed your feet from the coffee table and instinctively sat up. Adam leaned over and his hand slowly snaked up to your hair. He held a piece of it between his thumb and middle fingers and trailed down to the ends, eventually losing grip when your hair ended. You felt your cheeks burn. Adam scooted closer to you on the couch. Your knees were touching now and you let in a sharp breath.

YOUR FUCKING KNEES WERE TOUCHING.

His pink lips were so fucking close to yours. You couldn't help but dart back and forth between his eyes and mouth.

"I, uh, Adam—," his face was two inches away from yours now, "—I think we shouldn't,"

He dipped his head to your ear and whispered, "Why not?" the breath escaping his lips was hot on your skin. Adam focused back on you. He was looking at you with _that_ expression again. No, not the expression from the subway where you thought he wanted to kiss you. He was looking at you with the expression you knew so well. The one when you first spoke to him, the one from the pastry shop, the class, the meeting, etc. He looked at you like you were the strangest person in the world. _His crazy eyes._

The expression you grew to hate became one that you actually grew to love. That look in his eye meant you were one of a kind to him.

_Special._

_Different._

Adam's right eye twitched as you gazed into them. His face moved closer to yours and you felt ice shooting in the veins of your arms. Lips trembling, Adam brushed his onto yours for a moment, not fully kissing you, just touching.

You tried to lean into his lips but he pulled away, teasing you. The two of you played this little game of brush, pull, lean until Adam softly kissed you. His wet lips on yours sent pulses between your legs. Adam put a hand around your neck and another gripping your upper thigh, making his thumb dangerously close to the opening of your legs. As he kissed you, he lightly stroked his thumb over your thigh and you felt yourself grow wet.

He could make you unravel so easily.

Suddenly, you heard keys jangling at the door, unlocking it. Nia bursts in the apartment with her overnight bag and quickly locks the door behind her. When she turns around, she's shocked to see you and Adam, who she hadn't met yet, on the couch breathing heavily and clearly looking surprised at her entrance.

"Hi," she says with wide eyes. She's been crying, "I—uh, sorry, I'm going to go in my room. Sorry, carry on," Nia awkwardly went into her room, shutting the door behind her.

Well...there's no way the night could go on after that. You turn to Adam, eyes still clouded over, "You uh, you should go...I'm sorry—this was uh, this just...you should go," you stammer out as you stood up walking toward the door.

Adam adjusted his pants and walked to you. The two of you stood at the door for a moment in awkward silence, not saying anything, just staring at your feet. 

"I'm uh, gonna check on Nia," you tell Adam.

More silence.

You start again, "Look, can we um, forget about this? I don't want it to get complicated in the psych department, ya know?" your hands were twisting in front of you again and your eyes were burning a hole through your fingers. You really didn't want to look at him right now. You were afraid you'd climb him like a tree. After all, you did _still_ taste him on your lips and the memory of that thumb on you...

_NO._

_He needs to go._

Looking up at him, he seems a little annoyed. You weren't sure why and you didn't want to find out. Adam gave you a forced smile and pulled the door open. He turned back when he was in the hallway. Fuck, you wanted to invite him back inside so bad. You wanted to kiss him, have him grab your neck again, and—

Adam spoke, breaking your train of thought, "Bye,"

When you closed the door, you leaned your back on it and slowly sunk to the floor. You took a few deep breaths and processed what the fuck just happened. You just kissed Mystery Man/Dick Doc student/Adam Driver/Crazy Eyes.

There's no way you'd ever recover from this.


	5. chapter four: frat boy finisher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - mention of the topic of sexual assault throughout the rest of the story; no details or stories, just the topic

**Tuesday, October 20th**

It had been ten days since you kissed Adam. For ten days you ignored him like crazy, dodging him when you occasionally saw him in Schermerhorn Hall and not speaking to him in the psych department's monthly meeting today. He did the same for you. If you so much as made eye contact, the two of you would break it immediately and look at the floor.

You sat in the meeting looking extra bored. Thomas was next to you, playing games on iMessage with Nia. When Nia came home ten days ago, breaking your kiss with Adam (thank, God), she had actually come home early from her trip with Thomas. After Adam left, you went to see what was wrong. Nia said that Thomas was being an ass the whole time and she demanded to come home early. It all sounded so dramatic. After three days, her and Thomas had coffee and decided to be friends. After about two hours, that didn't last. Now, they were inseparable and a "couple". You gave them three weeks, tops.

Dr. Kennedy broke your trip down memory lane when she proposed the idea of gathering research on the student body about the serial kidnapper around campus. She wanted someone to go around interviewing students about their well-being and general anxiety around the campus environment. After all, the total number of missing guys was at six now. Everyone was terrified.

"I'll do it," the words fell out of your mouth in response to Dr. Kennedy, but you heard another voice say the same thing at the exact same time as you.

Adam.

You shot him a frustrated look and turned your attention to Dr. Kennedy, "I would love to do it. I need to get research done so I can put it in my grad school applications," you looked at her with begging eyes, hoping she'd choose you.

Adam piped up, "I could use the research intake experience, especially if it's qualitative. I could have a valuable part in it, considering I'm the demographic of the victims,"

Your eyes squinted in confusion, "Uhm, actually I think Adam's part in the study could actually hinder it due to the fact that he _is_ the same demographic as the victims. The study subjects could empathize with him, therefore skewing their results. I can do it," you said confidently, eyes locked on Adam.

His jaw tightened as he muttered, "Or a higher level student like me can do it,"

_Fuck._

_Him._

Just because you were younger didn't mean you were undeserving or incapable of a difficult task.

You were breathing hard now, clearly angry. Adam's eyes were fixed on yours. It was like a staring contest that never ended.

Dr. Kennedy repositioned herself in her seat, making you look around the room. Everyone was staring at the two of you. You didn't realize how clearly at war you and Adam were a second ago. Apparently it made everyone uncomfortable by the expressions you were getting. Even Thomas looked up from his phone to give you a 'what the fuck' look.

"I think the two of you should do it together. You need the experience for grad school applications and _you—_ ," Dr. Kennedy turned to Adam, "—could use the qualitative experience. I do think your being there would cause a slight effect, but it could also be good. We'll address it in the article," she said, looking pleased with herself, "Teamwork!"

_Was she trying to make the two of you miserable?_

You looked at Adam who was clearly unhappy, his face frowning at you.

Eyeroll.

As soon as the meeting ended around 8:35PM, you grabbed your backpack and started to fast walk out of there. Dr. Kennedy stopped you before you could leave, "You and Adam need to exchange information for the research study. I expect you two to work _together_ ," she said with an emphasis on 'together', "I don't know what happened to make you guys so sour to each other since classes started but I don't care,"

_I love this woman but goddamn she's pissing me off._

You gave her a fake smile, "Dr. Kennedy, I won't let you down. I'll make it work. I'm excited for the study," you reluctantly add, "I'll go talk to him,"

She gave you smile and walked away. By the time this uncomfortable interaction was over, everyone was out of the room except, you guessed it: Adam. And what was he doing? Looking at you with the crazy eyes again. Remember when you said you loved them? You take it back. You hate them again.

Pulling out your iPhone, you open the 'phone' app, sigh, and look up at Adam, "So, let's get this over with. What's your number?"

As Adam tells you his number, you type it in, and save his contact as "Crazy Eyes". Then, you go to your 'messages' app, type 'crazy eyes' as the recipient and send him a quick message.

"Really? Green messages?" you mutter.

Adam pulls out his vibrating phone. When you look at it, your mouth drops. It's a flip phone. Of course he has a flip phone.

"Are you stuck in 2006?" you ask with wide eyes.

He squints at you, "Were you even old enough for a phone in 2006?"

Technically no.

"Whatever," you say, spinning around and leaving the meeting room.

Adam tries to follow you as you exit the building, "Let me walk you home," he says as you walk outside toward your apartment.

Not looking at him, you loudly say, "Absolutely not. Goodnight, Adam," and keep walking toward south campus.

When you got home, Nia was glued to the local news.

"GET OVER HERE!" Nia shouted at you, "Come watch this, NOW," she demanded.

Your eyebrows knitted in confusion as you walked to the TV. The newsperson on the screen looked serious and the headline read:

**_BREAKING NEWS: LINKS IN MISSING STUDENT CASES TIED_ **

_"Police are reporting that the six missing persons cases on the Columbia University campus seem to be linked to Title IX reports for each of the missing men, all having sexual misconduct reports filed against them. All are missing, presumed dead at the hands of the alleged serial killer dubbed the 'Frat Boy Finisher. Some are calling this individual a hero for their retaliation against sexual assault perpetrators on Columbia's campus. Here's what the police chief has to say,"_

The screen flashed to a briefing room with microphones and camera lights on the police chiefs face, _"As of right now, we are treating these missing persons cases as linked. We are not yet classifying them as homicides until we find reason to believe the individuals are dead. We do not have any leads as of right now—"_ the news room erupts with questions and gasps while the police chief tries to continue despite the ruckus in the room, " _w—we have—guys can we get through this? Then I'll take questions,"_ he said sternly.

The room quieted, _"We have a profile we are considering for the perpetrator. We believe it is a single individual that preys at night on or around the campus. This person could be a student or faculty member, due to their access to records concerning the Title IX office. They are most likely a white male. That's all I can provide you with,"_

You look at Nia, shocked, "Oh. My. God. So this is a thing,"

"Yea...it is," she looks down at her feet.

You take a deep breath, knowing what she was thinking, "Nia, Thomas will be fine. He doesn't have any reports against him that we know of. He's not like that. If the police are right then that's all this guy is going after. Thomas is going to be fine,"

Nia's nose flares and her eyes are pricked with tears, "Yea, okay...it's just scary,"

"Why? This person is going after gross dudes. If anything, he's doing us all a favor," you scoff at her, walking to your room.

You let Nia be dramatic on the couch for the rest of the night. What was she even freaking out for? She just haaaaaddd to make everything so personal by stringing Thomas into it.

**Friday, October 23rd**

The police still didn't have a lead on the Frat Boy Finisher. Good. You weirdly felt a little safer now that you knew _someone_ was doing something about the sadistic fucks that do that to women. Sure, there wasn't a fair justice system involved, but it's not like there would be with the university involved. They hadn't done anything about them anyway.

Fuck.

_I gotta go._

You pulled on a sweater, grabbed your reusable water bottle and backpack, and headed out the door. Where were you going? None other place than Adam's makeshift office at Schermerhorn Hall. Even though he was technically a student, he was also a teacher this year so he got a small office in the basement and you had to go meet with him to discuss your shared research project. With the news of the Frat Boy Finisher becoming a vigilante, this study was about to get interesting.

New York City was looking particularly lovely this time of year. The trees were orange, yellow, and red and the air was a cool 60 degrees. Fall was your favorite. On your walk, you tried to enjoy this time you had to yourself before your day would be ruined with Adam.

Because it was Friday at 6:30PM, campus was quiet. The door to Schermerhorn Hall creaked loudly as you made your way in. Walking down the stairs to the basement gave you the creeps. It was always dark down there despite lights being on and the florescent lights that _were_ there always creepily flickered. What good is maintenance for if they never call them to fix this place? Yuck.

You walked down the basement hall until you saw the door labeled _: A. Driver_

_Knock, knock, knock_

No answer.

_Knock, knock, knock_

No answer again.

"Adam, what the fuck. We have stuff to do, lemme in," you whined.

Silence.

You decided to call out to him again, "Aaaaadddaaaammmmm," when there was another moment of silence you continued, "Aaaaaddaa—"

A hand from behind touched your shoulder, causing you to scream and whip your head around.

It was fucking Adam.

"WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!!" you yelled as you reached to pick up your water bottle that you dropped.

Adam was smiling and put his hands up in innocence, "Sorry, I just stepped out for a sec,"

Glaring at him, you opened his office door and shoved yourself inside, "Let's get this over with," you muttered.

His office was tiny as fuck. The desk took up most of the space in there and the only room for another chair to fit was if you sat _right_ next to him.

Ugh.

Adam pushed over his swivel chair and took out a folding chair, putting them side-by-side. He motioned for you to take a seat, so you went for the folding one.

He pushed it back, taking it away from you, "No, you can have the other chair. It's more comfortable," he said casually as he started to sit in the uncomfortable folding chair.

You bit your lip and reluctantly sat down.

For the next hour, you and Adam went over questions to ask students on campus for your research study.

1\. How has the recent influx in student disappearances impacted your mental health?

2\. On a scale of not at all fearful to very fearful, how afraid are you of walking around campus?

3\. Have you been personally impacted by the disappearances by knowing a victim?

4\. Do you feel safer with the knowledge that the assailant is targeting those with Title IX allegations against them?

There were about forty more questions on the list and you were excited to see how students would answer. This would make for a really great research study, especially since you were in on it so early in the case.

"So, what do you think?" Adam asked as he was putting his laptop away.

"Uhhh, I think this will be a great project. I think the stu—" Adam cut you off.

"No, I mean what do you think about this 'Frat Boy Finisher'?" he clarified.

You took a moment to think before answering, "Well, I think they gave him a cheesy name," you laugh, "But I uh, I guess I think that...well I kind of think he can't be too bad....if that makes sense,"

Adam looked at you but you couldn't read what he was thinking so you continued after he didn't speak.

"I think he's doing a service to the sexual assault survivors, honestly. I mean, I don't know if they'll get closure but...like at least it ensures they'll never do it again. I don't know. I get it...like the reasoning...I guess. If I met him, I'd kiss him," you awkwardly laughed again.

_Oh my god I just told someone that I'd kiss a serial killer. I will pass away now._

Adam laughed under his breath at your comment, "I'm sure he'd kiss you back," Adam smiled as he zipped his backpack.

You couldn't tell if he was serious or rudely joking. Naturally, you went with rudely joking.

"Mhm, anyway uh, this was fun. Always a great time with you, clearly," you rolled your eyes, "We are collecting results on Monday and Tuesday, yes?" you change the subject while packing your bag.

Adam replies, "Yes," stands up and continues talking as he folds up his chair, "So, what are you going to be for Halloween next week? A witch?"

Pursing your lips, you stand and continue, "Very funny. I'm actually going as AOC. What are you going as? Nothing because you didn't get invited anywhere?"

His jaw clenched, "I hate Halloween,"

_Who the fuck hates Halloween? Oh yea, weirdos like Adam._

Adam continued, "And AOC? Really? No surprise there,"

You cocked your eyebrow and stepped close to him, "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Adam stepped closer. Both of you were breathing hard, angry at the other. His right eye did that little twitch again as he stared down at you with the crazy eyes.

"Both of you are very strong women, that's all," Adam's voice was hushed and sounded slightly hoarse. It seemed like his predatory eyes were staring into your soul.

"I hate you," you whisper, "so much," your lip quivered.

He stepped closer, "I know,"

Maybe it was the comment of you being similar to AOC or him being so close to you, but right now, the anger that was inside of you turned into you wanting him. _Really_ wanting him. You felt shivers down your arms and electricity in your wrists and palms. As you heard him breath rapidly, you felt your core start to go crazy. Your stomach turned inside out and your heart felt like it could pump a rocket ship to space.

Fuck.

Instinctively, you wet your lips and spoke in a throaty voice, "Oh," and stepped even closer to him, the two of you practically chest to chest now.

Adam lifted his hands and placed one on your waist and the other on your neck. His big hand around your neck was warm as he gave it a small squeeze. Between your legs ached and you started to breath harder and faster under his touch. You felt your chin quiver.

His hand that was on your waist lingered to the waistline of your leggings. He hovered over the seam before hooking his fingers into them. The touch of his fingers on your bare stomach made you inhale sharply.

You couldn't take it anymore. You needed him now.

Quickly, you stood on your toes and pressed your lips on his. Adam moved his hand from the inside of your leggings to your waist and pulled you close to him as he deepened the kiss and tangled his tongue with yours. Your hips pressed against his hard length, making you moan into Adam's mouth.

He started to walk forward, pushing you back onto the desk. Mouth still on his, you maneuvered yourself to sit on the desk and straddle him. One of Adam's hands was on your upper ribs and the other grabbed your hair and pulled on it, making you kiss harder. Your kiss was feral and heated as you pulled Adam even closer to you.

Adam dipped his head down and started to kiss, suck, and bite at your neck. You moved your hands from his upper arms down to his belt and worked to undo it as Adam remained at your neck. Once you got his belt completely off, you unzipped his pants, freeing his hard cock from the tight jeans. You put your hand on him and squeezed over his briefs. Adam moaned into your neck, the vibrations leaving you tingling. His lips made their way back to yours and he started to suck on your bottom lip, leaving it raw and pulsing.

Adam kissed your chin, then commanded in a husky voice, "Lay down,"

You did as he said and laid back on the desk. Adam hovered over you, then pressed his body on yours. He kissed you neck and then began moving down, dragging his body over every inch of you, keeping eye contact the whole way down. You stared at him, watching his every move. The further down he went, the more you ached for him.

When he reached between your legs, he took your legging's waistline between his teeth and started to drag them down.

Suddenly, an incredibly loud ringing occurred right above your head. Adam's phone was going off. You sat up startled and wide-eyed, feeling disoriented from being surprised and horny. Adam leapt to his phone and turned it off. It was an alarm. Both of you were breathing heavily in the quiet room. Adam looked down at the floor as if he were thinking. _Deciding._

"Wha—what?" you ask, still trying to catch your breath.

Adam shoved his phone in his pocket, then started to zip his pants up, "I uh, I have to go," he said, not looking at you.

Your eyebrows furrowed, "You have to _GO_? You're going to _leave_?" you ask furiously.

Adam grabs his belt from off of the floor and starts to put in on, looking at you apologetically, "I have to go. I'm sorry,"

Getting off of the desk, you adjust your leggings and shirt before grabbing your backpack and phone and storming out of his office. You huff while walking through the hallway and start up the stairs to the main floor. Adam is calling to you, but you couldn't hear him anymore. You didn't want to.

When you exited the building, you checked your phone's time.

_7:47PM._

You walked home in the dark, gripping your sweater close in the cold.

_Fuck._

_Adam._

_Driver._

**Monday, October 26th**

"Uggghhhhhhhhh," you groaned as you rolled out of bed.

Today was the day you had to collect data with Adam. This meant you had to walk all around campus with him after he pulled that shit on you Friday evening. After Friday, you spent the rest of the weekend sulking in frustration and drank a bottle of wine each night. He tried texting you on Saturday asking if you could talk with him but you decided not to reply. He didn't deserve a reply from you.

It was 7:02AM when you walked to campus to meet Adam. You needed to get an early start to catch the students who had class at 8AM. Once you reached the sundial on the South Lawn, you stood and waited for him in the cold. While waiting, you checked Twitter. Local news tweeted about another kidnapping that took place Friday night, the same night you were with Adam.

Whatever. 

Five minutes later, Adam showed up with two hot coffees in his hand, giving one to you. In any other situation, you would have rejected it because of your stubbornness, but you were cold as fuck and any hot liquid sounded amazing. You grabbed the coffee and sipped it.

_Sooooo waarrrmmmmmmmm._

Adam started to awkwardly be overly nice to you, "Good morning. Uh—how uh how was your morn—"

You interrupted him and glanced at his book bag, "Give me half of the informed consent papers," you demanded.

"Why?" he asked, confused.

"I'll take half and go to the other side of campus. I don't want to be around you right now," you said with a tense jaw.

You pissed Adam off.

"Grow up," he scowled.

Your expression hardened, "Give. me. the. fucking. papers. _now_ ,"

Adam set his coffee on the ground, aggressively took half of the papers out of his book bag and into his hand, and quite literally _threw_ them at you, leaving them on the ground. Luckily, most were still in a pile, but others were scattered around you. You dropped to your knees and collected them in your arms.

Looking up at Adam, your eyes blazed with fury, "Fuck you, Adam,"

As you stood back up, papers in hand, Adam retorted, "You would like that, wouldn't you?"

_Awwwwww shit I'm going to kill him one day I swear._

Heart racing and face burning of rage, you stormed away and started to the other side of campus to collect data without Adam.

**Tuesday, October 27th**

Another day of collecting data on your own.

You didn't see him today.

**Thursday, October 29th**

Thomas asked you to fill in for him as a TA in Adam's class.

You said no.

**Friday, October 30th**

You saw Adam walking alone around 1AM tonight when you were on your way back from a club with Nia and Thomas. You wanted to stop the Uber and talk him, maybe ask him if he needed a ride but you didn't. You just stared out the window while he walked, hoodie up, down the street. 

**Saturday, October 31st**

You thought about texting Adam today after there was no sign of him at the psychology department's Halloween party.

He was probably sulking today, after all he _does_ hate the holiday.

Whatever.

You decided not to text him.

**Monday, November 2nd**

Two more missing students since October 27th.

Total missing now: nine.

Adam emailed you today. 

_Ugh. I have to present the results. With Adam. And meet with him beforehand. Kill me now._

Nia got a small raise at work, so naturally she came home with wine around 8PM. You had class tomorrow but...fuck it.

"Gimme a big glass, pleeeeaaassee," you tell Nia as you watch Forensic Files on the couch.

Well...three glasses later you got real bold.

"You know wh—" you hiccupped, "Y-You know what Nia...I'm gunna call someone. I'm gunna call him and—and I'm gunna tell him sumthin I tell you WHAT,"

You're shuffling to your room when Nia calls out from the couch, "Whooooo are you even caaalllinnngggg, hahhahahahhaha," She's so wasted.

So are you.

Shutting your door behind you, you type "Crazy Eyes" into your address book, searching for it. When you find the name, you press 'call'.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

_Ugh is this craaazzyyy motherfu—_

" _Hello_?" Adam's voice on the other end sounded so heavenly to you.

"Hiiii. I haven't seen you in SO long. You could have been DEAD for allllll I knew. I don't even know where you LIVE so WHERE would I have sent FLOWERRRSSS!!" you whine.

The little sober voice in your head said to shut the fuck up, but clearly you never listened to her.

" _Are you dru—Where are you?"_ Adam asked.

"You are always sooo serious. I'm at my apartment. You've been here. Remember? Remember when you were hereee?"

Adam is silent for a moment then says, " _Yes, I remember_ ,"

"Uhuh me too. Hayyyy, what are you even doing?"

" _Walking_ ," he answers.

You glance at the clock and gasp dramatically, "ADAAMMM DRIVEERRR! It's nearly midniiiighhtt. You should get home, mister,"

He sighs over the phone, _"I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight,_ "

"Byyeee, Adammm," you say happily, then hang up.

You throw yourself on your bed and pass out for the night.


	6. chapter five: side-by-side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> depictions of violence/kidnapping, not too bad but thought i'd give a warning, read at your own risk

**Tuesday, November 3rd**

The next morning, you woke up with a massive hangover and memory of calling Adam.

Fuck.

You double-checked your 'phone' app and saw that you did, in fact, call him. You squeezed your eyes shut, crinkled your nose, and threw your arms over your face in horror.

_I'm such an idiot._

Deciding to skip your two classes for today, you emailed your professors you weren't feeling well and emailed a fake doctor's note.

What?

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Besides, you needed to mentally prepare for this meeting with Adam. It had been a week and a half since you went to Adam's office, eight days since your interaction with him on campus when he told you to 'grow up', and four days since you saw him walking that night.

Yes.

You were keeping track.

Walking over to the desk in your room, you jotted down a log in your diary of every occurrence you had with Adam since you met him:

**_Adam_ **

_Summer – passing in the park everyday._

_08-20 – interaction in the park when I wanted to die AKA the day I decided to hate him._

_08-21 – pastry shop when he was an ass._

_09-09 – officially meeting Adam in the auditorium._

_09-17 – when Adam walked me home and then I ran off, lol._

_10-09 – MoMA day, when I randomly saw Adam there at the same time as me. I swear he followed me._

_10-10 – Adam saw me on the street and saved me from the creepy dudes. He was walking alone. The night of our first kiss._

_10-20 – Crazy Eyes and I got into an argument at the psych department meeting about the study._

_10-23 – Adam's office..........._

_10-26 – when Adam told me to 'grow up' and threw the papers on the ground. Worst day ever. I wanted to kill him._

_10-30 – I saw Adam walking alone at 1AM._

_11-2 – Adam emailed me, asking to meet today (AKA 11-3). I called him and he was walking alone at night again._

_11-3 – about to meet with Adam at the pastry shop to go over research project._

\--

_Okay, enough bullshit journaling, time to work._

You put your pen down in the diary and walked to your backpack, getting out your notes for the meeting with Adam. Filing through the random paperwork, you scattered them on your desk, moving the diary in the process. Sorting through student's answers, you compiled a few main themes and observations to report on.

Grabbing you laptop, you opened a WordDoc and started to type the intro, giving the readers background into the missing persons cases. You gave a small timeline:

_08-20 – First person reported missing, Jake Leonard, 20_

_08-25 – Second person reported missing, Neil Robertson, 19_

_09-08 – Third person reported missing, Patrick Lawson, 20_

_09-13 – Fourth person reported missing, Trey Miller, 21_

_10-7 – Fifth person reported missing, Lyle Parsons, 19_

_10-10 – Sixth person reported missing, Andrew Wilson, 21_

_10-23 – Seventh person reported missing, Jack Barber, 22_

_10-27 – Eighth person reported missing, Edward O'Brien, 20_

_10-30 – Ninth person reported missing, Samuel Ayers, 21_

You checked Twitter to see if there were any updates in the case: One. Another student went missing last night. You added it to the list.

_11-2 – Tenth person reported missing, Michael Smith, 22_

You leaned back in your chair and sighed.

_Jesus Christ, how many guys do I go to school with have Title IX reports against them??_

As you were leaning back, you looked at the ceiling. You were still pretty tired. When you looked back at your desk, all of the contents were in full view. In the corner, your diary. In the middle, your timeline.

You had a silly idea pop into your head.

Grabbing both of the timelines, you put them side by side and highlighted themes. 

You left eyebrow cocked up.

_Huh. That's something._

You squinted your eyes at the similarities, trying to remember each of the nights clearly.

_He was walking out alone the night I got pizza...He had to leave early when it was getting dark that night in his office...he was walking alone the night before Halloween...When I called him last night he was on a late night walk..._

Each of those nights, at least one person went missing.

 _Hm_.

You tried not to read into it too much. He was just Adam. That's all.

But...you just couldn't shake the feeling—

_No, that's ridiculous. Stop._

Deciding to get out of your room, you went and made a late breakfast in the kitchen. Nia was already gone for class. You glanced at the clock on the microwave. It read 11:24AM.

T-minus five and half hours until you'd see Adam.

The rest of your day was spent watching Bobs Burgers in your pajama shorts. It wasn't until 4PM that you got your ass off of the couch, took a shower, and got ready to meet with Adam. Pulling on leggings, sneakers, and a Dallas Cowboys sweatshirt, you left your apartment and walked to the pastry shop down the block to meet Adam at 5PM.

When you walk in, your eyes go right to the display case and Katinka, who was working the counter, "Szia, Katinka! How are you?"

She smiled at you, then looked toward the back of the store. Adam was sitting at a small table, waiting for you, "That is the man you said 'fuck you' to once, yes?" Katinka smirked.

You took in a deep breath, "Uh, yep. _Great_ memory, Katinka," you proceeded to give her your order, the same as always. When you paid and got your roll, you walked over to Adam and silently started to get out your laptop.

It was so painfully awkward.

Filling the silence, you started, "So wha—" Adam spoke at the same time as you.

He cleared his throat, "Sorry, uh what were you going to say?"

"No, you go," you insisted.

Adam pursed his lips, "No, no. You go. Mine's nothing,"

_God, this is so uncomfortable._

You looked up at Adam through your eyelashes, "Uh, well I was just going to ask where you were walking last night,"

His right eye twitched again and he smiled, "Oh, so we aren't going to talk about why you called me last night?"

Fuck.

Glaring at him, you said, "Well, if I _do_ recall correctly, I already told you why I called you. I haven't seen you in a bit and was wondering if you were dead. After all—" you cocked your head to the left, "—there _is_ a serial kidnapper loose. Would be a _shaammmee_ if you ran into him," your eyes narrowed on him.

Adam broke eye contact for a second and his lips slightly parted. He fixed his expression on you again, "I was just walking _around_ ,"

Vague.

"Whatever," both of you looked at your own laptops, breaking the gaze between you two, "Can we just get this over with?"

"That's what you said last time," Adam replied, still not looking over at you.

Your fingers over the keyboard froze and your whole body was tense. You decided not to interact with that statement. After a moment of gathering yourself, you changed the topic, "So, will you show me the results in SPSS?"

You and Adam went over the results of the study and chose graphs to illustrate your research so you could adequately present to the faculty members on Friday. You spent around two hours putting it all together with Adam. Thank God you were in public this time.

After it was over, the two of you left and went your separate ways. It was a little awkward and quite honestly, boring. You expected a little more fighting like usual but that wasn't the case tonight. Eh, you were kind of disappointed.

When you got home, Nia and Thomas were there cooking dinner together, "Hiiiiiii!" Nia happily greeted you on the way in.

"Hi guys," you replied unenthusiastically as you walked to your room.

Thomas called out to you while he was digging for something in the kitchen cabinets, "You good?" he asked.

You took a big deep breath in. Honestly, no. You weren't that great. School sucked ass. You had period cramps and were bloating this entire week. You forgot to take your Lexapro this morning. The only person you got an ounce of action from was also someone you bickered with every time you saw them. And, oh yeah, that same person could _maybe, POSSIBLY_ be the Frat Boy Finisher. You could go on and on and on.

But you didn't. You never did. You never told anyone anything. Not Nia. Not Thomas. Not anyone.

"I'm good. I'm just not feeling that great. I'm going to take an Advil and go to bed," you tell Nia and Thomas. They look worried for you. Did you really look that bad? "Goodnight, guys,"

Nia and Thomas said goodnight as you walked into your room and shut the door. You popped the Lexapro pill from your bedside table, changed into your pajamas, and fell onto your bed, phone in hand.

All you did for the next few hours was scroll. You hit all the bases like usual: Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, you name it. The next time you looked at the clock, it was 12:32AM.

_Jesus, how did four hours pass that quickly?_

You went to the home screen of your iPhone and looked at what other apps you could get on. Your eyes darted to each app.

Instagram? _No, IG is shit now._

Weather? _I mean...I guess I could check the weather._

Safari? _What would I even look up?_

Notes? _I could go back and reminisce at all of my old takeout orders I throw in there and random poems I add when I'm in my feelings, I guess._

Twitter? _Ugh, no, I'm all caught up._

Phone? _Hm._

You click on the 'phone' application. Your last call was none other than Adam. What if—no. you shouldn't. It's too late at night. But, you just wanted to see... You couldn't help it. You had to pry, especially now that you felt a weird correlation between the Frat Boy Finisher and Adam's footsteps. You called Crazy Eyes to see what he was up to.

Ring.

Ring.

_Fuck I should back out._

Ring.

Adam's voice on the other end startled you, "Hello?" he answered.

Your voice was tired and raspy from not using it for a few hours, "Uhm, hi. Uh, sorry, I uh...what are you up to?" You awkwardly spit out.

He paused before replying, "Nothing. This isn't one of those late night phone calls whe—"

You cut him off, " _No_ , NOT one of _those_ late night calls. I guess I was just uhm, thinking about how you go on walks at night and uh...are you on one now?"

_What the fuck? Is my brain not working? I shouldn't have called._

"I'm not," he answered quickly. In the background, you heard beeping, like a crosswalk beep. He _was_ on a walk.

"Oh, okay. Sorry for calling so late. Um—well I'll see you on Friday at the big presentation," you quickly reply, "Bye, Adam,"

Adam ended the conversation sounding confused, "Uhm, bye? See you Friday..."

You didn't blame him. What the fuck was that phone call? Seriously? You shouldn't have called in the first place but you didn't even come up with anything to say? DuMb AsS.

Another bad idea popped into your head.

Swiftly, you grabbed a hoodie, put on some jeans and sneakers, grabbed your taser for safety, and snuck out of your apartment. The time was 12:45AM when you stepped into the dark, quiet street that your apartment was on. If Adam really _was_ outside, you'd find him just by walking around for a few blocks.

You just wanted to check...

With your hoodie up and taser in hand, you walked down the quiet streets around campus, where most of the missing people lived and were taken. Creeping quietly around, you passed by apartment after apartment, never seeing a single soul in the process. You were about a mile from your apartment when you came upon someone who was one hundred feet ahead of you, standing outside of an apartment building.

Whoever it was had a hoodie, hiding their face. Their figure was tall, looked like a male, maybe, carried a HUGE black duffle bag and was just...standing there. You ducked behind a trashcan and tried to peer closer but you still couldn't see anything.

You quickly slithered your way to a trashcan closer to the individual. Narrowing your eyes and focusing in on them, you still couldn't see much. You leaned your body over to get a better look but then lost your balance, making your shoes scuff the sidewalk, leaving a little, 'sccttt' sound. 

The person turned their head toward your direction but couldn't see you. As they were looking past you, you squinted for a clearer picture of their face. Your eyes widened and you felt your stomach drop. It was Adam.

He turned his head back at the apartment he was standing in front of; deciding whatever noise he heard was probably a rat.

You backed up quickly, still crouching. Weaving your way past trashcans, bikes, and lampposts. Not sure how you made it to the end of the block without tripping, you turned the corner and ran the whole mile home, never stopping. Once you reached your apartment, you stopped running and put your hands on your knees to catch a breath. While gasping for air, you couldn't help but think about what you just saw.

_Okay okay okay this doesn't mean anything. He could just be out for a walk. Maybe he lives there and was getting fresh air. FUCK._

You walked up to your room and spent the whole way up trying to rationalize it. When you laid down for the night at 1:30AM, you decided you would wait for the next missing persons case to come out until you fully suspected him.

What were you gonna do after that? You had no fuckin' clue.

**ADAM POV**

Adam checked his watch.

1:15AM.

He was standing outside of his next victim's house but he didn't like to call them that. They weren't victims to him. They were the perpetrators. They didn't have names to Adam, that gave them too much credit. He wanted to objectify them in his head just like they objectified so many women. Adam was just getting rid of them, like an exterminator for pests. They had to be eliminated just like bugs.

This was going to be his tenth perpetrator to take and eventually kill. Yes, kill. That's something the police didn't want to confirm yet because they couldn't. Adam had done so well with the perpetrators, their bodies would never be found. They'd always just be missing. _Forgotten_.

Adam stared up at the apartment building. It was always tricky figuring out a way to get in and get out, but he always managed it. He'd gotten better with each kill, too.

_Scctt_

A small noise broke his attention. Adam looked in the direction of it, peering in the dark for a few moments before thinking it was probably just a rat. He looked back up at the apartment building and studied it for a few more moments before going in.

For each of his perpetrators, Adam found a way to get hold of their keys and make a copy for himself for when he wanted to take them. For this specific perpetrator, the one who's apartment he was at, Adam paid someone to pull the fire alarm during his adaptive psychology classes. The perpetrator was in his class, giving Adam full access to his backpack while the students filed out of the building. When he did this back in September, Adam told the students to leave all of their things and exit. He stayed behind for a split second and made the copy of the key.

As Adam entered the building, the door creaked behind him. His face winced, bracing for someone to wake up and come into the hallway. No one did. He slowly opened the door to his newest perpetrator's room. Adam walked to the bed where the student laid. He put down the massive black duffle bag, then reached over the sleeping perpetrator and grabbed a pillow.

He held the pillow over his face, putting pressure on his nose and mouth. Adam had to lean on the student's body to stop them from kicking and making too much noise. He held them like that until the kicking stopped and the student was only unconscious, not dead. Adam grabbed duct tape and bound their hands and feet. He then put the duffle bag on the bed and shoved the person inside.

This was the hard part: going back out. Adam took the heavy duffle and started to slowly creep out of the apartment, hoping to not wake roommates. As Adam was shutting the door behind him, it creaked again.

Adam's heart raced and it froze there for a moment. After giving the creaking sound to settle, he started to close it again. No creaking. Adam made his way outside and walked to the curb where a black truck was parked. He unlocked it and threw his new perpetrator in the backseat.

It was 2:02AM when Adam reached an old shack by the river. He brought the bag inside, set it down, and took out the student. There was a small chair that Adam sat the individual on, keeping them bound in the process. They were still unconscious, so Adam set up the small room. On the wall directly in front of the chair, Adam placed photos of the perpetrators victim(s), along with the incident report that was filed through the university's Title IX office. Photos of the victims included social media photos but also those that were taken if the female had them done at the hospital after their attack, if they chose to report it at all, which Adam noticed was very few of them.

Once Adam was finished, he waited. Adam waited until the perpetrator woke up around 2:30AM. He was standing behind them, his hands squeezed the sides of their faces so they had to look forward to see what they had done. He wanted to make them look. _Really_ look. 

His current perpetrator was squirming under Adam's hands. His face was trying to shake back and forth to get a release from Adam's hold, but his big hands were too strong. Eventually, the perpetrator gave up and began to cry while looking at the photos.

Adam never made it about himself when he did this. He never showed his face to them or spoke. He just let them have their final moment, their survivors being the last thing they saw before he would make them pay. Sometimes the men would cry, talk, or pray while they realized what was happening. Especially now that most of NYC knew what was happening to men who did things like this, Adam hoped this would be his last kill.

After the man finished crying, he just sat and stared at the photos. He didn't say anything until to Adam's shock, he told him, "You can kill me now...I'm ready,"

Adam swiftly put his left hand over the man's forehead and positioned him up, holding him in place. His right hand grabbed a long knife from a small table to his side. Adam put the blade to his throat, applied pressure, then slowly drug it across his neck.

\--

**YOUR POV**

**Friday, November 6th**

No one had been reported missing yet so you put Adam in the clear. You really couldn't believe you did that on Tuesday night. Sneaking out to find him? Really? You were going mental.

Today was your big presentation with Adam. You had a sinking feeling in your stomach and bile began to rise in your throat. You weren't nervous about the research project, though. You were nervous to face him again, embarrassed over that late night phone call.

At 4PM on the dot, you arrived at Schermerhorn Hall and stepped into the presentation room. You were only presenting to the psychology professors so they could see if the research was notable enough to send in to a scholarly journal, but it was still a big deal to you.

The meeting didn't start until 4:30PM, so the only person already in the room was Adam. You walked in shyly, "Hi," you said, putting your things down.

His eyes flickered at you, "Hi,"

A moment of silence blanketed the room. It wasn't awkward, though. It was nice.

"I have the rest of the papers to hand out to whoever is officially coming," you say softly.

Adam replies with a simple, "Sounds good,"

He's still just looking you. Not the crazy eyes. Not the 'before a guy kisses you' eyes. Just _his_ eyes.

And it's lovely.

"Look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for calling you so late on Tuesday. _That_ was...weird and _I_ was being weird and I j—" Adam cut you off.

"It's fine, forget about it," he had a tone of understanding in his voice.

You couldn't just let him say that it was fine, "Well, I don't think it was 'fine'. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry," you stepped closer to him, "and I'm excited for this research thing. I uh—I really need this and I think it could be good for campus, too. Ya know, to see the results and what not," you were rambling, "and I've had fun working with you on it...so, yeah,"

Adam smiled at you and started to speak until he was interrupted by Dr. Kennedy's entrance in the room.

_Well someone's here early._

He decided not to tell you whatever he was going to say and just finished setting up while you spoke with Dr. Kennedy about Thanksgiving break in two weeks.

The meeting eventually started up and you and Adam began to present your findings. You found that most of the individuals who identified as female on campus felt safer and more protected with this person around. 43% of them didn't mind the fact that these men were getting kidnapped and presumed dead. Meanwhile, most of the males on campus, particularly white males, felt unsafe. They reported increased anxiety and paranoia.

The group of psychology professors found the results to be valuable to continue working on, especially since a majority found this killer to be helpful. This was a psychological testing goldmine.

When the meeting ended, you stayed behind to help Adam put away the poster and other papers. It was just the two of you in the big meeting room. You were shuffling around collecting notes and papers and walked over to Adam's book bag on a nearby chair. Adam was standing right next to it, collecting things from the table. Bending over the book bag, you shoved a few papers inside. When you straightened your back to see what else you could help with, you peered over at Adam who was already looking at you. You felt your cheeks heat and you were pretty sure your face was turning red. Quickly, you looked down and pretended to be check your watch.

Adam moved over to you until his sternum was touching your shoulder. You felt his breath on the top of your head as you continued to look down, frozen. He softly touched your shoulder and gently moved your body to face his. You looked straight ahead, staring at his chest. You couldn't look at him in the eyes. You'd totally melt right there. 

Grasping the bottom of your chin, Adam tilted your face to meet his.

Fuck.

The eyes.

The eyes from the subway.

The 'before a guy kisses you' eyes.

Fuck.

His eyes were heavy as they pierced into you. Your heart dropped to the floor, it felt like. Neither of you wanted to break this. You could stare at him forever.

But you couldn't. You just couldn't.

Breaking the eye contact, you looked at the door, "Uh, I uh should go...so,"

Your eyes were still at the door when Adam suggested, "Let's go somewhere," you looked back at him with twinkling eyes, "Boba?"

_Is this a—_

"A date," he said nervously.

You blinked. Was this real? You blinked again and he was still in front of you, staring at you with curious eyes.

"Okay...a date, then," you reluctantly reply.

_What the fuck is going on? Is this a fever dream? Am I really about to go on a boba date with Adam? Bruh, this week cannot get any more weird._

You were dead wrong. 

**(a/n: shoutout to Vanessa for this vid, hehe)**


	7. chapter six: so what now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all aspects of Adam's personal life are fictional, I know nothing about his actual family, lol. this is simply a story, plz do not come for me. ALSO if you know me personally, no you don't. this chapter is about to get warm and im about to use some .... words

**Friday, November 6th**

As you walked to the boba café near campus, you kept your hands in your pockets. You couldn't let the chance of having your fingers graze against his happen. That'd set you over the edge and you'd end up on his desk again or something.

_Would that be such a bad thing, though?_

Adam walked next to you with that little waddle he does. The corner of your mouth quirked up in a slight smile as you looked to the ground.

When you arrived at the boba café, you gave your order and Adam paid for you. You felt like your brain was doing the puppy dog face emoji.

You sat at a booth by the big shop windows and watched people pass by as Adam waited at the counter for your drinks.

When they were done, he sat across from you and slid over your drink and straw.

"So..." you started. You really weren't great at making conversation, especially with Adam. Most of your conversations since you'd known him were filled with either arguments or not talking at all.

Adam smiled, "So...what's your favorite color?"

_Really? This is what he wants to ask on our first kinda 'date'?_

You stabbed your straw into the top of the plastic covering and sipped on your boba, "Black. Yours?"

He glanced at you, "Black," and stabbed his straw into the cup without looking.

_Okay...maybe he wasn't the Frat Boy Finisher but he was FOR SURE a serial killer after doing that shit._

"Your turn," Adam added, "To ask a question, I mean,"

Ugh.

"Errrrr..." you thought for a moment, sucking on your boba, "Why do you walk so late at night?" you asked, trying to be sneaky.

Adam looked up from his drink at you and his expression hardened. You glanced around, giving an 'um what the fuck' look.

He replied, "Sorry, I don't normally get asked about my walking habits. I do what's best for me and you do what's best for you. Why do you get so many of those pastries from that Hungarian lady all the time?"

 _DAFUQ_. _THAT WAS MEAN._

"Whoa, Adam sorry I was just asking," you pursed your lips, "Don't _ruin_ this,"

Adam's shoulders relaxed and he furrowed his eyebrows, "Sorry...It's uh...just easier to think clearly at night for me...that's why I go on walks so late,"

Awkward silence drifted over the conversation as both of you drank your milk tea.

"Hey," you start, "I wanna know something,"

Adam looks suspicious, "...what?"

You started to fidget with your hands as you asked, "Were you really that weirded out by me at the park? I mean...you just kind of walked away from me. Was it really that insane that I followed you?"

His face softened, "I uh, I'm gonna be honest, okay?" you nod nervously as Adam continued, "When we first started passing each other everyday, I kind of liked the little routine we had...ya know, every day at 4:15PM I'd see you as I came out from under the arch. It was something consistent I had in my life at the time. I—uh...I would make it a point to walk everyday at the same time because I knew you'd be there. Uhm—"

Adam began to play with his hoodie strings and he wasn't making eye contact with you anymore. He was nervous.

"Well, I guess when you finally said something to me I froze. I never thought I would ever talk to you...I uh, I just liked to see you. That's why I was so startled and looked at you like that...then when I saw you again and again on campus, getting to know you a little more, uh I guess you just sort of fascinate me, is all. That's why I look at you like that...you're just interesting to me and you have been since we first started passing by each other in the park," he finally looked up at you after giving that long, anxiety-ridden explanation.

If you had to describe your face right now, it'd be another pouty face/puppy dog eyes emoji. Fuck, Adam had you whipped now. There was no fucking backing out. You hated to say it but FUCK you could be in love right now.

_GODDAMNIT._

Adam got nervous again after not being able to read your expression, "Fuck, say something,"

Slowly starting to smile, you tell Adam, "I uh—I did the same...but for you...like in the park, so,"

He smiles shyly at you, and you do the same back. You felt like schoolchildren talking to their crush.

Adam asks another question, "Favorite place you've ever been?"

Quickly and with a serious expression, you reply, "On your desk,"

Adam freezes and his eyes are wide, "Oh,"

You broke into a laugh, "Haha, just kidding. That was fun though, we should do it again soon. My favorite place I've ever been was probably when I went to England to visit my friend, Ro,"

He rolled his eyes and smiled again, "Okay, your turn,"

You blurt, "Tell me about your family,"

He shifted in his seat, "Well, I don't speak to them anymore, really. We have very separate lives and beliefs about things," he continued to tell you about his parents and siblings, all of whom he wasn't close with. The conversation shifted to hobbies eventually, Adam saying he liked to play piano and ultimate Frisbee. When he told you he played ultimate Frisbee occasionally, you choked on your boba. The thought of Adam running around throwing a Frisbee at other dude bros made you cackle.

During your little date, you learned he was actually really funny even though he didn't mean to be. He had a wit about him that you missed before. You wondered just how many layers he had.

You checked your watch.

_8:32PM_

Your eyebrows raised in surprise. You'd been sitting with Adam at the boba shop for three hours now. You promised Nia that you'd be home by nine to watch Law & Order: SVU with her and drink wine, being that you hadn't really spent much time with her lately.

Adam walked you to your apartment door and looked down at you, "I'm not going to kiss you, tonight—"

_Well fuck, you know how to make the ladies swoon godda—_

"—because if I do you'll end up at my apartment instead of yours," he finished.

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. THAT WAS HOT.

You squeezed your legs together and got wide eyed. You squawked out, "O-oh okay,"

Adam's hand reached up and touched your hair, just like he did that one time on your couch. He gripped a piece in his fingers and pulled down until it fell from his grasp. You were still frozen in time, just watching the way he looked at you. Adam's hand dropped to his side, "Goodnight," he said smiling.

"Goo-Goodnight, Adam," you stammered out. He made you so fucking disillusioned sometimes.

Adam walked down the street, into the darkness. You stood outside until you couldn't see him anymore, not because you were checking to see if he made it around the block okay, but because you just could _not_ fucking move. The tension in your body was about to make you explode.

You finally took a deep breath and went into your apartment. Nia was waiting on the couch for you, two wine glasses on the table. You made it home at exactly 9PM.

**Saturday, November 7th**

Lately, you had felt like a shitty friend to Nia so you wanted to make it up to her by spending the whole day with her doing whatever she wanted to do. This meant you'd probably get brunch or some shit like that. It was 10:02AM when you woke up and showered, afterward heading to Nia's room to see what she was up to.

When you walked in, Nia was still sleeping but, to your surprise, Thomas was sleeping next to her. He must have come over after you'd gone to bed.

Welp...looks like you were going to spend the day by yourself.

You took an Uber to the Target across the Hudson River and walked around for a few hours smelling candles, looking at the mud masks, and browsing the $5 or less section. This was your idea of a good day.

Afterward, you went to Starbucks and got an iced coffee with almond milk and banana nut bread then took an Uber right back home. This took up a good three and a half hours of your day and by the time you got back it was 2:30PM.

Nia and Thomas were sitting on the couch together watching the Bee Movie. When they saw you walk in, they abruptly paused it and stared at you.

"Uh...hi guys," you said nervously as you put your purse on the wall hook.

Thomas and Nia are still staring at you but smiling a little. It looked creepy as hell.

Nia finally spoke, "There's something we wanna talk to you about. Will you sit with us?"

_Bruh, what the fuck she better not be pregnant._

"...okay..." you said reluctantly and sat down in the chair near the couch.

Nia and Thomas looked at each other and then back at you, "Well," Nia started, "We are worried about you,"

_Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?_

She continued, "You're always in your room, out late, or seem to have your mind somewhere else. The other day I heard you come into the apartment at like 2AM. You never talk to us anymore. What is going on?"

Your jaw dropped.

"Uhmmmm, school is time-consuming and stressful. I've just been exhausted, that's all. It's not that big of a deal. Plus, you guys only hang out together and I don't really want to hang out with you when all you do is makeout. I wanted to spend the day with you Nia, but Thomas was here, as usual. I really don't care but don't come at me with that 'you never spend time with me' when you don't spend time with me, either,"

Your phone buzzed in your hand but you ignored it.

Thomas piped up, "Okay, so now we know you're stressed with school _and_ we know not to makeout when we all hang. We're good, right?" he looked at you and Nia.

You answered, " _I'm_ completely fine—"

Your phone buzzed again so you checked it. There were two notifications from two different local news stations.

Someone else had gone missing...

"See! You're always on your phone! You're never in the real world!" Nia was annoyed now but you didn't care. You had to read more.

Looking up at them, you sigh, "I need to go to my room for a sec, okay?"

As you got up, Nia said, "Of _course_ you're going to your room," Thomas told her to be quiet.

Shutting the door behind you, you ran to your desk and sat down. You opened your phone back up and scrolled through the article:

_Keith Moore, 22, is believed to be the 10th victim of the Frat Boy Finisher. Roommates of Moore said they hadn't seen him since Tuesday night (Nov. 3) but assumed he'd gone home. After his parents confirmed he was not at their home in Bristol, Connecticut, they reported him missing on Friday night (Nov.6). This story is still developing._

Your heart felt like it just dropped to the ground, your stomach now on a spinning carnival ride, and your brain on fire.

Tuesday.

Fucking.

Night.

The night you took a walk. The night you saw Adam outside of that apartment.

You had a realization.

It was him.

He was the Frat Boy Finisher.

You felt like you were going to vomit. Running out of your room, past Nia and Thomas, and into the restroom, you cradled the toilet and threw up. Your stomach was convulsing inside of you and you had no choice but to take it. Nia ran in and started to hold your hair out of your face. You started to cry.

"Wh-what's wrong??" Nia asked frantically as she gripped your hair and put her hand on your shoulder. Thomas started to make his way in when Nia told him to get out.

After a good thirty seconds of more puking, you told Nia to back up so you could wash your face in the sink. As you were brushing your teeth, Nia begged you to tell her what was wrong. You felt terrible about it but you had to lie.

"Nia, I think I'm just sick. I must have eaten something bad or...I don't know," you looked at Nia with big eyes, "I promise I'm okay...about _everything_ , okay?"

She pursed her lips. You could tell she didn't believe you. She nodded anyway and took your face in her hands, gripping each side of your face, "I love you,"

_Nia is such a good friend._

"I love you, too. Now please get out because I need to take another shower," you laugh.

While showering, you went back to the sinking feeling you had from before. You sat on the tub floor and put your knees up to your chest, letting the hot water hit your back. Soon, you got lost in thought. Adam was the Frat Boy Finisher, you knew that. So...what now?

On one hand, you wanted to stay as far away from his as possible. He was a _murderer_. Well, technically no one could say 'murderer' because no bodies had been found but...everyone just assumed. As far as you were concerned, he was a murderer.

On the other hand, you kind of _liked_ the Frat Boy Finisher before you found out it was Adam. He was getting rid of the _real_ bad guys. While the university just sat on the paperwork and never punished these guys, Adam was making them pay for what they did, even if it meant murder.

Not to mention the fact that you were completely bewitched, obsessed, infatuated, in love, _whatever_ you wanted to call it, with him.

_So...what now?_

The question rung in your head as you sat under the warm water that slowly started to go cold. You sat there for a few more minutes until you finally got out of the shower. You dried off and wrapped a towel over yourself before heading back to your room. Toweling off your hair, you put on leggings, a sweatshirt, and sneakers and sat at your desk. You grabbed your diary and wrote in it.

_Nov. 7_

_I'm about to do something really stupid. Like, so fucking stupid. I'll probably be an idiot for this but I've made up my mind. I hope future me doesn't regret this. (Love you future me)._

Closing your diary, you leave your room, call out to Nia and Thomas you're going out for a while, and exit your apartment before Nia can try to stop you. As you walked outside, you took out your phone and went to the university's website, logged in, and went for the student directory.

 **First Name:** _ Adam _

**Last Name:** _ Driver _

You pressed search and BOOM his address was right in front of you.

The next thing you knew, you were at his apartment.

Your fingers lingered over the buzzers. Anxiety engulfed you and second thoughts were taking over. What if this was the wrong thing to do? What if you were making the wrong choice? You put your hand back at your side and exhaled weakly. This was stupid.

_I need to just go home._

Spinning around, you walk down the three stairs and look up at the street ahead of you. Adam was standing there, shirtless and sweating. He was just getting home.

Fuck.

Well, there was no going back now.

"Hi," Adam smiled as he walked toward you, "What are you doing here?" he was out of breath.

Your face froze as you thought of something to say, "Errr, I uh just wanted to come say hi and...hang out. Did you just go for a run shirtless and in shorts in November?"

He grinned, "Yea," and started to unlock the main apartment door. The two of you walked into the building and up a flight of stairs.

As he unlocked his door, you stood close to him and couldn't help but admire his arms. They were the perfect amount of muscular and were slick with sweat.

You felt like there was a little angel and devil on each of your shoulders.

_He kills people._

_\- But...but he kills BAD people._

_He still kills people, though._

_\- So?_

You were fully having an argument in your own head. You felt insane.

Adam lets you in his apartment. It's quite big for an apartment in the city, especially since he lives here alone. He's still a little out of breath from his run, so he fills two glasses with water, slides one to you, and starts chugging the other. You take off your shoes and sweatshirt, toss it on the counter, and grab the water.

"Thanks," you say, taking a sip and looking around, "Where's your dog?"

"Moose? He's at the groomer for a few hours," he replies, leaving the kitchen area and going to the living room. He lays down on the floor and puts his hands behind his head, trying to cool off.

"Ah, okay," you walk over and sit on his couch, next to him on the floor. As he lies there, his shorts are tightly draped over him, outlining his bulge. A fluttering feeling takes over your insides and your breath hitches. Adam notices your gaze and looks at you intensely. His lips start to part.

You get a terrible idea in your head.

Taking another drink of water you continue, "How long did you run for?"

"Five miles," he sat up on his elbows, looking at you with the crazy eyes.

You set your cup down and got on the floor, knees and palms pressing against the wood. You were right next to Adam's hips.

"Sounds tiring," you replied in a throaty voice as you slowly crawled over and straddled him. Adam gulped and tried to speak but he couldn't make a sound. You had him right where you wanted him.

His hands connected to your waist instantly and he was holding you tightly. You leaned forward and slowly planted your lips on his. Feeling him inhale sharply and try to kiss you harder, you pulled out of the kiss but kept your lips nearly touching his, "Tsk, tsk, tsk. You can't have me so easily, Adam,"

You maneuvered your hips down and barely grazed between your legs against his hard cock that was pressing against the thin shorts he was wearing. Adam's mouth opened slightly and his eyebrows rose. He gripped your waist firmly and pressed you aggressively on him again. Adam leaned forward and kissed you like his life depended on it.

Pulling back again, you commanded, "Lie down," Adam looked confused but did as you said. You continued once he was on his back, you still on top of him, "Hands under your head,"

Adam furrowed his eyebrows, clearly not on board with this but you didn't care. You repeated, " _Hands. Under. Your. Head. Now. Adam_ ," He reluctantly did as you said, placing his hands under his head. You smirked for a moment, still sitting upright, then got serious again.

You placed your hands at his shorts, taking the waistband in your fingertips just like he did to you on his desk once. Moving your right hand inside of his shorts, you stopped halfway then pulled out. Adam inhaled sharply, definitely wanting you to touch him. You took your fingers out of the waistband and set your hands, palms down, on his lower stomach. Working your way up to his chest, you drug your hands on him, feeling his sweat work between the ridges of your finger and palm prints. Underneath you, he was continuing to get harder and building in firmness against you. It made you throb.

Once you reached his shoulders, you leaned down and began to kiss his neck. He was stiff under you, probably never letting a girl take control...but you were special. _Different._

Moving away from his neck, you put your face over his and slowly pressed your hands over his arms as you went from his biceps to his wrists, never breaking eye contact.

When you reached his wrists, you squeezed tightly, pinning him to the floor. You then shifted your legs, moving your calves under his thighs so when you sat back down on him, he was locked in your leg grip. Adam winced and his eyes went from horny to slightly frightened. With his wrists still bound by your tight grip, you backed away from his face slightly.

"Wh—" Adam tried to speak but you cut him off.

"I know about you," you say softly.

He starts to breathe harder than he was before and his eye does that little twitch, "You know _what_?"

Your heart is pounding out of your chest when you reply, "I know what you do...what you do at night. I _know_ about you, Adam,"

His pupils dilated until his eyes were no longer hazel, just black. Adam didn't respond so you tried to study his face to get a glimpse of what he was thinking, but you got nothing. Suddenly, your whole body was whipped to the left and you ended up on your back against the floor. Adam had flipped you over and was now pinning you to the ground in the same way you did to him. His grip was strong against your wrists and your legs were useless. You began to breathe quickly, your chest rising and falling against his as he pressed against you.

"What do I do at night, exactly?" Adam's eyes were burning through you it felt like.

You took a moment, then lifted your head slightly to get closer to his face before whispering, "You kill those men,"

"Are you scared?" he asked as his eye twitched again.

Without missing a beat, you reply, "No,"

Both of you are breathing hard now, not letting go of eye contact. His cock is still hard as it accidentally grazes your upper inner thigh. You start to breathe harder as you feel yourself flutter with his touch.

Adam smirks, "You know what I do and your body still wants me?" his voice is raspy, you can tell he wants you just as bad. You don't reply, just push your inner thigh on him purposefully.

You couldn't help it. You wanted him now, more than ever. You wanted him deep, deep in you. Did that make you fucked up? Maybe.

Lifting your head up again, you kiss Adam aggressively. He quickly unpins your wrists and takes the bottom of your shirt and pushes it up over your chest, through your arms, and over your head. He balls it up and throws it across the room before leaning down and kissing you again. His hands travel all around your body, getting acquainted with it. You dig your fingers in the back of his head and twist through his hair. His tongue flicks against yours and it feels like he can't get close enough as you pull him against you harder. As you kiss him, you can taste the sweat on his upper lip entangle in your kiss.

Adam pulls away and falls back on his knees, between your legs. He takes your leggings and drags them off of you, throwing them in a different direction than your shirt. You have no fucken clue where your clothes are and you don't care.

You reach up and grab Adam by the nape of his neck and tug him back down to you, kissing him like you need it to survive. Adam's hand lingers to your inner thigh, just next to your panties, and he squeezes your leg, leaving you moaning in his mouth.

Adam moves from your lips to your neck, sucking and biting it. Your hands gravitate toward his cock and the sheer length of it in your hands sends electricity through your body. Adam moans against your neck then faces you, positioning his hands behind your back and pulling you up with him. As your standing up, Adam bends over, grabs your legs, and throws you over his shoulder. Honestly, you thought you'd be too heavy for a man to ever do this to you but Adam was so fucking strong you felt like a feather while you were being carried to his room.

Adam threw you on his bed. You squirmed backward and sat up with your elbows. Adam was at the bottom of the bed, his eyes narrowed in on you. _Crazy eyes._ He climbed on the bed and crawled on top of you, your legs instinctively wrapping around him. You grabbed him again and pulled him close, kissing him. Adam pulled you up slightly and unhooked your bra, taking it off of you without breaking the heated kiss. He tossed it to the side and as far as you were concerned, you may never see it again.

He cupped your breasts and moved his mouth down to your nipples, kissing them, then flicking them with his tongue. You grew wet and began to whimper in pleasure as he moved from one to the other. Your lower back curved up, making your hips dip into the bed, telling him you were ready for more.

Adam pulled away and made his way back up to your mouth, kissing you there. Your hands found his shorts and you began to tug them down, exposing his huge, pulsing cock. He threw his shorts on the ground and looked at you like you were his prey. Similar to the night on his desk, Adam dipped his face to your lower stomach, took your panties in his teeth, and pulled them completely off of you. He kissed your inner thighs, sucking on each one, and was about to satisfy you with his tongue until you begged, "Adam, p-please,"

He knew what that meant.

His eyes darkened as he came back to your face, gave you a small kiss on the lips, then reached passed you to his bedside table. He grabbed a condom from the drawer, ripped the gold paper with his teeth, then pulled it over his cock.

Adam was on his knees looking down at you. His voice shaking, he asked, "Do you know how many times I've imagined you like this?"

His hungry eyes made you ache for him, "A-Adam," you moaned as he rubbed your thighs again, "Pleeaaase," you begged.

He leaned down and positioned himself in-between your legs, "Please, what?"

"Adam, fuck me, p-please," you breathed.

His forehead leaned on yours as he adjusted himself, then slowly entered you. Your eyes squeeze shut as your pussy adapts to his enormous length. He take the first pumps slowly, then starts to increase pace when the two of you develop a rhythm against each other. Adam rolls his hips back and forth, going in and out of you in a skilled motion. Soon, he moves faster until the sounds leaving your mouth didn't sound human anymore.

"I fit—aah, perfectly in you," Adam grunted, "Tell me you're my perfect girl,"

Your pussy clenched around him as you repeated, "Mmm, I'm your perfect girl, Adam—ahh," you whimpered.

Adam took your left leg and slid it over his shoulder to fuck you from another angle. He was somehow deeper inside of you and possibly literally rearranging your guts. You felt a building feeling in your core that was getting stronger with each stroke and grunt of Adam's. Your whole body was squeezing around him and your legs numbed. You took his face in your hands and sobbed, "A-Adam, I-I'm—" was all you could get out before you unraveled underneath him. He moved your leg and hovered over you again, your nails going directly to his back as you clawed him.

He was still moving in and out of you when you felt yourself start to recover and move in a rhythm with him again. Adam's eyes started to hood and his eyebrows lifted, telling you he was about to come. He pumped in and out of you a few more times until he rested his temple onto yours and came, letting out a few "FUCK,"s.

You were both breathing fast and hard against each other for a few moments as he remained on top of you. He took a deep breath and said in your ear, voice raw, "Good girl,"

He slipped out of you, threw the condom away, and pulled on his shorts while you went to the restroom and put on a t-shirt of his. Your hair was wild but you didn't give a fuck. You just had sex with Adam.

After you put on his shirt, he was still breathing a bit hard, but laying down in the bed with open arms, wanting you to cuddle into his embrace. This was the first time you'd ever been held by Adam and it was glorious. The two of you slept for hours.


	8. chapter seven: a favor.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW – mention of sexual assault in slight detail. I will put another warning before the paragraph that it is included in so if you need to skip, please feel free to do so. Love you.

**Sunday, November 8th**

Waking up Sunday felt like heaven. You brought the covers up, tucking them under your chin, and scooted further into Adam's body that was spooning you. His nose nestled in your hair and you felt him breathing onto your scalp, "Are you awake?" he asked, his voice was sleepy and beautiful against your head.

"Mhm," you reply with your eyes still closed, wanting to savor this exact feeling of being held, being warm, smelling Adam's manly scent against his blanket, and feeling a little sore from yesterday. After all, his dick was huge and he _did_ keep you up the rest of the night after you woke up from the first nap.

Adam brushing his hand over your hair to move it off of your neck and kissed on you there, "Shower?"

"Mmm," you reply softly. After you stretched for a second, you jumped up from the bed and walked to the bathroom. Adam meets you there and goes through one of his cabinets and hands you an unopened toothbrush package, "Thank ya," you say as you open it up.

You and Adam brush your teeth, then get in the shower together. The hot water hits your back as you wet your hair. Trading Adam spots, you watch him as he does the same. He looked so sweet. _So kind_. This moment felt perfect. You weren't sure how long it'd last, though. It seemed like you and Adam fought every ten minutes about some shit that wouldn't matter at the end of the day. Not only that, but you had yet to actually discuss his...activities. That seemed like an important thing to bring up sometime.

What did this mean for you? What did this mean for you and _him?_ Would he ever stop?

_Would he ever kill me?_

"What's up?" Adam asked as he was waving his hand over your face. You had no clue you were lost in thought for that long.

You nibbled at your lip then blurted, "So...what? Do you just like to kill??"

Adam's eyebrows raised in slight shock at your random question.

_God, I really need to learn self-control._

"I uh...It's something like that. Better to do it on those who deserve it, I think," he said as he reached for the shampoo. He gathered some in his hands and lathered it onto your hair. No one had ever washed your hair passed the age of five before. It was comforting.

He continued, "That's a conversation for another time,"

You looked disappointed but accepted it, "Okayyyy," you paused and continued, "Did you follow me to the museum that one time a few weeks ago?"

Still moving his hands in your hair, he answered, "Yes," and placed you under the showerhead to rinse off.

As water ran over your face, you asked, "Why?"

"Like I've said before, I was intrigued by you. I followed you a few times just to make sure you were safe," he replied, putting shampoo in his hands.

"Wait! Lemme do it," you took the crème from his hands and pushed it into yours. Standing on your toes, you rubbed it in his hair. Your arms started to get tired and you weren't even fucking tall enough to coat the top of his head, so you gave up and let him do the rest.

Moving to let him have the water, you continued, "Sooo, did you follow me that one night when I got pizza and those gross dudes were following me?"

Adam laughed, "Ha, no, not that night. That was just luck,"

"But...you _did_ kill someone that night...right?" you ask, looking at the ground.

Sighing, Adam answered, "Yes,"

You looked up at him, "So you _do_ really kill them, then?" you almost sounded sad. It's not that you really gave a fuck about those guys or that someone killed them, but it was more that you knew that _he_ did it. What does that change, though? Should it change _anything?_

Adam's face became serious, "Yes. No more questions, please," he said as he leaned down and kissed your forehead.

When you got out of the shower and toweled off, you went on a little hunt for your clothes that were scattered around the apartment.

"Uh, this is like...our little thing, right? I really don't want the whole psych department to get weird," you explain as you dress.

Adam was getting dressed next to you, then abruptly stopped. He looked at you with the crazy eyes and took your chin in his hand, making you stop and look at him, "You're mine now. They don't have to know, but I need _you_ to. You're mine," his eyes darkened and you felt your heart beat a little faster. He was scaring you a bit.

Slapping his hand away, you finished putting on your sweatshirt, "Adam, I'm not anyone's. I'm only my own," you say quietly.

It got kind of awkward after that. You could tell he wanted to grab you again and let you know you were his but...he didn't. He just stood there silently.

"I'll uh, see you later. I should get home to Nia," He didn't say a word as you slipped on your shoes and left. Your legs felt like jelly as you walked home. 

You fuckin' knew something would go wrong. He'd ruin the nice moment or you would. And it fucking happened. Of course it did. Maybe the two of you were just too toxic for each other. One of you had to possessive, or demanding, or stubborn, or annoyed at the other. It made for wonderful tension but...fuck. Your personalities clicked in the good moments but clashed _hard_ in the bad. After fifteen minutes of walking later, you were home.

You stood outside of your apartment ridden with anxiety. You really did not want to walk through that door. You knew Nia would be on the other end, worried fuckin' sick, probably. Taking a deep breath, you turned the handle and walked in. Just as you thought, Nia was sitting on the couch, arms crossed, waiting for you to get there.

As you shut the door behind you, you started, "Heyyyyy, Ni—"

"Don't 'Heyyyy, Nia' me," she stood up, furious, "Where the _fuck_ have you been? You've been acting crazy and I told you that yesterday! Then, you just _leave_ after you _puke_ and don't come back for a full. fucking. day. WHAT THE FUCK!" she was yelling now.

She would never understand the situation you were in, nor would you ever fucking tell her, so you had to sort-of lie, "Nia. I'm sorry that you were worried," you started to walk toward her, "Look, honestly," _you weren't being honest_ , "Over the past few weeks, I've been...well, I've been seeing someone who I'm not supposed to be seeing,"

Technically that was a lie but there was a teensy, little baby sliver of truth, so you figured it would set okay on your conscious.

Nia's eyes widened and her mouth opened, "A secret _love_???"

_Jesus, she eats this shit up._

"Mhm," you reply, "I really can't tell anyone so can we keep this between us? No telling Thomas," your eyes pierced hers.

Nia got serious, "Yes, you can trust me. No Thomas, got it...Who is it??"

"Uhm,"

_Think of something._

"My uh-"

_Come on._

"It's my priest," you blurt.

_WHAT THE FUCK_

_OH MY GOD_

_I DON'T EVEN GO TO FUCKING CHURCH WHAT AM I THINKING???_

Nia looked horrified, "You go to church? I knew you grew up Catholic but...you believe in that now?? I mean, whatever floats your boat,"

You give her an awkward smile, "Hehe, yea, uhuh. Church. Hah. Anyway, me seeing anyone at _all_ stays between us. Okay?"

"Okay, yea. So...you've been sneaking around with your, uh...priest?" she cringed at the word.

"Mhm," you look around the room uncomfortably, "Can we just...get takeout and never bring this up again?"

Nia smiled, "Yes to takeout and no to never bringing it up again. I'm gonna ask you about this every single Sunday you little sinner,"

_Jesus Christ. I already regret this dumb fucking lie. Am I going to have to actually start going to church now? Oh God, how am I gonna get outta this one?_

The rest of the night consisted of you and Nia getting Chinese and watching _American Psycho_. It was a good fucking weekend in your book.

**Monday, November 9th**

Fuckin' boring day. You didn't get to see Adam because you were too busy with homework and Nia practically begged you to have a study day with her.

**Tuesday, November 10th**

As you walked to campus with Nia, the cold air nipped at your nose. You huddled under your coat, completely miserable. It was a foggy day that you knew already going to suck ass. There was something you needed from Thomas, something _important._ You just had to work up the courage to ask. You knew there'd be questions, so you prepared for it. 

You and Nia parted ways as you made your way to Schermerhorn Hall. A sinking feeling took over your stomach as you walked into your behavioral neuroscience class and sat down next to Thomas, "Hey," you greeted him.

"Hey, how are you?" he asked.

"Fine. Why? Did Nia say something?" as the words left your lips you realized how dramatic you sounded.

Thomas furrowed his eyebrows, "Uh, no. Just asking how you are,"

You bit your lip and tried to save yourself, "Ha, sorry. I've had a lot of coffee so I'm just feeling a bit neurotic,"

The professor started class and you breathed a sigh of relief.

_God, I'm going actually insane._

You couldn't pay attention during the whole class. From start to finish, your leg bounced on the floor and your pen tapped against your computer. You were so fucking nervous. You weren't exactly nervous about asking Thomas...you were nervous about _what_ you were asking from him and more specifically, what you'd have to relive when you asked him. The sheer thought of it made you feel sick.

When class was over, you decided to go for it, "Hey, Thomas. You uh—you can like...hack shit, right? Like computers and stuff?"

He grinned widely, "Yea, whatcha need?? I'm your guy," he replied.

"A favor. I need you to hack into the school's stuff. There's a document I need deleted from their records. Can you help?" you look up at him in desperation.

Thomas pursed his lips, "It's really tricky to hack into university shit. I can do it technically...what's it for?"

You looked at your shoes and fidgeted your fingers. It felt like a ton of rocks just landed on you and were squeezing you, "Uhm...well," your breathing got fast and shallow, "I—uh...It's a Title IX file that I-I need gone," you didn't realize you were completely hyperventilating now in the empty auditorium with Thomas.

"Hey, hey, hey, breathe. Come on, sit down," Thomas said as he grabbed your shoulders and put you in a seat. As his hands were on your shoulders, he looked into your eyes, demanding your focus, "Hey, hey, hey, okay let's breathe okay? In four through your mouth, out six through your nose,"

You look at him and nod but it felt like there wasn't a breathing exercise on Earth that could help you right now. Your eyes welled up with tears. This was the first time you felt _those_ in a while.

Thomas began to snap his fingers, "In,"

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

"Out,"

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

"In,"

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

"Out,"

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

_Snap_

Thomas did this with you a few more times until you'd gone back to breathing normally. You stared at your hands in your lap until Thomas broke the silence, "You shouldn't go to the rest of your classes today. Come back to my apartment with me and we can delete those files and talk, okay? I can skip adaptive psych with Adam. I don't do shit in that class anyway for him," He was trying to be funny and let out an awkward laugh. It made you cringe a little.

"Okay," you said softly, still looking at your hands.

When you got to Thomas' apartment, the two of you sat on his couch as you sipped on water. He opened his laptop and started doing tech shit with it.

"Soooo," he said while typing vigorously, "You need Title IX records?"

"Mhm," you reply.

Thomas looks at you, "Anything to do with the Frat Boy Finisher?"

You tense up. It had _everything_ to do with the Frat Boy Finisher.

"Mhm," you reply again before taking another sip of water.

Thomas turned his body toward you, "Why am I deleting a record for you?"

Silence.

You debated telling Thomas. You didn't want him to tell Nia. You also didn't want Thomas to know at all. _No one knew._

Figuring you had to tell him in order for him to do this for you, you began, "Uhm, well...I uh have a report in there...from when I was a freshman," you felt your hands shake, "I filed it against someone and uh...I just don't want the Frat Boy Finisher to kill the guy I reported,"

_Lie._

You didn't give a fuck if Adam tore the guy to shreds.

You just didn't want Adam to know this happened to you.

**TW: Sexual Assault in Minor Details**

You didn't want him to read the report of you getting taken advantage of while drunk at a party. You didn't want him to see in your handwriting and in your _own fucking words_ that you were locked in a room with someone you thought was a friend. You didn't want him to know about the ways in which your 'friend' hit you, grabbed you, and touched you. You didn't want him to see the details of you screaming for help, kicking and scratching the 'friend' who was on top of you. You didn't want him to see the photos that the university's health clinic took of you.

You didn't want him to see.

_To know._

Not him.

Not Nia.

Not anyone.

And for the past three years, no one knew unless they needed to.

Thomas didn't say anything. He didn't ask you why you wanted to defend your attacker from the serial kidnapper or what happened. He just worked on his computer for a few minutes as you sat there in silence.

"Done," Thomas said softly.

You left Thomas' apartment and went back to your own. When you got inside, it was like nothing had ever happened. That's what you were good at.

Nia wasn't home yet, so you spent most of the rest of the day on the couch watching the Great British Baking Show alone, eating Cheez-Its. After the emotionally exhausting day you had, you just wanted to watch your favorite shit and eat your goddamn snacks. You fell asleep on the couch like a fuckin' loser around 5:30PM only to be woken up later by the delightful sounds on banging on your door.

You shook awake and tiptoed to the door, looking out of the peephole.

Adam.

Quickly unlocking it, you open the door, "Hi," you stood there surprised.

Adam barged in and yelled, "Where have you been?? I've been calling and texting you! You're missing the department meeting. I came as soon as I saw you weren't there,"

_Shit. The department meeting._

"Fuuuuuuuccckkkk, I fell asleep. You didn't have to come here, I'm sorry!" you exclaim as you walk toward him.

He squinted his eyes in confusion, "Yes, I did. You weren't answering your phone. Of course I had to come check on you!" he inspected you further, "You look like shit. Are you okay?" he asked, putting his hands on your shoulders. He seemed to get protective all of a sudden, as if the moment you said that you weren't okay he would absolutely destroy the Earth to make you feel better again.

He meant no harm but damn getting told you look like shit doesn't feel great. But then again, you really _did_ look like shit. You were wearing some old black sweatpants, a huge t-shirt with holes that said 'World's Greatest D.A.D.' ( **D** aughter **A** fter **D** ivorce was in small print underneath it. Your dad thought it was hilarious, your mom didn't think so, though), your hair was up in a bun that looked more like a bird's nest, and your eyes had mascara stains all around them. You looked like a motherfucking shitshow.

"I'm uh, fine. I just needed a good nap, is all," you said as you crossed your arms, subconsciously putting up a barrier between the two of you.

Adam leaned down to get your attention, "Thomas told me you skipped your classes for today,"

_Fuckin' Thomas._

Sighing, you reply, "Yea, I did. Well, I went to the first one but...yea I skipped the rest. Please don't lecture me or some shit. I just wanted the rest of the day off,"

"You don't look okay," he said softly, like he cared.

You pursed your lips, "I'm fine, really,"

Your Apple Watch buzzed and you saw Nia texted you that she'd be spending the night at Thomas'. Perfect.

"Hey, what are you doing for the rest of the evening?" you ask Adam.

Adam didn't miss a beat, "Whatever you need me to do,"

Your heart was about to combust.

"Will you uh—hang out with me? Like can we watch something...or really anything? I don't want to be alone tonight and...I like you so you'll do," you punch his arm softly.

Adam punches you softly back, "I like you, too...so, yes,"

It was like that weird moment at his apartment on Sunday was all in the past. It suddenly felt so normal to be with him. You and Adam laid in your bed and watched Rick and Morty for a while. After a few episodes, he paused it and looked down at you. Raising your head off of his chest, you asked him what was up.

"I have to leave on Thursday for a conference in Seattle. I'll be gone for a week,"

Sadness took over your face. You didn't want him to leave. You wanted him to stay here in your bed watching this dumb ass show forever. All you managed to respond with was, "Oh,"

He seemed to get a little nervous when he continued, "I was wondering, though, if you're going home for Thanksgiving?"

"No, I never go home. Flights are too expensive to stay there for just a few days. Why?" you ask.

_Is...is he about to..._

Adam big eyes looked into yours as he spoke, "I don't go home either. So...so I was wondering if you uhm—I was wondering if you wanted to spend it with me somewhere, an AirBnB a few hours from here, maybe. We could get away from the city for a few days,"

There was nothing more you wanted than to do that.

Because you were silent for a moment, he awkwardly continued, "I uh, just want to spend more time with uh, with you. I want to see about us, y-you know? I like you very much," Adam was looking everywhere but your eyes.

"Uhm, yes can we please do that?" you laugh.

Adam gave a little, "Mhm," and kissed you softly.

You turned back on Rick and Morty and fell asleep on Adam's chest. You could have died right there and lived a happy life.

**Wednesday, November 11th**

The next morning, Adam was gone but he left you a small note on your dresser. As you went to look at it, you couldn't help but think that he was the dorkiest fuckin' person you knew. A flip phone? Leaving paper notes? God, it was cute.

_Stop by._

_\- Adam._

Why the fuck did he need a whole ass piece of paper to tell you to stop by and see him? Who fuckin' knows and who fuckin' cares? You tucked the piece of paper in your little shoebox of memories under your bed.

You finished up your classes for the day around 1:15PM and headed downstairs to the basement of Schermerhorn Hall. It was still as scary and dark as before but there were loads of people walking around, probably meeting with other professors. You came across his office and knocked. Adam swiftly opened the door and let you inside, shutting it behind you.

"Hellooooo, Adam," you playfully say before kissing him on the cheek, "I'm here...stopping bye as you requested from your note. By the way, you can always text me, ya know," you leaned back on his desk. Adam pulled you up onto it and stepped between your legs, "Oh, uh, haha," you awkwardly laughed, surprised at his forwardness.

Adam dipped his head to your neck and pecked you with a kiss before facing you again, "I don't want to leave tomorrow," he sighed.

"I don't want you to leave tomorrow, either. I also know, though, if you stayed then I wouldn't get any of my readings done and I have exams coming up...sooooo you have to go," you felt your eyes get all sparkly as you looked at him.

He groaned in frustration and buried his head in your chest. You run your fingers through his black hair and rub his scalp. He was being just the cutest.

Standing up straight again, Adam had a lazy smile on his face and his hair was wonky. You reached up to fix it and as you made his hair normal again, he begged with an over exaggerated pouty face, "Come over tonight. Please. I want to see you before I go,"

You put your hands on his shoulders and smile, "But you're seeing me _now_. Why would _possibly_ want to see me tonight??"

Adam rests his forehead on yours, "I want to see you _in my bed_ ,"

"Well then," smiling, you softly push him away from you and get up off the desk, "You better get to your class. I'll see you tonight,"

\--

You walked into his apartment that night around 7:30PM looking hot as shit. Deciding to really go all out, you showered, shaved (shocker), brushed your hair (bigger shocker), and put on a little more mascara than normal. Okay...it's not much but this was way fucking more than you'd normally do for other guys.

But Adam wasn't just any other normal guy, was he?

When Adam saw you, he was slightly in shock. You were actually wearing cute clothes and not a big t-shirt and leggings?? Whhhaaattt???

"Hellooooo," you greeted him as you stepped in the door.

His lips parted slightly, still trying to figure out if you were an alien clone that landed on Earth and kidnapped your real self who was in some basement somewhere looking like how you normally look: like human garbage.

"No staring, please. I already get that all the time from my other male suitors, clearly," you joke as you make your way to his living area.

Adam ran toward you and grabbed you at the waist, pulling you into his bedroom, "No no no no no no, I'm taking you in here right now. Fuck," he muttered.

_I'm really about to get the daylights pounded out of me. Alright. Carry on._

He shoved you into his room and onto his bed. Adam crawled over you and started to practically rip your clothes off, dipping down to kiss you aggressively while simultaneously throwing articles of clothing about the room. You pulled at his shirt and tugged it off of him. Adam stood, kicked off his shorts, and made his way in-between your legs.

Adam kissed your calves and worked his way to your inner thighs. Your breathing was getting faster as he bit and sucked on you. He finally reached your pussy and gave a stroke of your clit with his nose.

"Ffffuck, Adam," you whined, grabbing his hair.

You felt his wet tongue flick against you, finally. Your back arched and your grip on his hair became tighter. Your moans got louder with each stroke of his tongue against you.

"You're so fucking wet," he breathed against you, leaving cold air hitting your clit, "All for me,"

You couldn't think or speak, the feeling was too fucking much. The only thing you could get out was an, "Mhm," that turned into a moan.

He swiped his tongue over you so perfectly a few more times until he stopped and inched over you. You were breathing hard and fast in desperation for him to fuck you, but he just hovered over you and began kissing your neck.

You decided you needed in now, _your way_. Commanding him to lay on his back, you got up and straddled him around his shins, leaned forward and grabbed at his boxers, pulling them down. Adam sat up and reached around you to pull them completely off and kicked them to the floor. He then grabbed another condom from his bedside table and pulled it over his cock.

Adam tried to pull you closer to him but you had other plans. Putting your hands on his shoulders, you pushed him on the bed. He looked surprised but gave you a smile, letting you know it was okay to continue.

Positioning yourself over him, you let his tip touch your pussy but stopped there. You commanded, "Tell me how bad you want me, Adam," He was breathing heavily and looked like he'd explode right there in front of you.

"F-fuck, I want you so bad. I want you to fuck me n- _now_ ," Adam croaked.

You cracked a smile and grabbed his cock in your hand, dipping your hips onto it. As you lowered yourself and let his cock enter you, Adam's face tensed and his eyebrows knitted. He tried to sit up and hold you against him as you went up and down on him, but you pushed him back down again.

"Stay. Down," you ordered, panting. Leaning over him, your hands pressed into the bed above his shoulders. He grabbed your hips to get a better hold of you and began to find rhythm in your movements. Adam sat up slightly and started to kiss your sternum, burying his face between your tits. You enjoyed it for a few seconds, then pushed him back down on the bed.

Your hands grasped at his upper neck, "Tell—Tell me, ah, you'd kill for me, Adam,"

Suddenly, Adam gripped your wrists and forced you off of him. He let go of your wrists and moved to your waist, taking it in his big hands and shoving you to your hands and knees on the bed as he positioned himself behind you. Adam entered you and your pussy clenched around him as he fucked you at this perfect angle.

"Ohh, fuckkkk," you sobbed as he rapidly pounded into you.

Adam lowered himself over you and grunted, "I'd kill the w-whole fucking world for you,"

He straightened his back and grabbed your hair, pulling it, leaving your head cocked up. The sound of moaning, rapid breathing, and skin slapping filled the room. You felt your eyes start to roll into the back of your head and your legs get weak. Your loud moans turned into sobs as you came around his cock.

Adam pulled out of you and trashed the condom quickly. You laid on your back panting, as he started to aggressively stroke himself over you. His veins were popping out of his neck and his eyes darted from you to the headboard as he yelled, "F-F-F-FFUUCKKKK," and came on your chest.

He collapsed onto his back next to you and worked to catch his breath. As you were both lying there, you could only think about how fucking excited you were for Thanksgiving break.


	9. chapter eight: my favorite.

**Wednesday, November 18th**

Adam had been gone for a week now. You expected to miss him more than you actually did, but you were so fucking busy with exams before the break that you really didn't have much time to think about him. You shot him a quick text, asking when he'd get back into the city.

You felt a sigh of relief when he responded. Him coming back meant you being closer to finishing exams _and_ being closer to this Thanksgiving/AirBnB situation. You desperately wanted a break from school, your graduate school applications, and quite honestly...Nia.

For the past week, she'd been nonstop bugging you about your 'mystery priest'. You really regretted creating such a fucking bad lie. Once you mentioned you were spending the break with him, she flipped the fuck out.

"I can't believe you're going on a trip with your priest!! Your life is literally insane, hand it over," she said excitedly sometime last week.

Nia was a romantic of sorts. She kept making comments to you about how your 'priest' would quit the Church for you, run away to some other country, and live the rest of your days there. If only, girl. She had no fucking clue how much more complex it was.

Once you were finished with classes for the day, you and Nia decided to chill on the couch and watch Forensic Files. Wine and popcorn in hand, you were having a really great night. That was, until she brought up the Frat Boy Finisher.

In the middle of an episode about a guy who killed female students on a college campus, Nia started letting you know just how she felt about your own campus killer, "I just think that it's awful what the Frat Boy Finisher person does, ya know? Like, they have no right to do that. Are they Batman? No," she laughed then continued, "I mean, at least they haven't taken anyone in like two weeks but still," she said, her eyes still glued on the screen.

You rolled your eyes and looked at her, "Nia, you're telling me you don't believe a single thing the Frat Boy Finisher does is good at all? You'd be willing to tell that to the girls who's attackers got killed?"

You felt kind of bad about popping off on her. Were you being too defensive of your boyf—wait what even the fuck was he? Secret boyfriend? Friend? Whatever. You couldn't tell if you were being defensive for him, defending yourself because you could very much be included in that group of girls, or were you just being a straight up bitch to Nia for no reason?

Nia paused the show and sat crisscross on the couch, facing you, "I just don't think he has the right to do it, is all,"

She didn't get it. She didn't fucking get it and it broke your heart.

"You wouldn't want someone to do the same for you?" you ask, sadness washing over your face.

Nia thought for a moment, "Well...something like that has never happened to me, but for now I'd say no, I wouldn't want someone to take that matter into their hands," the room was quiet until she asked the question you were dreading, "Has that ever happened to you?"

You started to nervously twist your fingers around each other, staring at them. This was the last thing you wanted to tell her, but you needed her to understand. _For you_. Heart pounding, you replied, "Yea, Nia," you looked up at her, her eyes were now wide as ever, "And yea, I'd want the same for me,"

She sat there, not knowing what to say. You didn't really blame her, though. What's the correct response? 'I'm sorry'? 'That's awful'? 'Why didn't you tell me'? Nothing really seemed to apply and she knew how much you hated when people talked to you like that. ' _I'm sorry'_? Shittiest response to anything, ever.

Nia finally spoke, "Someone did that to you?" her voice was in a hushed whisper.

You reluctantly nodded.

"You're right. I _do_ want whoever did that to you dead," Nia said, still speaking softly. Her eyes were brimmed with tears and she leaned forward to grab your hands, "I just...didn't know,"

"You shouldn't have to directly know someone who's gone through that to empathize with them, Nia," you say directly.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," tears fell from her face and she lunged forward and started hugging you. Her hug felt like it was more for her than you. That was okay, though. She probably needed this. You hugged her back.

The rest of the night with Nia was normal. She didn't bring it up again, much to your surprise. She was the type of person to insist on knowing each detail about literally anything. You could be going to the grocery store and she'd ask about each aisle you walked down. But, alas, tonight she didn't and you were grateful.

**Thursday, November 19th**

Today was shit. It was rainy and you got splashed with water from a car that passed you on the street, you had two tests, and your phone charger broke. You really wanted to just peace out of this whole fuckin' day.

You knew you'd see Adam tomorrow, and that made your day slightly better.

**Friday, November 20th**

You had another test today that you were pretty sure you failed. It didn't really matter to you, though. You were itching to be done with school and have a week off. The excitement made your legs bounce up and down during all of your classes.

When you were finally done with classes, you fast-walked home and packed up your shit for the trip. Nia stood in your doorway with the biggest smile ever.

"I still cannot believe you're going on this trip. This is so fucking cute. I bet he's like, so hot, ya know 'cause he's a godly man or whatever. What are you packing? Where are y'all going? You'll be gone until next Friday, right?? Oh my god you have to FaceTime me everyday. I wish I didn't have to work when he was coming over so that I could meet him. UGH," Nia was talking so fast that she had to catch her breath.

You blinked at her, "Uh, I'm just packing regular clothes. We are going to some town like three hours away aaannnnnd I forgot your other billion questions,"

"Ooooo do you have a sexy nun outfit or anything?" Nia asked randomly.

Your eyes squinted at her, "Nia, why on Earth would I own a sexy nun outfit?" you forgot for a split second that you told her Adam was a priest. Fuck. You quickly added, "Oh yea...priest...haha, yea no I don't have one of those outfits," you wanted to change the subject so you asked her to put on some music. Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood came on and you rolled your eyes, knowing she did that one on purpose.

Nia left for work thirty minutes later as you were finishing up packing, then Adam stopped by after another hour. He kissed you at the door, took your duffle bag, and walked you out to his truck. Why he had a truck in New York City? You had no fuckin' clue but at least this meant you didn't have to take a train up to Oneonta, the city you were heading to.

You put the AirBnB address into your Maps app and led him out of the city. You looked in the passenger side mirror and slowly watched the skyscrapers disappear behind you as you drove further into Upstate New York.

Adam had a CD playing that consisted of a few of his favorite songs:

 _Psycho Killer – Talking Heads_ **(How fitting)**

_Blue Monday – New Order_

_I Know It's Over – The Smiths_

_Dedicated to The One I Love – The Mamas & The Papas_

_Everybody Wants To Rule The World – Tears For Fears_

_But Not Tonight – Depeche Mode_

After his CD was over, you plugged in an aux cord and played your own music:

_Coffee For Dinner – Orion Sun_

_Dark & Handsome – Blood Orange, Toro Y Moi_

_Cardigan – Don Toliver_

_Charcoal Baby – Blood Orange_

_Your Love (Déjà Vu) – Glass Animals_

He was into 80s, you were into modern hip-hoppy type shit; the two of you were practically opposites. You could tell he wasn't into your music, but he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and pretended he was vibing with it. That was nice of him.

During your three hour drive, the two of you talked about the research project you were doing and what your next steps were, the plans for this week, and asking each other questions so you could get to know the other better.

"Favorite movie?" Adam asked, his eyes glued to the road.

You didn't even have to think about that one, "Midsommar, hands down. Best movie ever. You?"

Adam looked over at you with one eyebrow cocked up, "Midsommar? Isn't that too gory for you?"

"Um, no. Gore doesn't bother me. I more so liked the movie because it felt empowering," Adam made a confused face, so you explained yourself, "I mean, what's more empowering than a girl letting a cult sacrifice her boyfriend, ya know?"

Adam looked back at the road and smiled, "You'd let a cult sacrifice me, then? In the name of feminism?" he asked jokingly.

"Well, you're not my boyfriend...so, no," you replied matter-of-factly.

It got a little awkward after that. Adam's eye twitched, telling you he probably had some sort of negative reaction to that comment. He didn't say anything for a while and neither did you. Well...he _wasn't_ your boyfriend. Did you lie? Not technically.

_Awh fuck, am I gaslighting him in my own head? Shit. But I'm technically right...right? Alright, shut the fuck up._

You checked your phone.

_An hour and a half left._

After twenty minutes of silence, Adam piped up, "What the FUCK!" he yelled.

You looked up from your phone in horror, thinking he was talking to you. Apparently a car going slower than the speed limit got in his lane so Adam jerked the car to the left and sped passed them. His face was red and his neck vein was popping out.

"Adam, what the fuck!" you raised your voice and gripped the 'oh shit' handle above you, "Why'd you have to do all that? It's not a big deal! Christ, Adam,"

He was breathing pretty fast at this point, clearly upset.

What in the fuck? Goddamn, he had worse road rage than you and you weren't sure that was even possible with your hotheaded self. There was a gas station up ahead so you told him to pull over. He didn't say anything, just stared ahead and pulled the car into the gas station lot.

When the car came to a stop, you unbuckled your seatbelt and leaned over to do the same to his, giving him room to breathe. You kneeled on your seat and held one of his hands in yours, "Are you okay? Breathe, Adam. It was just a stupid driver, no need to get so upset,"

His eyebrows furrowed and he was taking deeper breaths, trying to control himself. Adam pursed his lips, "Sometimes I just get a little angry. I'm sorry," he raised your hands and kissed them hard, like he was holding onto them for dear life.

You softly whispered, "That wasn't a little angry, that was more than necessary, Adam," you paused, "It kind of scared me," you took your hands away and sat back into your seat.

Adam reached over and grabbed one of your shoulders with one hand and grabbed your chin with the other, gripping you hard. His eyes were desperate and urgent as they burned through you, "No, don't pull away. Please,"

He squeezed you harder, to the point where you thought he would for sure leave a bruise with his grasp. You wanted to cry out in pain but you didn't want him to see you like that, so you very stoically said, "Adam, you're hurting me. Please remove your hands from me or soften your grip,"

Adam's face fell and he quickly dropped his hands to yours, taking them softly, "I'm sorry,"

You'd never seen him like this. He'd gone from incredibly angry to extremely needy in a matter of seconds. Adam was slowly unveiling himself to you, making you grateful but also incredibly nervous. He seemed like he had his own shit to deal with but so did you. It'd only be a matter of time until both of you would unravel all of your layers to each other, creating a relationship of possible chaos and fucked-up-ness. You already knew a huge part of him, being a fucking killer and all, but what about the other stuff? His possessiveness? _Your_ possessiveness? His temper? _Your_ temper? His stubbornness? Your narcissism?

You were counting on this holiday break to lead you in the right direction with him and so far it was looking pretty gloomy. 

Adam decided it was best for you to drive the rest of the way there, so you gladly did. You could tell he was feeling particularly insecure about what just happened because the rest of the way there, he rested his hand onto your thigh as you drove. He was wanting to connect with you without words and it was working. You started to feel soft toward him again and your anxiety had gone away.

Once you arrived at the small cabin, it was 9:14PM, pitch black, and freezing fucking cold. The air dropped to 34°F in the last hour, so you and Adam grabbed all of your stuff super quick and ran inside. Adam flicked on the light and a little squeal left your mouth, "Eeeeeepp! Aaaaadddaaaaammmmm," you said excitedly as you walked around the cabin, "This is so fuckin' cute!" you turned to him, "Amazing job. Ten out of ten work on picking this place out. You should be a travel agent, not a psychologist,"

Adam laughed, put the bags down, and walked to you. He leaned down and hugged you at the waist from behind. His chin rested on your shoulder and he yawned. You turned around and his hands stayed at your waist. He was still leaning down with your faces at the same height. You brushed his thick hair out of his face as he gave you a sleepy smile.

You leaned forward and brushed your lips on his, barely kissing him. Your hands moved to the nape of his neck as you gave him more small pecks on his lips and jaw. Pulling back, you brushed your fingers through his hair some more and said, "Let's get ready for bed, yea?"

Adam kissed you long and hard while giving you an, "Mhm".

When the both of you brushed your teeth and were in pajamas, boxers for him and a huge t-shirt and sleep shorts for you, you crawled into bed and faced each other. He had your face in his hands and you rested yours on his chest.

"I don't want to see you get angry like that again, Adam," you say softly before kissing him sweetly.

His hand moved to your waist as he whispered, "You won't,"

The way he said it made it seem like a promise.

You delicately kissed him again, "We've only been 'together' for like, two weeks now... _and_ you were gone for one of those weeks. How did I get so...so hooked on you so quickly? I feel like I'm ju-just completely like...consumed," you said quietly. You were a little embarrassed.

Adam pulled you closer to him and nuzzled his nose against yours, "I think we've wanted each other for a while now, secretly obsessing over the other," he smirked and you rolled your eyes with a smile, "What? I _know_ you thought about me at night all alone in your bed, wanting me,"

Playfully slapping his chest, you squeaked, "Adam!" and giggled.

He kissed you again, longingly, and you met him with the same energy. This kiss felt different. It was like both of you decided to stay on each other's lips forever. It was like if you stayed there, you'd be okay.

And you were for a while.

**Saturday, November 21st**

This morning, you and Adam went to the local grocery store to get some food for the week. Walking through the aisles, you'd point out snacks you wanted while Adam made fun of you for all the shit you liked. Turns out, he's not a huge snack guy. Meanwhile, you were grabbing every fucking flavor of Cheez-Its imaginable.

You walked to the freezer section and looked at the pizzas, trying to decide which kind to get. As you and Adam stared at your selection, you stood close and let your head rest on him while you held onto his arm. You felt like magnet on a refrigerator.

"...sausage?" you say, pointing at the Red Baron's.

Adam looked at you, practically disgusted, "Whhhaaatttt? Red Baron's? Are you fuckin' nuts? This is a DiGiorno household," he said as he reached for the pizza, "You good with sausage and pepperoni?"

"Yea, that's fine. Pizza is pizza to me, ahah," you laugh.

Adam got very serious and turned to you, "Pizza isn't just 'pizza'. Each brand is different. Each _topping_ is different and adds something new to each piece. There's a big difference between all pizzas,"

You really wanted to laugh at him but instead you just mocked his voice and said, "PiZza iSn't JuSt PizZa,"

He dipped his head down and kissed you right there in the frozen aisle. You hated PDA but you'd make an exception for him.

"I could kiss you here all day," he said in-between pecks.

You replied, "Yes," _kiss,_ "Me too," _kiss_ , "Right in front," _kiss_ , "Of the pizzas," _kiss_ , "Romance isn't dead," _kiss_.

As you were checking out, you couldn't help but think about what happened in the pizza section. You guys were acting like you were honeymooning or some shit, all over each other, not being able to _not_ be holding the other person's hand or touching them on the arm. What the fuck has gotten into you? You weren't really the lovebird type and didn't take him for one either. 

_Goddamn, this town must have something in the air._

When you arrived back at the cabin, it was 11:32AM. You and Adam put away the groceries and decided a shower would be nice before lunch. After stripping in the bathroom, Adam turned on the shower and stared at you.

"Uh, you gonna get in?" you asked, waiting for him to move so you could get in.

Adam blinked at you, "You're perfect,"

You felt like you were going to vomit but in the nice way, like if someone punched you in the gut with flowers and chocolates or something.

You knew you were perfect, cellulite, love handles, and all. There was just something about _him_ telling you that you were perfect that hit different. You loved yourself and that was enough, but _him_ liking you for you made you feel way more than enough.

...and to be quite honest, it made you horny.

Your lips parted and you felt your eyes get heavy with lust. Adam noticed your change in expression and his eyes widened a bit.

_He should be fuckin' scared._

"Get in," you ordered, walking toward him.

Adam quickly backed up into the shower and as you stepped in, he grabbed you at the waist and pushed you against the wall, kissing you. Your hands ran through his hair aggressively as the both of you became drenched by the massive showerhead on the ceiling. Adam's wet kiss intensified and he pressed his body against you like he needed to be as close as possible to you in order to keep living. His hard cock pushed against your lower stomach and it made you moan softly in his mouth. Adam's tongue was moving against yours chaotically. The two of you were practically clawing at each other.

In-between your legs was pulsing for him and you felt your arms start to tingle. You bit down hard on his lip, making Adam grunt and kiss you harder, pushing you further into the wall. If he pressed you anymore you were pretty sure you'd go straight through the tile and end up in another room.

One of Adam's hands went to the nape of your neck and the other on your thigh. He was rubbing your thigh, working his way inward, as he kissed you. You grew needy for him and cried in his mouth. Your legs opened slightly, inviting him in. His hand moved over to your pussy and you felt his middle finger graze over you. You broke the kiss and whimpered, letting your head fall back against the tile. Adam's head leaned into your neck and began to kiss it as his finger brushed over your clit again. You were breathing so fast you thought you could die.

Suddenly, Adam forced two fingers inside of you, making you scream in pleasure. You held onto his back and bucked your hips with the movement of his fingers. You didn't know how, but somehow he was at an angle to perfectly thumb your clit, intensifying your satisfaction.

You moaned his name, loudly. Adam looked you in the eye and moved his one hand from the back of your neck to the front and squeezed. As he fucked you with his fingers and choked you, Adam growled, "Say my name again,"

He put increased pressure on your clit and you pulled him against you, your chin now resting on his shoulder as you screamed his name over and over again. Your legs began to feel weak, so you held onto him and the safety bar on the side of the wall. When you finally came, you slowed your breathing and Adam kissed your neck softly.

The water started to get cold soon after, so you had to hurry and wash your hair. Adam let you go first so you could get out faster. When you were done, you stepped out of the shower and toweled off. Adam was washing his hair and smiled at you as you left the bathroom.

After you changed into shorts and a t-shirt, you checked your phone and saw Nia texted you. You laid on the couch in the living room as the two of you texted back and forth.

She was such a hoot sometimes. Adam was stepping out of the shower so you decided to start making sandwiches for your late lunch. You walked to the kitchen and got out bread, turkey, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise. The mayonnaise was for him because clearly only monsters like mayonnaise.

As you made the sandwich, you looked out of the huge windows of the cabin, into the trees. The trees were still slightly colorful, but most were dying and their leaves falling. There were little mountains in the distance and you felt a sense of calm rush over you. The calmness came with anxiety shortly after, though. It seemed every time you thought something was going well, the universe found a way to fuck it up. You wanted to hold onto the moment for as long as you could before something ruined it.

Adam broke your thoughts when he snuck up behind you and energetically kissed your neck. He seemed to be in such a fucking good mood and you didn't want to ruin it with your impending doom mentality, so you decided to forget about the stupid thoughts you were having and just be there with him.

"Helloooooo," he said against your neck.

You turned around with the butter knife you'd been spreading his mayonnaise with and held it up, "Hi,"

"You gonna kill me?" he asked, his face turning dark.

You cocked an eyebrow and put the knife on the counter, "Not with that fuckin' thing. That'd take forever to pierce your skin. I'm more of a poison girl, I think," you said as you inched closer to his face, "Better watch out," you teased.

Just as Adam was about to kiss you, you turned around and put the rest of your sandwiches together. He groaned playfully and kissed the back of your head. Adam grabbed some Cool Ranch Doritos and put them on each of your plates. He went to the small table next to the kitchen and set down your food as you got waters. When you sat down to eat, you started to put your Doritos into the sandwich.

Adam's mouth was full of sandwich when he overdramatically asked, "Whhhaaat the fuck?"

"What?" you asked, still filling your sandwich up with the chips.

Adam finished chewing and explained, "You put chips on your _sandwich?_ " he took another bite.

You pursed your lips, "Adam, tons of people do this. Ya know, for as much as you make me feel like a freak sometimes, I'm pretty sure it's just you, man," you smiled and took a bite.

"Never seen that shit in my life," he muttered.

You replied, "It adds crunch. A lil bit of pizzazz, if you will,"

"Hm,"

Little interactions like that made you and Adam get to know each other so much more. He got to know your quirks and you got to know his. The rest of your day was filled with these. There was one moment when you were folding your clothes and he came and folded them ‘his way’ because his way was ‘better’. You found out that he was a particular person and liked things neat and his way.

When the two of you were laying in bed getting ready to sleep that night, his flip phone buzzed. His friend sent him a picture of his dog, Moose, who had been staying with them while Adam was out of town. He showed you all proud and when you didn't react with hearts in your eyes, he was suspicious. You cracked and told him you didn't really like dogs all that much and Adam teased that he was going to drive your ass back home that night. He poked his hands at you incessantly, leaving you giggling uncontrollably. You fell asleep with a sore stomach from laughing so much.

**Sunday, November 22nd**

"ADAM, GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW!!" You screamed.

Okay, you were being a little dramatic, you'll admit it. In your defense, though, he _was_ chasing you around outside with some kind of animal bone that you were pretty sure had some flesh still on it. Men were seriously disgusting. 

"Fine, fine," he said, lowering the stick he was holding it on, "I'll stop,"

You stopped running from him for a moment and squinted your eyes at him, seeing if he was bluffing. Adam suddenly lunged forward and chased you around with it some more.

_All men do is LIIIIEEEEEEE._

The leaves crunched under your shoes as you ran from the back yard, straight into the house, locking the door behind you. Adam was on the other side of the glass door now. You were both panting from running and you took off your coat and boots and tossed them to the side as you rolled your eyes at Adam through the door.

"Put down the stick and bones and I'll let you in!" you yelled so he could hear you.

He threw the items to the side and jiggled the handle.

"Damn, gimme a sec," you said as you unlocked the door and let him in. He tried to grab your face to kiss you, but you dodged him and ordered him to wash his hands. Adam smirked and went to wash his hands.

You laid on the couch, exhausted from being chased, and put your warm hands on your cold cheeks and nose. Adam came out of the restroom and crawled over you on the couch. He tapped his nose on yours and said, "The tip of your nose is red. It's cute," Your cheeks blushed.

_He's being so fucking cute._

The rest of the day, you and Adam watched TV, lit a fire, walked around a bit outside and made out...a lot...and had sex...twice.

You couldn't keep your hands off of each other.

Around 8PM, Adam went to the kitchen and opened up a bottle of wine. It was dark red and sounded fancy sooooo.... _basically_ not your style. You were a sweet, white wine type of girl but you gulped down the bitter red anyway. Adam drank fast and was eventually working on his fourth glass while you were on your second. Both of you were getting fucked up at this point.

_Lightweight things!_

Adam was sitting next to you and starting to get handsy. His hands were rubbing up and down your legs that were draped over his lap. Your hand was brushing through his hair when he said something that made you freeze.

With heavy eyelids, he looked down at you and stated very simply, "Men kill each other to get a woman like you,"

You stared at him for a moment, then you moved your hand from his hair down to his cheek and stroked it with your thumb, "Come on, Adam," you laughed. 

He was drunk. That was that.

Adam put his wine glass on the coffee table, then laid you back on the couch. He crawled on you and hugged your waist, resting his head on your chest. Your head spun a bit from the wine and you couldn't really tell if this was actually happening.

He looked up at you, "No, I'm serious," his words were slightly slurred, but his expression was honest, "You are...perrrrfect," his deep voice vibrated against you.

_I need to get him drunk more often so he constantly tells me how awesome I am, damn._

You brushed your hands through his hair and leaned down to kiss his head, "Okay, dude. It's time to go to bed,"

Adam got up and held his hand out for you. As you grabbed it, Adam quickly moved his arms around your waist and lifted you, carrying you to the bedroom.

"Aaaaddaammmm," you giggled.

As he was carrying you, you felt him kiss on your chest, over your shirt. He dropped you on the bed and got under the covers so you did the same. You were facing Adam until he flipped you over and pulled you close to him, making you him.

He buried his nose in your hair and mumbled, "My faaavoriiitteee. You're my faaavooriite,"

"You're being awfully nice, sir," you say as you bring his hand up to your mouth and kiss it.

Adam didn't answer you. You tapped his hand. No response. You whispered his name. No response. He was fast asleep.

You rolled over and kissed him on the chin.

"You're my favorite," you whispered before falling asleep.

**Monday, November 23rd**

You and Adam woke up Monday feeling extra groggy. It was 10:21AM when you finally got up and showered while Adam made breakfast. After you were done, you walked into the kitchen and stood next to Adam at the stove. Holding onto his arm, you looked up at him and he leaned down to kiss you. His eyes were sleepy and it made you go 'uwu' in your head.

You could feel your eyes sparkling at him.

After breakfast, the two of you went for a walk outside. It was freezing fucking cold but Adam's presence constantly made you warm inside.

_Oh my God, I'm becoming a cornball. What the fuck._

As you were walking in the middle of fuckin' nowhere, Adam randomly asked, "Why didn't you run when you figured me out? You didn't have to confront me but you did. Why?" he was stopped now, facing you.

Your eyebrows knitted while you were thinking, "Uh, well first of all: random but...okay. Second: well, uh...hmm. I-uh guess I don't really know. I...I felt like I knew _you_ and I felt like I knew and understood the 'Frat Boy Finisher' or whatever. I guess I just decided I was okay with it. I don't know," you said, eyebrows still furrowed. You were trying to figure it out for yourself, too.

You continued, "I think I confronted you because...well I think I just wanted to see if I was right, first of all. I think I also just felt...uh, I guess I felt a little better knowing it was _you_ and I think deep inside of me, I wanted you to know that I knew,"

Adam stood there and bit on his lip, "Do you remember what you said to me, that night in my office in October? Before I had you on my desk?"

Your teeth chattered as you thought back to that evening. You remembered he made fun of you for wanting to be AOC for Halloween and then... _oh_.

_I told him I hated him._

You pursed your lips, "When I said that I hated you?" you said softly.

Adam nodded, "Yes, that. I could tell you meant it. You _really_ meant it. I hated you, too," he started to walk back toward the cabin, thank fuck, and you followed him.

He continued, "Yet we were also incredibly enthralled with the other—"

"Speak for yourself," you joked. His face remained serious, "Oh shit, sorry,"

_Ohhh my Gooddddd enough with the jokes._

Adam went on, "That was only a month ago. Here we are now,"

You weren't sure what he was trying to say, so you just went, "Mhmmmm..." to encourage him to go on.

"What changed?" he asked.

A little taken aback by the question, you thought for a moment, "We gave each other a chance, I think. A real chance, ya know?"

Adam watched his feet as he walked.

You squinted at him, "Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"

He sighed and started to move his hand over his mouth in circles, "Just thinking,"

As you walked to the door and unlocked it, you furrowed your eyebrow again, "Dude, enough with the dramatic thinking. I put that shit in the back of my mind and you should too. It doesn't matter how we got to this point. We're here, _now._ Don't ruin this," you said as you walked in the door and hung up your coat.

Adam kind of pissed you off, so you went to the kitchen to be alone and drink a glass of water. You heard him get into the shower and breathed a sigh of relief, knowing he'd be busy for a few minutes, unable to bother you.

_Why was he being so fucking dramatic?_

You decided to chalk it up to his minor hangover making him emotional or something.

For the remainder of the day, you and Adam watched some of the Harry Potter movies on the couch. The two of you didn't talk much but still cuddled on the couch and occasionally shared a kiss or two or five or ten.

When you finished the Goblet of Fire, Adam looked down at you, your head on his lap, and asked if you wanted ice cream. Your answer was obviously yes, so he went and made you both a bowl to share. As you ate, you got an idea that you couldn't tell if Adam would think was disgusting or hot. He'd probably think it was fuckin' hot but you never know with this breed of men nowadays.

You took the bowl from Adam's hands and held it in yours, getting a scoop on your spoon. You then straddled him on the couch and his eyebrows lifted in surprise.

"Wha—" he started but you interrupted him with a 'shush'.

Taking a bite of the ice cream, you set the bowl down on the table behind you and turned back to Adam. You leaned forward, grabbed him chin, and pulled it down, slightly parting his mouth. His eyebrow cocked up, but his eyes darkened toward you, indicating he was into it. With the ice cream still in your mouth, you slowly kissed him, feeling the cold cream against his warm mouth. You felt his erection press through his pants and up onto you.

His kissing became more passionate as he twisted his tongue with yours, licking the ice cream in your mouth. He broke free from the kiss, leaned forward toward the bowl, and brought it to sit on the couch next to him. He dipped his thumb in the bowl and coated it in the melted ice cream. Your pussy pulsated, knowing what he was going to do next.

Adam put his thumb on your lips, painting your lips with the melted cream. He stuck his thumb in your mouth and hooked it behind your bottom teeth and quickly pulled your face closer to his. He took his finger out of your mouth and violently kissed your lips, taking off the ice cream with each kiss. Adam examined what remained on your lips and sucked on your lip to get each drop off of them.

When he finished sucking your lips, he trailed down to your neck and started to kiss and bite you there. Your hands went from his shoulders down to his pants before you touched his hard bulge over his shorts. Slowly backing up, you got off the couch and kneeled in front of him. Adam's lips parted as he pulled his cock out and waited for you to take it in your mouth.

Before you did, you leaned over to the bowl and got some melted cream on your tongue, then, looking at Adam through your eyelashes, you worked your mouth around him and let him go deeper into your throat with each bob. Adam's head tilted backward and his breathing sharpened. Your jaw began to ache but you ignored it. Soon, you were sucking around him so hard and fast, you barely noticed his cock hit the back of your throat, causing your eyes to well up. You reached up and maneuvered his balls in your hand, leaving him moaning and squeezing his eyes shut in pleasure.

After a bit, Adam told you to get ready to swallow, so you braced for it. His cum shot in your mouth and you happily swallowed. When you were done, you wiped your mouth as he fixed his pants. You smiled and sat back on the couch next to him before he grabbed your face and kissed you hard.

"Did you have a good day?" he asked, his hands still holding you close.

Technically, your day was decent. It wasn't amazing, especially since he pulled that weird conversation on your walk, earlier. But it was...fine. It ended nicely, you guessed.

His hands left your face and he studied you for a second when you didn't answer.

"Oh, uh it was fine, yea," you finally answered.

_Fuck. He looks annoyed._

He squinted at you, "Why'd you take so long to answer? Did you not have a good day?"

You bit your lip, "Uhm, well it was okay. I mean, that whole conversation in the woods today kind of put me in a weird place for a few hours but yea, my day was fine, that's all,"

_Fuck me for being honest._

Adam got up from the couch and paced around, "Me having a conversation with you 'put you in a weird place'??" he was starting to raise his voice and it pissed you off.

You stood up from the couch as well and matched his tone, "Uhh, YEA, _Adam_. Especially when the conversation in question makes no fuckin' sense and is slightly DEPRESSING so YEA,"

"Wh-who are YOU to decide what conversations are important or not??" he demanded.

Waving your finger at him, you clarified, "FUCK YOU, ADAM! You KNOW I didn't say that conversation wasn't important. I said it MADE NO FUCKIN' SENSE!" you yelled.

"DON'T 'FUCK YOU' ME!" he screamed back.

You were so fuckin' mad, "WHY THE FUCK NOT?? HUH? WHY. THE FUCK. NOT?"

"YOU'RE FUCKING GASLIGHTING ME!" he accused.

You rolled your eyes, "YOU'D KNOW IF I WERE GASLIGHTING YOU, ADAM! Y-YOU'D FUCKIN' KNOW!"

"HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW? YOU'RE SO GOOD AT MANIPULATING PEOPLE THAT YOU PROBABLY WOULD MANIPULATE ME INTO THINKING YOU WEREN'T EVEN GASLIGHTING ME!!"

Your jaw dropped. He really came for you and he was right. You were angry anyway, "FUCK YOU!"

"FUCK _YOU!"_ Adam suddenly yelled into the air furiously, "AAGHHHHH, FUUUUUCCKKKK!"

His crazy eyes were in full effect. You became frightened at the site of him possibly getting overly angry again like the other day in the car. You stepped back. When he saw you slightly wince, Adam realized he was being scary and his face softened. Both of you were breathing fast and hard, forgetting why you were yelling at each other in the first place.

"I'm going to bed," you said softly and walked to the bedroom.

You got in bed and laid there for a few minutes thinking about whether or not this was a good idea. You were right, when you guys are good, you're great. When your bad, it's like a shitstorm hits.

Adam came in the room after twenty minutes. You pretended to be asleep as he got into bed next to you. He didn't touch you, but faced you as you faced the other way. After a few minutes of just laying there, he spoke, thinking you were asleep, "You're my favorite," he whispered.

You couldn't ignore that and you didn't want to. You didn't want to fight. You didn't want to yell at him. You just wanted to kiss him and sleep next to him and be okay.

Rolling over, you faced him. Your eyes were brimmed with tears and you knew the light from the moon outside of the window let Adam see you like this. You whispered, "You're my favorite," and broke down. You buried your head in his chest and sobbed. It was the first time you cried in front of him and he knew that was a big deal. Adam wrapped you up and rested his chin on your hair. The two of you whispered that you were sorry over and over again until you finally fell asleep in his arms.


	10. chapter nine: a disaster in the real world.

**Tuesday, November 24th**

When you woke, Adam wasn't next to you. Sitting up quickly, you adjusted your eyes and checked your phone.

_9:19AM_

Getting up from the bed, you stretched and peeked out to the living and kitchen area. Adam was making breakfast so you went to brush your teeth and put on shorts and a t-shirt. When you went back to the kitchen, Adam was putting eggs, toast, and sausage patties on plates for the two of you.

_So domesticated. Can't catch me willingly doing that shit._

You walked up next to him and kissed his bicep, "Hi,"

Adam pecked you on the head, "Good morning,"

Grabbing your plate, you went and sat at the table and ate with Adam.

"What are we doing today?" you asked as you spread raspberry jam on your toast.

"Whatever you wanna do," he replied.

"Hmmmmm, whatever I wanna do you say?" you asked.

Adam cocked his eyebrow, "...yes,"

There was _one_ thing you wanted to do today. Ever since you and Adam got to the AirBnB on Friday, you noticed the huge fucking bathtub in the restroom and looked at it longingly each time you passed by it. You really wanted to use it today.

"I have an idea for what we can do after breakfast, if you're down," you mention.

\--

"OOOOhhhhhhh my fuck this feels so good," you sigh as you dipped down into the tub. The scalding water pricked your skin as you settled in. The burning was just what you needed.

Adam agreed to bathe with you after breakfast and you thought your heart would combust right there in your chest. You realized that you use that expression a lot with him, 'heart exploding in my chest' but it's true. That's how he made you feel.

He got in slowly, letting the hot water adjust to his sensitive skin, "God, you must be the devil. This shit burns," he laughed while simultaneously squirming at each inch he went into the water. His face scrunched up and he flashed his teeth, "FUUUuuucckk this is hot,"

It felt pretty fuckin' good to you. You realized you had quite the dramatic and delicate man on your hands. You loved it.

He finally settled in fully and moved toward you in the bath. He pulled you over him to where you were now straddling him and held you in for a hug. Adam was just...hugging you. Your chin rested on his shoulder as you hugged back. Adam moved your wet hair, uncovering your neck, and softly kissed you. It wasn't sexual, just romantic... _sweet_...like he was saying sorry, almost.

You realized that's exactly what he was saying when he spoke into your neck, leaving it vibrating under his deep voice, "I want to do this right,"

"Me too," you replied as you kissed his ear.

He faced you now and had his hands around your temples, pushing more of your hair back. He loved to do that.

Adam asked matter-of-factly, "Are we crazy?"

You bit your lip in thought, "Probably,"

The both of you wanted to be kidding around and playing but you knew you weren't. He was right to ask and you were right in your answer. You both _were_ crazy. _This_ was crazy. You were only in this situation because you decided to _be_ crazy and accept what he was. You accepted _his_ crazy and he accepted _yours._

Crazy doesn't last, does it?

You cupped water in your hands and put it on the top of his head, making it coat his hair and run down his face. Adam softly smiled, then leaned forward and kissed you, leaving water fall between your faces.

After a moment, you inched off of him and leaned back at the opposite end of the tub, him doing the same.

"Uhm, are we going to discuss last night?" you asked, nervously.

Adam looked up from the water, "Is that something you want to do?"

"I think it could be good to talk through it...ya know like why we both got so heated so quickly," you offered.

Adam frowned, "You told me you didn't have a good day with me,"

" _You_ told _me_ that I'm a manipulator," you retorted.

"You _are_ a manipulator," he shot back.

_Shit head._

You squinted at him, "I know I am but that doesn't make it okay for you to point it out,"

"It was relevant," he growled.

"No, it wasn't,"

"Yes, it was,"

"Fuck you, Adam,"

"Fuck _you_ ," he said through a clenched jaw.

The sound of hitched breathing filled the room.

The corners of your mouth twitched, creating a small smile that you were desperately trying to hide. Adam bit his cheek and smirked at you back. Soon, you were both fully laughing and splashing each other with water.

_Holy fuck. Y'all were insane._

_Totally._

_Completely._

_Insane._

You scooted close to him in the bathtub. Your legs were now wrapped around his waist as you leaned your palms back onto to the bathtub floor. Adam started to stroke your leg softly with his fingers. 

Your frustration with each other fueled the arousal between you. It had since the very beginning. 

Adam licked his lips and you felt your core start to flutter. His hand moved from your shins, to your thighs, then to your lower waist. He jerked you closer to him and your hands grasped the nape of his neck and held on tight as you regained balance against him. The water from the tub splashed around the two of you.

Adam pulled you even closer, your chest pressing against his. You leaned forward and kissed him softly on the mouth. The two of you lingered at each other's lips until Adam grabbed your face and pressed his mouth hard on yours. Your tongue slipped between his lips and tangled with his. 

Both of you were holding each other so tightly and barely came up for air that you'd think it wasn't oxygen you needed to breathe, it was each other.

You broke the kiss and took a moment to look at him. _Really_ look at him. Your hands were around his face as you stroked your thumb over his lips.

"My favorite," you whispered.

He whispered against your thumbs, "My favorite,"

"I don't want to leave here," you said, still whispering. Your eyebrows knitted and you felt yourself get sad. You didn't want to leave this. You didn't want to have to go back to the city. You didn't want to have to go back to your classes. You wanted to be here, in this mess with Adam forever. You sounded so fucking dramatic but...that's how you felt.

Adam tapped his nose against yours, "We have three more days,"

"I know," you whispered.

\--

After you ate lunch, Adam did the dishes while you laid on a rug next to the fireplace reading _The Book Thief_. An arrangement of Clair de Lune was playing from the TV and faintly echoed through the cabin. It felt like a picture-perfect afternoon.

You were laying on your back and held the book above you.

**_"You see? Even death has a heart."_ **

This was the last quote you read before you were interrupted.

Adam was standing over you, smiling, "Hi,"

You put a small ribbon on your page, marking it, and closed the book, "Hi. Come down here," you whined as you tugged on his sweatpants and tossed your book aside. He laid on the rug next to you as you flipped to your stomach. You rested one side of your head on your crossed forearms and peered over at him.

"Don't judge me but I'm tired already. Would you want to nap with me?" you asked. Your eyelids got heavier with each blink.

"Nap on the rug?" he smiled.

You closed your eyes, pretending to sleep, "Mhm,"

Adam stood up so you peeked at him with one eye open. He was standing over you holding his hand out for you to take. You groaned and took it, Adam lifting you to your feet. You started to walk toward the bedroom when Adam scooped you up and carried you there like you were married or something. It was sort of cute but mostly cringe. You really hated cheesy shit like this. You smiled at him anyway.

He dropped you on the bed and laid next to you as you kicked your shorts off, then rested your head on his chest. Adam started to talk about what the two of you would eat on Thanksgiving but you just could not stay awake any longer. His words became jumbled together in your brain and were no longer sentences to you. They were just chopped mumbles as you drifted in and out of sleep. The humming of his voice on his chest vibrated against your ear and became your lullaby. Your breathing slowed and your head felt heavy as you finally drifted off.

You didn't know how much time had passed when you slightly woke up. Adam was outlining the curve of your waist, hips, and leg as he laid behind you. Eyes still closed, you took his lingering hand in yours and brought it up to your mouth, kissing it gently. You let go of his hand and tucked yours back into your chest, about to fall asleep yet again.

Adam brushed your hair away from your neck and began to plant wet kisses on it.

_Too tired..._

_To open..._

_My eyes..._

_Hmmmmm._

You couldn't quite determine if you were dreaming or not, your mind still sleepy. He started to _suck_ on your neck now, and you realized in that moment, it definitely was _not_ a dream. While sucking, Adam started to squeeze and rub the back of your thigh. His erection grew and pushed against you. Instinctively, you reached behind to Adam's head and pressed him closer to your neck, making him suck and bite harder. You knew by later your neck would be one big hickey by the pressure he was using.

"Mm, so beautiful when you're sleeping," he breathed against your neck

Adam's hand was still on your thigh, rubbing upward until he reached your ass, taking it in his palm and squeezing. You took in a sharp breath in and parted your legs, raising one slightly up. He slowly moved his hands to between your legs, caressing you over your panties. You instinctively pushed your hips back and felt his hard cock against you.

Throbbing for him, you whispered, "Addaaammmmmmm," with the last 'mmm's of his name turning into a moan. He delicately brushed his middle finger right above over your entrance at your sensitive spot. Your eyes squeezed shut and you let out a small whimper. Adam did it again and bit your earlobe.

Reaching your hand back, you gripped his hand and tried to maneuver it to go into your panties but Adam didn't budge. You let out another whimper and whined, "Adam, please, Adam. _Fuck_ ,"

He brushed you once more, leaving you squirming. His mouth was resting at your neck and you felt him smiling against you.

"You're so wet already," he breathed into your neck, "I can feel how much you want me through the fabric,"

Throbbing and desperate, you pant, "P-pleaaassee,"

Adam bit your shoulder as he hooked two of his fingers in your panties, teasing you.

"Fuckkkk, please, _please,_ Adam," you begged as you looked at back at him. Adam's eyes darkened and he smirked as he saw your pleading face.

Adam suddenly pulled his fingers away and got up from the bed, leaving you completely disoriented, drunk in lust.

Your big eyes were stuck on him as he took off his shirt and went to grab a condom from his bag across the room. When he was walking back, he tossed it on the bed and stood at the bottom, starting to unbutton his pants.

"No, no, no," you said urgently as you scooted to sit at the edge of the bed in front of him, "Let me,"

You unzipped his pants and dragged them down, letting them fall to the floor. Adam was looking down at you with lustful eyes as you put your mouth on his upper stomach, kissing it slowly and working your way down. You left spit trailing your lips as you pecked every inch of his soft skin.

Adam grabbed a chunk of your hair and pulled it, making you look up at him. He bent over and kissed you hard, grabbing at the bottom of your t-shirt at the same time. You lifted your arms and broke away from his kiss as he lifted the shirt over your head and tossed it on the ground. Adam was stepping out of his pants as you backed onto the bed, holding yourself up by your elbows.

"Take off the rest of your clothes," Adam ordered, his voice raw and eyes staring at your body against the bed.

 _Fuck_.

Sitting up, you unhooked your bra and slowly took it off. The cold air in the room hit your nipples and left you with goosebumps. Laying back down, you took the sides of your panties in your thumbs and almost removed them until you noticed Adam's expression.

His eyes were practically black as they watched you.

"Adam, I want you to help me get these off," you whine.

His eye twitched.

Adam slowly got onto the bed and made his way in-between your legs. He pressed his nose on you and inhaled.

"You smell so good," he muttered against you.

 _Fuuucckkkkkkkk_.

Adam took your panties in his teeth and began to drag them down your legs. Your breathing was uneven and shallow as he pulled them completely off of you, crumpled them in his hand, and threw them in his bag on the other side of the room.

"Those are mine now," he growled.

Adam removed his boxers and put on the condom as you laid there waiting, pulsating, _wanting_.

He crawled over you and you parted your legs and wrapped them around him. Adam kissed you quickly and then pulled away.

He positioned his cock over you, "Are you ready to take this?"

_Oh._

You were practically panting now, "Yes. Please, Adam. I need y-you right now," you begged.

"Good girl,"

Adam entered you slowly at first, letting you adjust, but he quickly picked up his pace, pumping in and out of you faster and harder with each thrust. You tightened around him, feeling each movement against you.

"Ffffffuck, you feel so good," Adam moaned.

Your back arched in pleasure and you clawed at his back, for sure breaking skin. He grunted at the pain, but it only made him fuck you harder. Adam was thrusting deep into you, hitting your cervix, but it wasn't enough.

In-between your moans, you whined, "Harder! H-Harder, Adam! Fffuck,"

As he intensified his thrusts, Adam grabbed your arms and moved them above your head, pinning you by the wrists. You were completely subdued by him and you loved it. Your eyes squeezed shit and you yelped loudly against Adam.

"Look at me," he commanded.

You opened your eyes back up at him.

Adam put his hands around your neck and began to choke you. While gulping for air, you started to feel lightheaded, leaving the pressure on your pussy as you took Adam even stronger as you squeezed yourself around him.

Your hands gripped onto the sheets beside you. Adam choked you harder, pressing you further into the bed. You felt tears run down your cheeks and your eyes started to slowly close. You were about to come.

Adam demanded through clenched teeth, "If you want to come on this cock, you have to beg,"

Your eyes opened back up and you began to beg, "Pl-please let me come, Adam. Please, ah—please let me come,"

He gripped your neck harder and thrusted into you faster. His breathing got more rapid and sweat trickled down his face. He was waiting so you could come together. More tears streamed down your face from the pressure on your neck.

You were aching for him. As he restricted you, the pressure in your core was building and shot you with intense pain and pleasure. You needed to release on him.

"Adam, ah!" you screamed.

He moved one hand down to your clit and began to rub it aggressively.

"Not, ah, not yet," Adam breathed.

The pressure on your clit along with his furious fucking drove you crazy. You were about to combust and he knew it. You screamed against him and scratched his back some more.

His head dipped down to your temple and he grunted, "Come on me, baby,"

Completely releasing, you felt ecstasy run through you as you came. Adam moaned in your ear as he did, too. He leaned on your as he caught his breath, then pulled out of you and rolled over. He turned to you and wiped the tears away from your cheeks.

You ended up fucking one more time after this.

—

After you and Adam had caught your breath for the second time, he turned to face you, his arm holding him up as he gazed down. You started to brush your hand through his perfect hair.

"You called me baby, earlier," you smiled, "That's the first time you've called me something like that,"

He looked a little shy as he smiled and looked down. The lines around his mouth creased, creating little dimples on his cheeks. You moved your hand from his hair to his smile line and grazed your thumb back and forth over it. 

Adam leaned down and kissed you softly.

"Baby," he whispered against your lips.

He rose back up and looked at you for a moment, almost confused. He was darting his eyes back and forth between your hair, pupils, and lips. He was observing you.

...trying to figure something out.

"What?" you questioned.

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?" he asked randomly.

_My favorite post-sex topic! Wow, how do I tell him men don't exactly gawk at me?_

You sighed and answered, "I just never clicked with anyone like that before. I haven't had a boyfriend in forever. I don't really need one, anyway...Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

Adam smiled, "Just never clicked with anyone like that before," he looked away from you and was silent. You could tell there was something on his mind.

"What?" you ask.

Adam tightened his jaw as his eyes darted from the ceiling to you. He reluctantly confessed, "I want you to be mine. _All_ mine,"

"Why is this so important to you?" you asked.

He looked down and a wave of pain washed over his face, "You don't want to be mine?"

Oh, but you _did_ want to be his. You wanted to be his fully, completely, and totally. Knowing yourself better than anyone else did, you know that when you've given yourself to something or someone, you really give it. You get too invested, too possessive, too committed, and complete throw yourself all in. If you told him that you were his, then you _would_ be. Just like that, you would walk right into hell for him if he asked. That terrified you.

This couldn't be an option for you. Not now.

You took your hand out of his hair and sat up, leaning on your elbow, mirroring Adam, "I-I _do_ want to be yours. I just..."

Adam was silent. You couldn't see his expression because you were still looking down, avoiding him.

"What happens when we go back?" you blurted, "To the city, I mean. We just go back to normal? Because... _this_ ," you point to him and yourself, " _this_ seems like a disaster in the real world, Adam. Who we are individually and our circumstances and such," your voice started to crack.

He squinted in confusion, "Our circumstances?"

You gulped and let silence take over the room for a moment. Feeling your eyes water, you tried to blink the tears away but they ended up just falling onto your cheeks. You were internally screaming. You didn't want him to see you cry again. You fucking _hated_ when people saw you cry.

It made you look weak.

"You're crying," Adam stated.

You rolled your eyes, "Great observation, detective,"

_Stop being such a bitch._

"Sorry," you mumbled, still looking down at the sheets on the bed. 

As you tried to look down, Adam's pointer finger caught your chin and lifted it up, "Why are you crying?" he asked softly.

"Adam, are you not fucking scared?" your voice was shaking, "I'm so fucking scared. I'm scared of _this_ ,"

"Us," he clarified.

You bit your lip and wiped away a tear, "Yea, us. We're so fucking intense, if you haven't noticed. It's terrifying. I feel like I've been glued to you since this summer and now, this week, FUCK Adam! This is so fucking stupid. Like, this trip was so we could get to know each other better to maybe see where this goes or whatever but why the fuck am I so ready to just...to just drop it all for you? Fuuccckkkk I sound so insane,"

What were you thinking telling him that? You talked for so fucking long on what felt like a rambling, psychotic, tangent. You squeezed your eyes shut as you cringed at yourself.

Adam finally spoke, "I think we both feel everything deeply. I don't think us 'together' is an exception. You said it yourself, once you're in something, you're in it fully. We've known each other for some time now and have a complex history. It's not insane to think that we're at this point already. It's been fast but...it's been a while coming, don't you think?"

He was kind of right...but still. You felt like this was moving too fast, yet at the same time it felt just right.

"Yea, I see that. I'm still scared, though," you said, brushing your hand through his hair again.

Adam replied quietly, "We should be," 

\--

6:19PM

Most of your Tuesday had vanished before your eyes. After your pretty intense conversation with Adam, the two of you went for a walk, ran to the nearby grocery store to grab more wine, and watched a few more of the Harry Potter movies. 

You noticed when you were laying on the couch with him, he was gentle with you. Adam would stroke your hair, scratch your back, and occasionally kiss the top of your head. 

It's almost as if he knew what was coming. 

Adam was cooking dinner in the kitchen as you sipped on the bitter, red alcohol next to the fireplace, eyes glued to your book for the second time today.

**"It was a Monday, and they walked on a tightrope to the sun."**

Two more days.

**Wednesday, November 25th**

"Adam, we've barely brushed on the fact that you _kill_ people," you randomly let out on your daily walk outside.

Adam faced you and stopped walking, making you stop, too.

_Ugh, it's too cold for this shit. Why are we stoppingggggggg._

"What about it?" he asked.

_Ummm, where the fuck do I start??_

"Err, well...I guess I wanna know...how do you do it?" you asked innocently.

Adam's eye twitched, "Next question,"

You pursed your lips in slight annoyance, "Okay...hmm. Oh, once I asked you if you liked to kill. You said it was 'something like that' but then told me it was a conversation for another time. I want now to be that time,"

He sighed, his hot breath making a little cloud in front of him against the cold air, "It's necessary,"

"Necessary?" you inquired, confused.

"Yes, necessary," Adam replied.

You squinted at him, "What the fuck does that mean? Necessary for you or for the people you do that to? You're so fucking vague, Adam,"

He looked down. You could tell he wanted to tell you but there was something stopping him. There was something keeping him from letting you get completely inside.

"Adam, I already know that you do this in _general._ That's enough to make someone run and I haven't. If you think whatever else you tell me is going to scare me, it isn—"

"Yes, it would," he said as he interrupted you.

Your jaw dropped. You were so fucking irritated now so you let him have it, “Are you serious? So, you just went on and on yesterday about how ‘OOoooo I want you to be mine, _only_ mine’ and can ask all about me but the second I do the same for you, you don’t let me. Which, may I just say that I feel like I kind of NEED to know about this. Like, come on, you fuckin’ _kill_ people, Adam,”

You were talking so fast that you needed a second to catch your breath. Once you did, you continued, "You're short with me and vague and don't answer because you'll 'scare me'. Trust me, I'd be long gone if I didn't want to be here with you and know _every_ thing. Why don't you get that?"

Adam flipped it on you, "I don't know shit about you! Telling me your favorite movies and songs doesn't fucking count. I want to know about _you_. I want to know what you think about every second of the day. I want to know about what you do when you're nervous, scared, happy, _whatever_. I can't FUCKING get through to _you_!" he yelled.

You were no longer cold from the weather outside, you were warm from the rage burning inside of you, "We've been seeing each other for like a half of a SECOND, ADAM!! Can you let me peel my layers in PEACE?? FUCK!"

Starting to walk toward the cabin, you continued, "Ya know, I think the whole fact that you KILL PEOPLE is a way more important topic of discussion that what I fuckin' think when I'm 'nervous' or whatever the fuck you were saying. I mean seriously, YOU KILL PEOPLE, ADAM!" you were yelling and walking fast as Adam caught up to you, grabbing you by the arm.

"I thought it didn't bother you," he replied.

_Dude. Really?_

You sighed, "It's not that it bothers me...Well, it's a little...strange and I know you do it to people who deserve it but...I've just never had a b—" you were about to say 'boyfriend' when you realized what was coming out of your mouth.

"I mean, I've just never been in this situation. Anyway, police are _investigating_ this shit, Adam. They're _looking_ for you. What happens if you get caught? What happens if it doesn't go your way one night? What happens then? Will you ever _stop_? What happens if I _ask_ you to stop? Huh?"

He bit the inside of his cheek, "Do you _want_ me to stop?"

"If I asked you to, what would be your answer?" you wondered.

"I would stop," he said frankly.

You rolled your eyes, shook your arm from his grip, and started walking up the cabin's steps toward the front door.

"You're fuckin' lying, Ada—" you were cut off by a hand covering your mouth, pulling you backward aggressively.

_Fuck, I'm so fucking stupid. Adam is going to kill me. This is the fuckin' moment. I knew it. He's gonna kill me, oh my God. I'm such a dumb bitch._

Adam starts to pull you backward so you tried to fight back. You clawed at his hand around your mouth and tried to kick him. God, you were bad at fighting.

"Shhhhhhhh, shut the fuck up. Stop moving," he aggressively whispered in your ear.

You kept kicking at him, crunching dead leaves against the ground in the process. You _really_ sucked at fighting back.

"There's a fucking bear, you dumb shit. Stop," he whispered again.

_Fuck._

You immediately froze, staring at the cabin's porch.

There was a fuckin' bear staring right at you and Adam.

Adam slowly took his hand off of your mouth and pulled you behind him, acting as a shield for you.

_I know this is not the moment for this but...awww._

His hand was reaching behind him, holding yours tightly. He started to back up, making you slowly back up as well. When you were around 200 yards from the porch, Adam decided to stop and told you to sit. He plopped next to you and decided the two of you should wait until it leaves.

Your eyes went wide as you semi-whispered, "Adam, it's like 40°F outside. You expect us to sit out here until it just _leaves_? Can't we call animal control or something??"

He cocked his eyebrow at you, "Do you have your phone?"

He knew the answer to that.

You _didn't_ have your phone.

By his smug question, you knew he didn't have his either.

Fuck.

You rolled your eyes and tucked your knees to your chest. Adam did the same and it made him look like a spider. His long arms holding his long legs looked so fuckin' weird to you so you looked away, afraid you'd laugh at him or something rude like that.

For a few minutes, it was just you and Adam sitting in silence, staring at the fuckin' bear that was ruining your day.

The quiet was killing you, so you decided to use this moment to let this fucker ask you whatever he wanted to.

"Adam, what would you like to know about me? Since you claim to know nothing, apparently," you muttered.

He smiled and stretched out his legs, "Tell me about your family,"

You groaned and buried your head in your knees. You already regretted giving him permission to peak inside of your personal life. Picking your head back up, you decided to spill, "Welllll, I've got my parents and my siblings. My parents are fine or whatever, kind of annoying to be honest. I really only go home to see my siblings,"

You went on to tell him how many siblings you had, what the family dynamic was like growing up, and how you were the only one who had left your hometown. It made you kind of an outcast sometimes.

"Next question, please," you said through chattering teeth.

Adam noticed your shivering so he put his arm around you and pulled you close to his side. He thought for a moment, then asked, "When's the last time you felt really low?"

You shot him a confused look.

_The fuck is he on about?_

"I saw the Lexapro in your bag," he quietly added.

_Motherfucker found my anti-depressants. God, this is just icing on the crazy cake._

You reluctantly said, "Well, fuck. Cat's out of the bag," you sighed and continued, "Last time I felt super low was earlier this month. It comes and goes, ya know?"

"Mm," he hummed, "Why did you feel low at that time?" Adam asked.

"No reason, just happens sometimes out of nowhere. I feel numb for a few weeks and then I'm back to normal...ish. Just had a bit of a spell, is all," you answered.

Silence took over again.

You scanned the porch for the bear and low and behold, the fucker was still there.

_Great._

You heard your stomach growl loudly, as if it were screaming and begging for food. You sunk your head onto Adam's lap and sighed. You were hungry, tired, cold, and pissed off at that bear. As you shivered on Adam, he began to play with your hair, twisting and brushing it in his fingers. The feeling was soothing and you found yourself starting to slowly doze off on him.

Leaves crushed on the ground below you when you woke up. Slowly realizing what was going on, you shot open your eyes. You were being carried. The sky was darker than when you napped on Adam. You wondered how long the two of you'd been out there.

"Put me down," you said sleepily.

Adam looked down at you, happy to see you awake. When he reached the porch, he lowered you, allowing you to stand.

"Where is that fuckin' bear?" you asked, glancing around for him.

Opening the door and nudging you inside, Adam answered, "He left a few minutes ago. We're fine,"

After Adam locked the door behind him, you grabbed his hand and begged, "Hot bath?? Plleeaaasseee, I'm so cold and I know you are too,"

"We should eat something," he said in a serious tone.

He was right. You were hungry as fuck.

You sat at the kitchen bar with a blanket wrapped tightly around you as Adam made sandwiches. Glancing at your phone, you saw it was 5:20PM and that Nia had texted you a few times making sure you were still alive. You shot her a text letting her know you were very much alive and that you'd see her Friday night. Tomorrow was your last full day in the cabin.

You watched Adam as he put together your early dinner. You couldn't believe the person you walked by at the park everyday this past summer was in front of you, making you a sandwich. This same man who said, 'Uh, I have to go,' when you tried to ask him for coffee. The same guy who you kind of yelled at in the pastry shop. The same person you'd rolled your eyes at, fought with, and stared at for the past few months.

The corner of your mouth quirked up in a small smile.

All of the shit you'd put each other through the past week felt purposeful, like you both needed this. You needed to understand.

To have clarity.

And you were pretty sure you found it.

You didn't care what it cost or what the future looked like. You just wanted to be with Adam.

\--

_Hands wrapped around your throat and gripped tightly. No, not in the fun, sexual way. They held onto you and pushed you into the floor in the scary, murder-y way. You felt like your eyes were going to bulge out of your head and your brain was going to explode. The sound of crackling was coming out of your mouth as you tried to breathe. You couldn't._

_You tried to slap, scratch, and push them off of you but you couldn't. They weren't budging and you weren't any closer to breathing again. In fact, you started to lose vision. Black spots rippled across your vision as you stared at them in the face. Soon, you couldn't see anything anymore, just felt hands still on your neck._ _Adam's hands._

_After a bit of what felt like your muscles having spasms, you finally didn't feel anything. There were no hands on your neck, no feeling of choking, no lack of oxygen, no being pinned down. Nothing. It was all black and you felt absolutely nothing._

You woke up screaming and shaking, Adam behind you, holding you, trying to comfort you in the dark room. You jerked away from his touch, still slightly traumatized from your dream. Your breathing was out of control and you felt your eyes well up with tears.

_That dream was too fucking real._

Adam was calling your name, asking what was wrong but you couldn't answer. You sat up, trying to control your intense breathing. He tried to touch you again but you flinched and shifted to the bottom of the bed, staring at Adam.

"The fuck is wrong??" he asked, genuinely concerned and incredibly confused. Possibly scared, too.

A single tear fell onto your arm as you hugged your knees to your chest. Your breathing calmed and you remained staring at Adam with wild eyes.


	11. chapter ten: daddy issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> depictions of violence, read at your own risk

**Wednesday, November 25th**

**ADAM POV**

11:58PM

Adam's eyebrows knitted, "Tell me what the fuck is going on,"

"Just a dream," she whispered in the dark room.

The only light that was coming in was through the moon in the window. It perfectly shined on her face, revealing her terrified expression. She was still sitting at the bottom of the bed, curled up into a ball as tears rolled down her cheek. She wasn't actively crying or sobbing, just silent with few tears. That scared Adam more.

Adam felt his heart slightly start to crumble in his chest. He knew what had just happened. He knew there was some kind of dream that she just had. A horrible dream. From the way she flinched at his touch, he knew it was about him. He didn't know exactly what happened but he knew it wasn't good.

Adam's face softened, "Just a dream?"

"Yeah," she replied, her voice shaking, "Just a dream,"

She slowly moved back to her spot on the bed and laid there, pulling the covers over herself, and stared at the ceiling. Adam laid back down and did the same. Silence cased over the room, so much so that it felt deafening. Even the bugs outside decided to stop their clamoring for this painful moment.

Her eyes were still fixed at the ceiling when Adam turned his body over to face her, his wide shoulders pressed into the firm bed. He was hurt.

Not at her, at himself.

Adam slowly put his hand on her stomach, trying to connect, comfort, _anything._ She didn't flinch this time. She didn't move at all. The only thing that changed about her in that second was that another single tear had rolled off of her face and onto her shoulder.

Adam scooted closer to her and kissed it away.

She finally looked over at Adam, the corners of her mouth slightly downturned. She was sad.

"Will you hold me?" she asked, her voice breaking in the process.

Adam nodded, so she turned her body away and scooted backwards, into him. Adam spooned and held her until she fell asleep. She inhaled and exhaled long and heavy breaths, every now and then her leg twitched. She was deep in slumber again.

Adam's mind stayed awake, beating himself up for hours. She said she wasn't scared of him, that she wasn't scared of _anything_ , but Adam knew that wasn't true. Deep down, she _was_ scared of him.

He put his nose in her hair and inhaled as he kissed her head. The smell of her hair was sweet and clean. She used a specific shampoo with coconut that she loved and made Adam wash his hair with it while they were in the cabin together. She insisted it was the best and would make his thick, black hair look and smell good. She was right. She was always right.

Adam remembered one moment from earlier this week when they showered together, how she tried to put the shampoo on him herself but couldn't reach. She was on her tiptoes, eyes glued to his head as he stared down at her, thinking about how much he was fond of her. When she made a disappointed face after not being able to adequately wash his hair, Adam thought his eyes had turned into hearts because of how cute he thought it was.

Adam wanted to remember each moment before it was too late.

Before she would run.

Before she would hate him again.

He knew it would come eventually.

\--

**MISHAWAKA, INDIANA**

**2007**

Fifteen-year-old Adam sat outside on the steps of his porch. It was a cold day out. The trees were bare as winter was fast approaching. The grass that poked through the cement sidewalk was now dead and brown.

The wind was sharp as it hit his skin, piercing his cheeks like a knife. His hair whipped around his face as he sat there, staring at the road watching cars pass by. The sound of the car tires rolling against the street drowned out the noises behind him.

Through the screen door, the faint sound of screaming and crashing could be heard. His father's booming voice echoed throughout the house and made the door vibrate. Adam learned to tune it out. He learned to become numb.

Growing up, Adam, his sister, and his mother were all victims of his father's abuse. Whether it was physical or verbal, they took it. They had to.

His father was a bad man, the type to be the villain in every kid's cartoon show. He was evil and there was no redemption for him. Aside from the abuse he inflicted at home, his father was also a predator of sorts. His comments to young women around town, including Adam's sister and her friends, were abundant. They were grotesque and made Adam's stomach churn even thinking about it. He also knew the shit he did to women he worked with. Sexual assault reports were constantly being filed against his father but nothing was done about it. His father was the lowest tier of human.

Adam wanted to kill him.

He'd wanted to kill him for a long time, now.

Suddenly, the screen door burst open and his father's large boots stormed passed him. His shoes thumped against the stairs as he walked down them and onto the sidewalk leading to his car near the mailbox.

His father started to unlock his car, shoving the keys into the handle and twisting them loudly. Adam could hear his father's angry breathing. It was fast and loud. He could practically hear his heart pumping a million miles a minute from thirty feet away. His father was raging.

He opened the car door and stopped before he got in, looking back at Adam. His father's face was red and his jaw tightened as he stared at him. Adam knew what this meant. He blinked at his father, neither of them saying a word. A moment later, his dad looked away, got into the car, closed the door, and sped off, the tires screaming on the road behind him leaving black streaks in their place.

Adam never saw him again.

He missed his chance to kill his father.

\--

**MISHAWAKA, INDIANA**

**2008**

Adam was now sixteen. It'd been a year since his father left. He walked the halls of his high school as if he were invisible, only speaking and looking at his two friends. To everyone else, Adam was no one and he made _sure_ he was no one. He didn't like the attention.

In his fourth period physics class, Adam peered at the lab table in front of him. A blonde-haired cheerleader, who Adam had a childhood crush on, sat by a football jock. Most of the year, Adam observed their flirting. He noticed the way the blonde would angle her knees to face the jock, subconsciously telling the jock that she was into him. The jock was always fairly uninterested in her, playing the stereotype of the "dick athlete" quite well. Occasionally, the jock would make a joke, usually not a funny one, and Adam could tell the cheerleader didn't think it was funny. She still laughed anyway.

One April morning, Adam made his way to the school library, where he spent most mornings. He would read book after book about psychology and the human mind. It was a way for him to understand his father. It was a way for him to understand _himself_. He had the temper of his father, something Adam swore to work on.

He was walking through the bookshelves in the library when he overheard a conversation in the next aisle. Adam quietly listened. He could tell it was the blonde girl from physics talks to a friend. She was crying silently while explaining to her friend what the jock did to her. Adam listened as the blonde wept about how she said no. How he wouldn't stop. How she tried to hit him. How he held her down. How she couldn't report him or he'd get his rich parent's lawyers involved. Adam's heart raced with anger. The jock couldn't get away with that, not like his dad did.

It took Adam a week to plan and execute the murder.

And he did.

While the rest of the school mourned, Adam felt like a hero as he continued to walk quietly through the halls unnoticed.

-

**WEST LAFAYETTE, INDIANA**

**PURDUE UNIVERSITY**

**2009-2013**

Adam's time in college consisted of late-night studying with friends and partying on the weekends. His first year went by quickly and was spent mostly in the library. His second year was when Adam started to feel the itch again. The itch to kill people who deserved it.

People like his father.

In the library, Adam used an available computer to search up some records. Specifically, Title IX records from the university. He figured this would be the perfect place to get information on perpetrators. And it was.

He found someone: Justin Browning. Justin had two reports against him, both for sexual assault at two different parties off-campus. According to the files, Justin was a member of a fraternity on campus, Delta Tau Delta. He wasn't only a member: he was the president. This frat racked up thousands of dollars in donations each year, mostly from the member's parents, and thus made the university apprehensive in going through with the sexual assault claims against him.

Good thing Adam didn't give a fuck about daddy's money.

After Adam made up his mind, he spent a few days planning it out: knock the guy unconscious, take him to a remote location, kill him, and get rid of the body, just like he did to the football jock in high school. It seemed easy enough.

It was a Saturday in late April. The sticky air clung to Adam's skin as he made his way in the crowded room. Lights were flashing, music was blaring, the smell of alcohol and weed lingered in the house. Girls in short skirts and plunged v-neck tops passed by him. Guys in Hawaiian shirts and basketball shorts stayed on the wall, watching the girls dance with their friends.

Typical college party.

Adam was scanning for Justin. He knew he was here.

There was yelling coming from outside, so Adam slipped through the screen door and into the crowded backyard. There were folding tables everywhere, lined with cups for beer pong. His eyes darted around to find the yelling that was getting lost in the chatter and music. Adam finally got closer and closer until he was observing a fight between two guys. One of them, a drunk Justin. Apparently, he pissed someone off with an offensive joke.

 _'Of course he's racist, too_ ' Adam thought, internally rolling his eyes.

Adam walked up to the guys fighting and apologized for Justin, telling the other person he had too much to drink. Adam told Justin it was time to go and he willingly went with him, too drunk to notice that Adam wasn't a close friend of his. Stumbling, Justin walked out of the party and down the street, holding onto Adam for support.

When Adam arrived at his truck, he helped Justin in and then went and sat in the driver's seat. He turned on the car and didn't do anything for a second. He was thinking.

Justin started to ask if Adam was taking him to his house when Adam hit him over the head with a flashlight that was sitting on the center console. All it took was one swift move and Justin was knocked unconscious. There was a little blood that had spilled from his head and onto the seat, something Adam cursed at himself for not thinking about.

He drove for forty minutes until he reached a nearby lake, Lake Freeman. It was dark, quiet, and wooded where he decided to stop at. He waited until 1:02AM to drag Justin out of the car and next to the shore of the lake. He was slowly waking up, confused and still a little drunk. Justin was groaning and asking who Adam was, but he ignored him.

Adam gathered rocks and put them in a pile next to Justin, along with plastic trash bags and rope. Justin started to become louder in his puzzled moaning and Adam became furious. He straddled over Justin and put his hands over his mouth as he tried to yell for help. Justin's knees began to kick up at Adam's back, making him seethe with rage.

Adam grabbed a knife he brought with him from near the rocks and started stabbing at Justin. He mostly hit his hands, as Justin was trying to shield his face from the blade. Adam violently swiped at Justin's arms as he cried out in pain. Adam needed him to shut up. Now.

He took the knife with both hands and plunged it as hard as he could into Justin's chest.

Justin became quiet, looking up at Adam with terrified eyes, knowing he was about to die. A tear rolled down his cheek and onto the grass. Adam's heart was racing, still overwhelmed and angry. He took the knife out, raised it above his head and aggressively pushed it back into Justin's chest. Blood spilled out and splattered on Adam's clothes, face, and hands.

He stabbed again.

And again.

And again.

Each stab got more violent, forceful, and fast as he pushed it into Justin. More blood sprayed around until Adam was basically fully covered, his skin red. He could hear the squishing of the knife in Justin's body as it jabbed in and out, in and out, in and out, over and over again.

He didn't know how many times he'd stabbed him. Fifty, maybe? He didn't know. He couldn't tell.

He got carried away.

Adam finally looked back at Justin's face. His blue eyes stared blankly into the sky. He was dead and had been for a while.

After Adam composed himself again, letting his rage subside, he needed to get rid of this quickly. He put Justin's whole body in two trash bags, one covered his top half and the other, his legs. He shoved a shit ton of rocks inside so they would weigh the bag down in the water. Adam tied the two bags together, making sure they were secure and wouldn't come undone to reveal the body. Adam tied a rope around Justin and dragged him out into the lake where he knew a drop off was.

Water came up to Adam's neck when he finally stopped and dropped the body, letting it sink in front of him and down the drop off. Adam made his way to the shore, washing his arms and face in the process.

When Adam came home, he removed his clothes and put them in a small trash bag that he'd later burn. He said goodnight to his roommates and took a shower. The warm water hit his skin and removed the excess dried blood. After his shower, he put ointment on his cuts that Justin had given him while fighting back and laid down in his bed.

Adam felt completely numb.

He learned to do it differently, to not let his rage from and for his father get in the middle of his kill. He couldn't afford to let it get out of hand and make him get caught. If he wanted to keep killing, he'd have to detach himself.

And that he did.

Five men went missing at his time at Purdue, all with Title IX reports filed against them.

All remained missing.

All were done by Adam.

\--

**Thursday, November 26th**

**YOUR POV**

"Fuck Thanksgiving," you muttered as you scrolled through Twitter on the couch, looking at all of the posts about the 'harmony' between the pilgrims and the Native Americans on this day in history.

_That's just bullshit._

Adam was putting on clothes after his shower when he called out from the bedroom, "Fuck Thanksgiving, huh?"

"Yea," you sighed as you tossed your phone on the other end of the sofa, "Fuck Thanksgiving,"

Adam furrowed his eyebrows together as he poked his head out of the door, "So, you don't want to cook a Thanksgiving meal, today?"

"Oh no, I _do_. I love the food. It's just the holiday is shit. Anyway, when are we gonna start cooking?"

He looked up at the ceiling and thought for a second, "Errr, one thirty-ish? Why don't you make lunch real quick and then we can start it after we eat," he cocked an eyebrow at you, "Please?"

You shot up from the couch, took his chin in your hand, pulled his face down to yours, and kissed him, "Only 'cause you said please,"

You walked to the kitchen and scanned the items you had left over that weren't being used for Thanksgiving dinner.

_Well, fuck. Looks like we're having another sandwich._

As you were cutting up a tomato, you thought more about your dream last night. It was something that wasn't brought up today and you weren't planning on bringing it up _ever_. You told him it was 'just a dream' but that was a fucking lie. It wasn't 'just a dream'. It was a nightmare that you were afraid could come true.

It was so real. So terrifying. Adam's hands wrapped around your neck, his eyes staring into yours as yours slowly shut, the crackling coming from your throat as you struggled to breathe. You weren't into dream analysis that much, but you couldn't help but wonder what it could possibly mean.

What your subconscious was trying to tell you.

What it was _screaming_ at you.

"FUCK!!" you yelled.

You threw the knife on the counter as blood trickled down your finger and onto the tomato. You'd just cut yourself. Your finger was bleeding profusely and it hurt like hell. Quickly moving to the sink, you ran your hand under the water to wash away the blood.

"Ah, fuck shit bitch cunt shit fuck shit shit shit!" you moaned as the pain on your finger grew. You leaned over and grabbed some paper towels, swiftly wrapping your finger in them and putting pressure over it. You could tell that you cut it pretty bad. As you held with pressure, your eyes squeezed shut and you groaned some more.

Adam ran into the kitchen and saw you leaning over the counter, injured, and groaning. His eyes darted to the paper towel that was now soaked in blood, "A-are you okay? What the fuck happened?" he asked frantically as he approached you, taking your wounded digit in his hand.

He grabbed new paper towels and threw the old ones away as you replied, "Cut it on a fuckin' toma—AH SHIT! Too much pressure!" you whined as he held the paper towels against your deep cut.

"Let's wait until the bleeding slows to put a bandage on it. You go sit," he commanded.

You sighed, "You got it, chief,"

Walking to the stools seated at the island, you held your finger close to your chest, wincing at the pain. Adam put the bloody tomato in the trash and started to make the rest of the sandwiches.

"Uh, yea...I'm not hungry anymore so don't make me one," you said, your forehead facing down on the countertop as if you'd completely given up on the whole day.

Adam made the two for himself and sat next to you on the island. Before he ate, he kissed the top of your head. You were still moping with your face down and groaning from the pain that was slowly subsiding.

When he was finished eating and your wound had ceased bleeding, Adam took you in the bathroom and helped you sit up on the counter. He examined the cabinets for a first aid kid and found one at the very bottom. Placing it on the counter, he opened it up and found pretty limited items.

Neosporin and elastic bandages it is!

Adam trashed the paper towels, put himself in-between your legs on the bathroom counter, and checked out your cut. This was the first time the two of you had gotten a pretty good look at it. It wasn't too deep where stitches needed to be done, but it was deep enough where it hurt like _hell_.

His face scrunched and he looked at you, your faces level as he hunched slightly to get a good look, "Shit. Were you not looking where you were cutting?"

_No, I was off in dreamland, thinking about how you killed me in my nightmare last night._

"Yes, I was looking. Just slipped, I think," you lied.

Adam looked back at your cut and placed Neosporin over it, pressing it around your wound with his own finger. As he was carefully maneuvering the cream, you looked at him. His hair was in his face as he gazed down, the black locks contrasting against his light skin. His ears were slightly poking out of his hair. You wished he'd show them more often. You loved his ears.

He glanced up at you as you were staring.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothin'," you smiled.

Adam looked back down at your finger and started to wrap it with the gauze. It was extra as fuck but it was the only thing that was available. As he wrapped it, Adam did it carefully; making sure each wrap around was uniform, tight, and perfect.

The way he was tending to your finger made your heart race.

_So careful with me._

_So sweet with me._

"When's your birthday?" you randomly asked Adam.

He kept his eyes on your finger as he remained wrapping it and answered, "November 19th,"

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me your birthday was last week???" you questioned him, accidentally raising your voice more than necessary.

Adam finally looked up at you after he finished securing the bandage, "It didn't come up. I was out of town. It's not a big deal,"

He kissed your forehead and started to walk out of the bathroom, so you followed him.

"Not a big deal? Adam! Birthdays _are_ a big deal. It's the day you were _born_! That's huge!" you said, still following his long stride.

Adam sighed as he made it to the kitchen. He was getting out all of the things he needed for Thanksgiving dinner.

He looked right in your eyes and said, "To _you_. Not to me," and resumed grabbing things out of the fridge.

You furrowed your eyebrows. Why the fuck is he so weird about birthdays? Deciding you were annoyed and wanting space, you grabbed your book and a big blanket, and made your way outside to the porch to sit on a rocking chair. You examined the area, making sure no bears were there. You were still a little freaked out from yesterday.

_No bears._

You plopped down on the chair and rocked back and forth as you read. The blanket kept you warm underneath as the cold air pinched your face. The dynamic of hot and cold against you was soothing for some reason. You stayed outside for a little while before going back in, deciding your time alone was up. After putting a ribbon in your page, you headed through the door to help Adam in the kitchen.

**_"And then._ **

**_There is death._ **

**_Making his way through all of it._ **

**_On the surface: unflappable, unwavering._ **

**_Below: unnerved, untied, and undone."_ **

\--

5:38PM

"Stuffing, please!" you requested from Adam.

The two of you spent the last few hours making your mini-Thanksgiving meal that was now paying off. You fuckin' loved stuffing.

The table was a spread of turkey, stuffing, a small green bean casserole, a few rolls, and a pumpkin pie. Each of you picked your favorite dishes and decided to do a small mix of each. One of his favorites was the green bean casserole and it really made you question why you liked him. Green bean casseroles were a no from you.

"So you really _like_ burnt toast? I'm sorry but that's fucking weird, Adam. I draw the line at burnt toast. Crispy, yes. Burnt??? What the fuck?"

Yea...you don't know how you got on this topic, either.

Adam was cutting his piece of turkey as he replied, "You're good with murder but not burnt toast?"

Your jaw dropped and you didn't know how to respond. He got you, there.

"Kidding," he smiled.

_Hilarious. Best joke ever. A+ in comedy._

You laughed nervously and shoved a roll into your mouth.

Mid-chew, you asked, "So, what's with you and birthdays?"

_Why can't I think before I speak?? FUCK._

Adam's eye twitched at you, "They're just days," he replied shortly as he took a bite of his food.

You didn't give up so easily this time, "Okay, they're 'just days' to you, fine. But...why? Like everyone else in the world is big about birthdays,"

He sighed loudly, dropped his silverware on the table, crossed his arms, and pierced you with his eyes, "Why? Why the fuck is this important right now?"

_Well damn. Didn't know I triggered something in him by asking about a BIRTHDAY._

Your lips parted in shock at his frustrated tone and attitude, "Shit, Adam. Sorry, I guess. What the fuck? I will _never_ bring up the word _birthday_ again," you remarked as you aggressively cut into your turkey, making sure to keep eye contact with him the whole time. You wanted him to picture himself as the turkey if he kept up this shit up.

His eyes darted to your knife, then your eyes, back to your knife, and to your eyes again.

"Sorry," he mumbled, "Sore subject,"

"That's all you had to say, Adam," you stated very simply before eating a forkful.

You decided you'd drop it after that, not wanting to overstep. You just wished he'd said that earlier and not had been so weird about it. He's weird about _everything_.

After you were finished eating, you washed the dishes as Adam dried and put them away. The two of you stood side by side, working together in the kitchen as if you were a little married couple.

It was quiet at first until he commented, "Tonight's our last night,"

"I know. I don't wanna go," you said softly as you handed him a dish.

Adam dried it and replied, "Me either,"

You bit your lip, "What if we just...ran away together. No more school. No more work. No more _anything_. Just me and you in Alaska or something,"

He laughed under his breath and let a sad smile linger over his face as he dried another dish, "Me and you in Alaska, huh?"

"Yea, me and you in Alaska. We can live in a small cabin like this one and live off the land or some shit," you replied, handing him the last dish. You were laughing, but realized you were only half kidding.

He dried the plate and put it up, "Hm," Adam wrapped his arms around you in a hug and softly swayed you back and forth, "Live off the land? You can barely use a knife," he looked at your bandaged finger and held it between the two of you, "How does it feel?" Adam asked, examining it.

"Still hurts like a bitch," you mumble.

Adam let out a small laugh, "It'll hurt for a few days but you'll live,"

Looking up at Adam, he was still observing the wrap around your finger intensely, as if he was making sure everything was secure, safe...controlled.

\--

8:27PM

You and Adam decided to watch a Christmas movie tonight, marking the start of the season. After settling on _Love Actually_ , you curled up beside him on the couch and wrapped a blanket over both of your bodies. You were all over him, your head on his chest, leg over his, arm sprawled across stomach, wrapping around to his side. There was no way you'd let go of him. Not now. Not ever, you hoped. Adam stroked your hair as you watched Mr. Bean help Snape cheat on Nanny McPhee.

9:58PM

You and Adam brushed your teeth and got into bed. The day felt incredibly short and you wished you'd had more time with him. The two of you faced each other, each with sleepy eyes. You brushed his hair behind his ear and played with it between your fingers. Adam leaned forward and softly kissed you, holding onto your waist and pulling you closer to him. His wet lips lingered over yours, lightly brushing, then kissing.

Tongues weren't used; just soft, long kisses exchanged between the two of you. The scruff on his upper lip and chin pricked at you gently, leaving your lips tingling. Adam's hand was moving in circles on your back, every now and again dipping to your ass, giving it a small squeeze. Your hand stayed in his hair, rubbing your nails above the nape of his neck where you learned he loved to be scratched. Only the sound of breathing, your nails scratching, and the rustling of the blanket could be heard in the quiet room.

A little dance between your lips formed:

_Brush_

_Kiss_

_Nuzzle noses_

_Switch sides_

_Brush_

_Kiss_

_Nuzzle noses_

_Switch sides_

So many things were shared, learned, and felt during this week with him. Adam was someone you liked to be around, was someone you felt like you could really laugh with, and was such an interesting, smart, and funny guy. The trip with just the two of you really locked that in. You said this so many times before but... _you never wanted this to end_.

You pulled away for a moment and stated, "My favorite,"

"My favorite," he whispered back.

**Friday, November 27th**

Your phone alarm blared loudly around 8AM, waking up you and Adam. He groaned and nudged you to turn it off, so you did. Adam went back to sleep quickly, but you knew one of you had to be awake to clean up the cabin before you had to leave.

 _I guess that's gonna be me, then_.

Sitting up in the bed, you let your eyes wake up a bit and adjust to the room. Light from outside was shining in, making it bright as hell. You went to close the curtains so Adam wouldn't wake easily from it.

On your way to the restroom, you passed by Adam and kissed the top of his head. Before you could walk away, he grabbed your hand, eyes still closed, and tugged on you, trying to get you to lay with him again.

"Pleeaaaassseee. It's cold without you," he said, his voice raspy and tired.

_Should I be a responsible adult and stay awake and get shit done or sleep with my mans a little longer?_

He tugged on your arm again and you decided.

"Okay, fine. Five minutes," you said, folding back the covers and crawling next to him.

Adam pulled the blanket back over the two of you and nuzzled close, kissing your shoulder before he went back to dreaming.

_I love this._

You let yourself fall back asleep next to Adam for a little while longer.

\--

10:21AM

"ADAM!" you screamed, "ADAM, LOOK!!"

You zoomed to the front door, put on shoes, and ran outside. Adam was finishing up packing everything when you yelled out for him. He was puzzled but followed you out anyway. You ran down the porch stairs and into the yard, standing in the dead grass that was now covered in snow.

"Snow, Adam!" you excitedly yelped.

He was standing in the door, looking out at you with a small smile. He rubbed his tired eyes and leaned on the wall, arms crossed, smiling as he watched you be amazed by the first snow of the season.

You reached down and took some snow in your hands. It was cold and stung your skin, "This is probably the best goodbye to this place ever," you muttered to yourself.

Dropping the snow to the ground, you rose back up and faced Adam. You frowned and asked, "We have to leave now, right?"

He nodded from the porch.

After you grabbed your bags and hauled them to Adam's truck, the two of you climbed in and started on the road back to the city. The ride was boring and quiet. You stared out of your window and looked at the passing trees. Most were dead, their leaves fallen, but others were still splashed with red, yellow, and orange foliage. The ground was slightly brushed with white snow, but slowly started to go back to brown as you headed further south.

The radio was turned to an oldies station and _Head Over Heels_ by Tears For Fears was playing on medium volume. You could hear Adam faintly humming the tune of the song. You found yourself humming with him. The two of you hummed along with each song that came on the radio for the rest of the way home.

Adam kept his big hand on your thigh and stroked your skin with his thumb. You were both holding on to each moment before you were back in the city.

Back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends, we are pretending that Adam is 28 years old in this fic, hope you don't mind :) it fit better with timelines and what I was wanting to create


	12. chapter eleven: tell me everything.

**Friday, November 27th**

Adam dropped you off at your apartment in the city. He wanted to walk you up but Nia was home and you still didn't want anyone knowing about you and Adam. Plus, Nia still thinks he's a priest and would probably ask him a billion questions about being a 'holy man' that he wouldn't know the answer to. It was just best that he let you go in by yourself.

Nia was making a snack in the kitchen when you walked in the door. When she saw you, Nia put a hand on her hip and gave you a smirk.

"Waaaiiit, before you grill me about it I wanna put my bag away, 'kay?" you said as you walked toward your room.

Nia didn't say anything, just stood there smiling. After you put away some of your toiletries and took your shoes off, you made your way back into the living area and sat on the couch. You faced Nia, still in the small kitchen and gave her a little nod, telling her to go ahead.

You really were not prepared.

"Okay okay okay, so tell me everything you did each day and did you guys have sex? You guys have sex, right? What kind of sex does he have? He's a priest so I bet it's like super kinky or some shit, right? Oh, and do you like him? Like... _like_ him? How long have you been seeing him? Did you say a couple weeks? I can't remember. Is he like super sweet? What's he like? Did you get to know him better?"

_Holy fuck, Nia._

Looking at her with wide eyes, you didn't know where to start. She was waiting on you to answer one of her million questions when she looked at your bandaged finger.

"Oh, what happened there?" she asked as she made her way to sit by you, grilled cheese in hand.

"I was cutting a tomato and the knife slipped. You know me...typical," you replied. Nia nodded in agreement, "Um anyway, I really like him, yea. I had a good time," you felt your cheeks heat up and Nia started to notice.

"You _really_ like him," she stated, "Do uh...do you think you lo—"

You cut her off, "Nia, do not say the 'L' word, please. Besides, it hasn't even been that long,"

"Sorry, I forget that you have no heart sometimes," she smiled, "...but you _really, really_ like him, yea?"

"We'll see," you bit your lip.

You _did_ really like him, but there was still so much to figure out. You'd be graduating in May, unsure of where you'd spend graduate school at. He was...well, he was Adam. The two of you fought like crazy and loved passionately. You figured a mix like that could only be determined if it was a 'right fit' over a period of time. You wanted to see how this would play out but you already felt yourself falling too hard and fast. You needed to slow down. You were so used to being around him 24/7, it felt natural to cling by his side and act as though you were a couple.

That's why for the next week, you decided to limit how much you saw Adam. Most of it wasn't really by choice, you _did_ have a shit ton of schoolwork to do. The two weeks between Thanksgiving and winter break was usually insane in college. It was filled with last minute cramming and intense final exams. You also knew that during this upcoming week, you'd be hearing back from universities to go to interviews for the doctoral programs you applied to.

It was stressful to say the least.

**Monday, November 30th**

You were up bright and early for class, ready to get this day over with. While you did your makeup in the bathroom, you listened to a playlist you made on Spotify of songs that reminded you of Adam. Most of them were oldies you'd listened to with him over the break.

What can you say? You liked the music.

Over the weekend, you and Adam didn't talk much. There were occasional texts sent but nothing of significance. You figured things had just gone back to normal now but you couldn't stop thinking about him and how much you wanted to be around him. You wondered if he was thinking about you too... _missing you_ , perhaps _._

Nia felt sick today, so she decided to skip class. You walked to campus alone, stopping to see Katinka at the pastry shop and get a Kakaós roll on the way. While you were there, Katinka asked you where your 'boyfriend' was, referencing Adam. You told her you had no clue what she was talking about and that you there was no boyfriend in sight.

You technically didn't lie. Were you and Adam secretly official? Were you technically exclusive? Was he your boyfriend?

You left the shop, pastry in hand, and walked to Schermerhorn hall, ready to get back into the groove of classes. Two flights of stairs later, you arrived at your classroom and took the last bite of your pastry.

A little sign on the door read:

**_HUMAN AND ARTIFICIAL COGNITION 10AM CLASS CANCELLED_ **

**_\- Prof. Long_ **

_Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?? I walked all the way here for NOTHING._

A few other classmates walked up behind you and read the sign. All of them groaned and rolled their eyes.

"She can't fuckin' put it in an email?" one peer grumbled as they walked away.

You weren't sure what to do now. You didn't have another class until noon and it was barely ten in the morning. Guess you'd have to make do.

As you walked through the empty halls while other classes had started, you decided to mosey down to the basement, just to see if Adam was there. Why not? You were bored. Lights were flickering but it wasn't quiet and creepy. There were a couple people chattering in offices nearby and occasionally other faculty members would pass by you.

You approached his office and stopped at the door.

**_A. Driver_ **

Seeing his name made you blush a little for some reason.

_Stop being weird._

It didn't look like any lights were on so you guessed he wasn't inside. Figuring it'd be okay, you jiggled the handle to see if it was unlocked. Maybe he was actually inside. Who knows?

 _Click_.

The door turned all the way and came open, but alas, Adam wasn't inside. It was just a dark, small office. You sighed, wishing Adam was in there so you could hang out. Deciding to walk in just for a minute, you closed the door behind you, set your backpack down, and plopped onto Adam's office chair. Slouching back into the seat, you swiveled around in half circles, observing Adam's office in better detail.

On his desk, there was a computer and keyboard, a shit ton of paperwork, pens, and...

_A small picture?_

You scooted closer to the framed photo and squinted at it, trying to make it out. It looked like an older photo that had been through a lot. There were three people, a woman, a young girl, and a young boy.

_Adam._

The three stood in front of a house and smiled for the photo. Adam looked fourteen, maybe? His sister around eight years old, possibly? It was interesting to see his family. You wondered where his father was.

You put the picture back down and sunk in the chair again. Resting your hands on your stomach, you sighed. You heard people walk by passed the office, babbling away at one another. Their chats would be soft, then get loud as they made their way by the door, then get quiet again as they walked further down the hall.

You listened to the hum of passing people, each had their own rhythm. Talking, footsteps, jangling of keys, doors opening, phone rings: it started to sound like a song as you sat there listening, bored out of your mind. You started to wonder what you were really even doing in Adam's office in the first place. Sure, you were bored because your class was canceled, but why come here? To see if _he_ was here? You already told yourself you wanted to see him less, as you were already feeling so glued to him.

_I should go._

You stood from the chair and swung your backpack around your shoulders. As you were about to touch the handle to leave, Adam was on the other end of the door, pushing it open. Both of your faces were surprised, him more so, as you were literally just chilling in his office by yourself without his knowledge.

_Oh my God, this is so embarrassing._

"Hi," you said shyly as you backed up, letting him walk in.

Adam put his bookbag on the office chair, "What are you doing in here?" he asked with a knitted eyebrow.

Your cheeks started to burn as you stood there completely mortified, "I uh—my class was cancelled and uh, I just sorta came down here,"

"I think you missed me," Adam said, eyeing you as he took some things out of his bag and laid them on the desk, "Take your backpack off, you don't have to go,"

_Okay, daddy._

You dropped your backpack on the floor and sat on his desk, "I think I may have missed you slightly, yea,"

He was shuffling through papers when he cocked an eyebrow and glanced your way. His fuckin' face made your heart drop. Adam put the papers down and took a step to you, moving himself between your legs. His hands rested on the tops of your thighs and he leaned forward, " _You_ missed _me?_ "

"Actually, no I didn't. Never mind," you smirked.

Adam's eyebrow cocked again as he leaned closer to your face, "I missed your quick tongue,"

You could smell his cologne as he lingered over you. It smelled so manly. So masculine.

So Adam.

He was staring down at you intensely. His hands on your legs started slowly rubbing up and down. Your breathing hitched. With a serious face and eyes clouded with lust, you stared at him, "Not as much as I missed yours on me,"

Adam inhaled sharply, surprised at your comment. He stepped back, turned toward the door, and locked it.

Fuck.

He came back to you and immediately kissed you intensely, his hands wrapping themselves over your neck and jaw. His kiss was all consuming, needy...lustful. Your tongue twisted with his as he pressed himself against you even more. The two of you couldn't help but be completely tangled with the other, hands everywhere, body against the other, no room to breathe. You both encompassed each other, holding on for dear life to the other as you kissed. Soft moans left his mouth and vibrated into yours.

You wanted him so fucking bad.

You felt your pussy begging to be touched, fucked, _anything_. Adam's hands were now around your waist pushing you against him even more. Your kiss was getting to be too much. You needed him now.

"Mmmm," you whimpered in his mouth before pulling back to take his bottom lip between your teeth. As you bit down, you slowly started to pull back, taking his lip with you. Adam was looking down at you with darkened eyes. You knew that would send him over. After releasing his lip, Adam stepped back, grabbed your hands, and jerked you forward, forcing you off of his desk. He spun you around and pushed you forward so you were now bending over his desk. Your breathing turned fast and eager as Adam pushed himself against your ass and bent over you. He pushed your hair back and growled in your ear, "If you want me to fuck you, you better be quiet,"

You'd completely forgot about the dozens of people that were constantly walking past his office, minding their own business, "Are you going to be my perfect girl and stay silent?" he continued as he nipped your ear and started to pull down your leggings and panties.

You instinctively moved your hips from side to side to assist him in getting them down to your ankles, "Mhmmmm," you softly moaned.

Suddenly, you felt two of Adam's thick fingers enter your pussy, moving in and out. Your mouth opened, but you didn't let sound come out even though you wanted to scream. Squeezing your eyes shut, you felt yourself unravel at his touch inside of you.

Adam's other hand pressed your head against the desk, making one side of your face visible to him. You could tell he was getting off seeing you writhe in pleasure but also in pain, knowing you couldn't yelp in satisfaction.

A small mewl left your mouth and Adam took his fingers out of you. He raised your head up with your hair, leaving you whining, "Adam, pleeeaaasseee," you whispered.

"I thought you were going to be my perfect girl and stay quiet," he said, his eyes crazier than you'd ever seen them.

You didn't care how much he kind of scared you. You sort of liked it in a twisted way and needed him back inside of you, "Plleeaaasse, I will be your perfect girl, I'm sorry. Please, please, please, fuck me, Adam. I'm your perfect girl, please," you begged. You sounded desperate as fuck but at least it was for a good cause.

He took his two fingers that were inside of you and brought them to his open mouth, closing it and sucking on them, "Only because you taste so good,"

_FFFUUUUUCCKCKKKKKKKKKK MEEEEEEE FUCKKCKKCKC_

You were now about to combust.

He let go of your hair and the sound of metal clanking started behind you. As Adam unbuckled his belt, you were squirming at the image of his hard cock twitching to fill you. You felt yourself practically dripping for him already.

His pants dropped to the floor and your breathing quickened. One of his hands gripped your waist and started to massage it. Adam was moving your body back and forth, getting you ready for a new rhythm he was about to set. As you were anxiously awaiting him to enter you, you felt his tip glide over the front of your pussy and work its way backward, slowly. You wriggled your hips at this touch and gave a quiet whine.

"So hungry for me, baby," he growled, his voice sounding sore. You could tell he was practically busting at the seams, too.

Adam placed his cock at your entrance and forced himself inside of you. Instead of yelping, you balled up your fist and put it into your mouth, biting on it. You felt your walls tighten around him as he plunged in and out of you. You grabbed the edge of desk for support, hearing it creak and rock underneath you as Adam thrusted harder, pushing more of himself further into you.

Your legs came together slightly, creating more friction on your pussy as he pounded you from behind. The only thing that you heard was skin slapping, heavy breathing, the desk creaking, and chattering in the hall.

Suddenly, there was a knock at his office door. Both of you froze for a moment. You turned your head around to glance at Adam, thinking he'd do something.

He didn't.

Adam put his pointer finger over his lips at you and smiled, telling you to be quiet. He started to slowly pump in and out of you again. Adam grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled it toward him, leaving your neck craned

There was more knocking, and you bit your lip _hard_ out of fear and pleasure. Adam's thrusts became faster as the knocking subsided. You could hear him breathing loudly and you could tell it was taking everything in him not to groan loudly in the quiet room.

It was hot as fuck.

You'd never been fucked from this position. Embarrassing confession? Maybe. But you were glad you were now. The feeling was unlike anything you'd felt before. It was still the same magic of fucking, but different sensations came with it that were slightly more powerful. You were already starting to feel your peak coming.

You stood on your tip toes as the pressure from your core intensified. A small wail left your dry throat. Adam leaned over you again, still thrusting into you, and covered your mouth with his hand, "Not. Yet," he said through clenched teeth.

You tried to beg him to let you come but his hand was still over you, making you unable to speak. Your pussy started to tighten around him and your knees were getting shaky. You whined as the sensation got stronger. You wanted to submit to the pleasure, but you also wanted to hold out for Adam.

He was moving a little slower around you as you kept clenching yourself around his hard cock, making his strokes more intense. As he continued to pound into you, his breathing was faster and sharper. He snaked his free hand to your clit and started to play with it, "Umph!" he grunted, his head buried in your neck, "C-come, baby, ah,"

You clamped yourself around him a little more. With his cock inside of you and his middle finger working it's magic on your clit, it was all too much. With his permission, you finally came and cried out in pleasure against his palm over your mouth. Adam grunted into your neck, spilling his cum inside of you.

Maybe it was the excitement that you could get caught, maybe it was the positioning, or maybe it was just some other random thing in the universe, but your climax was one of the strongest you'd felt. Your mind was fuzzy and you felt your core twitch. You swore you stopped breathing for a whole twenty seconds and didn't even know it.

Adam was still laying over your back, breathing hard against you. He kissed the back of your head, pulled out of you, and fixed his pants back up. As he did his, he did yours as well as you were still stomach down on his desk in a trance.

When you finally recovered, you stood up straight and fixed your clothing just right. You sat up on Adam's desk with heavy eyes and your lips were red and swollen from biting on them. You stared at the floor, unable to speak or think. His dick had you in a daze.

Adam stood between your legs and brushed your hair behind your ear, "Are you okay?"

You look up at him and blink a few times, almost as if you were adjusting to reality, "Yeaaaa," you said with a raw voice. You leaned forward and rested your head on his chest and shut your eyes. Adam's hands wrapped you up in a hug as you buried yourself in him, not wanting to move for another million years. He kissed your head and inhaled, smelling your hair. He liked your shampoo.

You craned your neck up to gaze at him. Giving him a lazy smile, you draped your arms around the back of his neck, "Ohhh, Adam...If only we could do this every day,"

He lowered his head down to your neck and kissed it, "Hmm, if only you were staying for Christmas, baby," he breathed onto your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

Adam faced you again, his forehead on yours, "I'm sorry. I've gotta go home, though. I _always_ go home for Christmas. When I get back, you can chain me up for a week," you grinned.

"Hmm," he said as his lips met yours, giving you a long kiss, "Maybe I will," he promised.

As your hands held onto his shoulders, you began to kiss Adam's chin, then worked your way along his jaw, down to his neck, giving him pecks just about everywhere. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed the clock above the door.

_11:48AM. SHITSHITSHIT._

"FUCK, I have to go to class now!" you let go of his shoulders and maneuvered yourself off of the desk and onto the floor. You turned back to him and asked, "How do I look?"

Adam raised his hands to your hair and began to pat it down and brush through it with his fingers, "Like you just fucked someone in small office,"

You grabbed your phone from your backpack in horror and opened the camera to check your appearance.

_Shit. I DO look like I just got fucked in a small space._

"God dammit!" you exclaimed while frantically fixing your hair and cleaning the smudges from your mascara under your eyes in the camera. You could hear Adam chuckle under his breath as he watched you rectify yours appearance.

When you finally cleaned yourself up, you grabbed your backpack and started to head out of the door. Adam grabbed you by the hand and swung your around, giving you a long, passionate kiss. It was sweet and felt romantic. You melted right there.

_Okay, I know I said I wanted to unglue myself from him but I'm starting to think that's impossible when he does shit like this._

Adam pulled away, "Bye,"

"Bye," you smiled and headed to class.

What a great 'back to school' gift you just got.

**Friday, December 4th**

You sat in the monthly psychology departmental meeting bored as ever but you were so fuckin' happy to see Adam. The two of you hadn't been around each other much since Monday, besides spending the night with him on Wednesday. Other than that, you didn't really see him or talk to him. He wasn't much of a texter and you both were busy as hell.

Dr. Kennedy was blabbing about the president of the university's incompetence regarding the Frat Boy Finisher. Adam was sitting next to you, palms on the arm of his chair, completely relaxed. You shot him a look and he glanced down at you, then looked back at Dr. Kennedy.

"I just cannot believe that President Carr decided this was all over. It's clearly not," Dr. Kennedy said, agitated.

She was referring to the Frat Boy Finisher's hiatus from killing. There'd been no missing students since before Thanksgiving and President Carr decided everything was back to normal now, despite it only being a week since school started up again. Every safety precaution the university had put in place for the male students had been lifted and Dr. Kennedy was furious.

You hadn't really talked to Adam about it. He didn't say that he would stop after Thanksgiving, so you were wondering why he was taking a bit of a break. You wondered if it had anything to do with _you_.

"It's certainly not over," another professor chimed in and others agreed.

You and Adam sat there silently as everyone else seemed to have an opinion about it.

The conversation eventually moved on to plans for next semester. You became bored again and slightly slumped in your chair. Thomas was to your left, playing a game on his phone again. He never paid attention.

At one point, Adam rested his knee against yours and placed his hand on your thigh under the table. You put your hand on his and the two of you fidgeted with each other's fingers for the rest of the meeting.

When it was all over, you stepped out into the hall with Thomas. Adam was already outside, standing near a water fountain, and gestured for you to come talk to him. You told Thomas to wait a second for you. He looked annoyed but you walked away anyway.

"Hi," you said as you approached Adam.

"Let's drink at my apartment and watch movies tonight," Adam said in a hushed voice as people passed by.

_Ugh. I can't believe I'm about to reject this._

You groaned, "I really have to go study with Thomas. I have a billion finals next week and these are really important. I can't tonight,"

Adam thought for a moment, "You're right, you're right, baby. I want to see you soon, though....to have you all to myself for a day,"

_He just called me baby again. I may have to pass out._

"Hmmm...how about next Friday, after the semester is officially over? We'll both be done and I won't leave for home until that Sunday," you offered.

"Hmmm, okay," Adam looked passed you in the hallway, then back at your eyes, "Thomas is waiting for you,"

You pursed your lips, really wanting to say 'fuck it' to studying and be with Adam but you really couldn't afford to, "I should go...Bye, Adam,"

You both had an urge to give a quick kiss before your parted ways but you remembered you were in public and for sure did not want anyone to know you were 'together'. You gave Adam a small smile and turned to walk with Thomas.

"Why were you talking to _him_?" Thomas asked as you walked to the library.

"We're doing that research thing, remember? I have to talk to him sometimes about it," you half-lied.

Thomas dropped it after that, but you could tell he still thought Adam was a dick.

_I mean...he technically is._

You'd been in the library with Thomas for an hour. It was 4:38PM when he decided to leave. Thomas asked if you wanted to come smoke with him and Nia, but you were too busy cramming. After he left, you continued reviewing notes and taking advantage of every Quizlet set you could find regarding your courses.

A few hours later, you were still in the library, exhausted. Just when you were about to finish up, two emails pop up on your computer. There was one from Columbia University Graduate Admissions and another from the University of Massachusetts in Boston Graduate Admissions.

_Fuck._

_Grad school application results._

Clicking open the one from Columbia, you see a 'Congratulations' and a date and time for an interview for their doctoral program. That was a slight no brainer. After already being an involved student in the psychology program at Columbia, you figured you'd for sure get an interview and most likely be accepted by the faculty.

Now for the scary one.

You clicked the University of Massachusetts in Boston email and opened it. There was a huge university emblem photo attached, so you had to scroll down the email a bit, adding to the anticipation.

**_Congratulations—_ **

_FUCKKKKKKKK YEESSSSSSSS._

You had two clinical psychology programs that wanted to interview you.

This is what you've been working toward.

_This is what I've always wanted._

Your heart started to race with excitement. After quickly packing your things up, you busted out of the quiet library hall and into one of the bathrooms. You set your opened backpack onto the counter, placed your face inside of it, and screamed the most guttural, throat-burning, muffled scream into your backpack you could. With your face still in your bag, you breathed heavily, taking in as much air as you could after that scream.

You screamed into your backpack one more time.

Closing your bag, you looked in the mirror at the person you'd become. You were a soon-to-be college graduate at one of the best schools in the country and were about to interview for your top choices of graduate school to become a clinical psychologist right out of a bachelor's degree. While an interview isn't an acceptance, it was still fucking wild you even got this far.

You slowly started to put your backpack on as you remained looking in the mirror, eyes locked on yourself. You were so fucking proud of you. Your eyes welled up with tears and you found yourself letting them fall right there in the library bathroom.

When you cleaned yourself up a bit, you left the library and walked outside to head home. It was cold as fuck. You checked your phone's weather app.

_36°F goddamn._

You scrolled over to the phone app to call your mom to tell her about your exciting news.

"Hello!" your mom's voice rang in your ear, "We haven't talked for a few weeks, why haven't you called?" she asked.

You were already annoyed, "Calling goes both ways, Mother. Anyway, I have some news about grad school,"

She gasped over the phone and shrieked, "Tell me!!"

"I have interviews for Columbia and UMass," you reply with chattering teeth.

Your mom didn't say anything for a second.

"Hello?" you asked, making sure she was still there.

"I'm here," she said reluctantly, "Huh, I didn't know you applied to UMass. Isn't UMass a really good school? Why would you want to go to Massachusetts? I thought you were applying to more places near home,"

Fuck. You knew she'd do this. She always did this shit.

You sighed, "Mom, you know I'm not stepping foot near home unless it's a holiday. Which, by the way, is coming up. I'll see you in like two and a half weeks. And UMass _is_ a good school. I'm smart believe it or not. You just can't believe that I got an interview?"

"I just didn't think that'd be a school you'd think to apply to. It's...interesting that you got an interview, though," she replied.

You were about to strangle her through the phone.

"Anyway, you never call, never come see us, never keep us updated on what you're doing, and act like you just don't want to have us as your family," your mom whined.

_Can this woman decide what she wants to bitch at me about? Jesus fuck._

"Mom, I really don't know what you're talking about. I thought you'd want to hear about that and be proud, so I told you,"

"I am proud and I'm sure your dad will be, too. I'll let him know when we hang up," she said.

You sighed. You didn't know why you even really called. She wasn't actually 'proud' and you knew your dad wouldn't care. They didn't really give a fuck about your studies, anyway.

Your mom started again, "What are you doing?"

"Walking home," you answered as you crossed the street, your body lit up as you passed each car's headlights.

"Oh, walking...that's good. Walking is good for you. How often do you walk? Have you been exercising? You won't get a good boyfriend if you're not thin, you know,"

_Alright, it's time to go._

Standing outside of your apartment now, you unlocked the door and went inside as you replied, "Mom, it's quite embarrassing how your ideals have not evolved since you were born in the sixties. Also, it's kinda shitty to say that to anyone. I'm gonna go, okay? Bye,"

"Love y—" she tried to say as you hung up the phone.

You really didn't want to go to Christmas at home in a few weeks. You forgot how much of a passive aggressive, manipulative person your mom was. But she's still your mom and that's supposed to mean something apparently, right?

 _Ugh_.

As you unlocked your door and walked inside, you heard Nia crying in her room. After quickly setting your things in your room and taking off your big coat, you knocked gently at her door, "Heyyyy, Nia. Can I come in?"

You heard a muffled, "Mhm," and walked in.

She was laying on her stomach, face in a pillow, sobbing. You crawled on her bed and laid next to her, "Hi, what's wrong?" you asked, concerned.

Nia rolled her face over to you, "Thomas and I got in a f-f-fiiiigghhhtttt," she cried.

"Ohhh, Nia. I'm sorry. How long have you been crying?" you ask.

She was hesitant as she answered, "...a few uh, hours,"

You felt really bad but you couldn't help it. You let out the biggest laugh ever, "Pffftttttt, ahahaha, Niaaaaa! A few HOURS?? Goddamn, girl! I really don't think Thomas is worth hours of tears,"

Luckily, Nia laughed too, a smile forming on her tear stained face, "I guess I can be a little theatrical sometimes, haha," she sat up and wiped her cheeks with a tissue from beside her bed, "Can we watch something on HBO and make brownies tonight? We haven't really gotten to do that in a while. Plus, we're both about to be super busy with finals next week," she sniffled.

"Yea, let's do it," you said with a smile.

As you and Nia were baking the brownies, she put on _Spirited Away_ and you spent the rest of the night watching that chaotic, amazing movie.

**Friday, December 11th**

One week later and you were FINALLY done with the semester. Your grades hadn't come back yet, but you weren't really worried about that. You were just excited to spend the weekend with Adam before you had to go _'home_ home' for Christmas.

Even though you were _just_ finished with a stressful week, you noticed that you really didn't get _that_ stressed. You took your meds as usual, but there was something else that was keeping you from being so low. You figured it had to be Adam. You were happy with him and that seemed to put you in a really good place. It _did_ worry you a little that your mood seemed dependent on him. You didn't want to rely on another person to help you through your shit but it was... _nice_.

You'd only seen Adam twice this week when you passed him in the psych building. No office sex, just friendly hello's and sweet glances. While you liked the fluff, you were over it and ready for the dirty shit again. You couldn't believe you'd gone over a week without him fucking you. His dick must be magical because you were starting to have withdrawals. This hadn't happened with any other guy before, only Adam. Over the past week after studying for countless hours, you laid down for the night and thought of Adam. You ached for him.

You _needed_ him.

It was 5:34PM when you were about to leave your apartment to head to his. Suddenly, your phone buzzed. There was a notification from the local news station with the headline:

**_POSSIBLE LINK IN FRAT BOY FINISHER CASES WITH 2010-2013 CASES AT PURDUE UNIVERSITY. READ FOR MORE INFO._ **

You felt your stomach drop. You weren't sure what the fuck the headline was about, so you opened the article.

_The public has just been informed about a potential link in the series of kidnappings around Columbia's campus to ones from Purdue University in the years of 2010-2013. Police are reporting that there is a substantial connection between the two at this time and they are working with Indiana officials to tie the multiple cases to one person._

WHAT THE FUCK.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

You felt your heart beat rapidly in your chest as you picked your bag up and bolted out of the door.

You were going to Adam's.

On your way there, you kept thinking about what this meant for you. You never thought to ask him about his past with this shit. He never _told_ you. Should he have? Were you dumb to forget to ask?

On one hand, you felt stupid. You should have known this wasn't his first rodeo. On the other hand, you wondered what changes now? Anything? You still needed to know what the fuck was up, especially since police were now linking this shit. You were conflicted in a way. You were concerned for Adam, not wanting him to get caught but...he should have _told_ you this stuff, right? You were just incredibly confused and caught off guard.

You needed answers.

Now.

After an incredibly mind-exhausting walk, you finally arrived at Adam's door and knocked. He opened the door and had a big smile on his face, "Hi," he said sweetly as he dipped down to kiss your forehead.

_Fucker doesn't even know._

You weaved around him and barged into his apartment, standing in the living area. He shut the door and knitted his eyebrows, "What's wrong?"

You tossed your phone at him with the article open, ready for him to read.

As he caught it, you sternly demanded, "Adam, tell me everything,"


	13. chapter twelve: the only way.

**Friday, December 11th**

**The Day Before You Hated Him Again.**

You sat on Adam's couch, blankly staring at him as he told you just about everything. He went all the way back to his childhood, talking about his father, to high school, then to college. If you were understanding him correctly, _basically_ he killed people who were like his father. He was trying to stop them before they were older and had children of their own...little Adams to influence.

Adam was on one end of the sofa and you were on the other. He kept his distance on purpose, trying to close himself off and not wanting to scare you with his touch. Adam kept his eyes on his fidgeting hands as he walked you through it all. You could tell he was leaving out details about certain things. He didn't want to tell you graphic nature of it all.

You felt bad for him. Adam had this need to let his anger and hatred for his dad take over. You wondered if he'd ever be able to _truly_ stop. After he was done speaking, there was a moment of silence as you both sat there, him staring at the floor and your eyes locked on him.

Your shaking voice broke through the quiet room, "I'm sorry, I'm just trying to process all of this...I'm really sorry about your dad. I uh, I understand now...about you,"

_God fuckin' dammit, I sound so awkward. What does one even say in this situation???_

Another moment of silence draped over the room.

"I don't want to drive you away. I drive everyone away. I can't have you be scared of me," he added.

"What do you mean you 'drive everyone away'?" you asked wondering what the fuck he meant.

Adam's jaw tensed, "Other family stuff," he mumbled.

When you asked him to tell you more, Adam hesitated but eventually did. He said that his mom and sister knew what he did in high school and college. They stopped speaking to him but said they'd never say a word about it. They loved him but were scared of him.

It all seemed to make sense now. He was so closed off at first, then clingy, almost frighteningly so. You felt suddenly enlightened.

"Oh," was all you could say back.

After more silence, you piped up, "So...you haven't done _it_ in a few weeks...are you, um, done?" you didn't want to say the word 'kill'. To be honest, you didn't like thinking of Adam as a killer, even if he did it for a good reason. Picturing him actually doing it made your stomach twitch, so you decided to weave your way around what you actually meant.

"You know I don't like to talk to you about it," he said quietly.

_Jesus Christ._

"Uhm...well Adam, it's a little late for that. I think I'm kind of in this too now, don't you think?" you asked him genuinely.

He swallowed and continued to stare ahead, not looking at you, "Perhaps. You don't have to be, though,"

You furrowed your eyebrows together, "What the fuck does that mean?"

Adam sighed and rubbed his forehead, "I'm not sure what I mean. I just—I just don't want you to be involved and suf—," he paused, assessing his words, "I just don't want you to be involved,"

"But I literally already am, Adam," you gazed at him with wide eyes, basically begging him to look at you.

Adam's eyes stayed down at his hands, "I don't know if I'll ever be finished,"

"B-but you told me at the cabin you'd stop if I wanted you to, remember? You said that to me," you stated softly as you scooted closer to him and put your hands on his forearm, "Adam, I don't understand. Look at me, please," you begged, taking his face in your hands.

His big eyes darted to yours. He gave you a look you hadn't seen before. It reminded you of an innocent, childlike, scared face. Adam was always either neutral or crazy-eyed, but...vulnerable? You'd never seen this on him.

"I want to make this right with you but I'm afraid that who I am, who I _need_ to be, will get in the way of... _this_. I can't do this to you, too," his lips were turning scarlet.

You could tell he wanted to cry.

"Adam, all I wanted was for you to tell me if you were done. You haven't taken anyone in a few weeks, right? I just wanted to know why, that's all. I want to make this right, too. I feel like I _know_ who you are already. Why would something get in the way of us? I feel like the only thing getting in the way right now is that you're not communicating with me. I mean, I'm so grateful you told me about everything in your past but I think it's important we focus on _now_ ," he looked down, your hands were still cupped around his cheeks, "I also don't think you're understanding me when I tell you I'm already in this...With you, Adam. I'm _here_. I don't know what you mean by your cryptic sentences tonight but...I'm _here_. Why can't you see that? I'm sorry others have left you but I _won't_ , Adam,"

Adam looked back up at you, "I'm sorry," he took your hands in his and kissed them. He was holding onto them so tightly that you could practically feel the blood sprinting out of your fingers. His lips pressed hard on your knuckles and kept them there for a few seconds. His 'I'm sorry' felt raw and seemed like it was for something completely unrelated to what you were just talking about.

You pulled your hands away and grabbed your phone that was sitting on the coffee table, "We need to get your house in order and figure out this shit with the people in Indiana," you noted as you resurfaced the article from the news, trying to get as much information on it as you could. Adam couldn't be suspected for this. He just couldn't. You wouldn't let that happen.

Adam put his hand over your phone and lowered it to your lap, "Stop," he quietly demanded.

"What? We have to figure this out!" you raised your voice slightly. You couldn't help it. You couldn't understand what's not clicking for him.

Adam stood up and paced around the room, "We? There's no 'we' in this. This is _my_ shit!"

"Ar-are you seriously getting upset with me?" you rose from the couch and faced him, "Adam, _WE_ are going to figure this out! It's not just your shit anymore! It's mine, too! I'm _with_ you! FUCK, why can't you accept that?"

"NO!" he yelled as he pointed his finger at you.

His booming voice made you jump back. Your eyebrows raised in fright. You didn't realize you were crying now. Tears were running down your cheek and falling to the floor. After a second, you croaked out in a small voice, "...No?"

Adam's chin quivered as he observed your expression. His eyes became brimmed with tears that he quickly blinked away, "No," he said softly.

You looked down to the floor. There was a mixture of sadness, anger, embarrassment, confusion, and so much more mixing inside of you. Eyes still on the floor, you whispered, "I should go," and started to walk past Adam.

He quickly grabbed you and pulled you to him, hugging you. His arms were firmly around you and tightened, bringing you close against his chest, "Don't go," he whispered against the top of your head.

You didn't end up leaving.

**Saturday, December 12th**

**The Day You Hated Him Again.**

**ADAM POV**

Adam woke up to her warm body against his. Her breathing was long and heavy as she dreamed so peacefully next to him. He pulled her close and kissed her shoulder.

Last night, her and Adam spent the rest of the night on the couch eating pizza, refusing to talk about anything other than surface level material. She was too scared to bring anything back up, afraid of his reaction, and he was nervous to bring anything back up, afraid he'd say something he'd been meaning to say until today.

Something that would tear him apart but was necessary.

Adam didn't want to but he _had_ to. Even if he _did_ like the way he felt with her. She made him feel safe and like home, something he wasn't used to. She brought so much more laughter and lightness into his cold, dark world. She was a pessimist too, but she was a fun one. Adam noticed himself relax when she was around, even before they were together.

His stomach started to twist with his rising anxiety.

Adam glanced at the clock: _6:27AM_. He didn't know why he woke up so goddamn early. Maybe it was his worry at the decision he had made or maybe it was just by chance, but now he couldn't fall back asleep.

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek softly. She didn't stir at all as Adam got out of bed and went to the restroom to shower. The warm water soaked his hair and made it fall over his eyes. Adam brushed his hair back with his hands and stood under the water, eyes closed, thinking. He thought about his perfect girl in his bed the next room over. He thought about his perfect girl and how much she wanted to help him. He thought about his perfect girl and how much he was about to break her heart.

Adam's stomach twisted in anxiety even more and his breathing fastened. He tried to calm himself by shifting his attention to the shampoo. Adam got a glob and worked it through his hair but it didn't help. He was reminded that the shampoo he was using wasn't hers. He loved her shampoo. He was going to miss it.

As he washed his shitty shampoo out of his hair, his eyes squeezed shut. The pain in his stomach worsened and he felt bile rising in his mouth. He was about to puke. Adam turned around to face the showerhead and fell to his knees. His stomach finally gave in and convulsed as he vomited in the shower. Adam's hair fell over his eyes as he was hunched over on the floor, puking until there was nothing left to give. His stomach contents disappeared down the drain as Adam stared at the ground, still kneeling. Water hit his head and back and made its way down his face, dripping down his nose and lips. His anxiety hadn't been this bad in a long time. He'd never thrown up from it before.

He knew this meant he was going to do something that would destroy him if his body was having this bad of a reaction.

Adam eventually stood back up and ran his face under the water. He didn't know how long he was standing there, but he knew it was a while.

When he finally got out of the shower, Adam toweled off, brushed his teeth, and got back into bed with her, pretending as though everything was fine. She was still sound asleep and hadn't moved an inch. Adam laid on his back and maneuvered her body so she had her head on his chest. Still sleeping, she wrapped her arm across his midsection and tossed her leg over his. She completely engulfed him, which she usually did when she slept, and in that moment, Adam felt like he could melt.

He craned his head forward to kiss the top of her head and breathed into her hair, "I'm sorry,"

Adam spent the rest of the early morning wide awake, thinking. He wondered why he wasn't too concerned about the police trying to track who he was. He didn't even think about that part of it because it didn't matter to him. Adam was only concerned about keeping her safe.

Keeping her out of it.

There was only one way how.

**YOUR POV**

You woke up the next morning to an empty bed...well, _kind of_ an empty bed. Adam's dog Moose was laying at your feet, watching you wake up. Sitting up on your elbows, you let your eyes adjust to the room.

_No Adam._

After calling out to him with a tired voice and no answer, you assumed he popped out for a bit. Looking at the clock, you saw it was 9:59AM. You sat in his big bed for another two minutes then decided to shower, brush your teeth, and make coffee.

As you rested on his couch, coffee mug in hand and Moose at your side, you couldn't help but think about last night. You so desperately wanted Adam to accept the fact that you were part of all of this now, but you finally understood why he wouldn't want you to be involved. You just wanted him to get that there really wasn't any other way. Sure, he didn't want you to 'be involved' but that was above the both of you now.

It hurt you when he seemed to reject you. It felt personal, like he was rejecting your partnership with him. That's what the two of you have, isn't it? A partnership?

You began to wonder if _you_ were the one completely wrong. Were you being dramatic? Should you trust him? Were you involving yourself when in reality, you had no reason to? Should you really just let him do his shit and mind your fuckin' business?

You felt crazy and wanted to wipe it from your head. Deciding to trust Adam, you told yourself you wouldn't bring anything up for the rest of the day. You wanted to have a normal day with him, as if your days were _ever_ normal with Adam, though.

Moose put his head on your lap, so you scratched the top of his head and sipped your coffee, wondering where Adam was. You grabbed your phone and dialed his number. As it rang, you heard buzzing come from the bedroom.

 _Motherfucker didn't take his phone_.

It was another ten minutes of worrying, scratching Moose, and scrolling through TikTok when Adam finally came through the door, pastries from the Hungarian shop in hand. Moose ran to the door and greeted him while you stayed on the couch.

"Where've you been?" you asked, putting your mug on the coffee table. Adam walked over and sat next to you, handing you a Kakaós roll, "Thanks," you smiled.

Adam kissed your temple, "Went to get these," he replied as he bit his pastry.

"I could've gone with you. It's a long-ish walk. Also, you should take your phone when you go out," you said before you nibbled on the roll.

He swallowed, "I didn't want to wake you. Sorry, I didn't think I needed my phone,"

"Well, I'm sure you didn't _need_ it but I just didn't know where you were and was a little worried. Plus, one of us could have had an emergency or something and we would have never known. It's just good to keep your phone with you," you weren't trying to nag at him but sometimes he acted like such an old man you felt like you had to explain modern things to him like a fuckin' baby to make him understand.

"It's just good to think of those things when you're like...with someone, ya know?" you added, glancing up at him.

Adam looked down and seemed upset by something you'd said. Did he not agree that you guys were 'with' each other? You took another bite and started to feel self-conscious at your choice of words. Maybe it really _was_ you that was overthinking everything.

He finally spoke, "I know,"

You reached your hand up and put it on the nape of his neck, "Hey,"

Adam gave you a smile that you swear looked fake. In a tired voice, he replied, "Hey,"

"You're my favorite,"

He let a moment pass before responding, "You're my favorite,"

Adam turned away and took another bite of his pastry. You let your hand fall from his neck and turned your body away from him, too. You felt him pulling away from you today. He was being weird and moody for some reason that you couldn't pinpoint. Was this about last night? Did you say something wrong? More insecurities flooded your mind as you and Adam sat on the couch in silence.

"I want to take you somewhere today," Adam blurted.

You were a little surprised at this comment, considering his weird behavior today, "Uh, where?"

"Secret," he replied.

 _I swear to God if he's taking me somewhere to kill me, I'm going to haunt him like a motherfucker_.

You bit your lip, "Okay,"

It was 11:30AM when you and Adam left his apartment. It was cold as fuck outside, so you wrapped yourself tightly in your big coat as you walked on the street and down into the subway with Adam. Your teeth chattered as you waited for the train. Adam's arm was around you and he leaned down to kiss you. His warm lips pressed onto yours and everything felt right again. You wondered what the mood swings were about, but you were happy he was finally being sweet.

As you sat on the subway car with just a few people on it, Adam held your hands and kept them in his lap. You were daydreaming, staring at the route on the top of the car when you felt Adam gazing at you. Glancing over at him, he was giving you the strangest look ever. Not crazy-eyes, not scared eyes, not lust-eyes... _love_ eyes.

"Um, hi," you said, trying to get him to stop looking at you like that.

His mouth quirked up into a small smile, "Hi,"

Adam didn't stop looking at you like that for the rest of the day.

When you got off at your stop, you found yourself downtown in front of the Rockefeller Center. The huge, notorious Christmas tree and ice-skating rink started to come into full view as you and Adam walked closer to it. The area was full of people, locals and tourists alike. Everyone had out their phones and were taking selfies with the tree in the background.

One couple stopped you and Adam and asked him to take their picture. Even though Adam was a natural grouch, he said he was more than happy to. After he snapped the photo, the couple asked if you two wanted your picture taken as well. Adam looked at you and cocked his eyebrow, essentially telling you to choose if you wanted one.

"Sure," you said to the couple.

One of the two women took your phone after you opened the camera app. You and Adam stood next to each other with the big Christmas tree and ice-skating rink behind you in the near distance. His hand settled tightly around your shoulder, while yours grabbed his wide torso. You leaned your head over onto the side of his chest and gave a big smile.

After the photo was taken, you showed it to Adam, "Look!" you grinned, "We look cute,"

Adam's mouth twitched to a smile, "Send that to me, please," he quietly requested.

This was the first and only picture you would have with Adam, but you didn't know it yet.

You and Adam walked further and observed the big ice-skating rink that was below. The both of you hated skating, so you just stared at everyone else doing it. Adam's arm was draped around you and you leaned into his large frame. As you and Adam stood there, you talked about what Christmas was like for the both of you growing up. Yours was full of family while his was more lonely. One of the only things in common between your holiday traditions was that both of your parents never let you believe in Santa.

The conversation shifted to hot chocolate and how it was one of the best beverages on the planet. You told him you could drink that shit like water but Adam thought it was gross and too chocolatey. His favorite holiday drink was mulled wine. When you gave a confused look, he practically yelled, "YOU'VE NEVER HAD IT??"

The next thing you knew, you were at a pop-up holiday bar a few blocks away drinking mulled wine with Adam. The place was warm and fairly empty as you and Adam sat on stools at the bar. Andy William's _It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year_ played in the background faintly as you brought the hot, spiced, red wine up to your lips, blowing it cool. You felt weird drinking wine at two in the afternoon, but Adam honestly made anything strange or odd feel completely normal and safe. You liked how things felt with him.

Adam stared at you as you took your first sip.

_Damn, this shit's good._

"You like??" Adam asked, staring at you and waiting for you to respond. You could tell he desperately wanted you to love it.

"Mhm," you said, drinking more.

The wine ran down your throat and to your stomach, filling you with a warming sensation from within. Adam started to drink from his cup and rested his hand on your thigh.

This was something you'd noticed all day today. Adam was constantly touching you, either holding your hand, putting his arm around you, touching your thigh, etc. It felt like he was trying to make sure you knew he was still there, holding onto you each second of the day.

Suddenly, a bad idea popped into your head.

"Adam, I want to ask you something and you don't have to answer...but it's something I'd like to know. I'm sorry I'm bringing this up again but...I just want to know, okay?"

He looked at you with tired eyes but gave in, "Okay...what?"

"Why, uh...why haven't you done your thing...that you do in so long?" you got nervous, thinking you were asking too much of him again, "Sorry, you really don't have to answer, it's just that I uh, want to know," you spit out.

Adam sighed. His hand on your thigh lingered up to your hair, his fingers twirling your locks.

You were beginning to think he'd never tell you until he softly said, "You,"

"Me?" you asked with raised eyebrows.

He took his fingers away from your hair and sipped from his cup as he muttered, "You,"

You and Adam left shortly after finishing your drink and walked up Fifth Avenue, checking out the store windows that were decorated for Christmas and Hannukah. Six o'clock rolled around pretty quickly and you were getting hungry as fuck, making you a bit cranky with Adam.

Poor Adam got the message pretty quick and decided it was time to eat.

As you sat down at some authentic Italian restaurant in Midtown, you realized this was you and Adam's first time eating out at a restaurant together. It was stupid and probably not that big of a deal, but it felt like a _real_ date. Not boba. Not eating pizza in his apartment. A real, fancy shmancy date. Your heart was fluttering.

In the dark restaurant that was only lit by a few candles, Adam's face glowed opposite of you as he was checking out the menu. He looked so cute as he concentrated on what to get. He was the type of person to try something new every time he went somewhere, you just knew it. You were the type to get the same thing, afraid of taking risks with your choices in food.

"Will you order for me?" you asked him, pushing your menu to the side.

He cocked his eyebrow and smirked, "You're saying that you're going to get something _other_ than the chicken fettuccini alfredo?"

Your eyes widened, "How'd you know that's what I usually order at Italian restaurants??"

_Motherfucker really is a stalker, huh?_

He laughed and looked back at his menu as he replied, "Because it seems like a very 'you' dish. Yes, I'll order for you,"

You weren't sure what he meant by the fettuccini being a 'you' dish. Were you really that fucking readable?

_Goddamn, I gotta start working on being more mysterious looking and unpredictable. Main character tingz._

You and Adam spent three hours eating, drinking, talking, and laughing in the restaurant. He seemed to loosen up throughout the day, thank God. He really bummed you out earlier, going missing and being moody and shit.

By the time you left, it was around nine o'clock. The subway was a little crowded as you and Adam hopped on your line but he found two seats for you to sit in. As the train jolted forward, you held on tight to Adam's arm next to you. He was looking down at you with that look again...the love look. You decided not to stop it this time. Instead, you gave the look right back to him. What you felt for him was the closest thing to romantic love you'd ever experienced. Did you _have_ love for Adam? Absolutely. But did you _love_ him? ...Maybe. Who knows?

What did love even feel like?

You kept a mental list describing what Adam made you feel like:

1\. A billion punches to the gut every time you saw his face

2\. Missing him when he was sitting right next to you

3\. Longing for his touch every second he didn't have his hands on you

4\. A melting feeling when he looked your way or called you 'baby'

5\. Immense happiness just thinking about him

If that was what love felt like...then you guessed you were in it, right?

In love with Adam?

You?

Huh.

Suddenly, Adam leaned down and kissed you, breaking your thoughts. His hands firmly cupped your face as he kissed you hard and passionately, as if he was goin' off to war or some shit and would never see you again. You held his forearms and kissed back, not giving a fuck about PDA like you normally would. His soft lips on yours left you completely unaware of anything around you. The subway seemed to stop moving, the doors no longer made a sound, the sound of the announcer's voice was mute, and the people on the train were gone. It felt like only you and Adam were existing in the universe.

\--

After you stopped at Adam's and grabbed your overnight bag, he walked you home in the dark, cold night. Your feet were killing you after all the walking you'd done with him today but you didn't care. It was your favorite day ever. Nothing could ruin it, not even your aching body.

Adam walked you upstairs to your apartment door. As you were unlocking it, you asked, "Do you want to come in?"

You opened the door and walked inside, expecting him to follow.

He didn't.

"No," Adam stated.

_Oh._

"You should get rest for your flight tomorrow," he added.

You bit your lip in disappointment. You really wanted him to spend the night with you. Especially after today, you just wanted to curl up next to him and sleep forever. Guess not.

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't mind. I was kind of hoping we could just sleep," you smiled, trying to get him to loosen up again. It didn't work for some reason.

Adam gave you a sad smile back, "No, I should go get to Moose,"

"Okay, well uh today was nice," you gave him another small smile, "Probably one of the best days I've spent with you,"

Adam looked into your eyes, "I wanted to have a last good day with you,"

"Before I left for home?" you asked for clarification.

He looked down at the ground and didn't say anything.

"What?" you questioned Adam.

He hesitated for a moment. You were about to ask him what the fuck was wrong when he expressed quietly, "I don't think you should be with me anymore,"

Your mouth fell open, "What?"

_What in the fuck is he on about?_

"You shouldn't have all of this on your shoulders. You said it yourself, you're involved now. I'm taking you out of it. You shouldn't have to be. This is the only way," he was still looking down at his shoes as you grabbed his hands.

"Where's this coming from? Here-" you tugged at his hands, "-come inside with me. Let's talk, please,"

Adam looked at you, his face somber, "I've made up my mind,"

"Is-is this about last night? Adam, come on! We're past that. It's over. Please, please, please just come inside," You tugged at him some more but he wouldn't budge, "You can't just make decisions without me, Adam. Let's talk, okay?"

"I told you that I've made up my mind," Adam's chin twitched, "You can't be with me,"

"B-but I said I _wanted_ to be here with you!" you exclaimed loudly.

You didn't know why he was bringing this up now. You had such a good day. What the fuck was going on? After biting the inside of your cheek, you didn't wake up from a dream like you thought you might. This was real.

"I don't want you to,"

"But _I_ want to. Doesn't that mean something? A-and we had such a good day, Adam! Don't ruin this!"

He didn't say anything.

"Adam?"

"This is me protecting you," he said through clenched teeth.

You were so fucking mad at that statement and shouted, " _Protecting_ me?? Are you fuckin' kidding me? I don't need to be protected!"

"Yes, you do!" Adam replied and matched your tone. He squeezed your hands tightly.

"No! I _DON'T_!" you screamed.

He took his hands away from yours, leaving you feeling empty, "YES, YOU DO!" his voice roared throughout the apartment building. You could've sworn a light dimmed for a second.

Your heart was beating out of your chest. Not of rage, but of pain. You quietly declared, "Adam, you can't just quit this...please," your voice was breaking.

Adam looked at the floor again, "I should go,"

He started to walk away, so you grabbed his hand and pulled it towards you, "No, no, no, no, no," you begged over and over and you felt your lips tremble, "Adam please don't go! Please Adam, please, it doesn't have to be like this,"

He didn't look at you.

He couldn't.

"Yes, it does," Adam said simply.

"Adam, pleeeaassee," you cried out, begging for him to talk to you, look at you, _anything._

He shook his arm free from your grip and walked to the stairs.

"ADAM!" you screamed.

He didn't turn around as you watched him disappear through the opening.

You felt like your heart fell to your stomach and your knees went weak.

He was gone.

Just like that.

Gone.

You stood in your doorway, shocked, unable to move. Adam just ended it. After everything that'd gone down the past few months, he decided he was done. Your throat was dry and itchy as tears brimmed your eyes.

As you turned around to run to your room, Nia was standing in her doorway. You knew she had heard everything by the way she looked at you. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, each not knowing what to say until you eventually just abso-fuckin'-lutely lost it.

Your eyebrows knitted, eyes squeezed shut, and mouth scrunched up. You raised your hands to cover your face and started to hyperventilate. Small whines left your mouth as you were beginning to cry. Soon after, a gut-wrenching sob left your throat. The spit in your mouth piled up and you choked on it, not being able to keep it out of your windpipe because you were still breathing as if all the air in the universe had vanished, leaving you desperately taking the rest of it in.

Tears poured out of you and ran down your cheeks, passed your neck, and onto your clothes until they were covered with water within seconds. Nia ran over to you and tried to touch your shoulder to comfort you. She was saying something to you, but you couldn't hear. You were crying uncontrollably, wailing into the room, and eventually lowered yourself the ground, unable to stand anymore. Your weeping intensified. You could feel all of the blood in your body go to your brain and the veins in your head felt like they were going to pop any second. The sobs strengthened, putting pressure on your stomach. It felt like it wanted to leap out your throat.

You felt Nia take off your coat as you bellowed on the floor. After she removed the jacket, Nia took your ponytail off of your wrist and tied up your hair. It was sticking to your cheeks and lips, mixing with your tears and covering your face. After she put up your hair, Nia draped herself over your balled-up body and hugged you.

It felt like she was trying to tell you that she was your shield from anything bad.

Too late.


	14. chapter thirteen: home.

**Sunday, December 13th**

The next morning, you woke up with raw eyes and a dry throat. You felt like shit from all the crying you'd been doing for the past twelve hours. When you finally calmed down last night, Nia asked you to tell her what happened. You ended up telling her everything.

Well...not _everything_ , just that Adam was the Mystery Man from the park and that Thomas was Adam's TA and you didn't want anyone to know. You for sure kept the Frat Boy Finisher shit out of it. Nia said she wouldn't say a word to Thomas about it.

_God, Nia's a good friend._

After stretching and letting yourself fully wake up, you looked at the time on your phone, "Ughhhhh," you groaned as you put your face into Nia's pillow.

She made you sleep with her last night.

"Hmm?" Nia rolled over to face you. Her eyes were squinting, trying to keep the light from the windows out of her view.

"I have to get ready to leeeaaavvveeee," you whined.

Nia sat up and looked concerned, "Are you sure you want to go home, today? You could always stay here an extra week, you know. Your family kind of sucks. Why are you even going home early anyway?" she asked, her voice raspy.

You pursed your lips. You so badly wanted to stay here with Nia but you felt like you could use a break from everything. The city was getting to be too much. You wanted to go _home_.

"No, I should go home...see my siblings and shit," you muttered and rolled out of bed, "I'll come say goodbye when I'm about to leave. Go back to sleep, it's early as fuck,"

Nia planted her head back onto her pillow and closed her eyes as you left the room, "Kay,"

Your lips were still red and plump from crying as you looked in the bathroom mirror after your quick shower. Letting out a tired sigh, you blocked the memories of last night out of your head and put clothes on.

After eating a quick breakfast, you put your suitcase by the door and said bye to Nia. She begged you to stay just a few more days but you promised her you were fine. You kind of lied. She finally let you leave when you told her your Uber was out front, waiting to take you to the airport. Nia hugged you, kissed your cheek, and let you walk out the door.

The Uber to Newark Airport felt long as hell but you eventually arrived and boarded your plane home. After putting your small suitcase up top, you sat in seat 12A, a window seat, pulled out your phone, and immediately put on music. You felt especially down today so you picked your playlist of sad shit that consisted of Bon Iver, The Smiths, and Iron & Wine. Figuring a long plane ride would be a nice place to reflect on yesterday's shitshow, you pressed play and waited for take-off.

 _I Know It's Over_ by The Smiths was on as you stared out the window and watched the airport workers pack bags onto the little trucks outside. You didn't notice someone was now sitting in the seat next to you. When you glanced over at the guy, you gave a polite smile and turned back to the window, letting more sad music fill your ears.

Five minutes later, the plane started to bolt down the runway, leaving you and everyone else pushed against their seats. This was your favorite part. You loved the feeling of butterflies in your stomach as the plane slowly lifts off of the ground. Holding your phone tightly, you felt the rush of adrenaline hit your veins as the plane glided to the sky.

A few minutes in, you were face to face with clouds that were bright from the sun. You imagined going out there and jumping over each one, like little trampolines, and running into the sky. Anything would be better than how you currently felt.

You pushed all of your emotions away until now. As the beautiful sky tranced your eyes, you thought about yesterday. It was such a good fucking day. It started out a little uncomfortable but you thought everything was fine? You wondered why Adam would want to even have a nice day with you and then fuck everything up. It seemed sick to you. His whole reasoning for wanting to end things with you was fucked up, too. He was 'protecting' you? That was fucking bullshit.

Tears pricked your eyes as they remained glued on the passing clouds.

_Fuck Adam._

You remembered about how in your diary you put " _I'm about to do something really stupid. Like, so fucking stupid,"_ when you were about to go over to Adam's to confront him when you'd figured out who he was.

You were right.

You _did_ do something stupid.

You should have minded your own fucking business.

In the same moment you were furious at yourself and at Adam, you couldn't help but be overwhelmed with grief. You were grieving the end of a relationship that, in theory, was incredibly short, but felt so much more than that. Everything that was shared and experienced was so fucking real and like nothing you'd felt before. He was someone you _really_ liked. That didn't happen often. You wish you could've convinced him to stay and talk. If he did, maybe you wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe he would've trusted you that you were in his corner.

You so desperately wanted to call him, give him a hug, kiss him, tell him he was going to be okay.

You also desperately wanted to kill him. He was so fucking dumb for what he did.

You were in complete shambles.

A tear fell on your cheek and you quickly wiped it away.

An hour into the flight, your thoughts were interrupted, "Drink?" the stewardess asked, her bright red lipstick beaming at you. You wished you looked that good. Instead, you looked like trash today.

"Water, please," you requested.

After she gave you the water with a small bag of pretzels, you put down your tray table and began to snack. Your earphones were still in, so you turned your music up and drowned out the rest of the plane again. As you shoved pretzels into your mouth and stared out at the clouds, you felt a tap on your shoulder.

You internally groaned and turned off your music, facing the person sitting next to you. As your eyes met his, you realized you hadn't gotten a good look at him earlier, whereas now, you were _really_ looking at him.

**(a/n: yes, theo is tomato chablagoo)**

His light brown eyes had hints of green in them, making them extra stare-able. He had a heart-shaped face and his jaw was sharp as fuck, like you could cut yourself on it if you weren't careful. His dark brown hair was long, reaching the end of his neck and covering his ears, and he had loose curls that draped over his forehead. He had a boy-ish face, besides that fuckin' jawline, but you could tell he was around twenty-five years old. He was also skinny, like a typical skater boy.

He was cute but...you didn't really want to have a conversation right now. You were too busy being upset over Adam.

"Hi. Are you going home for the holiday?" the guy asked.

You hated small talk but decided to be nice and chat back, "Uh, yea. You?"

He smiled, "Yea, I am too. I took an extra two weeks off of work. Are you in college?"

You raised your eyebrows, "Two weeks? Dang, you must really like your family, aha,"

He looked at you blankly.

_Adam would've thought that was funn—_

_Shut the fuck up._

You continued, "Er, yea I'm in school. I go to Columbia,"

"Hey! I graduated from Columbia a few years ago. What do you study?" he asked.

As you replied, you wondered when this conversation would be over, "Psychology. What do you do for work?"

He nodded, "Psychology...very nice. I work in finance,"

You gave a fake interested face and said, "Cool," hoping that he would let you get back to gazing into the puffy clouds.

_Pleaaassee leave me alone and let me sulk out of the window._

He didn't stop talking. In fact, it was like he didn't know _how_ to stop talking. He told you his name was Theo and that he lived in Hell's Kitchen in Manhattan. He asked so many fucking questions that you had no choice but to give him your full attention.

The two of you shared about your family that you were going home to, what suburb of the city your parents lived in, and your favorite things to do in NYC. It was your basic, run of the mill small talk on a plane type of conversation. While you didn't exactly want to talk on the plane, at least you got to sit next to a nice person. That's what he was: nice. You noticed a few times when he would say something or reply to you that he'd give you a little nudge on your arm, getting friendly.

After a while, you loosened up and took your headphones fully out, putting them in their case and shoving them into your backpack at your feet. You looked up at Theo as he pushed his hair back, revealing his pierced ears. He had small black gauges in his lobes.

"Oooo, I like your piercings," you said as you sat back up.

He smiled, the ends of his eyes crinkling in the process, "Thanks, I really like 'em. I've gotta take them out when I get home, though. My parents wouldn't be so happy if they saw them," Theo said, still smiling.

It was like he was addicted to being happy.

"What are you, like twenty-five? You're an adult, why does it matter?" you realized you sounded pretty fucking rude and might have overstepped, so you made a face and apologized profusely, "Fuck, I'm sorry. That didn't come out how I meant it. Shit, sorry,"

_Am I cursing too much?_

"Fuck, sorry for all the cursing," you blurted.

_Oh God._

Theo laughed again. His laugh sounded like 'hu-hu-hu-hu', like a lazy yet charming giggle.

"No, no, no, you're fine. You're right, though, I _am_ an adult. I'm twenty-six, actually. It's just that I don't want to upset my parents...they're just the best and I wouldn't want to freak them out is all," he replied, still fucking smiling.

Were you being Punk'd? There's no way an attractive man with a good job _also_ loves his parents and respects them. Fuck, _you_ didn't even respect your parents or have a good job. Actually, you didn't have a job at _all_.

"Wow, they sound nice," you said as you pushed your hair behind your ear.

Suddenly, Theo's hand reached up at your ear and grazed over your three piercings. You sat there, frozen and wide-eyed, watching him softly touch your ear. Your mouth parted slightly in shock and your heart was beating like crazy. You didn't know what the fuck to say, so you just didn't say _anything_. You kind of hated that he was touching you...but you also kind of liked it.

Theo removed his hand and said very simply, "I like your piercings. Three in a row is pretty with the hoops,"

_Woah._

"Thanks," you replied, still stuck to your chair, unable to move, "Uhm ar—are you uh, like—" you were stuttering like crazy. It felt like every word that was coming out of your mouth was complete mush, "Fuck, sorry, aha. What I meant to ask was how long will you be in town before heading back to New York?" your cheeks were now red. God, you were embarrassing.

He gave you another 'hu-hu-hu' giggle and replied, "I'm going back on the twenty-sixth, what about you?"

"The twenty-seventh for me," you smiled shyly.

Ew, what the fuck. You don't know this person. Why are you getting all sHy and bLuShy?

Theo gave you another smile, "Nice, nice, nice," he paused for a moment and looked like he wanted to say something else. You let silence dwindle over the two of you until he finally asked, "Can I have your phone number? I uh, it's just nice to have a fellow Chicagoan in New York, ya know? Maybe we could link up or something,"

_How in the fuck did I get a guy asking for my number when I look like THIS right now?_

You thought for a moment while Theo waited for you to answer. Adam literally broke it off last night. Were you going to just give this guy your number right off the bat? It's not like anything's gonna happen...right? What could it hurt?

But you were still getting over Adam. It was so fresh...

_Eh, why not?_

"Yea, okay!" you gave Theo your number.

The rest of the ride, you and Theo talked more. He laughed at most of the things you said, but some of your humor was a bit too dark for him, so you decided to chill out on that part. When you landed and exited the plane, Theo walked you to the exit where all of the cars were waiting.

"Well, my sister's out front but it was really nice to meet you!" you exclaimed as you looked up at him. He was tall.

Not as tall as Adam, though.

_Shut up._

"Yea, you too. Maybe we can hang out sometime soon," he smiled.

Fuck he never quit smiling at you, "Yea, okay. I'll let you know!" you replied as your sister started to call your phone, "Fuck, I gotta go but for sure message me or something!" you noted as you quickly walked out of the automatic doors.

"Come on!" your sister yelled over the phone as you answered it.

Your eyes darted around to the line of cars to look for hers when you spotted her, half out of her car's sunroof, waving you down like a maniac.

_Jesus Christ, I already regret coming home so early._

Your sister Leslie was an interesting character to say the least. She was only two years older than you but acted like she was your mother. She was incredibly type 'A', wanted everything to _look_ perfect, and wanted _you_ to be perfect. You never understood why she was so fixated on everyone else's life choices, but she was. Leslie was obsessed with making sure everything was 'right'. On your thirty-minute drive home from the O'Hare Airport, Leslie questioned you about how school was going. She refused to break away from surface-level conversations, making your relationship with her fairly uncomfortable. You were much closer with your oldest sister, Cece, but she wouldn't be home until right before Christmas.

When you finally arrived home, your mom, dad, and little brother, Michael, were all waiting for you, ready to give you a hug. You hadn't seen them in six months, so it was kind of nice to be back.

"Hey sissy, you look...healthy!" your mom commented as she gave you a hug. You bit your tongue and decided not to respond to that comment. Okay...maybe it _wasn't_ so nice to be back.

You quickly moved over to hug Michael, a high school senior who was in the process of applying to schools, "Hey Mike, I've missed you," you said as you hugged him tight, "Have you heard back from Columbia?"

"No," Michael said as he pulled away, "I won't hear back until March,"

"Damn," you said.

" _Language_!" your mom threatened as she walked to the kitchen.

You rolled your eyes and faced your dad. He wasn't much of a hugger and neither were you, so you just gave him a smile, "How's school?" he asked.

_Jesus fuck can y'all ask about literally anything else in this house?_

"It's fine," you said as you grabbed your suitcase and backpack, "I'm gonna head upstairs and put my stuff down. Maybe nap,"

As you walked to the second floor, you noticed the pictures on the walls were the same as the last time you'd been there. The pictures of your family that hung on the staircase walls were old and dated. Your family hadn't taken pictures together in so long. The household felt stale and depressing.

_Oh my God, I should've just stayed in New York._

Your childhood bedroom was now a guest space and it always felt weird coming into it. All of your old memories of kissing your high school boyfriend or sleepovers with your friends were replaced with new paint on the walls and pictures of seashells. Why do all moms love decorating extra rooms beach style? Whatever.

You plopped down on the bed and accepted your new reality for the next two weeks.

\--

**Tuesday, December 22nd**

It'd been a little over a week since you'd been bored at home. Each day consisted of hanging out with Michael as your parents were at work and watching season after season of _America's Next Top Model_. Leslie bitched at the two of you for being so lazy and you usually responded with, "Go back to your own apartment in the city if you hate us so much,"

That usually shut her up.

Luckily, Michael distracted you from thinking about Adam but it didn't help at night. You found yourself laying there each evening, lost in thought about what you did wrong, what he did wrong, how you can fix it, how there's no way to fix it, and everything in-between. You went over that night that he ended it over and over again until you were too exhausted to think anymore and shifted to dreaming.

Your dreams were shit too, though. You dreamed about Adam every. single. night. It was pretty mixed: he was either being so sweet and touching you softly, like he always did, kissing your neck and pushing your hair back, or he was strangling you, like that dream you had once in the cabin. There was no in-between and there were no 'normal' dreams like the ones you usually had where elephants danced around you and that kind of shit. It was only Adam. You found yourself waking at four in the morning, usually crying.

Today had been the same. After you woke up at 4AM, you couldn't go back to sleep, so you just laid in your bed and watched TikTok until the sun finally broke through your windows, leaving bright lines and dark shadows of the blinds across the bedroom floor. You finally got out of bed and made coffee. You felt like a robot. Each day was the same.

Around 5:40PM, Cece, your oldest sister, was finally home. She gave you a big hug and was so excited to see you. It was like a breath of fresh air was finally washed over the house with her there. She made everything feel better.

"You know, it would've been nice if you came sooner. You only live like twenty minutes away. This house is so toxic, besides Michael," you whispered in her ear.

Cece exclaimed, "You could've come to me!"

"I don't have a car you nut!" you shot back.

She gave you a little, 'Oh' face and then smiled, "Oops, well I'm here now,"

"Whatever," you said, going back to the kitchen to help your mom start dinner.

As you shredded some chicken for your mom's chicken spaghetti, she started to ask you about your love life.

Great.

"Mom, there's really nothing to discuss," you scoffed.

She took the forks away from you and started shredding the chicken herself, "You're doing this all wrong, let me," she said harshly then continued on the topic of boys, "If this whole graduate school thing doesn't work out, you need to find someone to take care of you. There's not much you can do with a psychology degree, sissy,"

You stood at the sink and washed your hands. You wanted to wash your fuckin' brain, too, to get rid of this whole conversation in your mind, "Why wouldn't graduate school work out, Mom?" you asked, ready to get into a fight.

"Oh, you know, you can just never be too sure about anything," she commented, eyes on the chicken as she scraped on it with her forks.

She had a point about that, but you knew that's not what she meant. She didn't believe in you. She didn't think you were smart. Or pretty. Or talented.

"I'm going upstairs. Get Leslie to help you," you said as you dried your hands.

You laid in your bed and felt like shit. You felt yourself getting really low again. No Adam. No functional family. No Nia and Thomas to distract you from your feelings. Just sadness swallowing you whole. When you were with Adam you stopped feeling like this.

Fuck.

Tears were forming in the corners of your eyes and started to barrel down your cheeks. They made little 'thud's as they hit the bedding underneath you. You laid there, silently crying before remembering you should probably take your medication and get over it. Rolling over, you reached to your backpack beside your bed, grabbed your bottle of Lexapro, and popped one into your mouth. After you swallowed it, you let your sad thoughts take a rest as you closed your eyes and napped for an hour.

When you were called downstairs for dinner, it was 6:45PM.

It was mostly quiet at the table. The only noises were forks scraping the plates and your parent's gulping their wine loudly. Michael broke the silence and piped up, "There's a serial killer at her school," he pointed his fork at you.

Ugh. You hadn't told your parents about the Frat Boy Finisher because it's not like you were in any danger. You didn't know Michael knew about it.

"What?" your mom looked surprised.

"Yea. It sounds awesome," Michael went on, "He kills rapists and stuff,"

You interjected, "Michael, don't use the 'r' word unless you say 'trigger warning' before, pleas—"

"Liberal agenda has made its way into your head at school, I see," your dad muttered.

Leslie spoke now, "I mean, she goes to school in New York. What were you guys expecting? It's all like that over there,"

"Shut up, Leslie. You've never been and I doubt you'll ever get out of Illinois anytime soon so you have no room to talk," you shot back angrily.

"Girls, please!" your mom raised her voice.

Leslie ignored your mom and started up again, "You think you're on your own but you're not! You've got grandpa's money that belongs to _us_ not _you_. That's the only reason why you can still even live in that city!" she shouted.

"Grandpa gave his money to me because I was only person in this house who _talked_ to him! It's not yours! It's mine!" you yelled back.

Your mom put down her fork, "You don't deserve that money!"

Your dad chugged his wine while Leslie and your mom were bickering more at you. You couldn't hear them. They were talking so loud and at the same time. Your eyes were glued onto the table until Michael looked at you and mouthed 'relax'. He reached up and touched your hand, moving it away from your glass. You didn't realize you were gripping it hard enough where it could burst any second.

Cece shot up from the table and started to put her coat on, "Let's go," she demanded, talking to you.

"Where are you guys going??" your mom asked as if she hadn't just pissed you off.

You and Cece ignored her and left, getting into Cece's car and driving to wherever she was taking you. The ride was quiet. She was letting you cool down. Cece pulled up at a bar fifteen minutes later and the two of you stepped inside. It was warm and smelled like alcohol.

Yum.

After you ordered and got your beer, you and Cece sat at the bar in silence. You didn't know what to say. Luckily, she started talking.

"Don't listen to them," she muttered.

You took a sip before replying, "How can I _not_? They're so fucking loud and the shit they say is awful. I didn't _ask_ Grandpa for his money. Like, he _gave_ it to me. Only me. I mean, I get that they would be frustrated but why at me? Why not him?" you whined.

Cece didn't know what to say because she knew you were right.

When your grandpa died three years ago, he left you almost everything. You figured it was because you spent the most time with him and made sure to call him every week. You had enough money from him to not work a day in your life, but you still wanted to go to college, so you did. Your mom assumed you'd eventually give the money over to them, that being the reason why she mentions having a 'man take care of you' so often. She assumed you wouldn't _have_ that money in the long run. She was wrong. You were keeping all of it for yourself and Michael.

You stared at your glass for a while.

"You don't look so great," Cece blurted.

 _Ouch_.

"Okay, so what, you're turning into Mom now? Jesus fuckin' Christ can y'all leave me alone?" you said as you tiredly put your hands over your face.

Cece put her hand on your shoulder, "What's wrong, seriously? Not Mom or Leslie, what's been going on in New York? I can tell something's up," she said bluntly.

You peeked at her through your hands, "Nothing. Everything's great," you said dryly.

As you sat back up and took another sip of your beer you remembered that just over a week ago you were sitting in a bar with Adam. You were happy. The past few months can kiss your ass.

"What's wrong?" Cece's face turned serious. She was demanding you tell her.

...so you did.

Well, most of it. Just like with Nia, you left out the part about Adam being a whole ass serial killer.

"Oh," Cece said, a little shocked, "I didn't realize you had a boyfriend,"

"He wasn't my boyfriend," you quickly corrected her.

Cece blinked at you like you were an idiot, "Uhm, that sounds like a boyfriend...you literally like went on vacation together,"

You rolled your eyes, "We went to a cabin in Upstate New York. It's not exactly Bora Bora,"

"Hey, can you just accept that you had a real relationship with this person? Look, it sounds like he was your boyfriend. It sounds like you know it too with how defensive you're getting," she was right. Cece was always right.

She continued, "Maybe if you guys are good for each other it might be nice to try again. I mean, I know you said he ended it because he thought he wasn't good for you or whatever but it sounds like you'll find your way back, ya know?"

You groaned, "But we fought alllllll the tiiimmmmmeeee,"

"Well then maybe you shouldn't be together then, I don't know. It just seems like it was really important to you and you should acknowledge that," Cece finished.

You sighed loudly and showed her the picture of you and Adam in front of the big Christmas tree, "Look, isn't he cute? Too bad he's an ass,"

Cece agreed that he was cute and commented on how tall he was. She said you looked like a paperclip next to him.

You missed him so much.


	15. chapter fourteen: merry fuckin' christmas and a happy fuckin' new year.

**Wednesday, December 23rd**

You woke up the next morning around 10AM and realized that you didn't dream about Adam. You kind of wished you did, just so you could have seen him _somewhere._

The day went on as normal and the topics of last night's dinner weren't discussed within your family. They chose not to talk about it, as usual. Communication wasn't exactly your family's strongest characteristic.

You hung out with Michael for most of the day and went to Target, Marshall's, and every other store you could think of. You were trying to stay out of the house. It was depressing as fuck. Thank God for Michael, though. Even though he was an eighteen-year-old boy and you didn't have much in common with him, he was such a light in your life. There was something so magical about having a younger brother you could hang out with. It was nice that he didn't mind hanging out with you, either.

While you were on your way home in Michael's car, your phone buzzed.

A text from Theo.

As you read over it, a smile crept over your face. He was asking if you wanted to get a drink together. Maybe it _was_ time to get over Adam. After corresponding with Theo, you decided on a place that was in-between both of your parent's places. The day went by slowly after this. You were excited and nervous to see him again. You kinda felt like a little kid.

When Cece got off of work, she came home and strolled up to your room where you were twiddling your thumbs, laying on your bed, and impatiently waiting for your get-together with Theo.

"Hey," she smiled, her face peeking through your door, "Can I come in?"

You sighed, "Yea,"

She sat at the bottom of your bed, "Wanna come over to one of my friend's houses and watch Harry Potter tonight?"

You remembered how you watched Harry Potter with Adam in the cabin over Thanksgiving. Your heart felt like it cracked in your chest.

"No, I have plans tonight. Sounds fun, though," you said as you stared at the ceiling.

Cece slapped your shin _hard_ , "Whatcha doin' tonight?"

You pulled your leg to your chest, "What the SHIT, Cece?!" you rolled your eyes, "None of your business. And don't hit me,"

" _LANGUAGE_!" your mom yelled from another room.

" _What the shit_!" you whispered.

"You'll be fine, you baby," she replied with a smile, then laid next to you.

Siblings were so weird. You could fight one minute, then the next be cuddling or getting food together. Cece fell asleep next to you and you did the same. The two of you slept for a few hours until your mom woke you for dinner.

Dinner wasn't as hostile tonight as it was the night before, thank fuck. Leslie was no longer being a bitch and actually helped you with the dishes afterward, so that was nice. She even made brownies and saved you the corner pieces before Michael could take any because she knew how much you liked them.

_Siblings, man._

Around 8PM, you borrowed Michael's car and drove twenty minutes to a small hole-in-the-wall bar to meet up with Theo. You held your coat close as you walked outside toward the building. Illinois winters were no fuckin' joke. It was cold as shit.

When you got inside, you shivered and scanned the bar for Theo. His wide grin was flashing at you from across the room. He was in a small booth waiting for you to join him. As you walked up to him, you tripped on your own feet and held onto a nearby chair for support.

_Kill me now._

Theo laughed at you and asked if you'd already been drinking to which you rolled your eyes and smiled, "Very funny,"

The night went by quickly and you warmed up to him pretty easily after two beers...or three...or four. Honestly, you weren't sure how much you drank. All you knew was that Theo was drinking just as much as you were. Your face was getting warm and you felt your head start to buzz. You figured Theo was getting to your level too.

Your conversation weirdly turned to what each other's childhoods were like. You told him about how you used to dance when you were younger, just like every other girl as a child. He thought it was hilarious and really didn't believe you when you told him you used to do it competitively.

He gave you his cute laugh and made fun of you, "No fuckin' way, I don't believe that for a second! You've got two left feet, I just know it! Aha,"

"Shut uuupppppp!" you laughed.

You realized you two were being loud, laughing and giggling in your booth corner. You didn't care.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's just so funny picturing you as a ballerina! You seem so uncoordinated, ahah, I mean, you literally tripped walking in here. You've gotta admit _that,_ " he laughed at you.

You smiled at him and took another drink of your beer, "Yea yea yea, okay,"

Theo's face suddenly got very serious.

"What?" you asked, your face dropping too. He was looking passed you, so you whipped your head around. Glancing around the bar, you couldn't see anything crazy going on. What was he looking at?

Theo quickly got up and walked toward the door, muttering as he passed you, "Come with me,"

You made a confused face, but sloppily got up from your seat and followed him. Theo made his way to the jukebox that was sitting near the entrance and stared inside of the glass at all of the records. You stood there watching him, wondering why he told you to come over here with him. Theo put a quarter in the box and pressed a series of buttons. Next thing you knew, _Dream A Little Dream of Me_ by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong was playing throughout the bar. The beginning of the song's trumpets were ringing on the speakers, making a slight crackling sound.

Theo turned to you and stretched his hand out. His eyes were heavy as he gazed down at you, waiting for you to take his hand.

**_Stars shining bright above you_ **

You hesitantly put your hand on his and noticed how much bigger it was than yours...but not as big as Adam's. Theo pulled you toward him and put one of his hands on your waist. He was dancing with you in the loud bar.

**_Night breezes seem to whisper, 'I love you'_ **

Your eyes were suddenly open wide, surprised that this was even happening. To be honest, this whole thing seemed too perfect. It was like someone wrote you right into a fanfic or something. Theo's boyish smile lingered over his face as he gazed down at you, "Okay, you're not such a bad dancer," he said, his voice coarse and low. You noticed Theo's hand on your waist started to hold on tighter to you.

**_Birds singing in the sycamore trees_ **

Your cheeks were hot from a mix of the alcohol and blushing and you didn't even realize that your hand on his shoulder had drifted up to the side of his neck, caressing it as you danced.

**_Dream a little dream of me_ **

When the night was over and the two of you were sober enough to drive, you were about to part ways. Theo walked you to your brother's car and you leaned your back on it, facing him, "Tonight was fun...I mean, you're fun. Like, a fun person," you spoke, teeth chattering in the process.

 _Jesus Christ_.

Theo gave you another goofy giggle, "Aha, I've had a good time with you. I'll be busy with family from now until I go back to New York but uhm, I was wondering if uh...well, I was wondering if I could call you to meet up again when we're both back in the city? I uh, I would like to see you again, aha," he said.

You felt your eyes sparkle up at him as the words fell out of his mouth.

He wanted to see you again.

You.

A mess of a person.

He wanted to see _you._

"Yes, please please please. I've had so much fun and would love to see you again," you replied, your voice sounded playful and almost...cutesy.

This didn't feel like you.

Theo smiled again and leaned forward. As your back was against Michael's car, you felt yourself lift off of it a little and inch forward, closer to Theo. Your cold lips suddenly warmed up and you felt little electric shocks flowing throughout your veins, going up and down your arms. Your stomach did a cartwheel as he came closer to you. He wetted his lips ever so slightly. You thought he was going to kiss you until you heard the car door open. Theo had his arm reached passed you as he opened it and smiled, his face close to yours, "Goodnight,"

_Sneaky motherfucker._

"Goodnight, Theo,"

You drove home feeling weirdly giddy and a little guilty.

**Friday, December 25th**

**Christmas Day**

**Midnight**

As you kneeled in the pews at the big, local cathedral, you began resting your chin on your praying hands. Your tired eyes were starting to close just as the priest was walking into the room. Leslie nudged you, leaving you scrambling to your feet to stand with everyone else. Why Catholics went to Midnight Mass on Christmas was something you'd never understand.

_It's too damn late for this shit._

The service went on and was filled with hella kneeling, hymn-singing, and listening to the old priest go on about how baby Jesus was born in a manger and how that baby would go on to die for our sins and all that jazz. You sat bored in the Mass, bored as ever, wondering if Jesus thought all of this shit was worth it. It couldn't be, right? If the story was real and Jesus really _was_ God, or whatever was told to you as a little kid, you wondered if he ever looked down on Earth with regret. You had some shit you weren't proud of that might make Jesus second guess dying for you. Hell, Jesus died for _Adam_ , too. Jesus for sure didn't need to do that. What a fuckin' waste.

While you picked at your fingernail polish deep in thought, you decided if you could time travel, you'd go back and kidnap baby Jesus and raise him like a normal kid. Poor thing was probably under so much stress from freeing the world of sins that he probably didn't get a normal childhood.

_Wait, what the fuck is going on in my brain?_

Kidnapping baby Jesus? You've officially gone off the rails. Looking up at the big crucifix hanging on the wall above the altar, you prayed for forgiveness to a God you weren't sure even existed or was listening to you.

_If you are real and can hear me, sorry for saying that I'd kidnap you. I didn't mean it, I swear._

_If you're not real and I'm talking to myself, then this is embarrassing._

You glanced at Michael on the other side of you. He was playing a game on his Apple Watch, completely ignoring the homily that the priest was giving. You smiled and looked back at your nails, picking at them some more. They made little ' _TCK'_ sounds as the paint chipped off.

_TCK._

_TCK._

_TCK._

_TCK._

Leslie slapped your hand and mouthed, "STOP,"

You rolled your eyes, covered one hand with the other so your parents couldn't see, and gave her the middle finger. For the rest of Mass, you picked at your polish some more, making sure to point each fleck at her to hit her tights.

_TCK._

_TCK._

_TCK._

_TCK._

Leslie was so mad but you knew she wouldn't want to disturb your parents during Mass, so she just took it and fumed in her seat.

Maybe it was because it was so late at night or something else, but you were feeling extra bold tonight. After Mass, you said hi to the locals and wished everyone 'happy holidays' instead of 'merry Christmas' because you knew how much it pissed people off to be reminded that this season wasn't just for Christmas, but also Hannukah, Kwanzaa, and probably a few more you were forgetting. Your mom gave you a look that said, 'are you serious?'.

As you rode home with your family, it was 1:40AM. Your parents were a little too upbeat for the hour and played Christmas music on full blast in the car as you and your sisters were squished in the backseat, miserable. Poor Michael had to lay in the very back of the vehicle and was pissed about it. He was groaning at each bump the whole way home.

\--

That morning around 9AM, your family gathered in the living room and exchanged presents under the Christmas tree. Naturally, Leslie and Michael received the most from your parents, them being the favorite children. You received the least, probably because your parents were still upset about the whole money thing. You weren't disappointed in the lack of presents, just disappointed that your parents didn't get you anything meaningful. Cece and Leslie got you each something that was handpicked just for you. You wished your parents could do the same. Whatever.

At least you got socks though, right?

Later that day, your dad lit the fireplace and you all sat around it, listening to Christmas music and drinking hot chocolate, with yours, Cece's, and Michael's all being spiked with Smirnoff's peppermint vodka. It was really the only way to survive the rest of the day. Your mom always insisted on playing board games on holidays, so naturally, each holiday it felt like your family was at war. Even dumbass games like Uno became a full-on feud.

Your mom brought out Monopoly, making you, Cece, and Michael all eye each other and simultaneously chug your drink. This was gonna be a long fuckin' night.

It was.

By the end of the night, your mom was in tears, Cece stormed off angrily after she lost, Leslie had gone upstairs and shut herself in her room because she misunderstood the rules at one point, and your dad had a big glass of wine and tuned all of you out, leaving you and Michael in the living room playing slapjack with a deck of cards, wondering how in the fuck your family was so insane.

Merry fuckin' Christmas.

\--

**Thursday, December 31st**

**New Year's Eve**

You got back to NYC on the twenty-seventh. You missed it so much. The sounds of car horns, people chatting, construction, and the rest of the city noises could be so overwhelming but also very comforting at the same time. It was like that's how you knew there were other people out there, living the same life as you. City sounds felt so chaotic yet intimate at the same time.

It sucked ass to say goodbye to Michael and Cece but your goodbye with Leslie, your mom and your dad was a nice one. They seriously drove you crazy. You told Nia all about your holiday and she rolled her eyes. She really hated your parents.

Since you'd been back in the city, Nia was so great with you. She let you bitch and cry about Adam every fuckin' night. Thomas would come over and distract the two of you by sharing his weed. You found getting high to be a pretty good distraction.

Your dreams about Adam had officially stopped and they went back to being about random shit like getting lost in the supermarket or being Robert Pattinson's girlfriend. While your dreams had gotten rid of him, your thoughts couldn't. When you weren't high with Nia or Thomas, it seemed everything around you reminded you of him, especially now that you were back in New York. You constantly wondered what he was doing at the moment or if he missed you and wanted you back but was too stubborn to say anything. You just wanted to talk to him but you still were so fucking mad at him.

You were so fucking exhausted of being conflicted.

Because tonight was New Year's Eve, you, Thomas, Nia, and a few other friends were planning on going out and celebrating the New Year. You hadn't had the time to hang out with Theo yet, so you decided to invite him last minute to your New Year's plans. He said he'd be happy to meet up and that he'd bring a few of his own friends with him.

You and Nia got ready in the bathroom while Thomas and a few other people were in your living room smoking weed and drinking your leftover Tito's. As you put on your mascara, Nia was applying some blush. The two of you were basically on top of each other trying to share the mirror. Nia was wearing a bright purple bodycon dress with black fishnets. You were wearing a black tank top, black skirt, black fishnets with little diamonds on them, black combat boots, and a white, fake fur coat. You kinda felt like Cruella Deville and loved it, minus the whole wanting to skin puppies for their fur part.

"I'm excited to meet Theo!" Nia said enthusiastically.

Your voice was strained as your neck stretched up so you could work the mascara brush at just the right angle, "Uhuh, you should be. Y'all seem like you'd get along. He's always smiling, too," You meant that as an insult, but Nia wouldn't take it as one. She was such an optimist.

Nia made a face at you, "Since when are you into dudes who are nice?"

It's true. You did have a track record of dating/hooking up with assholes, Adam and Thomas included.

"Who said I'm ' _into'_ him?" you retorted.

Nia rolled her eyes, "Oh sorry, you're right. You'll probably just talk to him for like two weeks and maybe fuck him and then ghost him like you always do,"

You put your mascara away and pursed your lips. She was technically right again...it _was_ something you tended to do. Normally, you'd shoot back something super defensive and rude, but you decided not to be a bitch tonight and let her have that one, "Okay, you got me," you said, taking out a hairbrush. As you pulled the bristles through your hair, Nia looked at you in the mirror. Her face looked concerned.

"Yes?" you asked with attitude.

Nia turned to you, her eyes were wet, "I want you to be happy, like I am with Thomas. I want that for you. I don't want you to treat yourself like this," she said, her voice cracking.

"Nia, what are you talking about?" you were so confused at this shift in mood.

She put down her makeup and continued, "I just want you to _try_ , ya know? You don't usually try with guys and...and I hated seeing how you were a few weeks ago when that whole thing with You Know Who happened. You should be happy. Just _try_ with this new guy," she begged.

You didn't look at her when you replied, "I'm happy for you and Thomas. I think y'all are great. Please just let me do what I need to do to get by," you said dryly, your eyes focused in the mirror at your hair as you remained brushing on it.

You really wanted to cry with Nia but...you just couldn't. She'd been seeing you cry for the past few days already and you didn't want her to see you upset again. Nia sighed and didn't talk about it anymore. After a few seconds, Thomas came into the bathroom, his eyes bloodshot and his eyebrows raised. He was high as fuck.

"Hi, Thomas. What's life like up in the clouds?" you asked, smiling at him.

He looked at you like you were insane, "What clouds? Wait, isn't this only the fourth floor? We're not in the clouds...are we?"

_This motherfucker is so high._

Nia put her hands on his shoulders and balanced him, "No, Thomas, we aren't in the clouds. I love you,"

"I love you, Nia," he replied.

They stared at each other for over ten seconds before you interrupted their weird moment, "...Okay anyway, I'm gonna brush my hair in my room...y'all can do whatever you need to do in here. Bye," and walked out.

Ew.

Around 10:45PM, you and your group made your way to a club after taking a couple shots, making you pretty buzzed. On the subway ride there, you were pretty quiet while everyone else talked amongst each other. You couldn't help but think about what Nia said. Should you be _trying_ to have a relationship? Was it really that big of a deal to her? Should it be a big deal to _you_? Were you and Adam really _over_? You'd been holding on to a small piece of hope that maybe he'd call you over the break and ask for you back or some shit, but by each passing day that he didn't call, you felt yourself murdering that idea in your head.

When you got to the club, Theo texted you to let you know he was already inside. You were excited to see him and ready to decide if this thing you had with him would go anywhere. As you walked in, the booming music consumed you. The bass was loud and vibrated throughout your body while the music pierced your ears. Your group went to the bar and ordered drinks, then headed to the dance floor. You found Theo quickly after.

"HEY!" you shouted over the music.

"HI!" he greeted back.

Nia pushed her way over to you in the crowded room, "HELLO!!! I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU!!!" she said to Theo.

Nia was going to be the death of you. You chugged your vodka Redbull, ready to be shit faced.

"HI!" Theo shook Nia's hand.

"OKAY I'M GONNA GO MAKEOUT WITH THOMAS NOW!" she yelled, pushing her way passed you to Thomas.

Theo looked back at you, his eyes fixated on yours, "MY FRIENDS ARE AT THE BAR. WANT TO MEET THEM? I'LL BUY YOU ANOTHER DRINK! YOU CHUGGED THAT PRETTY QUICK, AHAH," he laughed.

It was embarrassing that he even pointed it out but...a free drink is a free drink.

"OKAY!" you replied.

You felt dizzy from alcohol already and staggered your way to the bar with him, slipping through the crowd. Theo grabbed your hand to keep you with him and looked back at you. His eyes made you melt. He gave you a sweet smile, then turned forward again. When you finally reached the bar, he found his friends and introduced you to each one of them. There were four of them and they were all nice looking, you guessed. Honestly, at this point, you were pretty buzzed so _everyone_ looked nice. Theo bought you another vodka Redbull and you sipped on it through the straw as you listened to him and his friends talk about work and other grown-up shit.

After ten minutes and another finished drink later, you tugged on Theo's sweater and told him you were going back out to dance. He took your hand and walked with you toward Nia. Your head was SUPER fuzzy now. It was so fuckin' hot in the club from all the people and the alcohol in your system. You felt sweat trickle on your forehead.

You and Theo found Nia, Thomas, and the rest of the group and started to dance. _Slide_ by Calvin Harris, Frank Ocean, and Migos played over the loud speakers. As each song started and ended, the night flew by. You felt yourself getting more tired and more sloppy. Theo was pretty fucked up too as the night went on. Actually, literally everyone was fucked up. Nia and Thomas were making out right next to you as they danced and it was fuckin' gross. You and Theo took another shot as a bartender walked by with a tray.

Suddenly, the music stopped and you heard the DJ start the one minute countdown to midnight. It was about to be a new year. As you stood there, holding onto Theo, you were hoping for a fresh start.

You had no fuckin' clue.

Everyone started to shout as the countdown arrived at ten seconds.

"TEN!"

You wondered if Theo was going to kiss you.

"NINE!"

You couldn't believe you were starting the New Year off without Adam.

"EIGHT!"

Theo faced you and you felt like your heart stopped.

"SEVEN!"

You wondered how Adam was spending his night.

"SIX!"

_Is he alone?_

"FIVE!"

_Is he with someone?_

"FOUR!"

Theo brushed your hair behind your ear.

"THREE!"

_Adam used to do that._

"TWO!"

Theo smiled at you and cupped your face. Your cheeks were burning hot.

"ONE!"

You smiled back at Theo and cleared your mind of Adam.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" the whole bar shouted.

**Friday, January 1st**

**New Year's Day**

Theo leaned down and kissed you. His wet lips pressed hard on yours. You were hesitant at first, but eventually thought, ' _fuck it'_. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer to you. Your head spun as you closed your eyes and deepened the kiss. Theo pushed his tongue into your mouth and you accepted it, twisting yours with his. His hands glided down to your black skirt and situated themselves in your two back pockets. As he pressed his body further against you, you felt his hard length on your lower stomach.

Even though you had tried to clear your mind of Adam, it didn't work. Thoughts crept into your head suddenly as you kissed Theo. You felt guilty for some reason. You couldn't pinpoint why on Earth you'd feel guilty. It's not like you and Adam were even together anymore. Something about this just felt...wrong...like you were doing something bad.

Theo wasn't Adam, and that broke your heart.

You suddenly felt sick, your heart started beating like crazy and your breathing was so rapid that you had to pull away. Your stomach felt like it was trying to fly out of your body. You were about to puke.

After running to the bathroom, leaving Theo confused and alone on the dance floor, you found an open stall and hovered over it until you eventually threw up. As you barfed, tears brimmed your eyes and small cries came out of your mouth.

You were so fucked up over Adam.

Nia eventually came in and held your hair. Theo had told her you ran in there and assumed you were sick. He left with his friends as you and Nia stayed in the bathroom for another thirty minutes, puking up all of your stomach contents. You felt so bad for him.

As Nia held your hair and rubbed your back, she spoke softly, "You know...I know this isn't because you drank too much,"

You stared into the toilet bowl and automatically got defensive, "You're drunk, Nia,"

"Not anymore, I'm not. I started to sober up around midnight. Look, don't be rude, just listen to me," she ordered before continuing, "I don't know how to say this but...but, you've gotta—fuck, look, you've gotta either get over Adam or get back with him. You can't be like this for the rest of your life,"

You felt tears fall from your eyes, "It's not that simple," you whispered.

"I know," she said as she kissed your shoulder, "I know,"

Happy fuckin' New Year.


	16. chapter fifteen: don't touch me.

**Friday, January 8th**

It'd been a week since New Year's. Since then, you'd texted Theo and told him how sorry you were for getting sick. He said it was totally fine and that he had fun and wanted to see you again soon. You couldn't tell if you wanted to see _him_ again, though. He was sweet and nice but...after the whole throwing up thing because the thought of kissing someone who wasn't Adam made you sick, you decided maybe you should hold off on being with someone. Right?

Speaking of shitbag Adam, throughout the past month, police were trying to tie the murders here in New York to the ones in Indiana. It was taking them a while to release anything to the public and you figured they hit a dead end or thought it wasn't a significant link...or they were just distracted. While they were trying to tie those together, to your surprise, it was announced that two more students were taken in the past week. Adam was back to doing what he 'had' to do.

You thought about him, all alone, regressing back to his archaic ways in the dark, taking those bad men and killing them. It made you sad. You wanted to be there for him and help him stop. After all, when you were in that bar the last day that you saw him, he told you that he stopped killing because of you.

The two of you needed each other in a way.

But he fucked it up.

Classes start on Monday but before that, you had to go to a meeting with the psychology department to get paired up with a new class to TA for. You knew Adam would be there and you felt your stomach start to sink. The thought of seeing him again, in person, made you feel sick. You didn't want to see him and you figured you'd either cry or strangle him right there in the meeting with everyone else around. You laid in your bed and stared up at the ceiling until a loud knock at your door made you jump.

"Yea?" you yelled out.

Thomas opened the door and smiled at you, "Ready to go?" his kind eyes and sweet spirit always made you swoon. Nia was lucky. You kinda wished you'd just settled on Thomas and not gotten into this whole thing with Adam.

But alas, here you were.

You let out a loud huff and rolled off of your bed, "Yea, gimme a sec,"

He walked back in the living room as you put on shoes, a beanie, and your big coat. You looked at yourself in the mirror next to your door and decided this was good enough. Who were you trying to impress anyway? Not fuckin' Adam, that's for sure.

You came out of your room and said bye to Nia as you and Thomas walked out of the door. It was 2:30PM and the cold wind pierced your face when you stepped outside. It had just rained, so the sidewalk and streets were wet, making them glisten. The cloudy sky felt so depressing as it hovered above you. As you walked down the street with Thomas, your eyes stayed on the cement that was riddled with small puddles. You made a point to step into each one, making the water coat the bottom of your sneakers.

"You good?" Thomas asked.

His question kind of startled you. He wasn't one for asking how you were...not how you _really_ were, "Yea, I'm good. You?" you asked back.

Thomas took his hands out of his pockets and put an arm around you, pulling you close to him as you waited for the crosswalk sign to turn on, "Nia said you were having a hard time...something about a guy. It's not...it's not the one from the files is it? The file I delet—"

"No, it's not. I'm fine...thanks though," you interrupted him.

The crosswalk sign turned green and beeped as you crossed the street. As you stepped, Thomas continued, "You know you've got me and Nia in your corner, right? You've got other friends, too, I know that but...you have me and Nia if you uh, if you need anything," he said quietly, trying to be helpful.

"Yea, I know," you replied, "I appreciate you guys but really, it's nothing. I'm fine now, promise,"

"Nia said you were having a _really_ hard time," Thomas said. You could tell he wanted you to talk more about it but you really didn't want to.

As you stepped in front of Schermerhorn hall, you turned to Thomas, "Hey, I'm good. I was having a hard time, yea, but it's all good now," you smiled.

The smile was fake.

Thomas put his hands on your shoulders and dipped his head to your level, "Promise you'd tell us if you weren't okay?"

"Promise," you lied.

He smiled softly and lines formed around his mouth. He was so handsome when he smiled. Thomas pulled you in for a hug and rested his chin on your head. His arms were wrapped around you as you stood there, waiting for him to let go. He knew you weren't big on hugs and could tell you were uncomfy, so he held you tighter.

"We love you," he said quietly.

"I know,"

Thomas let go and stepped back a little. He was still close enough to cup your face in his hands and squeeze your cheeks together. He laughed and closed in, kissing your forehead hard. He'd kissed you, before but not like this. This kiss to the forehead made you feel like he was your dad or some shit. Like he wanted to protect you. Nia must have told him details of much you cried to her. Damn...this was kinda embarrassing.

After a moment, Thomas' lips left your head. He looked at you, then smiled mischievously. His hand reached up to your head and pulled off your beanie. With his other hand, he messed up your hair and put the beanie back on, leaving you with a rat's nest underneath your hat.

He was back to being your Thomas.

"Dick," you smiled as the two of you walked into Schermerhorn hall, you fixing your hair along the way.

The halls were quiet as you made your way to the meeting room, ready to accept whatever the fuck happens next. Thomas opened the door for you and you stepped inside, keeping your eyes on the ground. You were too nervous to look up...too scared to see Adam. There were around ten to fifteen people already inside. Their chattering filled your ears.

"Hello, sweet girl," Dr. Kennedy greeted you.

You had to look up now, "Oh hi, Dr. Kennedy. How was your break?"

"Wonderful. We spent most of it in Vermont at our cabin up there. We had all the kids and grandkids come and stay with us. How was yours?" she asked, her smile beaming at you.

"Aha, you know, the usual. No one killed each other, thank God. Came close though, aha," you laughed.

Dr. Kennedy didn't laugh, but instead gave you an uncomfortable smile, "Okay, well that's good to hear...go ahead and take a seat, get some water if you want. We're about to start," she said as she shuffled passed you.

_Semester already starting off strong, I see._

You made your way to the back of the room, eyes on the floor, toward the water cooler. There were a few people standing near it but you ignored them and grabbed a paper cup. You started to fill it with water when you looked up at a group of people nearby. One of the people in the little circle of individuals was Adam. His eyes locked onto yours and you stood there frozen for a moment. He was frozen too. You felt your breathing stop and your stomach twist.

Suddenly, cold water hit your fingers. You looked back at your cup and realized you kept the water on and overfilled it, spilling it.

"Shit," you muttered as you grabbed some napkins from a nearby table and wiped up the water from the tile floor. After you cleaned up, you stood quickly and spun around, ready to walk to the trash can at the front of the room. As you turned on your heel, you bumped into someone's chest.

Adam's chest.

Your cup of water and soaked napkins spilled on the both of you and fell to the floor. His navy button down was splashed with liquid and your auburn sweater was wet and cold now.

"Fuck," you whispered. You quickly bent down and grabbed the cup and napkins from off of the floor, not acknowledging Adam at all.

You felt a hand on your elbow as you were standing back up. Adam whispered, "Here, let me help," and tried to take some of the trash from you.

This motherfucker wants to be a gentlemen _now?_ After dumping you? After not calling you all break? After leaving you? Nah.

"Don't touch me," you muttered and shook away from him, walking to the bin. After you discarded all of the trash, you left the meeting room and went to the bathroom to try and dry up your sweater.

You stood in the restroom and blotted the paper towels over your shirt. You wanted to cry. One: what just happened was embarrassing as fuck. Two: you were face to face with Adam and that made you want to just curl up in a ball and die.

Someone was coming into the restroom, door creaking behind you, so you quickly threw the paper towels away and kept your eyes on the floor as you started to walk out. You didn't want Dr. Kennedy or one of the other female professors to see you emotional in the bathroom before a meeting. You figured whoever walked in needed to use the sinks because you didn't hear footsteps passing by the door. You apologized for being in the way and walked to the door, trying to let them pass you. They didn't. As you glanced up, your eyes slowly panned and saw that the person standing there wasn't Dr. Kennedy or another female professor. It was Adam.

You were startled by him being in there but didn't know what to say. You wanted to scream at him, cry at him, kick him, punch his chest, kiss him...but nothing was coming out of your mouth. The two of you just stood there, looking at each other.

He looked sad.

Good.

"Are you okay?" he asked genuinely, "I wanted to uh, to check on you,"

Okay, now you were mad.

"Oh, so _now_ you decide to 'check on me'? Since when do you care? Last time I spoke to you, you told me we shouldn't be together and then _left_ me!" you yelled a little too loud. Your voice got quieter as you continued, "Don't 'check on me' because I don't need that from you,"

You started to walk passed him to leave when Adam grabbed your shoulders, stopping you. His touch on you gave you quick flashes of memories from when he would touch you so much. You hadn't felt this in a few weeks. You wanted him to touch you more. To lean down and kiss you. To lock the bathroom door and put you up on the sink counter. To fuck you and cover your mouth with his palm to keep you quiet. To call you his 'perfect girl' and take you home and hold you against him while you slept, after you'd fuck there too, of course.

But that wasn't possible anymore.

He fucked it up.

"I told you not to touch me," your voice cracked.

Adam let go of your shoulders and said softly, "Okay. I'm sorry,"

There was silence between the two of you for a moment until he started again, "Are you seeing Thomas now?"

_Uh..._

"What? No?" you said, your face confused.

Adam pushed his hand through his hair, "I saw him kiss you outside," he said softly.

Oh.

Lol.

"Oh my God, no no no no no no. Not a romantic kiss. At all," you said, "I mean it'd be none of your business anyway so...wait why the fuck are we doing this right now? Adam, I can't go back to normal with you. I should go,"

He pursed his lips and looked at you with his big, hazel eyes. In them was so much longing...pain...desperation, and a bit of relief at the news that you weren't 'seeing' Thomas. His chin quivered as he continued to stare at you and you at him. You felt yourself want to hug him, so you decided to get the fuck out of there. You pushed passed him and left the bathroom. As you walked back into the meeting room, everyone was already seated except for a couple people still lingering near the water cooler getting drinks. You went unnoticed as you slipped into your chair next to Thomas, thank God.

"Where'd you go?" he asked, his eyes not leaving his phone. He was playing _Among Us_ and would probably be playing it for the rest of the meeting.

"Just the restroom," you replied to Thomas.

Adam walked in the door and took a seat across the table. You glanced at him for a moment then quickly looked away when his eyes hit yours. You looked back down at Thomas' phone and watched him play his game until Dr. Kennedy officially started the meeting, "Alright, so there's a lot to get to this afternoon, including a big announcement at the end, but I wanted to start off with the TA pairings because I know how excited you all are to start a new semester in a new class with a new person!" she said sarcastically.

_Funny._

You were really hoping to get paired up with Dr. Kennedy for her course on Psychology and Human Diversity or with Dr. Long on her course for Psychology and Sexuality. You crossed your fingers under the table as Dr. Kennedy read the list out loud.

"Okay, let's see," she put on her reading glasses and lifted her paper, "Uh, Thomas and Dr. Long, Bridgit and Caroline," she read off a few more names, matching the undergrads with the professors and doctoral students until you eventually heard your name, "—and, uh, hold on, I can't read my handwriting, ahah," she laughed as she brought the paper closer to her face, "Ah, okay, you're with Adam,"

Your mouth dropped open, "Uhm, Adam like, _that_ Adam?" you pointed his way and stared at Dr. Kennedy.

"Yes, _that_ Adam. Not sure if there are any others with that name, haha, you're funny today," she replied.

You looked at Adam, who was staring in his lap. Suddenly, his eyes flicked up at you. You were both horrified. Each of you then looked at Dr. Kennedy, who was smiling at you and Adam. She began to read off the rest of the pairings.

You were going to be Adam's teacher's assistant for the rest of the semester.

Fuck.

You felt your heart beating not fast, but hard. You sat there and looked down at your hands. Your nails pressed into your palms and squeezed hard, needing some kind of physical distraction to take away from your mental and emotional anguish. This upcoming semester was going to suck ass. You didn't want to seem like you were sulking, even though you definitely were, so you decided to look up again and pretend to pay attention to whatever topic Dr. Kennedy was on now.

You accidentally looked at Adam. His elbow was on the table and he rested his chin on his hand as he glanced at you, then broke eye contact. How the fuck were you supposed to do this? How the fuck were you supposed to see him twice a week without being completely miserable?

You had to get out of this.

An hour went by of boring talk about the upcoming semester. Thomas was still playing his game, getting killed every fucking time because the dumb ass ran around alone in each game.

"Okay, now for the exciting stuff," Dr. Kennedy announced. Your ears perked up as she continued, "Because of the fantastic research done on the Frat Boy Finisher by two of our very own amazing students," she looked at you and Adam, "We have been invited to share about it at a conference in Buffalo in two weeks! We leave on Thursday the twenty-eight and everyone is expected to come with us,"

Oh God. A field trip? With Adam? Fuck.

At least you had Thomas.

Thomas started, "Oooh, I can't. That weekend I'll be in Cape Cod celebrating my uncle's divorce,"

Everyone gave him a 'what the fuck' look.

"It's a big thing, I promise. I really can't go. Sorry Dr. K," he said as he looked back at his phone and continued playing his game.

Okay then.

_I guess I don't have Thomas to hang out with in Buffalo._

Fuck.

Dr. Kennedy pursued her lips, "Okay...no Thomas then. Let us know how your...celebration goes," she turned to everyone else at the table, "We'll be taking a charter bus up there, courtesy of the conference. They're really excited to see our stuff," Dr. Kennedy looked at you and Adam again, "You two won't be presenting, it'll be me and Dr. Long doing it, but we want you there to talk to others who want more information on it,"

_So I actually **have** to go. Shit._

After the meeting ended, you told Thomas to go ahead and walk home without you. He really didn't want to leave you alone but you eventually convinced him to go, telling him you had shit to talk to Dr. Kennedy about that might take a while. As each person filed out of the room, including Adam, you were left alone with Dr. Kennedy, who was packing up a few of her things.

"Dr. Kennedy?" you asked.

She turned to you and smiled, "Hi, what can I do for you?"

You pursed your lips and felt embarrassed, but you knew you had to just _ask_ , "Hi, uh I was uh, I was just wondering if there were any way that I could um be with you or Dr. Long this semester as a TA. I feel as though I would really thrive in the courses that the two of you are teac—"

She interrupted you, "You're staying with Adam," her tone was a little hostile.

You were about to say something back and as your mouth was opening, she continued, "You're staying with Adam because I see the brightness in the both of you in this profession. Your work on the research with him has been tremendous for this program. You heard me earlier about how important it was, right?"

You nodded.

"Okay then. You're staying with him. Both of you are smart and capable. I only see good things in your pairing. I don't want to hear any excuses. If you get into the doctoral program, you'll have to work with him anyway. You're staying with him until May. Goodnight, sweet girl," she smiled and left quickly, probably so you couldn't argue.

You stood in the empty meeting room embarrassed, frustrated, and alone. You took a deep breath and stayed there for a few minutes. You were so lost in thought about the idea of being Adam's TA and how it would only bring you more pain having to see him all the time, let alone doing this research shit that **WAS ABOUT HIM** , and going to fucking Buffalo soon with him. Your senior year could _not_ get worse.

After taking another deep breath, you decided you should get going. You were in the mood for a latte, so you pulled on your coat and walked out of Schermerhorn hall toward the coffee shop on the way home. As you exited the building and walked down the stairs, Adam stood at the bottom of the stairs, his hands in his coat pockets. It looked like he was waiting for you.

You walked by him.

"Wait," he called after you.

You didn't stop.

Adam caught up to you and started walking with you, "Let me walk you home," he said, his voice sounded a little...desperate. You wanted to say 'yes, please walk me home' but you just couldn't.

"Adam please don't do this to me," you begged as you stared at the wet sidewalk.

He stopped and stood in front of you, "Do what? Look at me,"

You looked up and furrowed your eyebrows together, "I don't understand you, Adam. No wait, actually I do. Don't fucking break it off with me and then ask to walk me home. You think you're some kind of fucking hero—"

"Hero? No I do—"

You interrupted him, "Are you serious? Adam," you started to whisper and continued to walk, "You literally kill people who are 'bad'. There's shit in your past with that and I get it, but I also know there's a hero and vigilante element to it that you fuckin' love, I just know it. You like feeling like the hero, Adam. Don't fucking argue with that,"

You thought about stopping but now you couldn't. You were so fucking mad, "A-and when you left me the day before I went home for break, you thought you were doing me a favor by ending shit to keep me out of all of this. Yet, here you are, continuing your shit. You wanted to be some kind of fucking savior and you're _not_. AND walking me home? What a fucking joke, Adam. This is only hurting me more. You're not a fucking hero. You're the villain right now and it's breaking my heart," your voice was getting shaky, so you decided to stop there. You didn't want to cry in front of him.

The two of you waited for the crosswalk to turn green.

"I'm—I'm sorry," he apologized.

"Oh so _now_ you're apologizing? Fuck you. It's too fucking late to ask for forgiveness. Don't talk to me unless it's necessary, don't fucking walk me home, and _don't_ touch me," you demanded and fast walked ahead of him.

He didn't try to catch up with you, but you felt him follow you. When you got to the coffee shop, Adam went in too. He was driving you fucking crazy. If he wanted to follow you around, why the fuck would he break it off with you?

_Pick one, motherfucker._

You ordered your latte and Adam ordered his right after you, telling the barista you two were together.

"Dude, I'm not paying for you," you said, annoyed.

"I know. I am," he said softly.

Oh.

Whatever.

You walked to a wall on the side of the store and waited for your coffee to be made. After Adam paid, he made his way over to you.

"Look, what the _fuck_ do you want?" you asked, your arms crossed as you stared up at him. You didn't understand him.

"I-I don't know," he said looking at the ground.

You rolled your eyes and took his chin in your hand, making him look at you again. You lowered your hand and crossed your arms again, "You don't _get_ to say 'I don't know'. You ended things. Why the fuck can't you leave me alone? You seemed to do that pretty fine over the fucking break. I just don't understand y—"

The barista called your name at the counter so you went to get your drink. After thanking the worker, you walked back to Adam with your warm drink, "Thank you for the coffee. I'm leaving. Don't follow me,"

As you walked out of the door, the barista called Adam's name. Once you were down the block a bit, you heard the 'ding' of the coffee shop's door. You knew it was Adam and you knew he was going to follow you home, making sure you got there okay.

You so desperately wanted to look back, tell him to walk alongside you, invite him upstairs, introduce him to Nia, talk everything out, get back together again, and have everything be normal...but you didn't do any of that. You just kept walking, tears in your eyes.

That night, you had two glasses of wine and talked to Nia about how fucked up it was that he had the audacity to talk to you today, walk with you, and buy you coffee after putting you through all of that emotional fucked-up-ness these past few weeks. She drunkenly agreed.

"Yes, girl," she hiccupped, "Absolutely. But when are you gonna fuuucckkkk him again?" she asked.

"When he gets his shit togetherrrrr. Sooooo never," you replied.

Your mind was pretty fuzzy and you wanted to forget about him for a while. Next thing you knew, you downed another glass of wine and rang someone on the phone, telling them to pick you up.


	17. chapter sixteen: say that again.

**Friday, January 8th**

**ADAM POV**

Adam saw his perfect girl today. He heard her voice for the first time in weeks. He heard her weird sense of humor again that made everyone around her uncomfortable, except for him. He heard her sassy comments and passionate anger toward him that he loved in every other moment, except for this one.

When he left her at her door, broken, in December, he felt like a crumbled piece of paper. It broke his heart. Adam didn't _want_ to do it, but he had to...he _thought_ he had to. He realized how he fucked it up with her. He thought he was doing what was best but...he was wrong.

While seeing her today, he felt dumb. He didn't know the right words to say to her... he just wanted to be around her and make sure she was safe. That's why he wanted to walk her home and buy her coffee. He realized that what he was doing wasn't right when she told him how he thought of himself as a 'hero'. He was taken aback. She was right. She was _always_ right.

But it was too late now. It was too late to ask for her to take him back. She would never. Would she? _'No_ ,' Adam thought to himself as he walked home after making sure she got to her apartment okay.

He felt like shit for not reaching out to her over winter break, too. Would she have even picked up the phone if he called anyway? Not likely, but to her, it was the thought that counted. He _wanted_ to call her. He _wanted_ to go to her little dinky suburb outside of Chicago and find her. He _wanted_ to hug her, smell her hair, kiss her head, and have her hug him back, bury her head in his chest, and squeeze him tight. He wanted to meet her parents, who he heard were shitty to her, and show them someone loved her right. He wanted to meet her sisters and brother, make a good impression, and find a family in them.

But he was busy.

Over the break, Adam had done some digging and found what he was looking for.

His father.

It made him snap again, killing those two other fuckers with files against them.

He needed his perfect girl again to help him stop.

As he walked alone in the cold, wet air, he wondered what she was doing tonight...if she was going to be with someone.... if she would be kissing them like she kissed Adam, fucking them like she fucked Adam. He tightly balled his fists. Adam was angry at the thought of her even touching someone else. When he saw her with Thomas earlier, he thought he'd go right out there and break his neck. The only reason he didn't was because he thought about his perfect girl seeing him do that. It would ruin her.

Adam's hands relaxed as he thought about happy memories with his perfect girl. It was the only thing keeping him from killing someone tonight.

**Saturday, January 9th**

**YOUR POV**

You woke the next morning at 8:43AM to sunlight shining on your face. You squeezed your eyes shut to block out the light and shoved your face into the pillow. As you tried to fall back asleep, something was off. The pillow didn't smell like _your_ pillow...or Nia's...

Fuck.

There was weight on the bed behind you...you assumed it was a person sleeping. As you listened, you heard breathing.

_Definitely a person._

You were too nervous to open your eyes, scared of what you might discover. Now that you were mentally awake and physically aware, you were pretty sure you didn't have sex last night, judging from the lack pressure in-between your legs that you usually felt after. Your thoughts scrambled to remember yesterday.

Okay you called someone...

_Who the fuck did I call?_

Oh.

 _Theo_.

Suddenly, each memory of last night slowly popped into your head. Theo picked you up with a few of his friends and you all went out clubbing near his apartment. You both drank so fucking much at the club that you could practically still taste the lemon drop shots he bought for the two of you in your mouth. You both came back here to his place somehow...that part was a mystery but you assumed it was by Uber. You faintly remember kissing him. It was...sloppy, considering both of you were plastered. Then...what happened next?

You scanned your mind again, waiting for the memory to come to you.

Okay now you remember: the two of you took off your clothes, about to have sex—

_Ew_

And then...FUCK what happened after that?

_Think, bitch, think!_

Oh...you remembered why you couldn't figure out what happened after you kissed in his bed.

The both of you passed the fuck out.

_Thank God._

You still felt so fuckin' gross right now, though.

Suddenly, Theo sighed behind you and rolled over, putting his arm around your waist, spooning you. You had to get the fuck outta there. After peeling him off of you, you slowly got out of bed, and crept around the room, finding your clothes that were scattered everywhere.

Jesus Christ.

Once you located everything and put it all back on, you poked Theo, "Hey, pssstt,"

He slowly opened his eyes and smiled at you, "Hi, good morning,"

Aw he looked so cute.

But you really had to go.

"Yea, hi, uhm, so I actually have to go but I'm going to get an Uber, so you just go back to sleep okay?" you whispered.

He was still lazily smiling at you, "Okay," Theo held his hand out for you to take it, so you reluctantly did.

_I swear to God if he pulls me into bed, I'll fight him._

Theo tugged your arm, then reached up and grabbed the back of your neck, softly pulling you down toward him. He planted a kiss on your lips that made you want to shrivel up and die. You felt so fucking bad that you were about to ghost this poor man.

You gave a fake smile and said goodbye. Theo rolled over and started sleeping again. You walked into his nice ass kitchen and stole a bagel as you waited for your Uber. When you arrived home and opened the door, you got _such_ a fun greeting from Nia.

"Where were you last night, you little slut?" Nia smiled as her and Thomas cuddled on her couch.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, Nia. I was with Theo," you looked at Thomas, "Hey Thomas,"

"Hey," he replied.

Nia started again, "You fuck him?"

_Alright, I'm done here._

"Nope. Goodbye, I'm going to shower now," you said dryly as you walked to the bathroom.

Once you were in the shower, you washed off all the shit from last night, physically and emotionally. Your stomach started to twist just thinking about it, so you shut off your mind and went numb for the rest of the day.

**Monday, January 11th**

Today was the first day of Monday/Wednesday classes for the semester and it flew by. All you could think about was how tomorrow you'd see Adam.

**Tuesday, January 12th**

You woke up a little earlier than your alarm and decided to take the extra time to make coffee and a decent breakfast, not just a piece of toast that you usually scarfed down on the way to class.

As you ate your breakfast that consisted of eggs, sausage, and a piece of toast with avocado slices on it, you suddenly had no appetite. The thought of seeing Adam again made you feel nauseous. You continued to eat, hating every bite.

Nia was already in class, so you had to walk to campus alone. It was around 10AM when you arrived for your first Tuesday/Thursday class. While the professor was going over the syllabus, you couldn't help but be distracted. You gazed off into nothingness and your mind wandered to Adam again. As a TA, you're basically a personal slave to the professor. Being a 'slave' to Adam was one thing when it came to sexy shit but now that stuff like that was off of the table, regular 'slave' didn't sound like so great of a job.

You fell asleep in both of your classes today. Thomas kept having to kick your foot for you to stay awake. After the third kick to your leg in your second class, you decided to watch him play on his phone as a distraction. When your second class was over, you had a one-hour break before going to your last class of the day, AKA your class with Adam.

The hour flew by because you spent it scrolling through TikTok as you ate a small lunch in a student lounge on campus. It was 3:15PM when you finally decided to make the trek back to Schermerhorn hall and talk to Adam about the materials. You would normally get there around 3PM if class started at 3:30PM, but you accidentally ran a little late.

You stood outside of the auditorium and took a deep breath in, ready to face him again. As you turned the handle and opened the door, it creaked. You walked down the stairs toward the bottom, near the desk at the front, and saw him there, looking at his computer. Your mind flashed back for a déjà vu moment. When you first met him while filling in for Thomas, this was what happened almost exactly. You, sighing before opening the door, the door creaking, you walking down the stairs, nervous...him at his computer. It was all so the same.

"Hi," he said, looking up.

You sighed again, "Hi. What's the plan for today?" you asked, getting right to business.

"Just going through the syllabus. Here," he scrambled through his papers and handed you a few that were stapled together. As you took it from him, you kept your eyes down but you knew he was looking at you, waiting for you to make eye contact. Fuck that. You turned around and put your backpack down on the floor next to the chair by the desk. You sat down and scanned over the syllabus for a few minutes. It was completely silent in the room, you and Adam both not saying a word to each other.

Finally, a few students walked in and soon enough, class started. It only took about forty minutes for Adam to go over the syllabus with the class. After he let everyone out, you packed your things and started to walk toward the exit.

Adam called out your name and asked to you wait.

You cocked an eyebrow and turned around, "Yes?"

He walked to you, his book bag over his shoulder, and outstretched his hand, "You forgot your phone,"

"Oh...thanks," you said as you took it from him.

You turned around on your heel and started to walk out of the door until Adam ran up in front of you and opened the door _for_ you. You walked through the door and into the hallway, "I think I can manage a door by myself, thanks though,"

You saw Adam smile as he walked next to you. Did he miss your sass? Did he miss your personality conflicting with his? You hoped he did.

"H-how are you?" he asked as he opened another door for you, leading outside. He was trying to have a normal conversation with you as if that were _ever_ possible again. Until he made things right again, which would likely be _never,_ you didn't want to indulge in meaningless small talk.

You pulled your coat close to you and shivered, "Adam, I'm fine. I'll see you Thursday," you said, walking away from him.

This time he didn't follow you, just stood there with balled fists.

**Thursday, January 14th**

You got to Adam's class a little early and discussed the chapter he was going over today. After he was done briefing you, you went and sat in your seat. The auditorium was silent for a few minutes as the both of you were waiting for class to start.

Adam broke the quiet, "Can we talk?"

His body turned to you, but you kept your eyes on your phone as you replied, "About?"

He scoffed, "I'm so glad you came here in a good mood, as usual for you. Never mind," Adam turned back to the computer and began to type.

"Okay great," you said aggressively, "Didn't want to talk to you anyway,"

Adam whipped back around, "What the fuck?"

You raised your eyebrows and stood up, "What do you mean, 'what the fuck?', Adam? Don't act like we're friends now and ask to _talk_ ,"

He moved closer to you, "You're so fucking difficult,"

"Me? Oh my God that's fucking rich coming from you, mister 'let me dump you and then buy you coffee and bother you all of the fucking time'!" you were yelling a little now. Oops.

Adam furrowed his eyebrows and matched your tone, " _You_ can't be civil!"

You instinctively stepped closer until the two of you were centimeters apart, "And _YOU_ can't not be a fucking DICK!"

Both of you looked wildly at each other, breathing hard, and standing close. You felt waves of adrenaline flow through your arms and heat grow between your legs. You were turned on from fighting with him.

_Oh my God._

You bit your pulsing lip as Adam stared down at you, his eyes changing from furious to predatory. Your cheeks started to warm up and Adam naturally wet his lips. His eye twitched slightly as he said in a quiet and cracking voice, "Say that again,"

You didn't care that this was a bad idea. Fuck common sense.

Moving closer to him, you were against Adam and felt his hard length under his slacks, pushing onto your lower stomach. Wetness grew in your panties as his hand softly stroked the back of your forearm. Your breath was shaky while you whispered, "You're a fucking dick,"

A small thud came from across the room, near the door, and you and Adam shot apart, leaving about five feet of space between you. A student walked in and greeted the two of you. You quickly went to sit in a chair near the desk, waiting for class to start. You sat there, heart pounding, pussy pounding, cheeks pounding, _everything_ pounding, as more students filed in. Adam was leaning on his desk, concealing his erection that was slowly going away as class was getting closer to starting. You felt a bit dumb for letting your ~horn dog~ mind take over and squeezed your legs together.

After class was over, you grabbed your backpack and fast walked out of the building and went right home. You ran to your room, grabbed your vibrator that you got from Target, and did your thing.

**Tuesday, January 19th**

You thought about Adam all weekend and were _so_ distracted by him that you'd completely forgotten about your interviews for graduate school. You had to take the train up to Boston to interview at UMass on Thursday, then come back that night and interview with Columbia on Friday. You didn't have shit prepared for it. On top of that and assignments piling up from your other classes, you really didn't know if you'd survive the semester.

As you sat in your 12PM class next to Thomas, you zoned out. Your eyes hit the wall as your professor talked about the brain or some shit. You couldn't help but think about Adam again.

_Adam locking the door to the auditorium, bending you over the small desk, knocking down all of the papers that were on it and fucking you right there, putting your hands behind your back and holding them together, tight._

_He'd stand over you and pound into you as sweat trickled on both of your foreheads. He'd find your sweet spot as he's inside of you and you'd pant, 'right there!' and he'd reply in a grunt, 'right there, baby?'. You'd be so fucking overwhelmed by his cock inside of you, about to combust, that you can't speak. Your eyes would shut and small moans would escape your mouth._

_He'd call you his perfect girl as his grip on your hands tightened. Your mouth would hang open as you slowly rose to your climax. You'd squeeze yourself around him as he kept pumping in and out._

_In and out._

_In and out._

Suddenly, Thomas put his hand on your knee. You were bouncing it like crazy in a nervous habit. You also noticed you were biting your lip incredibly hard and you felt yourself pulse between your legs. Your cheeks were instantly red as you realized class was over and everyone else was packing up their stuff. You looked around and gulped as Thomas asked if you were sick.

"Uh, no. Wait what?" you were so fucking disillusioned.

Thomas put his face in front of yours, grabbing your eye-contact, "Are you okay? You look sick,"

You wanted to laugh in his face.

_Nah, Thomas. Just horny for a serial killer, apparently._

You didn't even know _why_ that shit popped into your head. He fucking _ended_ it with you, idiot. But...you still wanted him because you knew that he still wanted you.

This was all so fucked up.

"No, no, no...just a little distracted, ahah," you said as you stood up. You stumbled around for a second trying to find your footing. Your imagination really needed to chill.

\--

You checked your watch as you walked into the auditorium for Adam's class. It was 3PM. You were so fucking early. Adam sat in front of the computer, looking at notes on this week's chapter.

"Hi," you said, feeling a bit shy after last Thursday's encounter.

It looked like he felt the same as he replied, "Hi,"

"Uhm, I uh, I can go over the personality tests for this week's chapter...if you'd like," you offered. His class on the psychology of personality was intriguing to you and you were obsessed with all kind of personality tests. This week covered the Meyers-Briggs test, the Enneagram, and the Big 5 test. Your favorite was the Enneagram.

Adam raised his eyebrows, "Uh, okay, yea. You can take over that section today," he moved the computer screen toward you, showing you his PowerPoint, "Here's what I have on it for today...if you want to take a look,"

You made your way to the desk and stood next to him, leaning on it. Your eyes were scanning the computer as Adam was scanning you. You felt his eyes on your neck and hair, and saw from your peripheral vision that he moved his head down, inspecting your body. You felt yourself tense up.

Once you were done looking at the slides, you went and sat in your chair, "Thanks,"

"Of course," he replied quietly.

The room was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. You pretended to play on your phone, but you couldn't stay focused on it. You wanted Adam to talk to you. You were too stubborn to start a conversation, so you just sat there, silent. You looked up at him as he stood at the desk. He was doing something on the computer but stopped and seemed to stare out into nothing.

Suddenly, Adam said softly, "I'm sorry," he was still looking out into the seats, not making eye contact with you. You were opening your mouth to say something back when Dr. Kennedy came in.

"Hello, you two!" she smiled.

You and Adam said hello back, both in less than enthusiastic tones. She came in to talk to Adam about something department related, so you went back to your phone. You were so distracted by Adam's, 'I'm sorry' that you just had the calculator app open and were pressing random buttons, not even paying attention to it. You wondered if he wanted to say more... _really_ apologize. Was he even apologizing for leaving you or for something else? You wished he got the chance to elaborate before Dr. Kennedy pulled him away.

Theo texted you in class and asked how you were but there was no way you were going to answer him back. After class was over, you wanted to talk to him, but there were so many students who waited after class to talk to him about school shit, so you just left and went home, stopping to see Katinka on the way. She taught you more Hungarian words and made your day a little better.

That night, you were sitting on the couch with Nia, watching Bob's Burgers when you remembered you forgot to tell Adam that you'd be gone this Thursday. You shot him a quick text.

Okay, maybe you were a little too harsh with that last message...but you didn't want him to know you were missing to go to graduate school interviews.

Fuck.

You should probably prepare for those.

**Saturday, January 23rd**

Your interviews were fine. You felt like you weren't really there and didn't have much personality in them but there wasn't much you could do about that. You were really just resting on your good grades at this point. Dr. Kennedy basically said you'd for sure get into Columbia yesterday anyway. You were just waiting to hear from UMass now.

While you were out of town, another male student went missing. Adam was at it again.

"Hey, are you ready?" Nia poked her head in your room.

Thomas and Nia convinced you to go out with them to celebrate being done with the interviews. You reluctantly agreed and you were pretty sure you only said yes because you were a little high when they asked you.

"Yea, I'm almost ready," you replied as you swiped on a few more layers of mascara in the bathroom. After you were done with your makeup, you stepped into the living room where Nia and Thomas were making out, "Hi can y'all stop?" you asked, annoyed. They were always fucking kissing. It made you sad. You wished you could kiss Adam again.

Nia rolled off of Thomas' lap and stood, "Let's goooo!" she exclaimed.

When you got to the bar, it was fucking packed. It was seriously your worst nightmare, but you figured you should loosen up a little. You took a deep breath, held onto Nia's hand, and walked in. After a few drinks, you felt better. Nia danced with you as Thomas awkwardly danced behind Nia. It was the perfect third wheel moment, with poor Thomas being the third wheel instead of you. You decided to not have too much to drink tonight, being as when that happened you usually ended up in questionable situations. Nia was pretty shitfaced, though.

As you danced together, you felt a tap on your shoulder. A bright, wide, and familiar smile came into your view, "Hiiiiii Theo...wow what a coincidence!"

Oh God...the man you've been ghosting was here. Great.

"Hey beautiful!" his drunk eyes lingered on you as he leaned in to kiss your cheek. You made a face at Thomas, so he interjected.

"Hi, I'm Thomas! I'm here with these two," Thomas said to Theo as he pointed at you and Nia.

Theo smiled again, "Hi," he shook Thomas' hand, "Nice to meet you!"

_Am I at a fucking business meeting or at a club?_

You turned to Theo, "Super great to see you!" hoping he'd go away and the conversation would be over. He was so incredibly nice but you just weren't interested anymore. Theo grazed his hand over your shoulder as the loud music pulsated in your ears.

"I was hoping I could talk to you," he said over the music.

You had to come up with an excuse, "Uhm, yea for sure! Can you give me five minutes? I'm going to use the restroom!"

Theo gave you an 'okay' as you walked away, toward the exit of the bar. You walked outside with your coat and pulled it over you. The temperature outside was around 40°F, so you bundled up as you got some fresh air. There was a small line to get in outside and the chatter of conversations filled your ears along with the bass of the music from inside of the building. You took out your phone and texted Thomas that you stepped out for a moment and you'd be back in a sec.

As you took a few deep breaths and mentally prepared to head back in, Theo stepped in front of you. He was pretty fucked up as he greeted you again, "Hiii,"

You gave a polite smile, "Hi, Theo. Where are your friends?"

He grabbed your waist and pulled you close to him, "Inside. What are you doin' all the way out here?"

You shook away from him, "Just getting air...what are you doing out here?"

Theo came close to you again and held onto your hands that were at your side, "Lookin' for youuuu,"

He was so drunk.

"Maybe you should go find your friends, Theo," you suggested. You weren't annoyed per se, just uncomfortable and wanting him to get back to his people.

Theo let go of your hands and reached up to your face, cupping your cheeks in his hands, "I want to be out here with you...and maybe leave and finish what we started a while agooooo," he leaned in to kiss you, but you retracted your head back, dodging his kiss.

"Theo, you should really go inside," you suggested with a little more hostility.

He furrowed his eyebrows together, "Nahhh, you've been makin' me chase you. Now I've got you," his hands were still holding your face and his grip tightened around your cheeks, "I want you," You reached your hands up and tried to pull him off of you by grabbing his forearms but he didn't budge. Theo backed you up against the brick wall behind you and held you there, "Miiinnneee," he said sloppily.

"Theo, let go of me, please," you asked nicely, knowing if he didn't let you go in five seconds, the next time you asked wouldn't be so nice. Theo leaned in and kissed you on the lips as you wiggled your head around, trying to get him to stop. You kicked his shin twice but he still wouldn't let go. You closed your eyes as you kept kicking him and moving your head away from his kiss.

Suddenly, the weight of Theo's grip on you was taken away by some kind of force. It sounded like he fell over. You opened your eyes and saw Theo on the ground and Adam in front of you, holding your shoulders, "Are you okay?" he asked over and over again.

Adam's eyes looked black. He was furious but checked on you anyway. You knew any second he'd fucking kill Theo.

"Adam, I'm okay. He's drunk. He didn't know what he was doing," you instinctively put your hand on his chest, "Don't hurt him, okay? Will you help me get him inside?"

While you technically lied about Theo 'not knowing what he was doing' because you were pretty sure being drunk was no excuse to harass someone, you really didn't want Adam to murder him...because you knew he for sure _would_.

Adam bent down and grabbed Theo by his coat, lifting him to his feet. He shoved him toward the door of the club as Theo was trying to call your name and ask what was wrong. Theo's friends came outside and took him away, leaving you and Adam alone.

The cold air made your nose numb as you stood there, not knowing what to say. You started off with, "Thank you," in a whispered voice.

"You're okay?" he asked, his big hands on your shoulders again.

You flicked your eyes up at him, "Yea, I'm fine," you replied. Then, you thought for a moment, "Wait, what are you doing over here? This is kind of far from where we live. D-did you follow me?" you asked, scared of his answer.

Adam bit his cheek and put his hands back at his side, "I...I saw you and your friends going out while I was doing my night walks and I decided to look after you tonight,"

"Night walk? So...," you started to whisper, "You were going to kill someone tonight?"

Adam sighed and rubbed his mouth, "We don't have to talk about this,"

"So you were," you said matter-of-factly.

He changed the subject, "Who was that?"

"Theo? He's just someone I know," you said, not wanting to give too many details.

Adam replied with a, "Hmm,"

Silence draped over the two of you.

"Okay well...I should get back inside. What are uh, what are you gonna do?" you asked, your hands clasped together in front of you hanging awkwardly.

Adam looked up in thought, "I'll probably just go home, back to Moose,"

Your eyebrow cocked up, "Aw, Moose," You thought about Adam's apartment and how many nights you'd spent there. As you looked up at him, you could tell he was thinking the same thing.

He cleared his throat, "Well, have a good night,"

You really didn't want to leave him tonight but decided you _should_.

"Goodnight, Adam," you said softly.

**Tuesday, January 26th**

In Adam's class on Tuesday, you came running late, missing the first fifteen minutes. You accidentally overslept your nap. As you walked in, Adam almost looked relieved to see you. It made you blush. You sat in your chair and watched him teach for the next hour or so. He was so good...so smart...so fucking hot as he talked about psychology shit.

When class was over, more students filed in a line to talk to him. You glanced at him and he was already looking at you as you pulled on your backpack and started to leave. He gave you a polite smile and turned back to the students, assisting them.

You spent that night alone, wishing Adam was next to you.

**Thursday, January 28th**

You woke up at 5:20AM and got dressed for your day of travel to Buffalo. It was going to take six fuckin' hours to drive there, hence why they were making everyone leave so early. You rubbed your eyes as you grabbed your duffle bag, packed and ready to go for the long weekend.

You had no clue how interesting it was about to be.


	18. chapter seventeen: buffalo.

**Thursday, January 28th**

**New York, NY**

6:02AM

You got to campus around 6AM and stood outside of Schermerhorn hall, freezing cold, with everyone that was going on the trip to Buffalo, including Adam. While waiting for the bus to show up, you talked with some of your friends about how fucking early it was.

Soon enough, a big ass bus pulled up on the street. Dr. Kennedy told everyone to get on and, as all humans are dumb, everyone ran to the doors and shoved themselves in as fast as they could. You decided you didn't want any part of that mess and stayed at the back of the line. Apparently, someone else had the same thought as you.

Adam.

As everyone boarded the bus, you crossed your arms as Adam stood next to you, his hands in his pockets, "Hi," Adam said politely, his tired eyes sparking down at you.

"Hi," you replied, "Dunno why everyone runs to get on first, it's ridiculous,"

He laughed under his breath, "Yea, I'd rather not get involved in all of that,"

You forgot how alike you both were.

The two of you were the last ones on the bus. You scanned for your friends, but saw they were already all seated together and didn't save you a spot. What the fuck? Bitches. In fact, literally every spot was taken. There was only a set of two seats together that were open.

One for you.

One for Adam.

_Jesus fuckin' Christ is this a sign or something?_

You felt disappointment take over your face as you shoved your duffle bag in the cabin above the seats and sat in the window seat. Adam put his things up, too, and sat next to you. Both of you were a little dumbfounded at the coincidence of sitting next to each other.

Dr. Kennedy stood at the front and started speaking, "Okay, we are about to pull out—"

You giggled at her saying, 'pull out'. Adam glanced over at you and gave you a little smile. He knew what you were laughing at.

"—we are not stopping until we get to Scranton, Pennsylvania. When we get there, we'll stop for gas, have a bathroom break, get something to eat, you get it. It's only two hours or so away, so I don't want to hear anyone complain about having to go to the restroom," she went on and on and about the rest of the drive and the stops we'd be making for another two minutes.

As she spoke, you zoned out looking at Adam's hands. They were resting on his thighs and looked so fucking big. You remembered how those same hands would cup your face, squeeze your ass, graze down your body, touched you _all_ over, insid—

The jolt of the bus moving forward snapped you out of it.

You sighed and relaxed your body, not realizing how tense it had gotten while lost in thought. Adam slumped in his seat and saw that you were looking at him. Shit. His eyes met yours and he asked in a sleepy voice, "What?"

_Oh my fuck...he looks so cute._

You clenched your jaw, "Uhm, nothing. Just uh...I'm gonna try and sleep until we get to Scranton," you awkwardly said as you turned toward the window, resting your head on it. You put your Airpods in your ears and filled your head with music, mostly Childish Gambino's album _3.15.20_. After staring out of the window for a while, your eyes slowly shut, and you began to sleep on the uncomfortable and bumpy bus.

7:02AM

When you woke up next, the bus was still moving. You opened your eyes and sat up straight, taking out your headphones. There was a small Indianapolis Colts blanket over you that you recognized. It was Adam's. He kept it on his couch, usually. He must have put it over you while you slept.

Pretty much everyone on the bus was sleeping, including Adam next to you. You turned your body over to face him as he sat there, eyes closed. His chin was tucked to his neck, making him look like an old man. It was cute. You held his blanket closer to you and brought your feet up on the seat, knees pressing against your chest, so you were fully cocooned in it. You watched him take deep breaths, his chest rising up and down slowly. His lips twitched every so often and you wondered what he was dreaming about...if he ever dreamed about you like you always dreamed about him. You wished you could get inside of his head. You wished he would make everything right again. Sitting next to him like this only made your heart hurt more.

As he slept, you reached your hand out of the covers and grazed your fingers over his that were in his lap. You just wanted to feel him again. Playing with his fingers, you began to get sad. You wished you could do this while he was awake...but you couldn't.

Retracting your fingers back into the blanket, you drifted into sleep again, facing Adam. Falling asleep to his face was the best thing that had happened to you all year.

**SCRANTON, PA**

8:15AM

The next time you woke, it was to Adam nudging you with his elbow. You sleepily sat up and inspected your surroundings. The bus had stopped and people were filing out of the vehicle. As you walked off, you saw that it had stopped at a gas station with a McDonald's attached. God, you hated the U.S. sometimes. Buildings like that grossed you out.

You walked inside, used the restroom, and talked with a few of your friends inside as they picked out snacks, "You guys suck ass. You didn't save me a seat," you teased a few of them.

One friend, Tiana, lowered her voice and smirked, "We know,"

You cocked one eyebrow up suspiciously, "Uhm, what's the face for?" Tiana and two other friends, Lexi and Emma, giggled at each other. You looked around and whispered, "What??"

Lexi spoke in a hushed voice, "We've been seeing the way that doc student Adam looks at you. We wanted you guys to sit together,"

Emma spoke now, "Yea he legit _stares_ at you in our meetings. Plus, this morning when we were waiting outside, he was looking at you hella hard...so we decided to not save you a seat. We figured you guys would be the last ones to get in the bus anyway, considering...how you are,"

You chose to ignore that comment and rolled your eyes, "Whatever. He doesn't look at me in any sort of way other than simply looking. Y'all are annoying," you laughed.

Tiana motioned her eyes over at Adam across the gas station, "Don't look now but he's literally staring at you. You should _get_ with him," the other girls nodded their heads in agreement with her. After a moment, you glanced over. They were right. He _was_ looking at you as he stood with a few of his friends near the checkout. You blushed and looked away. So did he.

When you got back on the bus with your breakfast consisting of tropical flavored Skittles and a shitty gas station cinnamon roll, Adam was already seated. He got up, letting you make your way to window seat, "Hi," he said.

"Hi. Thanks for the blanket earlier," you said gratefully.

Adam smiled, "No problem," he then reached in his backpack and pulled out two Starbucks mocha frappuccino drinks in those little glass bottles you can buy at most stores, "Want one? I uh, I thought you might 'cause you like coffee...so I got two,"

You had to bite your lip to keep from smiling like an idiot. The thought of him going out of his way to buy you a gas station drink made your heart burst, "Oh, thanks," you said casually.

Dr. Kennedy announced you weren't stopping again until you arrived in Buffalo, which meant you had four or so hours left of the bus ride with Adam. Now that you had moved around a bit, you were wide awake. This coffee was about you make you even more awake, too. You twisted the lid open and sipped on the cold, smooth drink.

_God, this shit's good._

After a few gulps, you closed it and put the glass in your backpack, saving some for later. You grabbed your Skittles and tore the wrapper open, popping a couple in your mouth, "Skittle?" you asked Adam, holding the package to him.

"Sure," he replied. His palm opened underneath the Skittles bag as you poured a couple on his hand, "Thanks,"

"Yep," you responded as you grabbed your phone and Airpods, putting them into your ears again.

**BINGHAMTON, NY**

9:20AM

You started to get cold on the bus, so you took out an Airpod and turned to Adam, "Hi, uhm, can I use your blanket again?" you didn't see that it was already around him, "Oh, never mind, sorry,"

Before you could turn away to the window again, Adam removed it from his waist and legs and put it over you, "Here, you can use it," you tried to push it away, back to him.

"No, no. I'm okay. You use it,"

Adam smiled and tried to put it back over you, his long arms were outstretched over you as he covered you with the blanket, "No, you can,"

You bit your lip, "We can always share," you said as you took the blanket and threw one side to him, covering yourself with the other side, "There, now we both can use it,"

"Okay," Adam said in a small voice. He seemed to be a little stiff, not letting himself completely relax under the blanket. You weren't _trying_ to make a move or anything by asking to share...but it didn't hurt. You liked being under the blanket with him. You sat back in your chair, relaxed, knees up to your chest again, back to watching TikToks.

After about five minutes, you looked up from your phone to see Adam staring at the front of the bus. You felt bad for him because he didn't have an iPhone, but then again, this old ass man _chose_ not to have one. He didn't have anything to keep himself entertained except maybe a book tucked away in his backpack or some other boring shit. You took out an Airpod and handed it to him.

"Want to watch TikTok?" you asked, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

Adam's eyebrows furrowed, "What is 'Tik-Tok'?"

Your eyes widened, "Oh my God, Adam. For real?"

He nodded.

"Uhm, well they're just short videos made by like...random people. Here, I'll show you some," he put an Airpod in his ear as you leaned closer to him, shoulders touching, and held the phone between the two of you. You went to your 'likes' and found a few that you thought he might find funny. It was really a hit or miss with Adam. You figured he'd either love them or really hate them.

He ended up thinking TikTok was the best fuckin' thing in the world.

Everyone else's chatter on the bus concealed you and Adam's laughter at the TikToks you watched. You were laughing so hard at one of them, you couldn't help but lean into Adam's shoulder and put your forehead on it. One of your hands went right to his bicep, holding onto it. You felt his head tilt down toward yours as he laughed, too. It felt so good to be like this with him again.

"Ahhh, okay okay," you picked your head back up as you tried to stop laughing and pulled up another video, "Okay, watch this one,"

After watching it, Adam let out a belly laugh. You laughed too, but thought _him_ laughing was better than the TikTok. His eyes were squeezed shut as he giggled and instinctively held onto your knee under the blanket. His tight grip made you tense up and you felt your core flutter. You looked up at him with big eyes. His touch on you was warm and sent electricity coursing through you. He realized where his hand was and instantly took it off of your knee, putting his hand over the blanket and in his lap.

His face was now serious, "Sorry," he apologized quietly.

Your cheeks heated, "It's-It's okay,"

You wanted to reach back for his hand, pull it under the covers, and put it back on your knee, his big hand completely covering it as you curled up next to him, holding his arm. Instead, you brought your phone back up and started playing TikToks again, shifting yourself a little away from him.

It was kind of awkward now.

After the third one you watched with Adam after the whole 'knee' thing, he took the Airpod out and handed it back to you, "I'm going to read some of my book," he said, not looking at you.

Well fuck. There went that good moment.

"Oh, okay," you went back to listening to your music and looking out the window.

**DANSVILLE, NY**

11:31AM

Nearly two hours had gone by of you staring off, your forehead leaning against the bus window. The further north you got, the more snow was sticking to the ground. You wanted to play in it so bad. You took out your headphones and put them away. You were tired of music. After drinking more of the coffee Adam had gotten you, you glanced over at him. He was still reading. You wished he'd put down his book and talk to you about literally anything. You sighed and grabbed a notebook and pencil out of your backpack below your seat. You started to sketch outside for the next thirty minutes, drawing random trees, their branches lined with snow.

**LEICESTER, NY**

12:04PM

"You love the snow a lot. Why?" Adam asked, breaking your concentration from your doodles.

"Huh?"

Adam rested against the headrest of his chair and turned more toward you. His eyelids were heavy as he looked down at you and a small smile came over his mouth as he spoke again, "I know how much you love the snow. Why is that? Most people hate snow. It's a hassle,"

You thought for a minute and put your drawings away, turning to Adam, "Uh, well...I don't know. I've grown up with snow forever so I feel like I should hate it but I don't. I just love how when it falls, there's a fresh surface of snow. Like, it's so clean looking and pretty. After a while, it turns into something really ugly, that slush stuff, or it ices and is hard to clean or drive in. I don't know, I think I just like the chaos of it...if that makes sense,"

"Hm," he smiled.

"Hm," you smiled back.

**BUMFUCK, EGYPT FOR ALL YOU KNEW**

12:42PM

You peered out the window into nothingness. This drive wasn't exactly the most scenic thing you'd ever seen. You pursed your lips and turned to Adam. He was playing a game on his flip phone that looked like _Snake_ but honestly, you couldn't tell. You didn't even know flip phones _had_ games.

"How long have you been playin'?" you asked curiously.

Adam's eyebrow cocked and his eyes stayed on his phone as he replied, "Thirty minutes or so,"

"I'm surprised the phone isn't dead by now," you commented.

He closed the phone shut and held it up, showing it to you, "These things are amazing. The battery doesn't die easily like your precious Apple product. I've dropped this fucker a billion times and it's still good as new,"

He looked fuckin' crazy trying to defend a _FLIP PHONE._

"Yea, okay. Good as new for 2006, you mean," you retorted.

Both of you smiled as he put it in his pocket.

"Soooo," you said, wanting him to start up a conversation.

Adam started, "What would be your dr—"

The bus hit a pretty big bump and shook the whole thing, making you hit your head pretty hard on the window behind you.

"Shhhiiittttt," you said quietly, not wanting Dr. Kennedy or any of the other professors to hear your curse. Your hands shot up to the back of your head. Suddenly, you felt Adams arms around you, cradling your head on his chest. He looked at the back of your head, inspecting it, as you relaxed in his arms. His fingers traced where you bumped yourself on the glass. As one hand was on your head, tracing, the other dipped to your waist, holding you.

"Does it still hurt or just from the initial bump?" he asked in a low tone, still holding you.

You picked your head up from his chest and fixed your hair as he took his hands away a bit but not completely, "I think it's fine but it still hurts a little," you said.

Adam let his hand wander back up to the back of your head again, feeling the sore spot. You looked at him and didn't realize you basically had sparkly/lovey eyes until his fingers stopped moving on your head. He let his hand hold the back of your head for a second as he stared back at you sweetly.

Suddenly, a loud laugh about something unrelated erupted from the back of the bus and broke the moment you were having with Adam.

You both quickly turned forward in your seats.

**BUFFALO, NY**

1:58PM

The bus stopped at the hotel that was nearby the convention center downtown, where your conference would be. Everyone grabbed their things, got off of the bus, and hurried inside to escape the cold. The streets in Buffalo were icy and the air was freezing.

As you stepped inside the lobby, you walked over to Lexi, Tiana, and Emma, who were also your hotel roommates for the weekend. After you got your keycards, the four of you made your way up to the room and set your things down. You plopped down on the bed, face down, and groaned, "I'm soooo fuckiinnngggg tired and hungryyyy,"

Tiana laid next to you and closed her eyes as she spoke, "I think we're about to go eat but I want to nap so fuckin' bad,"

Emma and Lexi fixed their hair in the bathroom and talked about how they wanted to hook up with some of your male peers. They made it a goal that each one of you got with someone before the weekend was over. You were a little annoyed because their 'plan' sounded so high school to you...but you were also a little intrigued. They asked if you were planning on hooking up with Adam over the weekend. You told them no.

Lexi replied, "Girl, if you don't, I will. He's hot as fuck," You wanted to punch her and your blood boiled. You faked a smile and laughed at her comment.

Ten minutes later, everyone met back in the lobby and went to eat at a nearby restaurant. You didn't talk to Adam, as he sat at the other end of the table with his friends while you were at the other end with yours. You shared occasional glances and shy smiles, but nothing more.

7:14PM

You hadn't seen Adam since lunch.

Since then, you and your friends played games in the hotel room. When it was dinner time, the big group decided to do dinner however you wanted tonight, so you, Lexi, Emma, and Tiana ate at a place by yourselves.

10:32PM

After dinner, the four of you stopped at a little store and grabbed hella wine for your weekend. You went back up to your room and started to play more games. Lexi got out Cards Against Humanity as you and Tiana poured wine into the paper cups near the coffee maker.

Two glasses and a finished game later, you went to get a refill of your white wine, only to find out you needed more ice. You told the girls you'd be right back as you grabbed the ice bucket and walked out of the door. You weren't drunk, per se, just a little buzzed. Your cheeks were warm from the alcohol and you felt your walk to be more of a stagger as you went down the hall to the ice machine.

Your hair was tied up in a bun and you had on black fuzzy socks, grey sleeping shorts, and a big, black t-shirt with a cat on it that you got from Walmart forever ago. When you reached the machine in the little room, you saw Adam was in there getting ice too.

_This is coincidence one billion by now._

"Oh, hi," you greeted him.

He replied, "Hi," and stepped away from the machine, letting you get some ice, "Are uh, are you having a good night? Ready for tomorrow?"

Ugh. One of the presentations was tomorrow.

"I'm having sooo much fun with my friends. We've got wine and shit. And yea, I think I'm ready. I mean, I'm just glad we're not presenting, just there for any additional questions, ya know?" you answered.

When your ice bucket was filled to the top, you started to walk with Adam down the hallway, toward your rooms. His room was three doors down from you. You asked him how his night was going and Adam said he was having beers with his friends in their room. You wished you were having beers with him, instead. As you walked with him, he looked you up and down, mostly at your legs that looked pretty good if you did say so yourself in those teensy shorts of yours.

When you reached your room, Adam smiled awkwardly and said goodnight. You bit your lip, not wanting to leave, but said goodnight and went inside your room anyway.

You spent the rest of the night thinking about Adam and how he was only a few doors away, so close but so far.


	19. chapter eighteen: buffalo pt. II.

**Friday, January 29th**

9:02AM

After you ate breakfast that the hotel provided, you walked with a few other people to the convention center next door, ready to talk about your research. You had on your nice dress pants and a blouse, looking professional as hell. You hated it. All the other women were wearing heels, meanwhile, you settled for flats. That was the only thing you liked about your outfit today.

In one of the big rooms in the convention center, there were rows and rows of boards that held up posters. People came from all over the Northeast to present whatever they were working on here, your department included. There weren't many people here yet, as it was just getting set up, but you could tell it was about to be packed in there.

You met Dr. Kennedy and a few other professors by their poster, detailing you and Adam's research about the Frat Boy Finisher, AKA Adam. You thought it was kind of fucked he wanted to participate in research about himself but...I guess that's not too out of character for someone like him, right? Dr. Kennedy handed you a coffee she had grabbed for you and told you to hang out for thirty minutes or so. After a while of talking to her, Adam showed up. His hair was a little wet from a shower he must have taken this morning. He greeted you and Dr. Kennedy with his polite little, 'hullo'. The way he said 'hello' made your heart jump. It was just so cute.

"Hi," you smiled up at Adam.

Dr. Kennedy cleared her throat, "Ahem, so you two can walk around and ask other people about their research for a while, but I want one of you here with Dr. Long and I to answer any additional questions people may have,"

Bummer. You weren't gonna get to hang out with Adam.

You and Adam agreed that you'd stay with them first, taking fifteen minutes, then swap out. You'd do this for an hour and a half.

11:33AM

"Okie dokie guys," Dr. Kennedy said as she was taking down the poster, "We'll do this again tomorrow. As for now, you're free to go! Have lunch on your own if you'd like, we are all meeting for dinner tonight at six, though, so don't be late for that!"

"Sounds good," you said with a smile and started to walk away.

Adam caught up to you as you were leaving the big room, "Hi,"

"Hi,"

"Are um—what are you doing for the rest of the day?" he asked, trying to make conversation.

"I think me and the girls are going to a record shop after we eat lunch or something. That was the plan as of this morning but who fuckin' knows now, haha," you replied. You wanted him to invite you to do something.

Anything.

He didn't.

When you got to the hotel after chatting the whole way there, Adam said goodbye to you at your door and walked to his, three doors down. You glanced at each other as you both walked in your rooms and disappeared from one another's view.

3:28PM

You walked around in the record store with Emma, Lexi, and Tiana. They were all looking at old records while you stared blankly, pretending to look at some, too. You couldn't keep your mind off of Adam for some reason today. Ever since you parted ways this afternoon, you found yourself drifting into la-la-land thinking about him. It was nothing specific...just... _thinking_.

"Helloooooo," Lexi said as she stood in front of you waving her hand in your face, "Are you ready to go?"

You sighed and blinked, letting your eyes adjust back to reality, "Yes, where to next?" you asked, knowing wherever they wanted to go next would be the place you'd do more daydreaming.

5:28PM

The rest of the day with them dragged on as they took you from place to place to place. You were so fucking tired by the time you arrived back at the hotel, so you jumped on the bed and laid there for a few minutes, eyes closed, as the other girls showered and got ready for the group dinner tonight. You wondered what Adam was doing...if he was thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him...if he was wanting to come to your room and apologize and—

Your name was being called in the bathroom.

"What's up?" you asked, your eyes still closed.

"Will you plleeaaassee come do my hair?" Emma called out, begging.

You felt like a fuckin' buzzkill all day, being zoned out most of the time you were with them, so you decided to get over yourself and join them in the bathroom. Emma had a big smile on her face when you agreed to help her with her hair, even though you just really wanted to lay on the bed and think about Adam.

Ugh it was exhausting being 'one of the girls' sometimes.

You took strands of her thin, blonde hair and ran the curler over them, clamping it, and then twisting. As you curled Emma's hair, Tiana asked you how it was going with Adam. You didn't know why they wanted you to get with him so bad. Was it really that noticeable?

"Y'all, I'm not getting with him. You can have your fun with whoever y'all are getting with, but I think I'll pass this time, okay?" you said a little defensively.

It got awkward.

Should you just play along? Yea...you should.

You started again, "B-but you never know...haha, maybe. I'll see what I can do,"

That seemed to remedy the vibes in the room, as Lexi started talking after you about their plans on getting their 'guy' tonight. You listened to them and occasionally giggled at their weird plans.

10:59PM

Dinner had ended a few hours ago. During the meal, plenty of drinks went around and a lot of people got pretty tipsy, yourself not included. You decided not to indulge. When everyone got back to the hotel, people gravitated to the hotel bar. _This_ you did participate in, but only having one cocktail as Emma, Lexi, and Tiana went pretty fuckin' hard with some other people. Adam was there, but he was babysitting, too. The two of you didn't get to talk much because you were both too busy keeping your friends from falling off of the stools onto their ass.

After drinks in the lobby were done, everyone migrated up to their rooms. You thought the night was over and put on your pajamas, ready to go to bed, when...

Well, let's just say that you were now sitting in the vending machine room on the fourteenth floor of the hotel. Your room was now being used as a sex dungeon for all you knew. Lexi claimed the room for her and a guy on your trip, while Tiana and Emma went to their own guys' room. Basically, you got kicked the fuck out until she was done.

So now, you sat on the floor sipping on a Dr. Pepper in your pajamas and waited.

Strangers passed by every so often and looked at you like 'what the fuck?'. Some even came to get ice out of the machine and gave you change, as if you were a homeless person stuck in a hotel, hence, how you bought the Dr. Pepper.

What a fucking night.

You _did_ have your phone, which was nice. You played games on it for a while as you waited...and waited...and waited. Your game of Solitaire got boring, so you decided to daydream instead of waste your phone battery. After all, you had no clue how long you'd be out here.

Footsteps were coming down the hall toward you that broke your attention away from your dreaming. You figured it'd be another stranger passing by, so you grabbed your phone again and pretended to play on it, hoping to avoid any weird encounter.

The footsteps stopped at the entrance to the little vending/ice room.

"Hi,"

Adam stood in front of you.

You immediately shot up to your feet, so fucking glad to see him, "Oh, hi,"

"I stepped out to get a soda because...well it seems both of the rooms beside mine are being occupied and they're...loud. If-if you know what I me—"

You interrupted him, "Yea, those are my friends, probably. I'm out here chilling because my room is being...used,"

Adam gave you a shy smile and you gave him the same. He then looked at you up and down, "I like the pajamas...are they new?" he asked. He didn't mean anything by it, referencing the fact that he used to know your pajamas pretty well, but that's what it reminded you of. It made you a little sad. You could tell he realized how it came out and his face fell a bit, too.

"Uhm, yea. They're uh, new. I got them for Christmas...so," you said awkwardly.

Goddamnit, can't you two just have a normal conversation?

Clearly not.

Adam looked around the room, then back at you, "Can I stay in here with you?"

"Errr, like sit on the floor with me?" you asked.

"Yea. My room isn't exactly...peaceful considering the noises coming through the walls," he added.

You began to sit back down on the tile floor and sipped on your Dr. Pepper, "Please, take a seat in my new room," you said, smiling.

Adam got his own Dr. Pepper out of the machine before sliding down the wall, onto the floor next to you. He was close enough to where your arms were against each other as you sat by him, drinking your Dr. Pepper. You spent the next thirty minutes or so talking about your day and what the both of you did. You didn't mention that you thought about him the whole time.

"Your friends are a little much," Adam commented, referencing how they acted downstairs at the hotel bar.

You rolled your eyes and smiled, "As if your friends weren't shitfaced, too,"

"Mhm," he hummed as he looked down at you. His gaze made your heart stop for a second. You really thought you could be dead.

You looked away, "Anyway, yea they _can_ be a lot. They're fun, though. Same with Nia, I guess. She's fuckin' nuts," you laughed, then realized Adam didn't know Nia. Your face got somber as you wished he would've met her. She would have absolutely loved Adam, while he would have probably been terrified by her. She was too chipper and peppy for him.

"I already know Thomas. I feel like I don't need to meet Nia. I'm sure they're just alike," he teased.

"Actually, they're super different. Thomas is actually really chill and a good friend. He's done me a lot of solids while I've known him. He's not annoying like you think," you said and took another drink of your soda.

Adam randomly asked, "Did you two ever...date or anything?"

You laughed at him, "Uhmmmm...not technically, no. I'll just leave it at that," you didn't exactly want to reveal that you and Thomas had a weird history of occasional hook ups before he started dating your best friend. It was kind of fucked now that you thought about it...but it was in the past, you guessed.

"Knew it," Adam smiled and tapped his knee against yours.

You raised your eyebrows and tapped his knee back, "Oh yea? You knew it?"

"Mhm,"

The conversation lulled for a bit. You finished your Dr. Pepper and tossed it in the trash across the room, making it in the hole.

"Wow, do you play basketball?" Adam joked.

You laughed and rested your head on the wall behind you, looking up at him. Fuck, he was a sight to see when he smiled. You faced forward, breaking eye contact with Adam. Your mind drifted and you thought about his smile again. The lines that formed around his mouth were perfect to you. You wished you could trace your finger along them as you laid down with him, but alas, you couldn't.

Suddenly, you felt his big hand on your knee. You looked at his hand, then up at him with big eyes, "Uh," was all you could say.

"You were shaking it and staring off," he said, his hand still there.

Damn, this was the second time someone had put their hand on your knee because of your nervous foot tapping. Fuckin' embarrassing.

"Oh, sorry," you apologized for some reason.

Adam's hand was still on your leg, just resting there, "All good," he said as he looked down at you.

Suddenly, your phone started to ring. It was Lexi calling.

Adam's hand left your knee and settled in his lap as you picked up your phone, answering it. Lexi said she was 'finished' with the room (ew) and Emma and Tiana were in there, too now. They wanted to gossip about their night and 'needed' you in there.

Fuck.

You told Adam you had to go and laughed that his room's walls were probably quiet now that your friends were back in your room. Adam walked you down the hall, to your door.

"Well," you said.

"Well," Adam repeated.

You pursed your lips, "Well, goodnight,"

"Goodnight," he said.

You slipped in your room and gave him a smile as he continued down the hall and went into his own.

**Saturday, January 20th**

11:56AM

The morning had gone by quickly, as you, Adam, Dr. Kennedy, and Dr. Long did the same thing today as you did yesterday, which consisted of walking around, then standing by as Dr. Kennedy and Dr. Long took credit for you and Adam's work. You barely got to talk to Adam so far, just a quick hello before the whole thing started. It was finally over, so you waltzed over to everyone in the big hall.

"Great work this weekend from the both of you," Dr. Kennedy said to you and Adam when the walk-around was over, "You're free for the rest of the day until four o'clock. Don't forget, we're meeting at four to go visit Niagara Falls. It's supposed to be frozen and look really pretty!"

You and Adam nodded at her and started to leave the big room and head out of the convention center, back to the hotel. As you left the building and walked into the cold air, Adam spoke, "Do you, uh would you like to get lunch?"

Fuck, you _were_ starving by now.

"Okay, sure," you replied through chattering teeth.

11:59AM

The two of you walked inside of a nearby Chinese restaurant and stood at the counter, waiting to order, "Will your pick for me? I don't mind spicy shit but absolutely no seafood," you said to Adam.

He smiled, "Okay,"

After he told the worker both of your orders, you grabbed your debit card and quickly gave it to the cashier, paying for Adam. He furrowed his eyebrows at you like he always seemed to do, "Don't pay for me,"

You ignored him and looked at the worker, "Put it on my card, please,"

Meh, you figured it was the least you could do after he bought you coffee twice.

While sitting in the small booth, waiting for your food, you and Adam talked about how dumb it was you were going to Niagara Falls in the wintertime. You both figured that you'd rather Google a picture of the frozen falls than go out in the cold and see it for yourself. The conversation lulled and there was a period of silence. It wasn't uncomfortable or anything, just quiet.

Adam started to talk again, "Why did you have me pick your meal again? Just curious,"

This _was_ the second time you'd asked him to pick your food...the last time being the night when he ditched your ass right before Christmas.

You thought for a moment, "Hmmm, I guess I just feel a bit more like I want to be adventurous when I'm around you. I also know you have good taste in things...so I know I'll like whatever you choose for me,"

Adam's name was called up at the register to get the food. When he got back, he put your plate in front of you and did a little curtsy and sat down. You couldn't help but laugh at the sight of that, "Pffffft, what the fuck was that!"

He seemed embarrassed as he blushed and looked down at his food.

"I like it when you're goofy with me," you said quietly and kicked his leg playfully under the table, trying to make him feel like you weren't attacking him. You just wished you'd seen that side of him more. He looked back into your eyes and the corner of his mouth quirked up to form a little smile.

Fuck you missed him so much. Well, he'd _technically_ been around you all month, but you missed _this_ with him. Being silly. Being cute. The only thing that was stopping you from completely jumping his bones and begging for him back was the fact that he hadn't asked for you back _first_. He also still hadn't really apologized for what happened before Christmas. It was important for you that he do that, so you felt like you couldn't express how much you wanted him in your life again until he chose to make that step. It was so frustrating to you that he hadn't done _any_ of that yet. Did that mean he didn't want you still? Why did he act like he _did_ want you? You were so confused.

12:28PM

After you and Adam were finished eating, you were walking back to the hotel when two men passed by you and Adam.

"Mmm," one of them groaned as they walked by.

"Nice, baby," the other one said.

Bruh what. You were dressed in business clothes and wrapped in a huge coat. Men will find any excuse to be disgusting, you guessed. You kept walking and ignored them, as this was not uncommon for you to hear as a woman.

Adam couldn't ignore it, though. He stopped in his tracks immediately and turned around, "What the fuck did you say?" his face was instantly red and a big vein was pressing out of his forehead.

Your eyes got wide and you pulled on Adam's arm, "It's okay, their just weirdos, come on,"

He wouldn't budge. Adam's eyes darkened and he started yelling at them, telling them to respect women and shit. You weren't really paying attention to what he was saying. You just wanted to get out of there before Adam did something crazy. You kept pulling on his arm, begging him to leave.

Then, one of the men shouted at you, "Hey slut! Get your crazy boyfriend out of here!"

_Jesus fuckin' Christ._

That really set Adam over. Your hands on his arm couldn't hold on anymore as he ran over to the guy in a matter of milliseconds it seemed like, and started to beat the living shit out of him. He was punching his face into the ground as you ran to Adam. You stood behind him and helped one pervert pull Adam off of the other pervert.

"ADAM! STOP!" You begged. He looked up at you and his eyes changed from crazy to puppy or something. He quickly stood up straight and took your face in his hands. You felt blood from his hands trickle onto your cheeks as the men ran away.

"What?" he asked in a worried tone. He pushed your hair behind your ears quickly and put his hands back on your cheeks, staring at you wildly, still breathing hard.

You were so mad at him for losing it. You shook him off of you and started fast walking to the hotel, "You didn't have to do that,"

"Did you hear them? They were disgusting and should feel lucky I didn't kill them!" he yelled behind you.

You whipped around and said in a low tone, "Lower your fucking voice, Adam," you turned back around and starting walking again. Adam caught up to your side and you muttered, "I told you that you always have to be the fucking hero,"

"You're mad at me? Really? No, never mind. I'm not surprised. What the fuck is new?" Adam replied.

You rolled your eyes as the both of you stepped through the automatic doors to the hotel, "You make it so fucking easy, don't you, though?"

He angrily pushed the elevator's 'up' button. It dinged throughout the lobby as the two of you stepped in. You reached for the '14th floor' button, but Adam had gotten to it first. You decided to press it after him anyway, knowing it didn't matter that you pushed it. You just really wanted to after he beat you to it. God, the both of you were so irrational.

Adam's knuckles were covered in blood. You looked in the mirror on the back wall of the elevator and inspected your face. There were two bloody hand-prints on your cheeks, "Look what you fuckin' did to my face. I have someone's blood on me," you rolled your eyes, "Ugh this is disgusting. Why can't you just learn to control yourself?"

He didn't say anything.

The elevator ride was quiet as the two of you angrily stared ahead, refusing to look at each other. Once you reached the fourteenth floor, you both stomped down the hall to your rooms. His door slammed shut, and you slammed yours in response.

You and Adam were back to fighting again.

Lexi, Emma, and Tiana were nowhere to be found in the room. You texted them and asked where they were. Tiana replied quickly and said they stepped out for a while to go to the local mall for a few hours until it was time to leave for Niagara. They figured you were busy and didn't want to interrupt your plans for the day.

_Well...I guess it's naptime after this pathetic ass day._

You washed your face to get rid of the blood that was on it. Red water flowed down the drain as you scrubbed. You saw a bit in your hair, too, from Adam brushing it out of your face. You decided to just take a fuckin' shower now.

After you were done, you laid down on the bed, hands over your stomach, and thought about Adam. Did you overreact? Should you be grateful he beat the shit outta that guy? You started to feel a little bad about getting mad at him...but then you thought about how he reacted and it pissed you off again. He needed to learn to control himself. Him being angry like that scared you.

The cycle never seemed to end with you two.

_...but it didn't have to be a cycle._

You shot up from the bed and put on your slides, hair still damp from the shower. You were dressed in a big shirt and athletic shorts as you stepped out of your room with the ice bucket in hand. You went down the hall to fill it with ice, then made your way to Adam's door. You knocked on it softly.

No answer.

You knocked again, a little harder this time.

Suddenly, the handle turned and the door was opening, revealing Adam's face on the other side of the entrance. He was still wearing his nice button down and slacks from earlier today and was holding a towel to his hand.

He looked a little annoyed that you were there.

Ouch.

You bit your lip, "I brought you ice fo-for your hand,"

He stood there, looking down at the bucket and back up at you, not saying a word. Ugh. You were about to do something you hated to do. Here it goes:

"I'm sorry...for getting mad at you. I know you were just trying to defend me or...whatever. I'm sorry, Adam," you said again, looking at the ground, "Can I come in?" you peered back up at him through your eyelashes.

You were pretty sure he was shocked you apologized at all, considering that's not your strong suit. It wasn't his either. His face was soft when you looked at him again and he opened the door wider to let you come in. Because it was a room of men, there were clothes pretty much everywhere and it was fairly dirty. The room didn't have the best vibes and you didn't want to stay in there. You felt yourself get grimy just by looking at the place.

"Okay actually can we go to my room? My Christ this is disgusting," you commented as you glanced around.

Adam laughed under his breath, "Sure,"

You and Adam walked to your room. When you got inside, you made him sit on your bed as you grabbed a small towel and trash bag from the bathroom and brought it to him. You put the ice in the little bag, tied the top, then wrapped the towel over the bag of ice and twisted it until it formed a makeshift ice pack.

_Dayum, I should be a nurse._

You held out your hand as you stood in front of Adam, maneuvering his knee between your legs. He reached up and gave you his hurt hand. It didn't look too bad, just a little swollen. You know, what you'd _expect_ from someone who just punched someone multiple times in the face. You pressed the ice pack onto his knuckles and watched his face. It scrunched for a moment, then relaxed. He realized the pain wasn't so bad, after all.

_Baby._

You teased him, "You good?"

Adam smiled and rolled his eyes, "Mhm,"

"Why didn't you put ice on it as soon as you got to your room?" you nagged.

"I was distracted,"

"Distracted? By what?" you asked, your hand still holding his and pressing the ice pack on him.

Adam sighed and pushed his good hand through his hair, "A little annoyed at you for getting upset with me...and then thinking about how I lost it. I was just...disappointed. I remembered how once you told me you never wanted to see me angry like that again an-and I promised you I wouldn't. But I did," he stared at his shoes, "I was just in there, being mad at myself,"

You looked at his hand, avoiding eye contact, "Yea...you _did_ lose it again,"

Silence draped over the room as you continued to stand close to Adam, holding the ice on his hand.

"I'm sorry," Adam said softly, looking up at you.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "No, Adam, it's okay. I'm sorry for getting upset. I didn't want to fight with you but I did anyway and it was dumb. Those guys were asshats. You were just defending me, I get it. You don't have to ap—" Adam cut you off.

"No, no, no, I'm _sorry_ ," his eyes looked pleading and his good hand now held your waist, "I'm—"

You interjected, "Adam, forget about it. You don't have t—"

He interrupted you back, "Just shut the fuck up and let me finish,"

Your lips parted in surprise but...you decided to shut the fuck up.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for how I left you in December. I'm sorry for making that call on my own. I uhm..." he paused and looked at the floor, "I've been miserable without you," his eyes flicked back up at you as he continued, awkwardly spitting out his words through trembling lips.

"I thought what I did was right but I only made it worse. I made _me_ worse. I-I realized that I wanted—I mean _need_ you. You make me better. I want to laugh with you again. I want to sleep next to you again. I want to be around you all the time...my life is better with you in it. You're something good in my life and I can't keep walking around without you. The world isn't the same. It feels...it feels grey. The world is empty now and so am I,"

He paused for a second, assessing his words, then continued, "I know it's my fault. I think about you all the time and since I fucked it up, I've felt like a piece of me has been missing. I felt like I fucked it up as soon as we had something...something good and I shouldn't have," his voice sounded raw, as if he could cry, "I miss you. I want you,"

Adam's hurt hand in yours tightened as he held onto it, "I'm so sorry that I broke what we had. I never want to be without you again. I—," his eyes watered, "You're my favorite,"

You know that feeling in your face when you get emotional? The heat that grows over your face, the pulsing of your cheeks, the way your lips plump and your eyes get wet? You felt all of that at once as he was speaking. You missed him so fucking much. His apology was everything you needed. A single tear fell to your cheek.

As Adam sat there looking up at you, waiting for you to say something, you wiped the single tear away and put the ice on the table next to the bed and pushed your hands through his hair on each side of his head, holding him. You dropped your face down to his. Your dry mouth made you croak as you replied, "I've missed you so badly, you have no clue. I need you, too. I don't want whatever this is right now. I hate it. It kills me every time I see you now, like part of me is breaking. I don't want to be without you either. You're my favorite, Adam,"

You instantly brought his head to your chest and put your arms around his head. Adam wrapped his arms around your waist and gripped tight to you as the two of you really held onto each other for the first time in what felt like eternity.

After a moment, Adam pulled away and held your hands in his. He brought your knuckles up to his lips and kissed them softly, "I'm sorry," he whispered against your hands.

You stepped over and sat on the bed next to him, putting your hand in his hair in the process and pushing a piece behind his ear. He put one hand on your thigh and the other on your waist, pulling your closer to him. You then started to mindlessly scratch the nape of his neck, just where he liked it, "I forgive you, Adam," you replied softly, a sad smile coming over your face.

Adam leaned in and lingered over your lips for a moment. Finally, he kissed you softly on the mouth. His hands stayed on your waist and thigh, while both of your hands went to his hair. He was so soft with your kiss and treated you as though you were made of glass, like he could break you with additional force. You hadn't felt him on your lips in so long, so you tried to deepen the kiss. Your hands in his hair pulled tighter and you pressed harder on his lips. Adam pulled away, breaking the kiss, so you furrowed your eyebrows, "What?"

Adam smiled and caressed your cheek with the back of his good hand as he replied, "Let me lie with you...please. I-I just want to lie next to you for a while,"

"Okay," you whispered, then crawled on the opposite side of the bed and laid on your side. Adam did the same and faced you. The two of you were chest to chest, laying together on the cold hotel bed. The A/C by the window was making a whirring sound. It was the only sound in the room besides you and Adam's breathing as you stared at each other.

"I've missed you so much," he whispered. Adam's eyes were on yours as his hand rested on your hip. Your hands were at his chest and played with the buttons on his dress shirt. His big hand on you slowly started to move from your hip, up to your waist. It went back and forth, rubbing up and down the curves of your body.

You put your face in his chest and closed your eyes for a minute or two, just feeling his slow breathing against you. After a bit, you craned your neck up and kissed Adam's chin, his stubble pricking your lips, "I've missed kissing you," you commented as you went from his chin to along his jaw, leaving slow, small pecks as you traveled, eventually reaching his neck, "I haven't kissed you in so long,"

Adam's eyes were closed, "I've missed you kissing me," his voice was raw and sleepy. He pulled you even closer to him and wrapped you up in his arms, your head falling back to his chest and his chin resting on your head. Adam's middle finger ran up and down your back as you laid there with him. He kissed the top of your hair and remained stroking your back until you both fell asleep.

4:22PM

Your eyes shot open and you sat up in bed quickly. Glancing at the alarm clock on the table, you saw it was 4:22PM. It was twenty-two minutes over when you were supposed to meet the group downstairs to go to Niagara Falls.

You nudged Adam until he woke up, "Adam, get the fuck up," you demanded, shaking him.

"What?" he said, his eyes slowly opening.

"Niagara! It's twenty minutes past four!" you said frantically.

Adam didn't seem to care. He laid there and closed his eyes again. His hand took yours and pulled you back down to lie on the bed, "Fuck Niagara," he muttered.

The group probably already left by now anyway. There was no point in trying to see if they were still in the lobby. You caved and scooted close to Adam, making him spoon you. His arm fell over your waist and went up your shirt, caressing your bare stomach.

His face was in your hair as he said sleepily against your head, "You're so soft,"

You smiled and put your hand over his, playing with his fingers as you both laid there, eyes closed again. His hand on your stomach made little circles on your skin. You felt a little flutter in your core with every touch he gave you. With your hand still on his, you slowly pushed his hand down toward your shorts. You felt him smile behind you as his hand went under your waist band slowly. Your heart was beating like crazy, awaiting his hand to go further below, eventually touching your sweet spot, but he didn't. Adam took his hand out and put it back on your stomach. You knitted your eyebrows and turned around to face him.

Adam was smiling wickedly at you, knowing exactly why you were looking frustrated. His low tone was almost a growl as he said, "I've gone without you for so long, my perfect girl. If I fuck you, it won't be gentle like you deserve,"

_Well fuck. Now I HAVE to get some of this._

"I deserve gentle, huh?" you leaned forward to his neck and began to kiss it.

He took a deep breath in as you sucked his neck and wiggled closer to him. His cock was hard and pressed against you. You wanted it so fucking bad, so you put your hand over his pants and rubbed your palm over his hard length. Adam took another sharp breath in as you took your hand away, just like he did to you. You then lightly pushed him to lay on his back and crawled over him, straddling him as he laid there. He looked at you with dark eyes as you leaned down and kissed his neck again. At first, you were soft with your kisses, then you began to suck on him. He was breathing harder now and small moans escaped his mouth. His moving vocal chords vibrated on your lips.

You kept sucking on his neck as your hand dipped down and worked to unbuckle his belt. Feeling his hands on yours, helping you, he got it off and threw it on the ground. You moved from his neck up to his lips and kissed them hard. Adam kissed you back and slipped his tongue in your mouth, letting it twist with yours. He gripped the back of your thighs firmly as his kiss became more feral.

Adam suddenly shoved you off of him, making you fall on your back next to him. He moved himself on top of you and kissed you again, more aggressively this time. Your legs naturally opened as he made his way between them. You heard him kick off his shoes as they fell to the floor. As you kissed Adam, you unbuttoned his shirt from top to bottom quickly. You weren't sure how much longer you could take with him not being inside of you, where he belonged.

When you got all of the buttons undone, Adam took off his shirt and tossed it aside. He lifted up yours and you maneuvered yourself out of it, breaking the kiss to pull the t-shirt over your head. As soon as it was off, you threw it across the room and went right back to his lips. Adam unzipped his pants and began to take them off, shifting back and forth as he pulled them down, eventually kicking them off of the bed, just like his shoes.

You hooked your thumbs in the waistband of your shorts and panties and took them off at lightning speed. Adam reached behind you and unhooked your bra like magic, then peeled it off of you, throwing it to God knows where in the room. After he took off his boxers, you were laying there in front of him and he looked at you possessively, "My perfect girl," he said, his hands resting on your knees.

Your chest was rising up and down quickly as you were rapidly breathing, ready for him to make his next move. His hands moved to the bed and he leaned down, dragging his tongue down your inner thighs, slowly making his way in, closer to you. He went back up each leg and traced kisses where his tongue was. It made you pulse for him more.

"Are you wet for me?" he said, his eyes flicking up to yours.

You breathed, "Y-yes,"

"Good girl," he said as his lips kissed your thigh again.

Adam held your legs as his face finally dipped over your pussy. He made eye contact with you as he started to circle his tongue on your clit, sending electricity through every part of your body. You squeezed your eyes shut in pleasure as you sat up on your elbows.

His tongue suddenly left you and your eyes shot open. Adam crawled over you and grabbed your jaw, "Look at me while I fuck you with my mouth," he demanded. You nodded desperately, just wanting him to go back down there and make you come.

He smiled and kissed you quickly on the mouth before lowering himself between your legs again. You kept your eyes on his as his tongue hit your clit again. Adam brought his hand up and pushed two fingers inside of you, his tongue still flicking your spot. His pumped his fingers in and out, curling them inside of you. Your back arched as much as you could in response to the euphoria you were feeling. Adam's eyes stayed on you, occasionally looking down at your pussy, but always back up at your eyes. Your breathing was getting faster as his pace picked up, his fingers drawing in and out and his tongue still fucking your clit. Your soft moans turned louder as you felt yourself starting to tense, about to come.

Adam's fingers left your pussy and went to his mouth. He sucked on his fingers and said in a raw voice, "I've missed your taste. You taste so fucking good, baby,"

Fuck you needed him inside you.

"Shit, Adam!" you said sitting up, grabbing the back of his neck, and pulling him over you. When he was hovering over you, smiling, you grabbed his face and kissed him hard as you wrapped your legs around him, "Fuucckkkk me, Adam," your voice was desperate as you begged, "Fuck me, please, Adam. I-I need you inside of me,"

One of Adam's hands rested at your neck, the other leaning into the bed beside you. He put his face close to yours, "I've waited so long to be back in you, baby," he took his hand off of your neck and grabbed his cock, putting it over your entrance, "Are you re—"

"Adam, f-fuck me," you breathed, your words jumbling together because you were a fucking mess waiting for him to fuck you.

Adam smiled, "My perfect girl," and slowly pushed himself into you. You hadn't felt his cock in you for _weeks_ and fuck did you feel it. He let you adjust to his size again before picking up his speed and letting his head drop next to yours.

Adam's cock pushed in and out of you, feeling so good against your pussy, "Aaaddammm," you moaned into his shoulder, "So. fucking. good," your nails scratched at his back as he went even harder now. He picked his head up and slipped his hand back around your throat, applying pressure.

"Who's are you?" he grunted.

"Y-y-yours, Adam. Yours," you cried out and adjusted your hips, making his cock go deeper in you.

Adam took his hand off of your throat and sunk his head down to your neck, sucking on it, "Miinneee, baby," he said against your neck, "Fuck, I've missed you,"

The sensation in your core increased more as he continued to slam into you. Your eyebrows began to raise and the scratching on his back got harder as your body tensed again, ready to orgasm.

"Adam, I'm-I'm gonna..." you started but you couldn't finish your sentence. You were too overwhelmed by your climax. Before you could fully get there, Adam grabbed your hands and put them above you, pinning them to the mattress.

As he fucked you and held your wrists above your head, he commanded, "Wa-wait," his face was red and sweat was trickling on his forehead. His hands moved from your wrist to your hands, and he laced his fingers through yours.

"Now, baby," he grunted, his face getting more red as he pumped faster, hitting your guts it felt like.

Your toes curled as the climax took over your whole body. You moaned as your pussy tightened around his cock. Adam's mouth opened slightly and he grunted as he spilled his semen inside of you. His cock twitched inside of you as you both started to come down. Adam's hands and eyes stayed on yours as he pulled out of you, your pussy dripping with a mixture of his and your cum. You felt so empty without him inside of you.

Adam kissed you hard on the mouth, his sweat dripping onto your forehead. He fell onto his back next to you on the bed, both of you laying there, breathless for a few minutes.

"Shower?" he randomly asked after the two of you had caught your breath. You agreed, so Adam got up and held out his hand. When you took it, he led you to the bathroom. You were a little sore all over already and were so fucking ready for the hot water to soothe you. Adam turned on the water and you both waited for it to get warm. As you stood outside of the shower, Adam took your chin between his fingers and lifted it up, making you look up at him. He kissed you again, long and hard. There was something different about this kiss. It reminded you of the one he gave you that night on the subway.

Hm.

The water was finally hot, so you and Adam stepped in, letting it run down both of your bodies, "Fuck this is perfect," you commented as you pushed your wet hair out of your face. Adam was staring at you with a weird look in his eye so you squinted at him, wondering what he was thinking.

"You're perfect," he said, matter-of-factly.

You rolled your eyes and pulled him close to you, hugging him under the water, "Shut up,"

Adam broke the hug and cupped your face in his hands, "No, you are. We are. _This—_ ," he was referencing the two of you, "—is perfect," his fingers brushed your hair out of your face again. It kept falling over your eyes.

"I mean, it's not _perfect_ but...it is for us," he continued, "I want this forever with you," Adam said softly. He was giving you that look again.

"Then let's just do this forever," you whispered.

He leaned in and kissed you, long and hard, just like earlier.

Adam looked back at you, his face still close to yours, "I love you...so much,"

You felt your stomach drop into what seemed like the bottom of the earth. With a racing heart, you replied, "I love you, Adam,"


	20. chapter nineteen: a real couple now.

**Monday, February 1st**

After your classes today, you met up with Adam in his little office in the basement of Schermerhorn, “Oi,” you greeted, poking your head in his door and knocking.

Adam turned around from his small desk and pushed out of his swivel chair. As you walked in and closed the door behind you, Adam was now hunched over you and his hands met your waist. His lips were on yours instantly as he leaned you against the door and kissed you like he hadn’t seen you in years, even though the two of you woke up next to each other earlier this morning.

You broke the kiss and smiled, “Well damn. Hi,”

He kissed you again and muttered, “Hi,”

“We have to go, remember?” you broke the kiss again and tried to push him off of you, but he didn’t budge.

Adam’s lips crashed back onto yours after your little protest, but you didn’t resist it this time. Between kisses, Adam mumbled against your lips, “What if we just—”

 _Kiss_.

“—stay in here,”

_Kiss._

“And I put you on my desk,”

_Oh my._

It was tempting but you really needed to talk to Dr. Kennedy before she left campus for the day. You lightly pushed his chest, making him back up a bit, “Adam, let’s goooo,” Adam rolled his eyes, looked away, and groaned loudly.

_Wait is he mad at m—_

Suddenly, he bolted to you, pinning you against the door again, and began to kiss you neck as he tickled you. God, you hated when people tickled you, but Adam could honestly do whatever the fuck he wanted to you. You were his. As you giggled and held onto his head as it was dipped to your neck, Adam stood up straight again. You wrapped your hands up around the back of his neck and looked up at him through your eyelashes. He gave you one last, long kiss and said, “I love you,” his eyes sparkled at yours.

'I love you' was something you'd heard about ten billion times since he'd first said it on Saturday to you. It was like the two of you couldn't stop saying it since then. You didn't want to _not_ say it ever again. It was part of your lingo now, just like 'my favorite' was.

"I love you," you replied.

Adam whipped around and grabbed his bookbag from his desk, "Let's go," he sighed and opened the door for you. As you walked down the hall, you checked your phone. It was 4:02PM. You and Adam decided you wanted to tell Dr. Kennedy about your relationship. Adam said you were too important to him to be kept a secret any longer. It was serious between the two of you now.

"Okay, so this is perfect. Dr. Kennedy should be close to getting ready to go. I assume the conversation will last about ten minutes, maybe fifteen? We'll come in right as she's about to stop working, giving her time to waste so right after we're done, she can leave. She'll be grateful for us coming in, making her not do work," you said as you walked.

Adam looked down at you with wide eyes, "Jesus, you've really thought about this,"

You smiled and nodded, "Mhm. Dr. Kennedy is really important to me. I-I just wanna make sure I get her at the perfect time just in case she is upset with us...ya know? Lessen the blow or whatever,"

He pursed his lips as you arrived at her office door. Adam gave your hand a squeeze, "We'll be fine," You kissed his bicep and looked at her name on the door, ' _S. Kennedy'_. After taking a deep breath, you knocked.

\--

"You guys are...WHAT?" Dr. Kennedy practically yelled as she sat in her big, leather chair. The wall behind her was a huge bookshelf, so you avoided eye contact and looked at the books.

Adam decided to take on the reigns for the rest of the conversation, "We are uhm, dating. Err—in a relationship. It's very serious and we uh, we won't be ending it so if you need to reassign her as a TA, we completely understand. We just wanted you to know," Adam was usually very serious and stoic when he was with everyone else (except for you) but right now with Dr. Kennedy, he was nervous and awkward.

Dr. Kennedy looked at the both of you and cocked an eyebrow up.

Then, she started laughing…hysterically.

This made you look from the books on the wall, to her. Why the fuck was she laughing? She went on for a few more seconds as you and Adam looked at her with a confused expression.

"Ahhhh, we were hoping you two would get together eventually," she said very casually as she calmed down from laughing.

_We?_

You and Adam looked at each other.

She continued, "Oh, haha, I talk about you two to my husband. He was thinking you two would for sure be together by Thanksgiving but here we are, beginning of February. I guess he owes me $10," Your mouth fell open in shock, but then you started to smile. First of all, you and Adam were technically together a bit before Thanksgiving. You thought it was funny she thought you two were just _now_ getting together. Secondly, you should have known Dr. Kennedy would say some shit like this and not be upset.

"This is fun and all...however," she started again, looking directly at you, "I _will_ have to move your TA position,"

Your face fell in disappointment, "I understand,"

Dr. Kennedy started discussing your new pairing, saying you and Thomas could switch, you with Dr. Long and Thomas with Adam now. You felt Adam shift in his seat, annoyed he had to be with Thomas again.

When it was all over and you were about to leave, Dr. Kennedy asked, "Everything sound good?"

Before Adam could complain about being with Thomas or something, you spit out, “Yup!” and grinned at her. As you left, she said something about how she thought you and Adam were a ‘breath of fresh air’ for the department and that she couldn’t wait to tell her husband.

As you walked home, Adam held your hand and occasionally brought it up to his mouth to kiss your fingers. His warm lips met your cold hands and in that moment, you thought you could melt. When you got to your apartment, you went straight to the couch, laying down on it, tired as fuck.

"So, we're like a real couple now," you commented as Adam sat next to you. You moved to put your head in his lap.

“Mhm,” he hummed and leaned forward, kissing the top of your head. You sat back up and kissed him, your fingers playing with the collar of his shirt. Adam moved down to your neck, his stubble tickling your skin. His warm lips on your neck made your head spin in delight. You pushed your hands in his hair and scratched as he remained at your neck, “You’re mine,” he commented.

"Duh," you retorted.

Adam leaned more and more, pushing you back onto the couch where you were now laying down, Adam on top of you. You giggled as he pecked up to your jaw, then on your cheeks, and on your forehead.

"I,"

_Kiss._

"Love,"

 _Kiss_.

"You,"

 _Kiss_.

"Adaammmm," you laughed, pushing him up and off of you. You sat up straight on the couch and continued, "Um, hey...there's actually something I want to give you. Come here," you said, jumping off of the couch and heading to your room. Adam followed as you continued, "It was um, well, it was supposed to be your Christmas present and I was planning on giving it to you before I left for home but...those plans changed...haha,"

You were now on your knees by your bed, digging around underneath it. As you pushed bins of shoes and summer clothes out of the way, you finally grabbed a small box with black wrapping paper over it. The paper was now a little beat up from when you threw it down there in anger last December after Adam had left.

You never got rid of it, though.

Adam had made his way into your room and stood in the door, leaning on the frame. You got up off of your hands and knees and sat on the bed, patting the spot next to you for Adam to join you. After he sat with you, you handed him the small box. Adam looked at it for a long time. His fingers were caressing the paper and the edges of the box, not yet opening it. He furrowed his eyebrows together.

"Um, what?" you asked, confused at his expression.

He pursed his lips together and gulped, "I uh—I don't have anything for you,"

"Adam, I don't need anything. Don't worry about that. Just open mine for you, _please_ ," you smiled.

He sighed and kissed you on the top of your head, "Okay,"

As Adam began to unwrap the paper, you felt your face start to beam. Once the paper was torn up into pieces on the floor, Adam was left with a small box. He opened it, and inside was a fridge magnet that you'd found at a local tourist shop. It was a magnet of the Glenspan Arch in Central Park, the one you'd pass Adam under every time you went on a walk this past summer. Your first memory of each other.

He didn’t say anything as he tossed the box aside and held the magnet in his hands. The corner of Adam’s mouth quirked up in a small smile, “Thank you,” he was still staring at the magnet as he continued.

“Oh, good. I mean, it’s not much but I uh, I just thought of you when I saw it and thought it was perfect…like a nice reminder. It’s just a magnet bu—” he interrupted your awkward ramble.

“I love it,” Adam said, touching your thigh, “And I love _you_ ,”

“I love you most,” you replied.

**Friday, February 12th**

The past week and a half with Adam had been pure bliss. Like, forreal. Pure. Bliss. It was going _so_ well that you figured something must be wrong, right? You two hadn't fought at all, the police were still in the dark about Adam, and he even stopped his...thing...altogether. Things were perfect. It felt a bit stupid to say things were perfect because it had only been two weeks since you were back with Adam...but it really seemed like time went incredibly fast with him. Your relationship intensified so quickly from the start and only continued to escalate. While on one hand, you felt silly, on the other hand, it felt accurate.

After your class today, you met Adam in his office and he walked home with you. The two of you had a big night ahead. You decided Adam should properly meet Nia and Thomas tonight, after all, it had been nearly two weeks since you were 'official' or whatever. All of you were going to have dinner and watch a movie at your apartment. You really weren't sure how this was going to go, so you made Adam stop with you on the way to your apartment to get extra wine to gulp down to distract you from any awkwardness that may occur. Nia and Thomas weren't at the apartment when you arrived around 3PM, which was nice. It allowed Adam to get mentally ready for Nia's craziness later. After putting the wine away, you went to your room and started to change out of your sweater and into a big t-shirt.

Adam came into your room as you changed in the closet and plopped down on your bed. His hands rested behind his bed as he kicked off his shoes, "Ughhhh," he groaned.

You came out of your closet and crawled on top of him, straddling him, "Why the groan, sir?"

He sighed, "Dinner,"

"You'll be fine," you smiled and leaned down, kissing the tip of his nose.

Adam pulled you down to lay next to him and spooned you on the bed, wrapping his long arms around your waist and kissing the back of your head, "Can we nap for a while?" he asked in a tired voice.

You closed your eyes and snuggled further into him behind you, "Mhm,"

\--

About three hours later, the sound of the front door being unlocked in the living room woke you up. Nia and Thomas were home with dinner for the four of you. You rolled over and took Adam's face in your hands, "Wake up, Adam,"

"Mmm,"

"Adam, come on, it's already six o'clock," you squeezed his cheeks together, making him look funny.

"Mmmmmmm," he smiled and opened his sleepy eyes.

The two of you sat up and stretched, "Please be nice to Thomas, okay?" you noted to Adam.

"No promises,"

"I'm serious, Adam," you raised your eyebrows at him.

"Fine," he replied and patted your messy hair down. It was crazy from sleeping.

You weren't _exactly_ worried that Adam would be rude to Thomas, although you knew he probably would be. You were more worried at Thomas' reaction when he saw the two of you actually together. He knew that you and Adam were a couple, but he was usually quiet when Nia would ask about Adam to you. You knew Thomas disapproved, but would never say so. You mentally crossed your fingers, hoping for a peaceful night, took Adam's hand, and walked to the living room. Nia and Thomas were unloading the takeout from the plastic bags.

"Heyyyyy," you said, walking toward them in the kitchen, "Nia, this is Adam. Um, Thomas, you guys already know each other, haha," you laughed awkwardly. You were smiling like crazy, hoping that would make up for the potentially uncomfortable environment that was about to be created.

Adam waved and said hello to each of them as you poured two glasses of wine, handing one to Adam. Nia smiled and ran to him, wrapping her arms around him and hugging. Adam looked at you, clearly in distress because he fucking hates hugging, but smiled at her any way when she pulled away and went back to the food, "How are you??" Nia smiled.

"Oh, good—good, yea," Adam replied and sipped on his wine. You held onto his arm and clung to him. When it was quiet for a second, you looked at Thomas and raised your eyebrows.

"Hey man," Thomas finally spoke to Adam and shook his hand.

Adam smiled, "Hi,"

Silence cased over the apartment again.

You had to interject now before you exploded from how awkward it was getting, "So, what do we have, here?"

Nia started giving everyone the options for food as she grabbed plates from the cabinet. After everyone had gotten what they wanted, you all sat in the living area at a small dining table and ate.

"So, Adam, where are you from??" Nia asked, twirling her vegetable lo mein on her fork. She knew exactly where he was from but you figured she only asked so he would talk. Nia was like that.

Adam finished chewing and answered, "Indiana,"

"Sounds super fun," Thomas commented sarcastically as he took a bite. You kicked his leg under the table and shot him a look, "I mean, it sounds super fun like...peaceful...because it's quiet out there, I assume," Thomas added, "I'm uh from, well, you know I'm from the Boston area...so I'm used to noise. So uh, so Indiana sounds chill,"

Jesus fuckin' Christ.

"Ah, could've assumed you were from near Boston," Adam commented as he took a bite. He was being rude, knowing that those from Boston weren't exactly known for how 'nice' they were. You slapped his thigh softly under the table.

Thomas retorted, "Yea, I don't take you for a Midwest type of guy. They're usually frie—" Nia squinted at Thomas, basically telling him to shut the fuck up, so he did.

Nia spoke now and began to ask Adam more questions about himself. You could see him shift in his seat, uncomfortable with the attention on himself. As he spoke, one of his hands rested on your thigh under the table for comfort. You wove your fingers through his and listened to him talk about himself for the rest of the night as Nia asked a _billion_ more questions.

After dinner, you all played a few games of _Cards Against Humanity_ , a game that Adam was new to but now obsessed with. Thomas seemed to warm up a bit more to Adam, and Adam to Thomas. You didn't know what the fuck was with dudes and why they could never get along. Men confused you sometimes.

It was 11PM by the time the four of you stopped playing and decided to watch _American Psycho_ , even though you and Adam had already seen it. You laughed at the fact that one of you in the room was _actually_ an 'American Psycho' serial killer.

Before you started the movie, Nia asked if you would go to her room with her for something. As she basically cornered you in her room, Nia whisper yelled, "I LOVE HIM," and smiled, "Like...I totally love him. He's perfect for you. Like, oh my God, I LOVE HIM!!"

It was nice that she liked him, although you knew she would. Nia pretty much loved everyone...but her telling that to you made you feel good. You wanted everyone to love him as much as you did, "Me too," you said in reply to her before walking back to the living room.

You all sat in the living room in front of the TV, you and Adam on the big couch and Thomas and Nia on a small loveseat. As the movie played, you got more comfortable on the couch with Adam. Your legs were over his and one of Adam's hands rested on your calf while the other was wrapped around you, gripping your waist. You pulled a nearby blanket over the two of you and rested your head on Adam's shoulder.

About halfway through the movie, you and Adam decided to lay back on the couch instead of sit. He was on his back, his face turned to the TV, while you were behind him, sprawled across him as usual. Your leg, arm, and head were on his body as if you were his personal blanket, not the blanket that was actually over the two of you. One of your hands up rested by his collarbone, tracing your fingers along it. His hand on your waist moved to your hip and would occasionally dip to your ass, where he'd move his hand in circles on it.

You looked over at Nia and Thomas, both of them asleep. You craned your neck to look at Adam now. As he watched the movie, his sweet, hazel eyes were focused on it. The light of the TV in the dark room acted as a highlighter for his face, making his lips and nose look all the more godlike. How could you not admire the man you had when he looked like _this_? You had told him before how handsome he was, but Adam brushed it off. He didn't like that sort of compliment and you were pretty sure he didn't believe that about himself. What an idiot.

Suddenly, he looked down at you, smiling sweetly, "Hm?" he hummed softly.

Moving yourself up a bit on him, you kissed his jaw, "Just looking," you whispered.

"Just looking?" he replied.

You planted your lips on his, "Mhm,"

Adam kissed you back, his lips were soft but his kiss was hard. You put your hand on the nape of his neck and pushed his face closer to yours, deepening the kiss. Adam's tongue was now tangling with yours and his grip on your body tightened. You started to get excited, feeling your heart beat faster, and crawled over him. As you straddled Adam and pressed your body on his, Adam's hands slid up and down your back as he kissed you. You bit his lip and pulled it slightly, when Adam's hands came up to your neck, gripping it, "Your room. Now," he growled in the quiet room.

You and Adam practically ran to your room, locking the door behind you.


	21. chapter twenty: valentine’s.

Sunday, February 14th

Valentine's Day

You woke up to sunlight shining in Adam's room, hitting your face. His soft covers smelled like him as you pulled them up to your nose and snuggled closer to the blanket. Taking a deep breath and squeezing your eyes shut, you felt like today was going to be a good one.

After you adjusted to being awake, you felt a dip in the bed next to you. With your eyes still closed, you rolled over and put your arm over what you thought was Adam.

So...it wasn't Adam.

Your eyes shot open and you were met with a sleeping Moose next to you. You couldn't help but giggle and pet him as he tiredly looked over at you.

"Whaattttt the fuck," you laughed, "Hey, boy,"

The door opened and Adam walked in carrying a cup of coffee, "Ahh, fuck," he grinned looking at you and Moose laying together. Adam set the coffee on his nightstand and crawled over you on the bed, "My two favorites!" he exclaimed as he bumped his head on Moose's then turned back to you, still hovering over you, his elbows digging into the bed, "Morning," Adam said as he pecked the top of your head, then got up, leaving you, "Put some clothes on, we're going out,"

You cocked an eyebrow up curiously and rolled out of bed.

It was 10:30AM by the time you had finished getting ready for the day. Adam wouldn't tell you what you guys were doing, but that you needed ~comfortable~ clothes, so you settled for leggings, sneakers, a long sleeve New York Yankees shirt, and of course, a coat. Adam put Moose on a leash and the three of you left his apartment and started walking. One of Adam's hands was on the leash, the other laced with yours.

Just where it belonged.

As the two of you walked, you talked about random shit like if you'd rather have the superpower of invisibility or mood control, plans for the rest of the day, after all it was Valentine's Day, and your family. Adam wanted to know the next time you were going home to visit and implied that he wanted to come, too. The thought of Adam meeting your crazy ass family made you cringe, but you knew your family would love him, especially Michael.

The weather wasn't bad today. In fact, it was great. It was a bit chilly, but the sun was bright and warm on your face. Even though it was still February, you could practically feel spring approaching quickly. You thought about what spring in the city would be like with Adam: picnics in the park, holding hands while walking around, the trees starting to bud leaves as you and Adam kissed under them...FUCK you've gone completely soft.

Adam stopped at the little pastry shop and got your usual as you waited outside with Moose. He came back out with a coffee and a chocolate roll that you devoured for the rest of your walk to Central Park. 

You and Adam followed the same trail that you would walk over the summer and finally passed under the Glenspan Arch. As the darkness under the arch covered you both, you spoke, "Remember when I'd see you like every day under here?"

"Mhm," he smiled. As you both came out of under the arch, light hit his face again, "I remember you always smiling at me and consistently being here everyday day at a certain time. I'd just moved here to start the PhD program and you had uh, you'd become quite comforting in this unfamiliar place...seeing you everyday,"

He'd never told you that before.

"Oh," you blushed and squeezed his hand, sipping on your warm coffee.

"Aaaanndd, I also remember at this spot that we're walking by now was the first time we talked," he added.

You looked around and realized you were at the part of the trail where you followed him and then hid behind a tree like a dumbass, "Oh, God. Yea, I remember that unfortunately," you said, embarrassed.

Adam put his arm around you and pulled you close to him as you walked, kissing your head, "My favorite,"

"My favorite,"

Around lunchtime, you and Adam stopped at a pizza place and grabbed two slices each. Because it was pretty day and not too cold, you both sat outside, Moose laying under the table, and ate. The silence was comfortable as you and Adam devoured your pizzas and people watched. It was a perfect fuckin' day.

\--

"Adam, we are so fucking underdressed," you said under your breath as you and Adam walked into a nice ass restaurant for dinner around six o'clock. He grabbed your hand and kept walking toward the back of the building, ignoring you, "Adam, if I would've known we were coming here then I would have like...I don't know put on something nicer!" you whispered.

Nothing.

 _Whatever_.

What you were wearing wasn't terrible, per se. You had on ripped boyfriend jeans, black ankle boots, and a cute red blouse with poofy shoulder thingys. If anything, you felt OVERdressed, as you were more of a t-shirt girl anyway. Hell, you even put on lipstick. But here at this restaurant...you pretty much looked like trash compared to everyone else.

The restaurant's lighting was low and it was buzzing with people. As you passed by table after table, you heard faint conversations and observed hand holding and guzzling of wine. Valentine's night was in full swing in the city. You knew everyone in here was gonna get laid tonight.

Once you reached the back of the building, there was a small staircase that Adam lead you up. You tried to get his attention again by squeezing on his hand, "Addaaammm, you know I hate surprises. Pleaaasseee tell me where we're going,"

"No whining," he said under his breath, still not looking at you as he reached the top of the stairs. He knocked on a wooden door at the top and waited for an answer.

"What is this place?" you asked.

"Shh," he shushed you and kissed the top of your head.

"Adam, you're being kind of annoying,"

Adam crushed your small hand with his, squeezing it until you SWEAR the blood came out of it, "DUDE!" you squeaked, trying to keep your voice down. You tugged your hand from his but he wouldn't let go, only softening his grip a bit.

Adam shushed you again, then brought your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. You rolled your eyes but kept quiet until the door finally creaked open, revealing a man with a narrow frame and a small, black mustache. He was dressed in a white tuxedo and looked like he came straight out of a cartoon.

"Um, hello," you greeted.

"This way please," the man said softly and turned around.

_Errr...okay._

He took you and Adam down a narrow hallway and stopped at an elevator. He pressed a button that was quickly met with a 'ding'. The doors slid open and the mustache man motioned the two of you inside. You looked up at Adam with wide eyes, but he just smirked and stepped in, pulling you in the elevator with him. The man then stepped half in, pressed another button, then stepped out. He didn't say another word as the doors slid shut, leaving you and Adam alone in the elevator.

"Okay explain!!!" you begged and turned to him, the elevator jolting upward. Adam smiled, then leaned down and kissed you. He pushed you against the elevator wall and stood in front of you, one hand on your throat, the other on your waist as he devoured you with his mouth. You mumbled against his lips, "Are you taking me to—"

 _Kiss_.

"—some kind of sex party?" you joked.

Adam laughed against your lips but didn't say a word, he just kept kissing you until the two of you reached wherever the fuck the elevator was taking you. When it 'ding'ed, you wiped some of your lipstick off of his mouth, then grabbed his hand as Adam lead you out.

As you stepped out of the lift, you were immediately outside on a rooftop. Someone was playing a piano, making the music drift from the rooftops up to the night sky. The twinkling lights of the city surrounded you and tall fire heaters made the rooftop warm, unlike the crisp, cold air that would normally encompass you on a February night. Adam was walking toward a small table on the edge as you followed, hand-in-hand, but still looking around at everything. There were string lights hanging above you, softly lighting the place, yet it was still dark enough to barely notice the few other couples on the roof. Adam let go of your hand, making you look back at him. He pulled out your chair for you and was waiting for you to sit.

You thought you'd be okay dying right here in this exact moment: the image of a gentleman-ly Adam as your last moment? Yea, you were okay with that.

You stepped closer and Adam took your light coat off of you, softly pulling the sleeves down your arms. He put it on the back of your chair as you sat down. Adam helped you scoot closer to the table. He then brushed your hair behind your ear and kissed the top of your head. He was being so sweet...too sweet. You looked at him suspiciously as he sat down across from you.

"Hm?" he smiled.

You thought for a moment and pursed your lips before saying, "Adam...this is like...fancy. Like, I'm pretty sure to get a rooftop spot on Valentine's in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. is pretty pricey...and I just don't think that I'm like—well, I don't think that I—"

Adam reached for the wine on the table and filled your glass. You heard the person playing the piano start to play Dawn, a song you recognized from the movie Pride & Prejudice. Now that you thought about it, Adam was just like Mr. Darcy.

_Snap back to reality, weirdo._

"Um, as I was saying, I mean, they don't pay you much at the university and I don't want to be a financial burden today...I mean, it's just a day for companies to make money. Like, we can celebrate being together every day. A-and I'm not really into fancy thi—"

Adam grabbed your hand and rested his on top of yours, "No more,"

You continued, ignoring him, "Let's go half and half, seriously. I insist. Like...really, Adam. Let me go half,"

He squinted at you, "Can I ask something?"

"Mhm," you replied.

"Well...first let me just say that no, you can't go half with me on this. This is for you and for us, from me. Okay?"

You hesitantly nodded. You weren't really used to treatment like this and you weren't sure that you liked it...but Adam was making you feel like some kind of pampered princess of sorts.

Okay, maybe you did like it.

He continued, "Good girl. My uh, my question is...H-how do you—"

A waitress interrupted him and set down two plates of food, already picked for the two of you. She also handed Adam a small menu of what the rest of the night's food would be and said to let her know if you needed anything else. She then left, leaving you and Adam alone again. You looked down at your plate and saw a starter salad with apples and walnuts. You then glanced at the small piece of paper with the other food that was being brought to you later.

Your eyes got wide, "Adam, this is a whole ass four course meal," you smiled so fucking big, "This is insane. I really don't think I've ever had anything like this,"

"Me either. I've never done this with someone. And...well and you're who I wanted to do it with...because I love you," he took your hand again and squeezed the top. His smile was soft, and it looked as though he was almost...emotional in a way.

He continued, "I'd like to do this every year," Adam leaned forward, his elbow on the table and his chin resting on his fist as his other hand still held yours, "I'd like to do this every year for a lot of years,"

You took a sip of wine and tried to joke, "Well, let's just get married why don't we? Go right down to the courthouse, elope, not tell anyone, then go live in our cabin in the woods in Alaska. Remember when I said that on Thanksgiving?" you giggled a bit.

Adam's eyes were sparkling at you, the candle on the table flickering against them, "I remember," he smiled. 

You broke eye contact and picked up your fork. You picked at the salad, only eating the apples and walnuts. Fuck that green shit. As you and Adam ate the starter, he brought up graduate school. After all, you were graduating in like two and a half months. Grad school was coming up quick. You told him where you interviewed and that you hadn't heard anything yet. He was quiet after you said one of your choices was in Boston.

"I don't even think I'm going to get in...so," you said, playing with your food.

He furrowed his eyebrows, "You will,"

"Yea okay," you rolled your eyes, "My top choice is Columbia anyway. I mean, why would I leave? Ya know?"

"This place is ten times better than Boston," he smiled.

You looked around the sky at the buildings around you, "I mean, seriously. Look at this place. Fuck,"

"Mhm," he hummed.

As you looked back at Adam, you noticed he wasn't looking around, just at you.

"Done with these?" your waiter said, popping in out of fuckin' nowhere.

_Goddamn scared me._

"Yes, thank you," Adam replied.

She took your plates, then came back with a bowl of small, roasted potatoes halves for you to share. As she walked away, you whispered, "Finally some good fuckin' food!" in a British accent, trying to imitate Gordon Ramsay. Adam didn't look at you like you were a freak. In fact, he giggled at you.

"God, I love potatoes," Adam said as he put a few on his fork.

You already had a few in your mouth as you replied, "Me too," you swallowed, "Hey, did you know that potato in Hungarian is 'burgonya'?"

As he chewed, he smiled, "No, I did not know that. Let me guess, you got that from Katinka?"

"Yes, she is my best fucking friend, I swear,"

"She fucking hates you," Adam laughed.

You giggled back, "Yea, I know," you shoved more in your mouth, "These are so fucking goooooooodddd,"

Adam gulped his wine, then poured you and him another glass. His hand remained on yours for the rest of the night, never letting go.

The rest of your conversation dwindled to what career you'd have if money weren't an object, what you wanted to be when you were little, and...your diary.

"I just can't believe you have a diary," he joked.

Your steak was now here, and you started to cut into it, glaring at him, "There's nothing wrong with a journal. Maybe you should get one...sort out your thoughts and shit. It's like having a therapist that doesn't talk back to you. You just rant and shit. It's nice," you smiled.

"What do you rant about? Me?" he smirked.

You cocked an eyebrow up, "Hmmm...sometimes. I remember when I first met you, you were all I talked about in there. Then...Christmas came around and I kind of wrote about you...but it was mostly just other stuff. Family shit, you know? Anyway, yea...diaries are fun,"

He took a sip of wine, "I thought you said it was a journal,"

You pursed your lips, "Yea whatever,"

Adam curiously asked, "What do you say about me in there?"

You bit your lip, a little shocked at his question. You decided to leave out when you talk shit about him in there as you explained, "Well, I write about things we do," you said in your best 'sexy' voice and continued, "Where we do things,"

Your foot tapped his calf under the table as you continued, "New things we do. I try to keep it very detailed, you see,"

His eyes darkened at you as he took a bite of his steak, "Why so detailed?"

You could tell Adam was intrigued and possibly turned on under the table. It was hard to tell with it being a bit dark. You continued anyway.

Drinking more wine, you let the red liquid stay on your lips as the glass drifted from your mouth and was set back on the table. You licked the rest off of your lips, "Well, for future reading, of course. For when I'm alone...When you aren't there to...help me,"

Adam's eye twitched and his jaw clenched.

"How is everything?" your waitress asked, "More wine? I can grab another bottle for you, if you'd like,"

_Jesus fuckin' Christ, lady._

Adam didn't look at her, only you, as he replied, "Yes,"

She looked at him, then you, then him, "Okay! Be right back,"

Poor thing was probably confused as to why he wasn't looking at her, but you didn't care. You wanted his eyes on you, anyway.

"Tell me more," he said, his voice low.

You tsk'd at him, "Ohhh, no no. Another time, perhaps," you finished your wine just as your waitress arrived back with a fresh bottle.

As you and Adam ate the rest of your meal and kept drinking more and more wine, the conversation became more light and fun again, the two of you feeling pretty buzzed and giddy. At one point, he scooted your chair closer to his, the two of you now sitting next to each other instead of across. You moved your empty plates to the other side of the table and leaned on your elbow, resting your chin on your hand. Adam did the same. As you spoke with him, the two of you were in your own little world. One of his hands rested on your thigh, yours on top of it.

Eventually, the waitress took the plates away and brought dessert. Each of you got a small slice of cheesecake with strawberries on top. You and Adam were so fucking buzzed and in love, you actually started to become that couple: hands all over and feeding each other. Normally, you'd make fun of people like this...but now you were one and you did not give a single fuckkkkkk.

You took your fork and put cheesecake on it as Adam did the same. You were both smiling like crazy people as you opened your mouth and fed each other, giggling the whole time, and drinking wine between bites. Adams hands stayed on you as the night went on. Everything you were saying to him seemed like it was the greatest thing he'd ever heard.

When you made him talk about himself, he had enough wine to where he wasn't anxious to do so, anymore. He was talking all about what kind of bands he was into as a high schooler and how a girl turned him down one time. You wanted to punch this girl. He talked about how sad it made him at the time. As you listened to his deep, beautiful voice, you couldn't help but only half-listen. You were too busy staring at his perfect lips and long nose...his puppy eyes, his thick, black hair...oh my gawwwddddd this man was fine as fuck and he didn't even know it.

The next time you and Adam looked around, out of your little world, the rooftop was pretty empty. The piano player had left, leaving the place silent, and there were only the waitstaff who were cleaning the tables around you. The clinking of dishes and silverware rung throughout the air.

"We should go, baby," Adam suggested, his voice raw. You could tell he was ready to get home and do Lord knows what to you. 

"Yeaaaa," you agreed, "But, wait hold on real quick,"

You ran over to your waitress for the night, "Hiii! I was wondering if you would take our picture?" you really needed to have another one with Adam besides the Christmas one.

"Sure thing," she said, probably just wanting y'all out of there.

"Yayy!!" you walked with her back to Adam, who was a bit confused, "Picture time, sir," you basically commanded.

You gave her your phone and went to sit on Adam's lap, not giving a fuck if it was cringy looking, "Okay make sure to get the city in the back, pleeasseee!" you said. Your hands were around Adam's shoulders, his resting on your waist and knee as you both smiled. The flash of the camera was bright as fuck and it didn't help that you were already a little disoriented from drinking. You blinked a couple times, then said, "Okay, okay, another just in case,”

After the second picture, you got your phone back and looked at the photos. Adam peeked over at them as well. You had a huge smile on your face and your legs looked, dare you say, amazing when they're hanging over Adam's. Adam gave a small smile in the first, and a big one in the second. You wished he smiled like that more often.

"Perfect, baby," he said, staring at your phone. He then looked up at you, you still on his lap, "I love you,"

You replied instantly, "I love you, more. Let's go,"

The two of you got up and put your coats on. As you were about to leave, you realized there was something still on the table that you weren't quite done with.

"Put the bottle of wine in your coat!" you whispered.

Adam had mischievous smile on his face and grabbed the wine, slipping it in his jacket.

God, you two were meant to be.

As you walked down the cold streets and down into the subway, Adam held onto you. His hand was either glued to yours or in your hair, scratching your scalp. When you sat in the subway car, there were only a few people around and Adam kissed you sloppily. He pulled away and took out the wine bottle that was a little under half full. He took a swig of it, then handed it to you, so you did the same. You leaned up and kissed him again, tasting wine on his lips.

"I love you," he said, then took another drink. You hiccuped and said you loved him back before kissing him again, not giving a fuck who saw your PDA. You wanted everyone to see how much you loved your Adam.

Once you reached the stop to his apartment, you held onto each other as you went up the stairs and into the streets, out of the subway. Adam tossed the now empty bottle away in a city trash can as you stumbled down the block. By the time you reached his apartment door after walking up his building's stairs, you were so fucking out of breath. Adam unlocked his door and you practically ran inside, kicking your boots off in the process.

You got a glass of water and inhaled it, trying to finish sobering up and also 'cause you were thirsty as hell from those stairs. Adam came over you to, kicking off his shoes, too, and throwing his coat on the floor. He took your water, drinking some too. You were giggling, watching him drink your stolen water as he hovered over you, your ass against his dishwasher. He put the empty glass on the counter next to you and leaned down to kiss you. Both of your mouths were still wet from the water as he softly kissed you.

Adam's cold thumb stroked your jawline, his other hand on your back, keeping you close to him. His warm lips enveloped yours as your kisses were so soft and light, it felt like you were barely brushing him. The slow, lingering kiss made you want him so incredibly bad. You felt your knees start to get shaky and your core fluttering. You let out a small giggle against his lips and he did the same. Leaning into your kiss a bit more, you turned your body away from the counter and you began to walk backward to his bedroom, still kissing him. As Adam walked with you, lips on yours, his hands stayed on the nape of your neck, holding tight.

You finally bumped against his door and the two of you giggled again. The sound of his laugh, even if it was a small one, was music to your fucking ears. You reached for the handle and opened the door. Breaking the kiss, you turned around ready to jump on the bed and take off all of your clothes when you saw something that stopped you.

Around the room were a few little candles that were already lit and a box of FUCKING CHOCOLATES on the nightstand. There was even a rose on the bed. This motherfucker went all out.

Your jaw dropped, "Adam. Woah. H-how? How did you do this?" you began to walk around the room, "When did you do this? And...and where's Moose?"

Adam chuckled, "I had help. Moose is with a friend for tonight," he moved over to his speaker, "Hold on, hold on," he tweaked with it until soft music started playing, "There," he said proudly, then grabbed the rose and gave it to you, kissing your forehead.

The whole thing was corny as fuck...but you loved it. And more importantly, you loved Adam.

"I love you," you said as you stared at the room around you in amazement at his thoughtfulness. Adam came behind you and brushed your hair away from one side of you neck. His hands wrapped around your waist and he lowered his lips to your neck, leaving hot kisses on it. Your neck tilted a bit, welcoming his touch on you.

"You're my favorite," he hummed on your skin. You felt yourself squirm in wanting and you could tell Adam wanted you, too, his hard length was pushing against your ass as he stayed behind you.

Adam's lips left your neck, making you turn around to face him. His eyes darkened and his mouth was overtaken by a devilish smirk. Adam's fingers tucked under your shirt, slowly lifting it up and over your head. He planted a kiss on your lips, to which you tried to deepen, but he pulled away. Your lips parted and you tried to protest, wanting him to kiss you more, but Adam shushed you, "No more talking," he said in a low, raw voice. When you closed your lips, Adam's eye twitched as he said, "Good girl,"

Your face flushed and you felt a heat grow between your legs as Adam kissed your neck again and slowly trailed down as he took off your bra and dropped it to the floor. He kissed around your breasts, then lowered more until he was kneeling and kissing your stomach. Adam unbuttoned your jeans and slipped them off of you, kissing your hip and thighs. There was no space left unkissed by his lips by the time he hooked his fingers in your panties and peeled them off of you, revealing your completely naked body in front of him. You were breathing fast now, and your heart was pumping like crazy.

Adam pushed you back on his bed, leaving your legs slightly hanging off. He got on his knees and took your legs, spreading them, and put them over his shoulders. He pulled you toward him as you propped yourself up by your elbows. You could barely see him in the dark room. Candlelight barely flickered and danced across the room, leaving your sight essentially nonexistent to something that wasn't directly in front of you. Suddenly, you felt Adam kiss and bite your inner thighs, growing closer between your legs. Your breathing became more hitched as you felt his nose swipe at your clit, teasing you. A small mewl left your mouth as you laid back on the bed and arched your back, unable to hold yourself up anymore.

"My perfect girl," he whispered against you. You took a quick breath in as Adam suddenly licked a hot stripe with his tongue against you, then began to prod at your entrance. You felt your face scrunch in pleasure as he breathed, "So sweet," Your hands found his hair and pulled as his tongue worked on you. Adam's thumb began to rub your clit, making you wiggle on the bed and yelp.

As he kept fucking you with his mouth, Adam's grip from his other hand tightened on your thigh as he held it over his shoulder. He was holding you so tight, it hurt, but it only made you more aroused. Your hands left his hair and grasped the blanket under you, balling it in your hands firmly.

"C-c-close," was the only word you could get out. Adam's tongue was working on you faster now. Your face was hot and you felt a bead of sweat roll over your forehead and into your hair. Your core was feeling more full, ready to combust at any moment.

He put more pressure on your clit and squeezed your thigh as hard as he could, making you give in. With curled toes and a guttural cry of pleasure, you came on Adam's mouth. As he lapped up a mixture of his saliva and your orgasm, he moaned against you, "I love you, baby,"

Catching your breath, you wiped your brow of sweat and sat up, ready to give Adam as much pleasure as he gave you, "Clothes...o-off," you panted. Adam quickly stood and removed his clothes, then climbed on top of you. You pushed him over you and made him lie down, then you moved down to his cock, "I want you in my mouth, Adam. S-so fucking bad," you said as you grasped around him. He was already hard, so you stroked him, then licked up and down his shaft.

Adam sat up straight and took your face in his hands, pulling you toward him, "No, baby. I'm going to make love to you now," He swiftly rolled down, onto the bed, and hovered over you. Adam kissed your lips, hard, "I love you, baby. I love you," he said against you. You wrapped your hands around the nape of his neck and pulled him closer to you until his chest and lips were against yours, practically infusing you with him.

"I love you, Adam,"

He broke the kiss and took his cock in his hand, moving it to your pussy. The tip trailed over your slit, making your chest rise in wanting, "W-wait! Condom?" you asked, trying to be responsible.

"Not tonight, baby," he breathed, his cock twitching against you, needing to be inside of you. You nodded, giving him permission, and Adam slowly entered you, filling up your cunt. He was so gentle and slow that with each pump, you felt his length drag against you, stretching you slowly over and over again. His eyes didn't leave yours as he breathed your name over and over again. It felt like a prayer he was reciting to you. He was practically worshipping you as he fucked you gently.

"A-a little harder...p-please," you panted.

Adam picked up his pace slightly and began to pump hard into you, "Anything for my p-perfect girl," he grunted and grabbed a nearby pillow, picking you up slightly and putting it under your lower back. When he started fucking you harder again, the pillow made him hit you at another angle, reaching deeper inside of you, hitting your walls.

Moans escaped your lips as Adam kissed your neck. Your head started to bump against his headboard, so Adam put one of his arms over the top of your head, protecting it from the wood. He was completely consuming you, inside and out. You loved being under him, having him fuck you and cover you, having his big, strong arm leaning over you, holding you. The way he grunted your name as he kissed your body was something you wanted to hear forever.

"I love you, A-Adam," you whimpered, grabbing his face.

Adam's face was red and he was taking labored breaths as he replied, "I love you so fucking much,"

You brought his face to yours and kissed him hard, squeezing your legs around him. Adam began to breath harder and little cries left his mouth. He was about to come, so you clenched around him, putting more pressure on his cock as he pumped faster. It made you feel amazing too, and you soon felt pressure in your core again, ready to explode. You tilted your head back and closed your eyes until Adam said in a low voice, "Look at me, b-baby. Look at me while I cum in you,"

Your eyes were half open as you stared at Adam, both of you reaching your climax. Adam fell on top of you as you both panted, catching your breath. He stayed inside of you for a bit longer, until he finally pulled out, both of your liquids coating him. Adam got off of the bed and went to the bathroom. You heard him running a bath. He loved to bathe with you.

When he came back in the room, Adam waltzed over to the bed and picked you up, making your eyes widen and a squeal leave your mouth. You fucking HATED being picked up.

"Adam!!"

His eyes looked tired and he smiled down at you as he carried you to his bathroom, "Let me take care of you,"

_I mean...okay :)_

Once he reached the bathroom, he set you down, letting you stand next to the bath. You slowly stepped in, letting the hot water settle on your feet. You then lowered yourself more until you were sitting comfortably, the scalding water surrounding you and rising. His tub was tiny, but luckily the two of you fit perfectly. It was a tight squeeze, but it's not like you and Adam needed your space. You were constantly touching or holding each other close, anyway. A tiny bath was no problem.

Adam stepped in and winced. He hated how you liked hot water, but he always would make it extra hot when you showered or bathed together. You giggled at him, his face scrunching in slight pain. When he sat down, Adam turned off the water and grabbed your arms, pulling you up to him. You were now straddling him, both of your arms around each other, and your head rested on his damp chest. His chin stayed on your head as you both stayed there for a few minutes, not saying anything. You were just enjoying being next to each other.

You started to think about your whole day with Adam and how perfect it was. It was so perfect that time wasn't even a thing. You didn't know what the fuck time it was when you left the restaurant or what time it was now. 3AM? Who the fuck knows? You thought about how sweet he was, putting that together for you. How when you came back, he had the place set up in a way that seemed corny to both of you, but still so fucking romantic. So perfect. He was perfect. This was perfect. A tear rolled down your cheek and onto Adam's chest. You lifted your head to his level and kissed him softly, whispering soft 'I love you's between kisses.

Soon after, Adam made you turn around and sit between his legs as he lathered shampoo in your hair. He bought the same kind that you used so he could have some because he loved it so much. His fingers massaged your scalp as you leaned back into his chest. You felt your eyes get heavy, as if you could fall asleep in the tub right then and there.

He maneuvered your head under the faucet and ran the water, washing away your shampoo. You giggled thinking of him as some kind of hair stylist or some shit, washing your hair. When you sat back up and rung out your hair, you got shampoo in your hands and told him it was your turn. Adam smiled and turned around, letting you wash his hair. You had to get up on your knees because he was so fucking tall, even sitting down. After you washed his hair out, Adam got a loofah and put his soap on it. He then started to work it on every inch of your body. He was so careful and sweet as he washed you. After he was done, you did the same to him.

After the washing, you straddled him in the bath and played with his hair. As you played, he was talking to you about your night and the two of you reminisced on the park, lunch, and the best fucking dinner ever.

"I've had the best Valentine's Day. Honestly, Adam. The. Best. One. I think this is also like, my favorite day with you ever. It's just been perfect," you smiled.

Adam smiled back and kissed your cheek before replying, "Let's do this every day,"

Oh fuck.

You started to freak out a little, "Shit! I have class tomorrow! So do you! What time is it?"

Adam didn't looked fazed, "Skip. Let's just skip and sleep and lay in bed all day,"

"Fine by me," you said before kissing him hard. Adam's arms around you tightened and held you closer. Your hands were in his hair and his wet tongue slid in your mouth, tangling with yours. You weren't tired anymore. In fact, you were wide awake. You started to breathe harder and felt your hips shift under the water. You were aching to have him inside of you again as his cock hardened and pressed on your inner thigh.

You and Adam ended up finishing your Valentine's Day 'events' at 6AM. You slept the rest of the day with him and stayed in your own little world for a while longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! This is my favorite chapter of all time, I think :) The story is about to pick up with Adam very soon...so be ready, friends. It can't be all sunshine and rainbows with him and his...murder stuff.


	22. chapter twenty-one: lonely weekend.

**Thursday, March 4th**

"Adam, get the FUCK out!"

"What? Why?"

"LEAVE!"

Adam stood at the bathroom counter and put toothpaste on his toothbrush.

He wasn't planning on leaving.

"Adam, come ON! GOOOooooo!" you whined.

"Stop being dramatic,"

You groaned, "Fine,"

Adam didn't care if you peed in front of him, which was nice you guessed, but it was still weird for you. You figured it was just something you'd have to get over, after all, you and Adam were planning on being together for a while. After you washed your hands, you started to brush your teeth next to him, the two of you looking at each other in the mirror and smiling.

"I'm gonna miss you," you said after you spit.

Adam spit after you and replied, "I'll miss you more," he put his toothbrush in the holder and stepped behind you, taking your waist in his hands and hunching over to rest his chin on your shoulder as you kept brushing your teeth.

He continued, "Buutttttt, I'll be back in no time,"

You spit again, washed your mouth with water, then put your toothbrush (that you now kept at his apartment) in the holder next to his. Turning around and hugging him, you said softly against his chest, "How can I let you go when I just got used to you again?"

"It's only three days,"

You pulled him closer and looked up at Adam, "We haven't gone a single day without seeing each other in like over a month. Seriously. How am I going to survive? I don't wanna sleep alooonnneeee," you whined.

As Adam looked down at you, a lazy smile came over his face, "You'll have Moose,"

"Yea, yea, yea," you said, still sad that Adam had to go. He said there was another conference in Savannah, Georgia that he needed to go to with Dr. Kennedy and a few other PhD students. You wished the both of you could just quit school and live off of your grandpa's money that he left you somewhere. Picturing the two of you isolated from the world in your own little bubble made you smile.

As you curled up next to him in bed, you couldn't help but think about how you were going to have such a lonely weekend without him.

**Friday, March 5th**

"Hi," Adam said, waking you up. He was on top of you and pecking your face over and over again with kisses. It must've been 6AM. He was about to leave.

You slowly opened your eyes, barely seeing him right above you in the dark room, "Mmm, hi. Don't go. Stay forever," you said, your voice sleepy.

Adam laughed through his nose, "I want to, but I gotta go," he kissed you over and over on your neck, tickling you and making you giggle.

"Love you," he said softly, picking his head back up and facing you.

"Love you, Adam," you squished his face together in your hands, "Now, get outta here,"

Adam kissed your head, grabbed his small suitcase, and left, leaving you and Moose alone in the city.

\--

Sitting in your last class of the day with Thomas next to you, a little notification popped up on the corner of your computer screen. It was an email.

An email from the Graduate Admissions Office from UMass in Boston.

You paused and gulped, not wanting to open it. At this point, you'd heard back from Dr. Kennedy about the doctoral program at Columbia and you'd gotten in. After you heard that news, you put UMass in the back of your mind. One school wanted you and that was all you needed.

...but now that this email was here, you had no choice but to consider what it might say. If you were denied, that would suck. Getting rejected never feels good, but at least that meant that you didn't have to pick. If you were accepted, though, that meant that you had to choose between Boston or New York. You told yourself that you'd choose New York anyway. Your friends were here. Adam was here. You built a life here. But what if you would be missing out on an opportunity that you were passing up? A new environment, a new college, a new _everything._ But then again, you didn't need a new environment, a new college, or a new everything. It was all here...right?

You stared at the email for quite some time, never opening it. Thomas noticed you bouncing your leg in class and put his hand on your knee, "You good?" he whispered as the professor talked about some shit that you probably needed to pay attention to.

Startled from his touch, you jumped a little, "Oh, yea I'm good. Thanks, Thomas,"

He squinted, not believing you, "What's up?"

You sighed quietly and replied, "Well...well, I just have this email from uh, from UMass and I don't want to open it. I'm nervous, is all. Hah, it's dumb. I'll just read it later,"

"It's an email from grad school? Like from one you applied to?" he asked, leaning over to see your computer.

"Err, yea..."

Thomas bumped your shoulder playfully with his, "Open it. Come on, just open it," You pursed your lips and smiled. He could make you do anything. He was _that_ charming sometimes even if he wasn't meaning to be or didn't look like it to others. If he so much as smiled at you and asked you to punt a baby, you would seriously consider doing it.

"Okay..." you replied hesitantly, your finger over the computer pad, ready to tap and open it. As you waited to do it, Thomas tapped it for you, instantly opening it up.

You were met with a familiar ' _Congratulations!_ '

Your stomach sank a little. Thomas was beaming and bumped your shoulder, talking about how awesome it was that you got in. He said something about how Boston was 'the shit' (in a good way) before the professor gave him a side-eye for being too loud.

After class, Thomas walked you home. Well, not _your_ home. He walked you to your second home basically: Adam's.

"So, what, you're taking care of his dog while he's gone? Is he at least paying you?" Thomas said with attitude.

You glared at him, "Thomas, if _you_ had a dog would you pay Nia to look after it for three days? No. Now, stop being rude. He's my boyfriend. You gotta get over him. He's actually very cool if I do say so myself,"

Thomas smiled, "Sorryyy...can't help it sometimes,"

"Mhm," you replied, hugging him, "Thanks for walking me here,"

"No problem. Congrats on getting into UMass. Seriously. That's crazy,"

You gave him a small smile and looked down, "Thanks, Thomas,"

After waving goodbye to him, you went inside Adam's building and walked up the stairs to his door. You unlocked it with the key Adam gave you and immediately set your stuff down on the floor and grabbed some Cheez-Its from his kitchen. Moose was jumping on you, his way of saying 'hello', as you walked to Adam's couch. Laying on it, you stuffed wayyyy too many Cheez-It crackers in your mouth. Moose jumped up on the couch, your stomach specifically, and started licking your face.

Cheez-Its were now lodged in your throat and you started to choke while being attacked with kisses from the dog. After you regained your breathing, throat free of crackers, you shoved Moose off of you and got up, walking right to his leash. He clearly needed a walk and you clearly needed to stop with the Cheez-Its.

On your walk, you accidentally went a little further than you'd normally go. You let Moose control your walk (first mistake) and you were on your phone the whole time texting Nia about what the two of you were doing tomorrow (second mistake). Looking up, you were in an area of the city you didn't quite recognize. The sounds of the city during the early evening hours on a Friday were loud. Cars were everywhere, people were passing you rapidly, and lights and sirens whirred around you.

"Shit," you mumbled under your breath. Tugging on Moose's leash, you tried to get him to turn around with you, but he didn't. Moose kept going, resisting your pull. Instead, he started to speed up, forcing you to run with him, "MOOSE!" you yelled as you ran with him, your arm holding the leash about to pop out of its socket.

People passing by stared at you as you ran through the city with a dog that was out of fuckin' control. You ran with him for another five minutes before he finally stopped. Moose looked quite content with himself while you stood on a street corner, hands on your knees, panting. The air was cold, but because of this impromptu workout with Moose, you were hot as fuck. The inside of your coat was sticky against your sweaty skin.

"Shit, Moose," you said, staring at him while you still tried to catch your breath, "What the fuck, man?"

Once your lungs didn't feel like they were going to explode anymore, you pulled out your phone and mapped the way back to Adam's apartment. On the way back, you made a mental note to never take Moose on a walk when the city was buzzing.

**Saturday, March 6th**

"Nia, let's go," you said, arms crossed and waiting at the door.

"Waiiitt!!" Nia exclaimed from her room. She was putting on the last of her makeup for your little 'date'. The two of you wanted to spend a day together without boyfriends, so you had a whole day planned with Nia. She wanted to get your nails done and then walk around and shop in the 'tourist' part of the city. You really hated going down to Times Square, but you'd do anything for Nia.

Thomas sat on your couch watching TV, Moose's head in his lap, "So, you're good with him while we're gone, yeah?" you asked Thomas. He was the babysitter today.

"Ohhhh yea," he smiled, petting the top of Moose's head.

You wished Adam warmed up to Thomas as much as Moose did. Whatever.

Nia was finally ready, looking cute like she always did, so the two of you left your apartment and went on your way, getting your nails done first. Nia got neon pink acrylics that were long as fuck while you just got yours painted a dark purple. As you sat in the chairs next to each other, Nia talked your fucking ear off, but it was a good thing you were used to that.

"And _then_ she was like, 'Well, I don't even care,' like, are you serious?" Nia ranted. You could tell she wanted you to be as 'shocked' as she was for whatever she was talking about, so you gasped and said, "Wow. Fuck her,"

You weren't quite sure what she was talking about but what you got out of it made it seem like Nia was in the wrong with her little argument with her coworker. You backed her up anyway. That's what friends are for, right?

"I _know_. Like, I didn't even do anything wrong,"

_Oh, Nia._

She changed the subject, "Anyway, how's Adam? How are... _you_ and Adam? If you...if you kno—"

"I got it," you interrupted her, knowing exactly what she was asking. Your nail techs were clearly listening and you didn't want to talk about you and Adam's ~sex life~ or whatever in front of them, so you spoke in code.

After winking at Nia, you continued, "Adam and I are great. We've been trying a lot of _new recipes_ in the _kitchen_ ," you smiled, "Although, I could be satisfied with just peanut butter and jelly for dinner every night because...well because Adam's really good at making those. He's got a _really **big** —_," you winked at her again, "—thing for PB&J. Uh, haha, what about you and Thomas?"

Nia cocked an eyebrow and giggled, "Oh we try new recipes, too. Oh my God, there's one and you like get on—" she stopped, realizing that she was about to fully go into detail about some weird position that they do, "Well, I'll tell you about the recipe later. It's really good,"

The two of you laughed and spent the rest of the time talking about random shit, saving the boyfriend talk for later.

After you'd gotten your nails done, the two of you went down to Times Square. Why you agreed to do this on a Saturday, you couldn't say. The whole area was crowded. The weather was chilly, but the sun was out, making it feel nice. You and Nia walked around H&M before she _dragged_ you to the M&M and Hershey's World stores. After eating a shit ton of chocolate, taking loads of selfies, and getting pizza, you and Nia rode the subway back home.

You and Nia decided to end the day getting shitfaced off of some wine you had in your apartment, so you did just that. The both of you were lightweights and had a bottle each...so basically you were drunk as fuck when you finally passed out with her on the couch.

**Saturday, March 7th**

You woke with a splitting headache around noon. The sunlight in the living room hurt your hungover eyes, so you shut the curtains, grabbed a blanket, wrapped it around you, and went to the kitchen to get a snack. You checked your phone after realizing Nia wasn't there. She said she'd gone to Thomas' place this morning. How she had the power to get up and go to his place? You had no fucking clue. You felt _terrible_. Without Nia, it was just you and Moose.

Looking in the fridge at the food made you feel sick. Running to the bathroom, you threw up until you couldn't anymore. Goddamn, you were _really_ hungover. You took a long, hot shower and sat on the floor for most of it. You were too tired to stand. After getting out and putting on sweats, you grabbed the blanket and curled up on the couch with Moose at your side. You looked like death and felt like it too.

_I should really stop drinking._

You put on _Forensic Files_ and filled the next few hours with murder stories that would for sure keep you up at night. At least Adam would be back later. After you remembered you'd see him again today, you smiled and kissed Moose's head. Ugh, you missed Adam so much. It'd only been like two or three days but _fuck_ , every second he wasn't with you felt like forever.

Around 3PM, there was a knock at the door. You weren't really the type to answer the door while you were alone, but you had Moose, so you figured you'd be fine. After getting up from the couch, you slowly walked to the door. You walked slowly not because you were scared of what was behind the door, but rather because your body was still aching from your hangover.

You got to the door, turned the handle, and opened it.

Two people were standing there. It was a man and a woman, the woman smiling politely, the man stoic. The man held up a government ID.

_FBI_.

_Fuck me._


	23. chapter twenty-two: hi, detectives.

**Sunday, March 7th**

You stood at your door, frozen in time, as the two detectives stared at you. The male detective was older, probably in his mid 50s. His hair was greying on the sides, but the top was dark brown. His eyes were nearly black and were practically piercing you like fuckin' daggers. The female detective had a narrow frame and was slightly shorter than you. Her brown hair barely reached her shoulders and her eyes were huge and friendly. Her looks kind of reminded you of a Bratz doll, but with the smile of a Barbie. She looked like she was in her late 20s or early 30s, young for a detective, you thought.

The male detective started talking now, still holding up his ID, "I'm Detective Gearhart and this is Detective Moretta. We're from the FBI. We have a few questions to ask you. Do you have some time?" he said, glancing inside of your apartment.

**(a/n: detective harry gearhart is actor billy crudup)**

**(a/n: detective mari moretta is actress cristin milioti)**

Your stomach felt like it was going to leap out of your throat (from both your hangover and your nerves) and your heart was racing, "Hi, detectives...um, what about?"

"We have some questions about your research on the Frat Boy Finisher. We've spoken with Dr. Kennedy at the university and she gave us your information. May we come in?" Moretta asked.

_Oh thank God. Nothing about Adam._

"Um, sure," you said, opening the door wider. Suddenly, Moose started growling at them from the couch as they came through the door, "Oh, Jesus. Let me put him away,"

After you ordered Moose to go in your room, you came back to the living room and asked the detectives to sit down on your couch.

"Do you want tea?" you asked awkwardly.

Detective Gearhart and Moretta both said, "Sure,"

You inspected your cabinets, but found that you were all out, "Um, so no tea. Sorry. How about coffee?"

"Coffee sounds great," Moretta said. Her smile was warm and kind, making you feel not so nervous about this whole thing. It was probably nothing.

You rummaged through your cupboard some more, looking for your k-cups, but you couldn't see any.

_Fucking Nia must have not gotten more like I asked her to._

You turned back to the detectives, "Okay, so no coffee either...sorry. How about water? I for sure have that,"

"Water's fine," they spoke at the same time.

You opened the fridge and found your Brita filter. Nia didn't fill it back up after she took the rest of the filtered water.

_Oh my fucking God this is embarrassing._

"Is uh, is tap water okay?" you asked awkwardly, standing over the sink.

Detective Gearhart blinked at you, "Um, actually we're good. No drinks,"

You felt your face fall in humiliation and walked over to the loveseat while the detectives were already seated on the bigger couch, "Um, okay so what can I uh...do for you?"

Gearhart looked you up and down for a moment. He was observing your disheveled appearance for a little longer than you were comfortable with, so you cleared your throat, making him look back up at your eyes.

"You're doing research on the 'Frat Boy Finisher', as the media and public call him. We want to know a few things about it," Gearhart started, his demeanor intimidating and his dark eyes piercing yours.

"Um well, I _was_. We kind of stopped when _he_ ya know...stopped. There haven't been much developments and campus is kind of back to normal so there wasn't much we could do research on anymore. I think we're doing one last survey like next week? But it's just about how the students feel. It's not like we're investigating it or anything...Like, it's all about campus environment and feelings and whatnot, ya know?"

"Hm," Gearhart jotted something in a small notepad.

"So, we've read through your research and it seems like you and another person talked to a lot of people around the Columbia campus, yea?" the woman, Detective Moretta, asked.

"Yea..."

"Anything stick out?"

"Um, well we began this research before Christmas, so my memory is a bit fuzzy. I don't remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday...so," you said, a little annoyed. This was dumb. Your research wasn't even that big of a deal. Why'd they wanna know about it so bad?

Detective Gearhart squinted at you.

Before you knew it, you blurted, "Aren't y'all a bit late?"

Both detectives looked at you with a cocked eyebrow.

_Shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck._

You continued, "I mean...we've been doing this for a while...like why just come to me _now_?"

Detective Gearhart sighed, "We've been a bit stumped. The officers and detectives that were handling it at first didn't exactly know what they were getting into,"

"Okay...well I didn't see anything that stuck out...so I think I can't really help you. It was just dumb research. Besides, it's not like much would stick out anyway. It was all just narrative type stuff...like the student's feelings. Like I said, we weren't investigating," you answered.

"Hm," Gearhart jotted something down again, then looked back up at you, "There's something else,"

You waited for him to continue, nervous for his next words.

"You used to have a file with the Title IX office, yes?"

_Fuucckkkk meeeeee._

You gulped, "I thought it got...deleted. But uhm, yes. Yes, I had one,"

"So you knew it was deleted, then?" he asked, looking up from his notepad.

You nodded.

"We had a hold of all of them before it disappeared. Why was it deleted?" Moretta asked curiously.

Your leg began to bounce. You didn't want to talk about your fucking file right now.

"I got a friend to delete it because I didn't want the Frat Boy Finisher to kill the person I reported," you lied, "Um, yea...that's it. I uh, I just didn't want anyone else to get hurt,"

"Hm," Gearhart hummed, writing more down on his note pad. What the fuck was he writing?

"What do you mean by 'hurt'?" Gearhart asked.

You looked around in confusion, "Like...um, killed?"

"No one's found any bodies, miss," he said, more rude than you'd expected.

Now you were annoyed, "I'm sorry, but are you trying to catch me in something? Because the media is assuming these guys are dead. What else am I supposed to think? Like, these people have been missing for a while. You want me to assume they're being kept somewhere? Look, I don't know why you're even here...I mean, Dr. Kennedy could've given you all the information. I'm just a student," You probably shouldn't be speaking to FBI people like this but...fuck it. He was an ass.

Gearhart ignored you and wrote in his notepad some more.

"A-and why is my file important?" you gulped, "I'd really not like for anyone to know about it an—"

He interrupted you, "No one will know. We just saw your name and wondered why it'd been deleted from the new records...we understand," Gearhart said. It was the first time since he'd been here that he showed any kind of nicety or understanding toward you.

Moretta spoke now, "Whose dog is that?" she said, pointing to your closed door.

"Um...my boyfriend, Adam's,"

Fuck. Now we gotta talk about Adam.

"This is the same Adam that was working on the research with you?" Gearhart put on his glasses and glanced at a different piece of paper he'd brought, "Adam...Driver?"

"Mhm," your heart was beating like crazy now.

"And where is he?"

Your sweaty palms rubbed against your sweatpants, "Um, he's at a conference in Savannah, Georgia right now. He's uh, with Dr. Kennedy and a few others...so,"

Gearhart cocked an eyebrow, "Hm...and when will he be back?"

_WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE 'HM'S?_

"He's getting back tonight around like nine. I uh, I can take your phone number and tell him to give you a call tomorrow if you'd like...in case you need to talk to him, too," your voice was a bit shaky.

"That'd be great," Moretta said, smiling. She was nicer than Gearhart.

"Where's he from?" Gearhart suddenly asked, catching you off-guard.

"Um, he lives on West 104th," you replied.

Gearhart quickly corrected himself, "No no no. I mean, where did he live _before_ New York?"

_Shit. If I tell them he's from Indiana then they'll want to tie him to the fucking murders there. GODDAMMIT ADAM!!! Fuckin' idiot._

You gulped, "I'm not sure. He's bounced around, I think,"

Hopefully your answer helped. It wasn't exactly a lie...you really didn't know if he was in Indiana or somewhere else right before he came to the city.

"You don't know where your boyfriend used to live?" Detective Gearhart asked, judging you hard.

"Um, well we haven't been dating for that long and um...well he doesn't like to talk about his past and stuff. I don't either...I mean about _mine_. We uh, we normally just talk about the present or the future, I guess,"

_Wow, what a shit answer._

"Hm. How long have you been dating?" he asked.

"Is that relevant?" you awkwardly laughed.

"Yes,"

Your smile quickly faded and you pursed your lips, confused at the question, "Um okay...well we dated for like half of a second in November but were broken up until February...then we got back together and have been a thing ever since then," silence draped over the room as you shifted in your seat, "Um, can I ask why that's important?"

"Just getting more information,"

Before you could stop yourself, you blurted, "B-but you came for information about if I noticed anything strange about the research we did and the people on campus...so I guess I'm just confused as to why I'm being asked about more than that. Like, why does it matter where Adam's from? Can't you just ask him when you talk to him? But also like, why is that relevant in the first place?"

Gearhart and Moretta squinted at you. You really needed to watch your fucking mouth.

Trying to cover your own ass, you pretended to start crying and put on your biggest naïve eyes, "I mean, I just feel like I'm in trouble or something. Like, do I need to call my _dad_? Do I need a lawyer??" your voice cracked and a tear fell from your eye, "Sorry, I've just never talked to police or anyone before and I'm nervous and scared,"

It was honestly pretty scary how quickly you could make yourself fake cry.

Moretta leaned over and touched your knee lightly, then took her hand back, "No no no no, you're not in trouble at all. We're just trying to get as much information as possible...you know, just squaring things away,"

It seemed your 'dumb girl' trick worked with Moretta...Gearhart still stared at you blankly.

You wiped your fake ass tears from your cheeks and sniffled, "Okay, sorry,"

Detective Gearhart spoke now, "One more thing,"

You nodded to him.

"We'll need all of your notes on the research,"

You furrowed your eyebrows, "Did Dr. Kennedy not give them to you? She has all of the notes and graphics that we used at a conference we went to in Buffalo a month ago,"

Gearhart corrected himself again, "No, _your_ personal notes,"

"My personal notes?"

Moretta chimed in, "Yes. Anything that wasn't in the research that you personally wrote down. We'll need all of it,"

"Um, well most of it is just days that Adam and I got together to do it and our original ideas for questions...it's nothing fancy," you replied.

"We'll still need it. I know it's annoying but we have to get everything together so we can get this guy," she said understandingly.

You fucked up and spoke before the words registered in your head, "But he stopped,"

_I'm an idiot._

Gearhart looked up from his notepad and observed you. He didn't say anything, just stared.

You decided to try and save your own ass again by explaining more, "I mean...sorry. As you know, our research clearly says that most people feel like this guy was doing something almost....right. Like a vigilante. He was every girl's hero for a while...I thought the same thing. Sorry, I know that sounds awful..."

Moretta gave you an empathetic response, "I understand. We looked at the research and saw how some detailed what he did as 'good'" she said, then continued, "...but it's still our job to get people who break the law, no matter how 'good' what they're doing seems,"

"Yea, I know. Sorry,"

Gearhart suddenly stood up, putting his note pad in his pocket and a few papers in a binder he brought, "I think we're good here for today,"

You stood up, too, along with Detective Moretta.

Detective Gearhart gave you a card with his name and number on it, telling you to call him if there's anything that comes to mind about when you collected the research a few months ago. He added to tell Adam to call him first thing tomorrow.

"Will do," you smiled politely, walking them to the door, "Um, may I ask why you came on a Sunday?"

Gearhart laughed. This was the first time you saw him smile or show really _any_ expression other than a blank face. He answered, "Our job is 'round the clock. Tell Adam to call me,"

Next thing you knew, they were gone. You closed the door and put your back against it, sighing with relief that they were gone.

You spent the rest of the day planning out how the fuck you were going to tell Adam and trying to reassure yourself that everything would be okay.

_It's not like they're just gonna automatically think Adam's a suspect, right?? I mean, that'd be a stretch...unless they found out he went to Purdue when that shit went down there..._

_FUCK._

_No, no. We'll be fine. Adam will think of something. I'll think of something. It'll be okay. It'll all be okay. They just wanted to know about our research. That's it. It'll be fine in a week. Me and Adam will laugh about it._

You took deep breaths while you reassured yourself about the future of this fucking mess.

Adam's mess.

Your mess.

As your stomach churned, you decided to get out of your apartment and go to Adam's. You grabbed your backpack, put some clothes inside, and left with Moose. On the way to his apartment, Moose didn't try to run, thank fuck. The quarter mile walk was actually really delightful despite your current situation. It was now 5:45PM, the sun barely starting to set, making the sky a pink-ish purple that you hadn't seen across the city in a long time. The air was cool, but not cold, and the city sounds were soft, not harsh. If felt like it should be the perfect day...but there was still the huge fact that you just spoke to the FBI. The feeling of anxiety loomed over you. You shoved it aside for a while longer and tried to admire this beautiful Sunday evening before it would turn sour again.

Before you would have to break the news to Adam when he got home.

\--

"Baby," a voice whispered in the dark.

"Hey, baby," it said again, this time nudging you.

"Mmmm," you groaned, still asleep.

"Come get in bed, baby,"

Soft lips brushed your cheek.

Your eyes instantly shot open and you sat up quickly, accidentally bumping Adam's head with yours.

"Ow, what the fuck?" he said, standing straight and holding his forehead, "Is that my welcome home?"

Your head hurt from the bump but you didn't have time to soothe yourself.

"Adam, there's something I have to tell you," you said nervously, rubbing your eyes in the process. You were still waking up from your nap. You didn't even realize you'd crashed as soon as you'd gotten to his place earlier.

Adam furrowed his eyebrows and released his forehead from his hands. Sitting on the couch next to you, he looked worried, "What?"

Taking his hands in yours, you leaned over and kissed him, "Well...first, hi. I'm glad your home. I missed you like crazy,"

He looked uninterested in your hello, ready to get to whatever the fuck you had to say.

You continued, "So...totally casual but um...some people from the FBI _did_ come by to talk to me about our research and before you say anything, I just want to say that I'm sure it's totally chill. I just thought you should know. The dude gave me a card and wants you to call him,"

You waited and held your breath for him to say something... _anything_.

He was frozen.

"Sooo...like I said, totally chill," you lied.

Adam's eye twitched and his grip on your hands tightened, "This is my fault,"

He wasn't looking at you, just at your tiny hands between his.

You gulped, "I mean...you're not wrong,"

Adam looked at you with an annoyed expression.

"I mean, yes. It is your fault, Adam. You said it yourself. _But_ like I said, it just seemed very routine. I think we'll be fine, okay? I doubt it's anything to worry about. I just wanted to tell you," you lied again.

He sighed and took his hands away, standing up and pushing his fingers through his hair, "What did they ask?"

"Oh, just about if we heard anything while we were surveying the campus," you answered.

Without missing a beat, he asked, "And what did _you_ say?"

You stood and cocked an eyebrow, annoyed at his question, "Um, the truth? We didn't see anything weird or hear anything out of the ordinary. That's the truth, Adam," feeling a little hurt, you continued, "D-do you think I'd tell them about you? Is that why you asked that?"

"I don't know," he said, not looking at you.

You scoffed, "You're joking, right?"

He didn't say anything.

"Fuck you," you muttered. You were angry he'd even think you'd say shit. So, now he didn't trust you? You felt hurt.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, his breathing getting faster and his eyes still glued to the floor, "And I'm sorry they talked to you,"

You rolled your eyes, "Adam, it wasn't _about_ you. It was about our research. They talked to Dr. Kennedy first and then she gave them our names,"

"She didn't say anything to me about it on the trip,"

"I'm sure she thought it was nothing. Like, why would they reach out to us when she's the person in charge? Ya know? It doesn't matter. It'll be fine," you said to him, mostly trying to say it to yourself, too.

"Try not to be so obviously nervous when you talk to them...and maybe don't mention the fact that you went to Purdue..." you added.

He was furious now, thinking about the fact that it may come up. Adam's yell boomed throughout his living area, "FUCKIN' SHIT!"

Before you knew it, his fist hit a wall, leaving a dent in it. You stood there, horrified and shocked at this temper tantrum. Why did men feel the need to hit things when they could just talk about their feelings? Sometimes, you really loved being a woman, despite the general societal shit that came with it.

"Adam Douglas Driver. Look at me," you said sternly.

He was panting, but the second you said his full name, he looked up at you and controlled his breathing. Adam didn't say anything, just waited for you to continue.

"Tomorrow, you're going to call that detective. Then, you're going to fix that fucking wall," you said, waving your finger at him as if you were his schoolteacher and he'd just gotten in trouble. You continued, "But right now, you're going to take a shower, get a glass of water, and get in bed,"

Okay, now you felt like his mother.

His face was soft now. He could sense your disappointment as his eyes went from yours to the hole in the wall he had made. Adam swallowed and pushed his hand through his hair, "I'm sorry,"

You walked toward him and took his face in your hands, "I love you. Relax. You're the most intimidating and poker-faced person I know. It will be okay...this will _all_ be okay. Okay?"

"Okay,"

God, he was acting like an emotional baby tonight. You guessed that he technically had the right to be, all things considered.

"Go shower," you commanded, bringing his face to yours and kissing his nose.

Adam seemed okay again. The tension in his eyes was now gone.

"Take one with me," he asked, taking a piece of your hair between his fingers, "Please,"

By the look on his face and his gentle plea, you knew why he was asking you to shower with him. It wasn't for sex.

"Why?" you questioned innocently, despite knowing exactly why. You just wanted to hear his voice say it. He rarely put his feelings into words and you figured it would help...plus, you just wanted that warm feeling of love in your chest right now. You needed it.

Adam pulled you in for a hug, "Because I missed you so badly...but mostly because I don't like to shower alone anymore," he said softly into your hair, "It's nice. To be with you like that, I mean,"

You knew that you were whipped for him but...he was equally whipped for you and you goddamn loved it.

"Okay," you said, breaking the hug and grabbing his hand, "Let's go,"

You and Adam had a quiet shower. He was clearly exhausted from his weekend, his flight, and now the news of the fucking FBI. As you stood under the hot water, hair fell over your face. Adam quickly pushed it away for you, making you look up at him and smile.

"Thanks," you leaned forward and kissed his bicep, "Switch me," Adam now stood under the water and wet his hair. You reached for the shampoo and put some on your hands, "Bend down a 'lil,"

Adam did as you asked, his tired eyes closing as you worked the shampoo through his hair. As you rubbed, you saw Adam's eyebrows lift slightly when your hands felt good against his scalp. The corners of his mouth were in a very small and concealed smile...but nevertheless, a smile.

He washed the shampoo out of his hair and commented, "I love our shampoo,"

_Our shampoo._

Adam used to say 'your shampoo' or 'that coconut or whatever the fuck that smell is, shampoo', but now it was 'our shampoo'.

_Our shampoo._

When you were done showering and lying in bed with him, Moose at your feet, the two of you stared at each other. It'd been a weirdly short but long night full of emotions. You saw Adam sweet, then angry, then clingy, now exhausted. He'd seen you startled, then calm, then annoyed, then angry, then sweet. What a great first night back.

"Goddammit, I have class tomorrow," you suddenly remembered, hitting your palm to your forehead, "Oh shit, I forgot to tell you um...I got into UMass,"

Adam's eye twitched, "That's cool. Good thing you're staying here, though,"

He clearly didn't want to have that conversation and you didn't want to tell him that you were keeping your options open and _slightly_ considering going. You quickly changed the subject.

"Yea...so how was your weekend? Did you do anything fun or just the boring stuff?" you asked.

Adam shot up and went to his unpacked suitcase, "Fuck, I completely forgot," he said, rifling through his things.

You sat up in bed and brought the covers over you, "Forgot what?"

He turned around and walked to the bed, flicking on his lamp as he sat in front of you, "I got you something,"

In his hands was a snow globe. The base was black and said:

**_Bonaventure Cemetery_ **

**_Savannah, GA_ **

Inside of the glass were little tombstones and the 'snow' was made out of little black sparkles. You shook it, making the snow fall onto the tiny graves.

"It's uhm, weird...I know. But it's a famous cemetery there and I know you're into that creepy shit," you looked up at him, wanting to laugh so fuckin' bad but let him finish, "I went and visited yesterday during some free time and it was really pretty and I thought you'd like it. I mean, not in a weird way or anyth—oh fuck okay, this isn't great timing. I'm sorry,"

You smiled softly but couldn't hold it in anymore. You were laughing uncontrollably now as Adam looked at you with an embarrassed expression.

After you calmed down, you reassured him, "Oh Adam, I love it. Yes, I fuckin' love this weird shit. And you remembered that I collect snow globes, haha. Sorry I laughed...it was just cute. You trying to explain yourself and all. But really, thank you. Thank you for thinking of me at the graveyard, ahaha,"

Adam finally smiled and laughed with you. You set the snow globe on the nightstand and laid back down, patting Adam's side so he'd join you. After you were both under the blanket again, you curled up next to him, your leg over his and your arm and head on his chest.

"I'm so glad you're home," you said softly in the quiet room.

"I'm happy to be back...well sort of," he answered, kissing your hair, "Happy to be with you, unhappy with the current situation. But I'm happy to be home with you, baby,"

You smiled against his chest at him calling you baby, "So tomorrow, you're calling Detective Gearhart and fixing the wall," you reminded him.

You felt Adam nod his head above you.

"And there's one more thing..."

"Hm?" he hummed.

"We have to burn my diary,"


	24. chapter twenty-three: texas, huh?

**Tuesday, March 9th**

**ADAM POV**

Adam and Detective Gearhart decided on a time to meet: right fucking now.

Yesterday, Monday, was long. Adam was nervous and found himself drifting off into nothing. His mind wandered throughout the day but he wasn't thinking about anything specific. It was just blank. He needed to feel numb for a while before this would all blow up in his face. His perfect girl noticed. She always did. She always managed to find a way to perfectly observe him. Figure him out.

Adam and his perfect girl sat on his couch, watching Rick & Morty. His mind wandered off. It wasn't until her soft touch on his knee and small voice asking, "Hey, where'd you go?" that Adam realized he couldn't just zone off anymore.

Adam finally decided to call Gearhart and get it over with. They decided on a time and place to meet, that being today at a sitting area on campus. Gearhart was short on the phone, getting straight to business. He didn't exchange friendly banter, although, Adam didn't expect him to.

Sitting outside at one of the metal tables, Adam waited for Gearhart to show up. It was around 4PM, making the campus quiet. The wind was blowing, drifting the leaves and trash against the concrete that surrounded him. Little scrapes of the litter rang in the air. Adam hated littering, so as he waited, he picked up the trash that was around him and threw it away. He was no perfect boy scout, but he also wasn't a monster...besides the murder stuff, he figured.

Adam sat back down and thought to himself. He couldn't be emotional like he was the other day with his perfect girl. He knew how weak he looked in front of her. He hated that. He also knew if he didn't get his shit together by the time the detectives spoke to him, he'd be fucked and they'd be suspicious. Even though they weren't there to discuss the missing men as if Adam had done it, they were still talking to him nonetheless.

"Adam?" a strong voice came from behind him. Adam stood up and turned around. It was the two detectives, just as his perfect girl had described them.

Adam stretched out his hand, "That's me. Hi," he greeted and shook both of their hands. He didn't bother offering them a polite smile. He figured they wouldn't need it.

They introduced themselves and did the basic 'thank you for meeting with us' chit chat. Detective Moretta smiled at Adam as she sat. Detective Gearhart didn't. He was just observing Adam.

Moretta spoke first, her voice soft and kind, "So, as you know we just wanna learn more about this research you were doing. You conducted it on two separate days and we were curious if anything stuck out or if you heard anything that could help us,"

Adam glanced at Gearhart, still staring at him, then turned back to Moretta, "Um, we spoke to quite a lot of people. Most everyone seemed normal. As the research can tell you, most of the female population we spoke to were happy to talk about it. Um, the males however were a bit resistant. I don't think that has any substance to it to help you but other than being nervous to talk, no one said anything that was significant that I can remember," Adam said, keeping it professional and to the point.

"Has anyone said anything negative about your research?" Gearhart asked.

Adam replied, "No, no. If anything, we've been congratulated on it. I mean, it's not much but I think people just thought it was interesting. We went and spoke about it in late January at a conference in Buffalo. I didn't hear anything negative about it. I'm sure Dr. Kennedy would be a better person to ask about that. She was the one in charge. We just took answers and did the stats, basically,"

Gearhart jotted something in his note pad, making Adam uncomfortable. He stayed still, though, trying to maintain a calm composure.

"Why'd you get involved in the research?" Moretta asked curiously.

Adam answered, "It was a good opportunity and was interesting. Plus, in my program I have to do research at some point. This felt important,"

Gearhart wrote in his notepad some more.

Adam wanted to ask them if they had any suspects or people of interest, just out of curiosity, but he knew that would make him not look so great, so he refrained. He just wanted to know where they were at.

But honestly, they looked stumped.

"Where are you from?" Gearhart suddenly asked Adam.

"Indiana,"

He looked interested now, "Where'd you go to college?"

"I have a degree from the University of Texas at Austin,"

...Adam technically didn't lie. He got a master's at UT right after undergrad at Purdue. Gearhart didn't ask him to name _all_ of the colleges he went to.

"Texas, huh?" Gearhart scoffed.

Adam's eye twitched, "Mhm,"

Adam was growing impatient at the rate Gearhart was asking questions. He'd ask one, then jot down in his notepad for thirty long seconds, then ask another, then jot more. Moretta didn't speak much, but when she did, her questions seemed more friendly or surface level. Adam couldn't tell if they were playing 'good cop/bad cop' on accident or on purpose. He didn't give a fuck. He just needed it to be over.

Now.

"So, Indiana then Texas?" Moretta asked.

"Mhm," Adam nodded.

Gearhart spoke now, "I've got a nephew in Texas,"

"Nice," Adam said dryly.

"What part of Texas did you say you were in?" he asked.

Adam sighed, "Austin, the capital,"

"Mmmm, my nephew, Kyle, is in Houston," Gearhart added.

Adam wanted to say something back like 'I don't care' or 'can I leave now?' but he realized what Gearhart was doing. He wanted to make Adam feel annoyed. He wanted to see him say something snappy back. His perfect girl said that she was a little rude to them at one point, but Adam knew if _he_ was rude, that meant Gearhart would narrow his eyes on Adam.

Adam figured they were trying to look at everyone they could get their hands on that fit the original description. After all, Adam _was_ a white male in his late 20s. Why not try to crack at him? Why not try to see if he's their guy? He looked like he could be and Gearhart wanted to push him.

"Houston is great," Adam said with a fake smile. He wasn't going to give Gearhart the response that he so desperately wanted.

A moment of silence draped over them until Gearhart started again, "Adam," Gearhart said, looking at him dead in the eye, "Where do _you_ think this guy could be?"

"Where do _I_ think?" Adam scoffed.

Gearhart nodded.

Adam pursed his lips, "Um, well I'm not sure. I don't know what you mean,"

Moretta chimed in, "I think what Detective Gearhart means is that, well...you're working on your doctorate in psychology. Maybe you can provide some insight?"

Adam was a little annoyed, "I'm a first-year doc student. This degree takes around five years to get. I'm no professional. Dr. Kennedy would be able to provide better insight if that's what you're looking for,"

Gearhart persisted, "I want to know what _you_ think,"

Adam thought for a moment, careful with his words, "Well...he's stopped so I'm assuming something must have happened in his life to make him stop. Maybe he's gone and left by now. How long has it been since the last one?" he played dumb, knowing exactly when the last one was because he's the one who did it.

"Mid-January," Moretta answered.

"Hm. It's March now. That's a long time to stop, especially since he didn't go two months without doing it before," Adam inserted, "I'm not sure but it sounds like there must've been a shift that occurred. Either he left or he's just done. It doesn't seem likely someone like him would just stop for no reason. I doubt he'll do it again, making your job harder,"

"Mhm, that's what we were thinking," Moretta agreed.

Gearhart squinted at Adam for a moment, "You always wear that?" he asked. Adam looked down at his clothing. He was wearing a black hoodie and dark jeans.

"Yes?" Adam answered, confused at his comment on his clothes. Sure, Adam liked black, but so did every other living soul in New York City. What the fuck was Gearhart's problem?

He jotted something in his note pad again. Adam shifted in the metal chair.

After a bit of more questions that were a lot less targeting and more procedural, Gearhart and Moretta stood up. They were done. Moretta told Adam the same thing they told his perfect girl: they'd need all of his personal notes on the research and to call them if anything changed.

On his walk home, Adam felt slightly relieved. It was over and done with. Detective Gearhart was a dick but there was nothing that would lead them to Adam. They were at a dead end. They had nothing.

Not yet.

Adam walked through the door of his apartment to his perfect girl cooking something. She looked concerned and Adam couldn't tell if it was because of his talk with the detectives or if she was burning something. He thought it was a 50/50 chance at either...her cooking skills weren't perfect.

But that's okay because Adam thought _she_ was perfect.

A pot of boiling water rested on his stove. She quickly put a lid over it and rushed over to Adam.

"Hi," she said, her eyes wide and a nervous smile forming over her lips, "How was it?"

Adam gave her a peck on the mouth before taking his light jacket off and setting down his book bag, "Fine," he said casually.

"Fine?"

"Fine,"

She looked uneasy in front of him and she had every right to be. This was serious fucking business. His perfect girl stood in front of him and went up on her tiptoes, cupping his face in her hands, "Okay...well, I missed you,"

Adam smiled softly. She _always_ missed him.

He always missed her, too.

Adam pressed his lips to hers and took her waist in his big hands. The kiss was long and hard, like one you’d see in a movie if the two characters were in love but had no time to say the words, just be close to one another. This was a kiss they did a lot.

"I saw you this morning," Adam mumbled against her lips.

"Mhm," she hummed.

Adam glanced over her and saw the pot of water on the stove was bubbling over. He couldn't help but break the kiss and smile, walking past her to the stove.

"What?" she said, still standing by the entryway. She was oblivious to the fact that the water was bubbling over, making her poor noodles probably overcooked.

Adam took the cover off and moved the pot to a different stove-top.

She immediately ran over, grabbing paper towels, and began to clean the water that surrounded the hot stove, “Shit!” she yelled, “I’m such a fucking idiot,”

Adam swatted her hand from the area and told her not to touch anything. It was too hot for her to try and clean up.

"You’re not an idiot,” he said, trying to make her feel better.

It didn’t.

"I can't even cook spaghetti without fucking it up. That's like the most basic meal ever," she whined, her hands covering her embarrassed expression.

Adam looked in the pot and drained it slightly. He took a hot noodle between his fingers and observed the mushy, overcooked pasta.

“Let’s get takeout,”

She looked defeated but immediately grabbed her phone and rang the nearest takeout place. His perfect girl gave the person on the other end their order, not having to ask Adam what he wanted. She knew his regular order and he knew hers. As she was on the phone, Adam cleaned up the kitchen and got down two wine glasses from his cabinet. He then started to pull out a bottle of wine before he saw her waving to him out of the corner of his eye.

She mouthed, ' _None for me,'_

Adam figured it was more for him, then. He put away her glass and poured himself one. Adam went to sit on the couch as he listened to her voice give the person on the other end her card information. He instantly stood and waved her down.

Adam mouthed, ' _Don't pay_ ,' he fumbled through his wallet on the coffee table and got out his own card, handing it to her, but she remained on the phone giving her own, shoving his hand away.

' _No,'_ she mouthed, then gave her card's expiration date.

He gave up and sat back down, wondering how she could afford to just get coffee, wine, or takeout whenever she pleased. His perfect girl didn't have a job and he knew her parents supported her financially only with health insurance and phone bills. He had no clue how she paid rent or afforded nights out with Nia, where she'd spend a shit ton of money on drinks.

Adam never asked, though. He figured it was off limits for now in the same way his own personal shit was off limits to her.

\--

**YOUR POV**

"I have a surprise for you," you said in between bites of your General Tso's chicken.

Adam's eyebrow cocked up in interest, "Oh yea?"

"Mhm,"

Adam waited for you to go on, but you didn't. You were going to be annoying and make him ask.

He took a drink of water, eyes still on you...waiting.

"Well fuck, what is it?" he finally questioned.

You were amused at his reaction and gave yourself a proud smile, "Well, ya know how Thomas is like...rich?

Adam rolled his eyes, "Mhm,"

You gave him a glare, but kept going, "Well, technically his _parents_ are rich but anyway that's not the point. They have a nice house on Cape Cod and uhm...well I may have asked him if we could go. Like...for spring break. We can leave this weekend and stay for a few days. Uhm, but only if you want to," you started to ramble, "I just thought it might be nice from all of the shit that's been goin' on and well, Moose can come and it'll be like we're in another world for a few days. If that sounds nice with you then I—"

He cut you off, thank God. Sometimes, you talked too much.

"I want to go," he said softly, "That sounds...nice,"

You smiled and leaned over, kissing his cheek, "It does, doesn't it?"

Adam leaned over and kissed your cheek back, "It does,"


	25. chapter twenty-four: nothing's ever really gone.

**Saturday, March 13th**

**CAPE COD, MASSACHUSETTS**

"Why don't we just take out the pages with me in it?" Adam asked. You sensed slight annoyance and exhaustion in his tone.

You stared at the small fire, your irises flickering orange and yellow, "No, no, no. We have to burn the whole thing. It'll be noticeable if pages are torn out,"

Adam didn't say anything for a moment. The crackle of the fire and waves crashing on the shore outside of Thomas' family's vacation home were the only things filling the silence for a few seconds.

"You're sure you want to do this?"

"Yes," you answered, not straying your eyes away from the flames.

"Positive?"

"Mhm,"

Adam knew how theatrical and dramatic you could be sometimes. Maybe if you didn't burn it and just took out a few pages the police _would_ notice if they ever found it and needed it. Maybe they _wouldn't_. Adam was right...they probably wouldn't but you needed to purge anyway. To cleanse. To heal. To start over.

Adam was only asking you over and over again because he knew how much your diary meant to you. It was your way of letting go of your feelings that you kept so close to you. Words that you didn't say out loud spilled onto the thin pages in handwritten rambles. It was your therapy. It was your safe space.

And it was about to be burned to a crisp.

"Okay," Adam gave in.

You stared at the fire, diary clasped tightly in your hands. It was tucked into your chest and your grip around the sides was making your knuckles turn white. Not that you could see them, your eyes still on the yellow fire, but you could feel the blood in your knuckles practically sprint away. You were gripping the book so tightly, you thought you'd crush it with some kind of superhuman strength.

Tears pricked your eyes as you remembered what kind of memories, thoughts, and feelings were held in this silly little blue book. You got it when you were fourteen years old and the first few years were filled with pages upon pages of depressing nonsense about a boy you liked for a long time. Then, the boy you lost your virginity to. Then, the random guys you'd gotten with as you got older. You kept a tally like a true modern woman, you guessed. Thomas was even in there. You cringed at the idea of you ever getting with him.

 _Anyway_.

Then, it turned more serious. Family drama was in there. Specific days with friends that you wanted to remember were in there. The incident from the Title IX report. Dark thoughts were in there, usually ones that came when you'd run out of refills on your Lexapro. Then, there was Adam.

Adam filled most of the pages after you'd met him. Well, technically _before_ you'd met him. There were writings of 'Mystery Man' over the summer when you passed him in Central Park. Then, writings of how much you hated him. Then, how you started to feel bad for him. He seemed so lonely to you back then, but he was lonely on purpose. He wanted to be.

Then, the moment at his apartment happened. When you'd found out. Well, when you _figured_ it out.

Then, Thanksgiving in the cabin Upstate.

Then, when he broke you before Christmas.

Then, all the shit after that up until now.

You took the diary and held it up to your face, opening it. You searched for a specific page, one that you had folded the corner to remember it. It was one of your favorite pages.

A tear rolled down your cheek and your voice was shaky as you read it out loud, "Quote, 'I'm about to do something stupid. Like, so fucking stupid. I'll probably be an idiot for this but I've made up my mind. I hope future me doesn't regret this. (love you future me).' End quote,"

You closed the diary, held it tightly to your chest, and shut your eyes. You could tell Adam was watching you intently. He wasn't one to provide much emotional support with words. He felt his presence would do.

It did. It always did.

After mumbling something under your breath, you kissed the diary, and tossed it into the firepit. Watching the flames devour the thick, leather cover made you feel sick. The blue outside was slowly browning. You knew your words were disappearing in front of you. Your life. Your experiences. A tear or two rolled down your cheek, but you didn't allow yourself to fully cry. Not in front of Adam over something so stupid.

So material.

So childish.

It's as if he read your mind just then. Adam came behind you and broke your trance away from the flames. You didn't stop staring, though. Adam moved your hair to one shoulder and rested his chin on the other. He was hunching over you and held his long arms around your waist.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

You sniffled and watched your soon-to-be charred diary, "For what?"

"For being the reason to burn your diary,"

"It's okay. It needed to happen,"

Adam stayed holding you, chin still on your shoulder, even though he didn't speak again for a minute or two.

"Are you going to watch it until it's completely gone?" he said, teeth chattering. It was cold as fuck up here in Massachusetts.

"Mhm,"

He quickly kissed your cheek, then unhooked himself from you. You weren't sure where he went, but you didn't bother looking back at him or following. Your eyes stayed at the fire. Adam returned a minute later. The French doors opening behind you should have startled you, but they didn't. You were too focused watching your diary turn to nothing.

Suddenly, you felt some warmth around you. Adam stood behind you with a blanket he had draped over himself, then cocooned you in. He held the blanket around the two of you and rested his chin on the top of your head now.

"Figured if we'll be out here we'll need a blanket,"

"Good idea," you said softly.

"Do you want to sit?"

"No, I'm fine standing. I can see it best from right here,"

"Okay," Adam paused for a few seconds before continuing. His next words were surprising to you, as they were well thought out and articulated, something Adam wasn't good at when it came to ~feelings~.

"You know," he started, "those feelings and memories that are in that journal started up here," he said, kissing your head, referencing your brain.

You didn't say anything. You didn't know what to say. You wanted him to keep talking, though.

He did.

"They're not gone,"

"It _looks_ like they're gone," you replied, wetness falling onto your cheeks.

"Nothing's ever really gone,"

You gulped and watched the rest of your diary turn to ash. He was right.

Nothing's ever really gone.

\--

You and Adam arrived at Thomas' huge ass place a few hours earlier. You went to a nearby grocery store after putting your things down and stocked up for a few days with food and lots of drinks. It reminded you of Thanksgiving break. After the grocery store trip, it was dark out. That's when you decided to burn your diary.

Now, you sat at the kitchen island watching Adam make you a little snack. It was 11PM now and you were tired as fuck. The exhausting drive and the emotional moment you had earlier made you dead tired.

And hungry.

Adam sipped a beer and flipped the quesadilla over, “You sure you just want cheese?”

“Mhm,”

“No beer?”

“I’m good, thanks,”

"Alright," he said as he took it off the stove and set it on a plate in front of you. You knew Adam would have preferred to make you something fancy, or at least something else besides just a cheese quesadilla. Your mouth instantly watered at the sight of melted cheese on the tortilla. Grabbing the quesadilla, you bit down and instantly felt burning on the roof of your mouth.

"Fuck," you breathed, putting down the quesadilla and trying to cool the piece that was already in your mouth.

Adam smiled and looked you up and down, "Eager, huh?" he said, passing you. He was walking with his beer to the huge living area. The whole space was open concept, so he stayed in your vision. It probably took him over fifty steps to reach one of big couches. In yours or his apartment in the city, it would have taken like five steps.

"Funny," you said sarcastically.

"Come here," he requested, patting the space next to him.

You groaned, "I don't wanna bring food in there. This place is way too fuckin' nice to ruin anything,"

Adam raised his eyebrows, his way of saying 'fine'. He took another swig of his beer, then laid horizontally on the couch. You decided you could eat your quesadilla later, after all it _was_ too hot to eat right now, you supposed.

You walked over to Adam and straddled him, "What should we do tonight?"

He reached up and grabbed the nape of your neck, pulling you down to him where you were now chest to chest. Adam nudged your knees down, his way of telling you to lay on him flat. He wrapped his arms around your back and held you tight. When you looked up at him, Adam's eyes were closed.

"Adam,"

"Sleep with me,"

"We'll waste the whole night,"

"Sleeping with you isn't wasting the night,"

"Can we go to a real bed, then?"

"In a minute," he replied with a raw voice. His eyes were still closed.

You scooted down a little and laid your head on his chest. He breathed slowly under you, his breaths getting more spaced out. You nearly fell asleep until you realized all of the lights were on. After a few minutes, you tried to get up but Adam's arms around you fastened.

"Baby," he said, eyes closed, "Stay,"

You pried his hands off of you, "Lights are on. I'm gonna turn 'em off and get a blanket,"

"Fine," he mumbled, letting you go.

You turned off the lights and grabbed the same blanket Adam had put over you earlier. It smelled like fire. As you were walking back over to Adam, you heard him mutter, "Couch is getting cold without you,"

It made your heart swoon.

When you reached him, you patted his chest and told him to lay on his side, so he did. When you laid next to him, Adam adjusted the blanket around both of you and pulled you close, spooning you. His face was in your hair, breathing in your shampoo as he always did.

Sorry—you and _Adam's_ shampoo. Not just yours anymore.

The two of you drifted off on the couch in the big, big house.

**Sunday, March 14th**

"Why the _fuck_ is it so goddamn cold??" you complained, holding your cardigan tightly around you.

"It's March in Massachusetts,"

"No shit, Sherlock," you shot at him.

Adam put his hands up in surrender, "Woah, what's with the attitude?"

"Sorry,"

You were always grumpy in the mornings...you couldn't help it. You _did_ feel bad when Adam was on the receiving end, though. He accepted your apology and held your hand. His was warm while yours was cold. That's how it usually was. The two of you watched Moose run around in the sand for a while. It was cute. You felt like parents watching their child run around a playground.

After a couple minutes, Adam kissed your head, grabbed a nearby ball he'd brought, and went out in the sand, playing fetch with Moose. Your bad mood was instantly lifted as you watched Adam throw the ball so effortlessly.

_He's all man._

_The manliest man I know._

_The best man in the world._

You didn't know why, but you felt your eyes water thinking about Adam. You guessed it was because you were proud of him as a person. The two of you rarely spoke about the changes that were swirling around in him that you'd sensed for the past few months, but you saw it nonetheless. He was changing. Something deep inside of him was. You wanted to ask more specifically about it, knowing it was concerning his need, well, _former_ need for murder, you guessed. You just never asked. He never told you, either.

You blinked the tears away and watched them play for a few more minutes.

\--

"I'm hungry and oh my GOODNESS that smells so good," you smiled and stood behind Adam. Wrapping your arms around his wide frame as he cooked something over the stove made you feel warm inside. You felt like you were married or something.

You rested your head on Adam's back as you held onto him. He was wearing a dark grey sweater that tickled your cheek. For some reason, you wanted to be all over him right now. You maneuvered yourself in front of Adam, between him the stove. You didn't bother looking whatever the fuck he was cooking because you weren't hungry for it anymore.

Just hungry for him.

He was stirring something and seemed annoyed at the intrusion. You stood on your tiptoes and pressed your palms on his shoulders. You tried to kiss his neck, but he was so fucking tall and not leaning down for you. You let out a little whine.

Fine.

You started to grind yourself softly against him, hoping for some kind of response. His breathing sharpened, and you felt him start to get hard, but his eyes remained looking over you at the fucking food.

This was your last resort:

You stood on your tiptoes again, getting as close to him as possible, and brushed your hand over his semi. Your other hand took the nape of his neck and pulled his head down yourself. You softly kissed his neck, then went up to his ear, kissing it. You finally whispered, "Instead of cooking, I bet you'd rather be inside of me right now, Adam,"

It seemed your last resort worked. The next thing you knew, you were up on a counter on the other side of the kitchen. You weren't sure how exactly he moved you so quickly, but it didn't matter.

Adam's mouth crashed onto yours and his hands wandered everywhere on you, as if he didn't know where to start.

"This is Thomas' _family_ kitchen," you breathed, putting emphasis on 'family'.

"Do I look like I give a fuck?" he mumbled.

"No, but don't you think we should go t-to the couch or s-something?" you asked nervously against his lips.

He grabbed your jaw with a tight grip and commanded, "No. Shut the fuck up. You're a little tease, aren't you?" he softly smiled and pushed his lips back onto yours. His kiss was needy and ruthless, his tongue swirling with yours.

He bit your bottom lip hard and dragged it away from you, before letting go and kissing you hard again, "Say it,"

Your breathing couldn't be controlled if you tried. It was all over the place and you were panting just from kissing Adam, "I'm a—I'm a tease,"

You felt a wave of electricity pulse through your body. It was your need for Adam inside of you growing. You scooted more toward the edge of the counter, Adam helping you with his hands at your ass, pulling you toward him. You were chest to chest now, and your legs were fully wrapped around his waist.

He dipped down to your neck and began to suck on it violently, for sure leaving hickeys for later. As he sucked on your neck, Adam took off your t-shirt and you pulled his over his head, too. Adam kissed your lips again and moaned into your mouth as he swiftly unhooked your bra and took it off of you, throwing it somewhere in the kitchen.

He was never this urgent before. He was aggressive and feral usually, but now seemed different. His level of want for you seemed to be way more than normal. You wondered what the fuck this kitchen did to him. Was there something in this Massachusetts water? Was it because you initiated it? You didn't know and you didn't give one fuck. You reciprocated his want and pulled your legs closer around him, making him push against your cunt.

"These. Off," he grunted and pulled at your shorts. You maneuvered yourself up as Adam took them off of you, along with your panties. Your bare ass on the cold granite sent goosebumps riddling up and down your skin. You fumbled with Adam's belt buckle, but he was faster, moving your hands away and doing it himself. Soon, the two of you were completely naked in Thomas' family kitchen.

Realizing what you were about to do with Adam, you stopped for a second you take his face in your hands and look at him. Lust filled both of your eyes, but there was also love that glistened between the two of you. A perfect blend of both, you thought.

You scooted even further up, then kissed him softly before nodding. He was slow pushing into you at first, letting you adjust, but then Adam's need came back. He began to pump faster into you and you didn't mind, "Perfect...girl," Adam said, his voice breathy.

As he fucked you, your eyes stayed on each other's only breaking contact when you needed to maneuver your hips to feel him at a better angle. With each thrust into you, Adam's lips parted more and yours did too. His beautiful, black hair brushed over his brows and barely dipped to his eyes. You pushed his hair back, running your fingers through it as his grip on your calf and back tightened. Tension was building in your core as he worked to fill you completely, pushing deeper into you as much as he could from the position you were at on the counter. Moans left your mouth and echoed in the kitchen.

Adam wasn't satisfied with the current positioning and took it upon himself to lift you from the counter and spin you around. Your head pressed against the granite along with your palms. You whined, needing again to fill you again. Adam leaned over you, holding his length over your slit and whispered, "I love you," in a mumbled voice. He finally filled you again, pushing in rapid movements. This angle was much better in your pussy as Adam was able to bury himself deeper, nearly hitting your stomach, it felt like. Adam groaned and told you how good it felt to be inside of you.

He mostly stood, but occasionally dipped down when he thrusted to kiss your back and pull your hair. Adam's grunts were growing louder and your moans were too. He snaked his arm down and began to rub at your clit as he fucked you. You felt yourself start to reach climax, so your legs and pussy tensed. You stood on your tiptoes and scrunched your face, clenching around Adam's cock. You kept moving with him, pushing your body back to his as you felt waves of pleasure ride over your body, leaving you warm all over.

Adam suddenly picked you up and hoisted you back onto the counter. You were confused but let him push himself into you again.

"I want to look at you when—when I come in y-you," he said, breathless.

Your heavy eyes stared into his as Adam was close to coming. You tightened yourself on him, helping fuel his climax. His pouty lips parted again, and he moaned softly. Adam leaned forward and put his forehead against yours as he came.

Adam put his arms around your body and stayed inside of you. He was holding onto you tightly, catching his breath. His soft lips kissed your shoulder as you sat on the counter. You were so fucking tired now. Adam could tell your breaths were getting longer and deeper, your eyelids heavy with exhaustion. He pulled from the counter and carried you all the way upstairs to the room you were staying in. You said it before and you'd say it again: you hated being carried...but you were too tired to protest.

Sometimes you wondered about sex with Adam and if he wanted you to _do_ more, _have_ more ideas, _be_ more kinky, but insecurities always washed away. It was the way he looked at you afterward that made you feel better every single time. He looked at you like you were the only person he wanted to do this with. Like he'd kill for you. Like he'd die for you. Like he loved you. He looked at you like that as he carried you upstairs.

Adam set you on the bed and put one of his t-shirts over you and kissed your head. You fell asleep for an hour until Adam woke you for dinner.

\--

You didn't want to drink tonight after dinner with Adam. You told him you weren't 'feeling it' but you wanted _him_ to let loose a bit. He fuckin' needed it. You kept handing him beers until he was over the point of buzzed, but not completely drunk or shitfaced.

Just fun.

Adam put on a song and played _All The Stars_ by SZA and Kendrick Lamar. It was cute that he was enjoying your style of music. You didn't even ask him to put this one on.

You sat on the couch, watching him as he drank his beer and shuffled around the room, almost dancing. He was humming with SZA as she sang, " _Maybe the night that my dreams might let me know,"_ You smiled and watched him as he mouthed, _"All the stars are closer,"_

He saw you watching him and got a little embarrassed, instantly freezing.

"Go on, show me your stuff hotshot," you teased.

Adam smiled a lazy smile and staggered to you. He set his beer on the big coffee table and plopped down on the couch, lying on his back. Adam put his head in your lap and stared up at while you started to play with his perfect hair.

"Do you like me?" Adam asked randomly, his words slurring. He was looking up at you with his big eyes and looked almost childlike.

Young.

You knitted your eyebrows at him, "Adam, I _love_ you,"

"No, no, no. Do you _like_ me?" he corrected you.

"Of course, I like you," you whispered. You couldn't hide a small frown that your mouth was forming. Why was he asking you this?

"My mom told me something, once,"

"What did she tell you?" you were nervous for his answer. He never talked about his family.

Adam didn't break eye contact as he continued, "She told me, 'I love you, but I don't like you,'. She said that to me. She said that to me before she told me not to call her or my sister again," he swallowed, "When she found out,"

"My mom says that to me, too, sometimes...'I love you, but I don't like you'," you repeated.

"Really?" he asked.

"Mhm," you gave him a sad smile.

Adam reached up, taking a piece of your hair between his fingers, "But," he stared at your hair as he twisted it, "I'm a bad person, you're not,"

"No you're not. Don't say that. I think I'm worse than you. You're good. I'm selfish,"

He laughed, "No, I _am_ bad. I'm mean. I'm not nice. I hurt people,"

The way he was so casual about his words made you sad, "You hurt _bad_ people. You're not one of those people,"

"I'm not?"

"No,"

Adam let go of your hair and his eyes shifted slowly back to yours. They sparkled as he told you, "I love you,"

"I love you,"

"You love me and you like me," he smiled.

"I love you and I like you, Adam," you kissed his nose softly and tried not to cry in front of him. Adam drank too much to realize that this conversation wasn't a happy one, but a hard one. A sad one. The two of you sharing something really difficult about your family sucked ass. Him telling you he thought he wasn't a good person was devastating. Being able to share it with each other was comforting, but the whole thing was sad, nonetheless. You wondered if he'd remember this tomorrow. You hoped he would.

The song was over and the house was quiet as you and Adam stayed there for a little bit longer.

"I want to go to bed," he said plainly after a while.

You smiled down at him, "Then let's go to bed,"

After helping him up and taking him to the room upstairs the two of you had settled in, Adam rolled onto the bed.

"Clothes off, man," you said, passing by him. You were changing into your pajamas now.

Adam groaned from the bed and didn't move. He wasn't going to take off his clothes. You rolled your eyes and walked to the bed. Adam's eyes were closed, but he peeked through his eyelids when he felt you were standing next to him.

"Adam, you cannot sleep in a sweater and jeans,"

"Who said?"

You crossed your arms, "Me,"

He closed his eyes again, making you sigh. You knew this baby of a man was wanting you to do it for him. For how masculine and stubborn he was, you noticed rare moments where Adam wanted to be cared for. Helped. Looked after. He liked to be treated a held like a baby sometimes. It was cute.

You carefully lifted his shirt over his stomach, then chest, then over his head. Adam's arms rose to help you take it off and once it was over his head, you noticed his eyes were no longer closed, but open, glossy, and looking at you.

"Are you gonna help?" you asked, eyeing him.

"No," he replied, barely opening his mouth.

"Okay," you leaned down and kissed his cheek.

You unbuttoned and zipped down his pants, then hooked your fingers in them, pulling down. Adam did a little wiggle, assisting you. Once they were off, you folded them and set them on the floor next to his sweater you'd folded, too. Something about undressing him with no intention of sex felt...beautiful. It was the only word you could think of. But it was true. It felt beautiful.

"Socks or no socks?" you asked.

"I'm too tired to give a fuck,"

You smiled and took the covers under him, pulling them down so he could get in. He did another wiggle and settled under the blanket and sheets. He was still looking up at you as you stood next to the bed.

“Hey,” Adam said, grabbing your attention, “What did you say under your breath last night? Before you put your diary in the fire. You said something,”

_Random but alright._

You smiled, “I said, ‘don’t forget’. Then, you told me that nothing was ever really gone. You were right. I won’t forget,” you kissed his chin, “I’m gonna brush my teeth, okay? I’ll be back in a sec,” you noted, starting to walk away.

Adam grabbed your hand, making you stop and turn back to him.

"Hm?" you hummed.

He brought your hand to full lips and kissed your knuckles, "My favorite,"

_Oh my, he could run me over with a bus and I'd say thank you._

"My favorite," you bent down and kissed his head. He closed his eyes finally as you walked to the big bathroom.

When your teeth were brushed, you got into bed next to Adam. He was already asleep and laying on his back. You sprawled your limbs over him like you always did and kissed bicep. You trailed over to chest and left small pecks over it. You just wanted to kiss him all over as he slept, but you fell asleep before you got any further.

**Monday, March 15th**

Ever since you'd gotten back with Adam back in January, you decided to get on birth control. You figured it was a good idea, considering it's a bit more reliable than just condoms.

But it wasn't always 100%.

You felt more emotional lately. Sensitive. Irritated. A little sick. This could all be explained away when you considered the fact that you _just_ started taking the medication. Of _course_ you would react to it.

You just wanted to be sure.

When you woke up around 7:21AM, you figured now would be the best time to get it over with. Adam was sound asleep and would probably want to sleep in after drinking so much last night. You had to do it now.

There were no other signs you could be pregnant and maybe it was just your paranoid brain, but you just needed to check. Standing over the sink in one of the bathrooms, you stared at the little test Nia bought for you. You were too anxious to buy it yourself the other day, so she did it for you. Nia said you didn't even need it because you weren't, but you just wanted to be absolutely positively sure.

A reaction to just starting birth control was ideal.

A baby was not.

You chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for the lines to appear. One line meant you were good. Two was bad news. Your heart pumped quickly as you stared down at the test.

Still waiting for it to finish, you thought about what you'd pushed to the back of your mind for the last couple of weeks. If you _were_ pregnant—you cringed at the mental image of that—then what? Would you keep it? Would Adam want to keep it?

Would you have to finish the rest of the year until graduation, then not go to grad school because you'd be too busy raising a baby? Would Adam help? Would he play with it? Hold it? Love it?

Could _you_?

You were biting your lip again, the taste of copper hit your tongue. You didn't realize how hard you were biting it until you looked up and flashed your teeth. They were covered red.

_Ugh, ew._

Grabbing a few pieces of toilet paper, you held the cotton over your broken lip and closed your eyes, making a mental note to brush your teeth again. When you opened your eyes, the test was just...done.

All of the anxiety you'd held would be released with whatever the outcome was.

You counted the lines on the test as your hands shook with anxiety. Your hands froze as you realized what was on the stick.

One line.

One fucking line.

"Oh!!" you accidentally yelled. You instantly covered your mouth with your hands to keep from shouting any more. A smile covered your face and you threw the test away, refusing to think about hypotheticals any longer. You felt a little bad for being so happy...but you were young. You were practically a baby, yourself. You couldn't have one of your own.

It wouldn't be so bad to have one with Adam one day, you thought.

But today wasn't that day and you were grateful.

The rest of your morning was a quiet one as Adam slept. You took Moose outside, tossing the ball around with him, then had some coffee, read ahead for a few of your classes, and started making lunch in hopes Adam would wake up before noon.

He did and boy, oh boy, was he a sight to see.

"Hi," his raspy voice croaked.

His under eyes were puffy, lips were poutier and redder than normal, and his hair was tousled. Adam didn't bother putting on clothes. He stood in the kitchen in his boxers and you loved it.

"Hi," you smiled, "So, I made sandwiches. I really don't trust myself to make anything else after spaghetti the other day...so I hope you're in the mood for one," you said shyly, "I like when _you_ cook,"

"I'll wake up earlier tomorrow," he smirked and took his plate, "Thanks. You didn't cut your hand this time?"

He was joking about Thanksgiving break when you tried to slice the tomato but sliced your finger instead.

"Haha, funny but no. How do you feel?"

"Fine,"

"Good,"

Adam sat at the bar in the big kitchen, so you did the same. As you ate, your knee would bump against his.

"Do you remember last night?"

“Vaguely,” he replied, his mouth full of food. After he swallowed, Adam began again, “I remember you giving me a lot of beer, then I remember you undressing me for bed? I think? Then, I woke up like twenty minutes ago. That’s it,”

"That's it?" you asked curiously.

"Mhm. Why? What did I do? Did I say something rud—"

"No! Um, you kind of danced a little and hummed a song that I liked. It was cute...I was just wondering if you remembered that part," you lied. You wanted to know if he remembered telling you about his mom or mentioning that he thought he was a bad person.

Adam was embarrassed, "Oh, God," he said, taking another bite.

You smiled and kissed his cheek as he chewed.

You and Adam fucked a lot today and most of it was your initiating. You supposed it was your subconscious mind congratulating you for not being pregnant.

After dinner, you and Adam played with Moose in the freezing ocean. You weren't sure who's idea it was, but it ended up being fun...and cold as fuck. The dark sea looked spooky as the moonlight softly lit it. The waves crashed around your ankles as you threw the ball around, letting Moose splash around.

"Can we go inside now? I'm cold as fuck," you requested to Adam.

"Yea, let's go,"

Adam grabbed your hand and you walked up through the back patio and into the French doors leading in, Moose running ahead of you. As you strolled up the stairs in the warm house, Adam's hand still held yours.

"Shower?" he suggested.

"God, yes," you practically melted just thinking about the hot water that was about to sting your skin.

**Tuesday, March 16th**

Today was your last day with Adam in Massachusetts before you'd head back to New York tomorrow. Today would prove to be the most interesting. Most of the day was filled with sex, then eating, then sex, then showing Adam a few TikToks, then sex, then dinner. It was a good day.

Until it wasn't.

After dinner, you and Adam played with Moose outside again, making the two of you need another shower. It was a regular shower, like normal. Adam kissed you, pushed you against glass, felt you up, lathered your hair with shampoo...you know, the regular.

When you were done and stepped out, it was normal, too. You toweled off with Adam and got ready for bed, expecting to probably fuck some more, it being your last night.

Wrong.

"What the fuck is this?" Adam's voice boomed from the bathroom. You were sitting in bed on your phone as the door opened. He was holding something.

You squinted at it to get a better look, then got out of the bed and walked toward him.

Oh.

"Will you put that back in the trash? I literally peed o—"

"I don't give a fuck what you did on it. What the fuck is this?" he questioned you.

You pursed your lips, "What does it look like?"

God, you hated your tongue sometimes.

"What the fuck?" Adam stared at you, his eyes were angry, harsh, and twitching. You felt like they were lasers that could kill you with how mad he looked.

"I thought I was... _you know_...but I'm not. So...crisis averted," you said casually. As you turned around to walk back to the bed, Adam grabbed your wrist and spun you around. His grip was tight and as your eyes met his, you didn't know whether to be scared or sad. His expression confused you.

His voice was soft now, but his eyes still furious, "You weren't going to tell me?"

"Would you have wanted to know?"

"Yes," he said softly, his words cracking in his mouth ever so slightly.

"Okay then, next time I'll tell you,"

Adam clenched his jaw, "Why?"

"Huh?" you tried to shake your wrist out of his hand but he wouldn't let go.

" _Why_?" Adam asked again.

"Why what?"

"Why weren't you going to tell me?" his voice was low and hushed and his eye twitched again.

"I wasn't sure if I even was. I didn't want to worry you with all the other shit that's going on right now," you looked down at your wrist, "Please let go,"

Adam's eye twitched and he released your aching wrist and left the room, not saying anything. You had no clue where he went and you were a little scared to follow him. After a few minutes of holding your own wrist, trying to soothe it, you gained enough bravery and went downstairs.

As you walked, you realized it was a little fucked up you didn't mention it to him.

Or at _least_ you could see why he'd be upset.

You tiptoed down the wide staircase and saw straight into the huge kitchen and living room. No Adam. You checked the garage, the extra bedrooms and bathrooms, then peeked outside. His car was still here. Where'd the fucker go?

Last, you checked the back-porch area where the house faced the ocean.

Adam was there, outside, sitting in front of the fire pit you had used with him a few days ago. Moose laid at his feet. A fire was lit and the orange and yellow flames flickered around him. He was just wearing his boxers and a white t-shirt, so you grabbed two blankets and went outside. He didn't look up as you sat next to him on the comfortable patio furniture. After unfolding one of the blankets, you draped it over him and did the same for your own.

The two of you sat in silence for a bit until you decided to start.

"I'm sorry, Adam," your hand touched his as it rested on his knee. He didn't swat you away, so you kept yours there, "I really am,"

He pursed his lips but still didn't look at you, "I love you so much," he had to stop and purse his lips again. He was pressing them together tight, as if he were about to cry.

You waited for him to start again. He did.

"I love you so much and I don't want you to keep something like that from me,"

"I'm sorry. I really didn't think that I w—"

"I don't care," he said tiredly, finally looking at you, "I don't care that you didn't want me to worry. I don't care if you didn't think you really _were_...pregnant," his nose wiggled in the cold air, "I love you so fucking much that worrying me isn't part of the equation anymore,"

Sadness cased over his face as he asked softly, "Did you buy that test by yourself?"

"No. Nia did,"

He swallowed and put his other hand over yours, "I would have. A-And I would have waited in the bathroom with you...and held you if you needed it," you saw him bite the inside of his cheek, "I would have,"

"I know. I'm sorry,"

"I'm sorry, too," Adam looked back at the fire and his hands remained clasping yours, "What would happen if it was positive?" he asked.

"What?"

"What would happen?" he asked again, "If the test were positive, what would happen?"

"I don't know,"

You really didn't know at all. There were so many roads to walk down from that one life changing moment that wasn't even going to happen. There was no need to consider the 'what ifs' right? It seemed pointless.

"We don't have to worry about hypotheticals," you nudged his shoulder, "Okay?"

Adam nodded and looked back over at you again, "I love you," he said, then leaned and kissed your forehead.

"I love you, more," you bit your lip and you felt anxiety bubble in your stomach, "That's why I have to tell you something else...and you have to promise me you won't get angry,"

His body now completely faced you, interested in what you had to say. His hands gripped yours, "It depends. Tell me,"

Your eyes watered slightly, "Um, there's really no easy way for me to say this. Do you mind if I tiptoe around it a bit? I don't want to say the exact words,"

He squinted but looked understanding and gave your hands a squeeze, "Okay,"

You looked up at the patio ceiling, blinking away tears as they brimmed your eyes, "I uh, I had Thomas do something for me a few months ago. When I first found out about you," you glanced at him, then moved your eyes to your hands. You couldn't look at him.

"When I first found out about you, during that week after we'd gotten together, I made Thomas delete something," your cheeks pulsed and you felt your heart beat harder, "He deleted something from uh, from the school's m-medical database...something locked away in a special place,"

You couldn't tell what Adam was thinking yet because you still couldn't look at him. You kept going.

"It was a f-file," your voice cracked and rose about three octaves higher than normal. It was official: you were about to fully cry. You tried to control your breathing, so you paused for a moment and collected yourself.

"A report," you whispered, "Like the ones that...like the ones that you looked at...before you—"

You stopped and looked up at him. Adam was staring at you with intense eyes. You couldn't tell what his expression was but you knew he understood what you were saying.

"I didn't want you to see and so I made Thomas delete it," tears rolled down your cheeks, but you kept your voice steady, trying not to completely break, "I didn't want you to know...or Nia...or anyone,"

The only thing Adam could think to do was pull you into his arms. He held you under his blanket as your face buried into his chest. This was what you needed from him. You didn't need him to tell you he was sorry or that it wasn't your fault and all of the other things people say like scripts. You just needed him to hold you. Be present.

And he was.

What he said next wasn't from a script.

"You can cry," he whispered.

You whispered against his chest, "I don't need to,"

_Lie._

"Yes, you do," from the sound of his voice, you could tell he wanted to cry, too. Adam's heart was beating fast against your ear. His hold around you was tight and you could barely breathe.

"Cry," he whispered against your hair.

"I think I forgot how," you replied, your voice breaking.

You didn't actually start crying until you felt a little drop on the top of your head. Then, you remembered how to cry because Adam helped show you. He was silent and a few more tears of his hit your scalp. You were now softly sobbing into him. You weren't crying because of the fucked-up shit that happened to you. You cried about that so many times in the past to fall asleep. You were crying because you finally felt a release you'd been waiting for. A sweet release. It'd been itching at you for a while...telling Adam about this. It wasn't something you were planning on doing ever, but you figured it'd come eventually at the rate it was eating at you. You were so glad that you finally did.

Your crying softened after a while. Adam never loosened his grip on you. He held you tightly the whole time. Your itchy eyes burrowed further into his chest.

Adam finally spoke, "You've kept this to yourself?"

You nodded under him.

"For how long?" he asked softly.

"A while. Nia knows, but I told her only a few months ago,"

Adam cleared his throat, "Who?"

"Um, you know Nia. My room—"

"No, who was it? I'm going to kill him,"

You pushed away from him and looked at his eyes. All softness was gone and there was just rage, like earlier, "No, Adam. No. You're done,"

"But he hurt you,"

He was right. That guy _did_ hurt you. Part of you wanted Adam to kill him. But...most of you knew that that's not the way things could be anymore. Not with you. Not with him. You searched for the right words to say, wanting to articulate how you felt. You found them.

"There's a quote that says, ' _If you get the message, hang up the phone_ '," you took his face in your hands, "Adam, I want to hang up the phone. You should too,"

" _If you get the message, hang up the phone,_ " he repeated under his breath, as if he were trying to understand what it meant, " _If you get the message, hang up the phone,_ "

He was silent for a moment, then spoke softly, "I _want_ to...hang up the phone,"

You thought there would be a 'but' that came after these words, but there wasn't. Instead, he said more than you were expecting. Something that would turn the whole night around.

**ADAM POV**

"Let's do it together...let's hang up all of our phones. No more secrets. No more feelings left unsaid. No more thoughts unheard. Let's hang up the phone,"

"Where do we start?" she asked sheepishly.

"We can start with me," Adam said nervously. He told his perfect girl she could ask him anything she wanted to. Nothing was off-limits anymore. The first thing she asked about was his mom. She wanted to know the details of how long it had been since he'd spoken with her and his sister, what they were like, if he ever thought he'd see them again.

_Six years._

_Kind, smart, loving._

_No._

Were his answers.

Then, she asked about his father. This was a phone he had to hang up. One he had a plan for.

"I found him,"

Her lips parted in surprise, "You what?"

"I found him,"

She looked around as if she were on an episode of Punk'd, "Where? Where is he?"

"Baltimore,"

"What are you gonna do?"

Adam pursed his lips and told his perfect girl what he'd been keeping from her, "I want to see him...and I want you to come,"

She didn't hesitate when she asked, "When?"

"After you graduate. Summer break. We can visit D.C., too,"

"So, you've thought about this?"

"Yes, for a while now. Since Christmas. That's when I found him," Adam answered matter-of-factly.

He was surprised at how understanding she was. She wasn't upset that he didn't tell her. She thought it could be good, maybe, for him. She wanted to be there with him but he felt worry radiating off of her. Adam had to assure her that he wasn't visiting him to kill him, rather to speak to him. Adam needed to learn to speak more.

Articulate his feelings.

He needed to do that to the person who he thought ruined him. That was the only way he could _really_ hang up his biggest phone.

"Okay, that phone is hung up for now," Adam said, relieved talking about himself was over.

"What now?" she asked.

Adam thought for a moment, then mentioned, "I have a question...about you. It's personal,"

"Isn't that what this is for?" she smiled.

Adam kissed her cheek, then continued, "Mhm. Well, I guess I'll just spit it out. Tell me about your financial situation,"

His perfect girl shifted and looked down. She was embarrassed and shy to tell him...but she did. She spoke of her grandfather's wealth and how she acquired it all, that being one of the reasons her parents were so cold to her, especially her mother. His perfect girl was sitting on a lifetime of money.

"Hah," she laughed nervously, "Maybe we can use some of it for a cabin up in Alaska,"

"Maybe," Adam smiled. He'd never let her spend that money on something for the both of them like that but he liked the idea of it. He pictured a large wood cabin with just enough space for her and Adam. They'd stay in there all day, cozied up, watching movies or peering through the windows at moose that might walk by while Adam's Moose barked through the glass at them.

The idea of a life with her was right.

His heart tugged at his chest thinking about how much he loved her.

"Hey, where'd ya go?" she asked, her hand on his knee just like she'd done the other day.

Her soft 'where'd ya go?' made Adam kiss her hard.

Then he remembered.

He broke the kiss and said softly, "One last phone to hang up,"

She cocked an eyebrow and waited for him to go on.

"Boston,"

His perfect girl kissed him, then said against his lips, "I'm not going,"

Adam furrowed his eyebrows and pulled away from her face, but held onto her hands, "I thought you were considering it,"

"I never told you that,"

"You didn't have to,"

"Well...I'm not anymore. I'm staying in New York. With you,"

Adam was okay with that answer.

**Wednesday, March 17th**

**YOUR POV**

The four-hour drive was comfortably quiet in Adam's truck as you drove back to the city. His car played a mix of you and his favorite songs, a weird blend of oldies and hip-hop/contemporary R&B played on the speakers. You and Adam were able to hum each one under your breath as he followed the road home. Both of you liked each other's music now.

Moose slept most of the time in the back. You occasionally reached your arm back and rubbed his stomach.

You looked over at Adam, observing his perfect side profile. You had déjà vu, your mind drifting back to when you and Adam drove back from Thanksgiving. You felt the same. You didn't want to leave this little world you and Adam had created over the past few days. You were dreading going back to the city. You were dreading the possibility of talking to those detectives again.

This time with Adam was gone.

But then you remembered his words from Saturday, and you felt better about leaving and settling back into normal.

_Nothing's ever really gone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are you all feeling? we needed to talk with him at some point about both of our shit we’d been avoiding. this chapter felt like a purge of sorts. I hope it didn’t come out of the blue for you all. it’s been itching at me for a long time to just sit with him and talk…about everything. This chapter felt so fucking long lmao. I wanted it to feel like real life: no breaks. no stops. no shortcuts. all happening at once. that’s life, isn’t it? I love you, I love you, I love you. see you in a week or so, ‘cause imma recharge. was this a/n dramatic? lol never mind, I don’t care.


	26. chapter twenty-five: take a break.

**Friday, April 2nd**

A little over two weeks had passed since you and Adam got back from Massachusetts. Since then, honestly not much had happened. The detectives took you and Adam's personal notes on your research but other than that, you hadn't heard from them. Neither had Adam. Life seemed a little mundane for the past two weeks. You and Adam were constantly with each other and did normal things like grocery shop together and take Moose on walks. Now that the weather was getting a bit warmer and sunnier, the trees were slowly growing their green leaves back. It felt like a fresh start with Adam. A _normal_ fresh start. You and Adam desperately needed 'normal' right now. After all, life with Adam was _never_ normal since you'd known him.

While you laid stomach down on your bed reading a textbook, highlighter in hand, and classical music lightly drifting over the room, Adam sat at your desk doing his own reading. His black hair usually hung right at the nape of his neck, but lately it began to slowly dip just under it. The ends did a little swoop upwards while it was dry, but when his hair was wet while he showered it would stick to his broad shoulders.

"Your hair is getting long," you commented as you chewed on the plastic end of your highlighter, looking at his thick head of hair.

Adam turned around in his chair and furrowed his eyebrows, "You don't like it?"

"Oh, I mean it was just an observation. It's just getting long. It's been a bit shorter since I've known you. I think I'd like you all the same with _no_ hair," you smiled.

"Hm, I don't think you'd like me bald," he replied dryly.

"Hmmm, okay Adam," you chewed on your highlighter more and looked back down at your book. You were reading something about Freud that was so fucking boring you would rather be banging your head against a wall. Adam was back to his own work, viciously typing at his keyboard for a few moments, then looking down at his textbook for a while...then back to fast typing. His brain was in his 'work zone', as he liked to call it. When he was in his 'work zone' he was impossible to have a conversation with.

"Wanna take a break?" you asked after a few minutes.

Adam didn't look at you as he replied, "No. Busy,"

_Ugh, okay._

You hopped off of your bed and stood behind Adam. You hugged his neck and kissed his temple as he stared at his computer, "You sure?" you asked as you trailed kisses from his temple down his jawline. You were at an awkward angle with your body trying to kiss him but you didn't care. You were just trying to get him to stop working.

Adam reached back and patted your head as if he were saying 'silly little girl' or some shit to you and mumbled, "No. Busy,"

You groaned in frustration and let go of Adam. His hand that was on your head went right back to typing. You cursed at him in your head and left your room, walking to the kitchen. After getting a glass of water and a few Twizzlers, you made your way back to your bed and laid stomach down again.

"Want a Twizzler?"

No answer.

"Oi!" you yelled to get his attention.

Adam quickly turned around in his chair and glared at you, "What?" his tone was hostile.

"Adam, take a break,"

He sighed with frustration, "I'm nearly done,"

"Uhuh, how much longer?"

"Like an hour and a half maybe?" he replied.

_'Nearly done' my ass._

You got up from the bed and walked over to him, "Adam, no. Take a break," you said, holding his tired face in your hands. You leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth. He was hesitant, but eventually reciprocated and kissed you back. He pulled you onto his lap and your hands dug into his hair. You were trying to deepen the kiss, but Adam wouldn't. He kept it light and slow. You assumed he was wanting to get back to work soon.

One of his hands wrapped around your waist while the other rested on your thigh. His thumb stroked your sensitive skin as he kissed you softly. You pulled on a few strands of his hair and pushed your chest closer to his. His grip on your waist got tighter and his breathing staggered. He was getting excited. You snuck your tongue passed his lips and lightly brushed against his. Adam met you with his own that began to twist with yours. Your right hand left his hair and traveled along his neck and traced his collarbones. Then, your lightly brushed your hand down his arms and back up to his shoulders. He held you tighter in response to your touch. Wanting more, you brushed your hand down his chest and stomach, to his sweatpants. You put your hand over his growing bulge under you and put slight pressure on it as it swelled more.

Adam quickly broke the kiss and said in a throaty voice, "I h-have work to do,"

You cocked an eyebrow, "Okay fine, you can work," you said as you got off of him, grabbed your glass of water, and walked out of your room, to the kitchen. You sat on the counter and drank your water, knowing that Adam would be following you in there any second.

_3_

_2_

_1_

_Bingo._

Adam walked out of your room and came into the kitchen. You couldn't help but smirk and ask, "Don't you have work to do?"

Adam pushed himself between your legs as you sat up on the counter. His lips parted and you saw his eye twitch lightly. You felt your heart race and your breaths turned short and rapid as he stood close to you, his hitched breathing syncing with yours. Adam hovered at your face with his dark expression. His right hand suddenly reached your face and you felt his fingers graze over your lips while his left hand tightly gripped your neck and squeezed, causing your breathing to become more difficult. Adam rubbed your bottom lip with his thumb, still squeezing around your neck.

"Fuck my work," he said, putting intense pressure on your bottom lip as he dragged his finger across it, making it swell and move with his thumb. Adam then gave your lip a squeeze with his thumb and index finger and held it there for a moment, his grip getting stronger, leaving you pulsating on your mouth and between your legs.

"So distracting," Adam whispered and released your lip from his pinch. He then took his index and middle finger, opening your mouth, and traced your lips, forming an "o" shape. Adam licked his lips as he took his thumb and sank it into your mouth. You start to suck and see his eye twitch again. You give a soft bite between sucks and notice his eyebrows raise in satisfaction. You felt yourself getting wet and the electricity in your veins began to vibrate.

He moved his left hand from your neck to in-between your legs, over your pants. You felt yourself throbbing there, wanting him to touch you, fuck you, _anything._ He lightly pressed his hand forward and grazed over your clothed cunt, sending you into full wanting. You released a small moan and leaned forward, toward his face. You _very_ softly, grazed his lips with yours, not quite kissing him. You moved your mouth to his bottom lip and took it between your teeth. As you bit his lip, you slowly moved away from his face, taking his outstretched lip with you. Adam's face turned from aroused to dazed. His eyes glossed over with lust and you felt his heart pump harder and harder as you were now chest to chest with him.

Suddenly, the door handle started to jingle. You let go of his lip between your teeth and hopped off of the counter, composing yourself as Nia and Thomas walked in.

"Hiiii!!! Oh my God, Adam I am so glad you're here!" Nia shoved a few bags of groceries at him to put away. Your jaw dropped.

"Nia!" you took the bags from Adam, "You can't ju—"

Adam took the bags out of your hands and set them on the counter. He kissed your head and started to take things out, ready to help put them away, "I got it," he smiled at Nia.

Thomas didn't look impressed.

Adam glanced over at Thomas, then back at a few canned goods he was storing up in one of your cabinets, "Oh, hi Thomas. Barely noticed you,"

You lightly kicked Adam's ankle as you stepped beside him, gathering the empty bags, "Be nice, please," you whispered.

"Him first," Adam whispered back.

You kicked him again and gave Nia a look. She understood what you were trying to say but in true Nia fashion, took it a bit too far.

"Oh. My. God!" her hand hit her chest in shock. Everyone looked at her, wondering what she was on about as she continued, "I completely forgot to get chicken breasts,"

_Fuckin' liar is a vegetarian._

"Aren't you a veg—" Thomas started before he was quickly interrupted.

"You and Adam have to go to the store and get some!" she exclaimed to Thomas.

Adam looked at you with wide eyes, then Thomas.

"You need _us_ ," Thomas pointed at him and Adam, "to go? _Us?_ Not me and you? Me and _him_?"

"Yes! Please! Go go go! I need it now!" Nia started to shove Thomas and Adam toward the door.

Adam looked at you saying 'save me' but it was too late. Before you knew it, they were out of the door, Nia shutting and locking it behind them. She sighed happily, "Okay, so I think them going out together will help,"

You furrowed your eyebrows at Nia, "Um _or_ they're just going to hate each other more! Oh, Nia. I love you but goddamn,"

\--

ADAM POV

Adam silently walked to a nearby store with Thomas. They didn't have much to say to each other. The automatic doors slid open as they walked inside of a small shop in search for chicken. Thomas and Adam immediately went separate ways in the small store, looking in different areas. Adam scanned the back wall's refrigerated section. No chicken.

Thomas and Adam eventually ended up in the same spot and concluded there wasn't any chicken in the store, so they left and walked to another nearby place. The walk to the second store was quiet again. Adam didn't mind. Once they reached the second store, they both separated again, then found themselves back together. No chicken.

"Nia doesn't even fucking eat chicken. She's vegetarian,"

Adam laughed under his breath. Nia was nice but...predictable.

"I think she just wanted us to get out of the apartment together. Just us," Adam said, walking to the exit.

Thomas followed him, "What if she really needs chicken, though?"

Adam pursed his lips, "I guess we should find chicken, then,"

Thomas and Adam walked to the next place in silence until Thomas piped up, "You know, she's very special to me,"

Adam cocked his eyebrow at Thomas. He knew who he was talking about.

"Me too,"

Thomas pushed the crosswalk button, "I know,"

When they arrived at the next store, they separated again and looked for chicken. There wasn't any.

"Okay, what the fuck? Is there a chicken shortage or something?" Adam asked in a frustrated tone.

Thomas smiled, "Should we try another place?"

"I guess,"

Adam and Thomas walked another few minutes in silence until Thomas struck up a surface level conversation, trying to get to know Adam a bit better. Adam thought 'why not' and talked with Thomas a bit more as they strolled into the next store. They didn't go separate ways this time.

"What the shit? Okay, we're going back," Thomas said, fed up with the lack of chicken.

"Fine by me," Adam smiled.

As they started on their walk back, Adam and Thomas talked a bit more about Thomas and Nia's plans after they would graduate in May and even video games they both liked. Adam hated that he _didn't_ actually hate Thomas. There was a lull in the conversation after a bit until Adam decided to ask a question he told himself not to, "I know you know about...the file. Uhm, and you saw it?"

Thomas was uncomfortable, "Mhm,"

"So you know the name?" Adam asked.

"The name?"

"Yes. The name,"

Thomas bit his lip and thought for a moment. Adam could tell he knew it, but Thomas was just deciding on whether or not he should tell Adam.

"Yes, I know the name," Thomas said quietly.

They stood at another crosswalk, waiting for it to tell them to go. Adam turned to face Thomas, "What is it?" he plead, "Please,"

"It's uh, it's Ritchie,"

Adam really shouldn't have asked for the name.

\--

YOUR POV

Adam and Thomas looked defeated as they walked through the door an hour later. It should've only taken them fifteen minutes tops. You and Nia sat on the couch, watching them walk in.

"Hi!" Nia said cheerfully. She noticed they didn't have the chicken, "Oh, you guys didn't get chicken? That's okay. Did you get wrapped up in conversation??"

"Uhuh, sure," Thomas said, "We walked for fucking ever trying to find some and it's nowhere, babe,"

"That's okay!" Nia said, "I don't think I need it after all,"

Adam gave you a look across the room. You thought it was hilarious how much Nia could be so different from him and how much she scared Adam.

"You ready?" you asked Adam. Tonight, you were sleeping at his place.

"Yes," he answered matter-of-factly. Adam gave Thomas a weird handshake/side hug that was an attempt at friendliness but looked awkward if you didn't know Adam or Thomas.

"Byeee Adam," Nia hugged him, then you. You giggled thinking about how he probably regretted ever being with you because of how much your best friend loved to hug him.

When you left your apartment and walked to his, you asked Adam what him and Thomas talked about on their little trip to the stores. Adam said 'not much' but that Thomas was a 'nice guy' and he thinks they'll be nicer to each other now. Honestly, that was good enough for you.

\--

After you ate dinner with Adam, he let you cut his hair in his bathroom. Yes, he was letting _you_ cut his _precious_ hair. If him telling you he loved you didn't prove his love, this sure did. He sat in a chair, making it look miniature, and eyed you in the mirror as you were nearly finished cutting his hair with his nice scissors.

"Can you believe you're graduating in a month?"

"Technically, it'll be one month and five days," You smirked at Adam in the mirror, then looked back at his hair, "Not that I'm counting or anything,"

Adam chuckled at you. Seeing him smile like that should've made you giddy, but you were remembering graduation and what would come with it. The thought of Adam meeting your family worried you a bit. They'd like him but you didn't think _he_ would like _them_. It would be weird for him to see who raised you, who was responsible for a lot of your personality, etc. He'd probably hate your mom and possibly Leslie. Ugh, and your _dad_. Adam would probably hate the way your dad dismisses you and your siblings, or the way he half listens to whatever you're saying. Adam listens to people with his whole being, making sure they feel included and part of the conversation. He made most people feel wanted. Well, mostly everyone. Not Thomas.

While you were lost in thought, Adam saw your nervous expression in the reflection of the mirror.

"What?" he asked suspiciously.

You snipped a few more ends of his hair as you replied, "Well, um...so big deal but my uh—well my family will be in town for my graduation," you bit your lip, "So you'll have to meet them...well if you want. You technically don't have to mee—"

"I want to meet them," His eyes were fixed on yours in the mirror, "Why wouldn't I?"

You brushed some loose hair off of his broad shoulders and tousled his hair with your hand, signaling that you were done. As you went to grab a broom from the kitchen, you called out in reply, "Because they're crazy,"

Adam was still sitting on the chair in his bathroom. You began to sweep up some of his hair into a dustpan when he took your hip in his big hand and started to push you close to him, wanting you to sit on his lap. You tried to be annoyed but you just couldn't. The way he was smiling at you made you melt. You set down the broom and sat on him. Adam's arms wrapped around your waist and your fingers twirled his freshly cut, black locks.

"I'm excited to meet them," he said softly, then tilted his chin up, waiting for you to kiss him. You smiled and leaned down, letting your lips press against his for a moment before pulling away.

You began to scratch right above his neck, just where he liked it, before you spoke, "Don't get too excited. I think you'll like Michael the best but he's an eighteen-year-old so I'm not sure how much you two will have in common exactly,"

Adam smiled, "Oh, so I'm an old man now?"

You pressed your lips on his again, "Maybe," you mumbled.

**Sunday, April 11th**

9:32AM

You survived another week of classes and you were so close to graduation you could practically taste it. The sun through the windows hit your closed eyes, making you wake up. As proud as you were of getting yourself through another week, you realized it was Sunday. AKA tomorrow being Monday. You groaned and rolled over, expecting to see Adam lying next to you in your bed. He wasn't there. Looking around your room, you saw him sitting in a chair, his sleepy eyes looking over at you.

"Hi," you smiled, your voice raspy from just waking up, "You look tired,"

He had a worried look on his face, making you sit up in bed.

"Adam, are you okay?"

\--

**EIGHT HOURS EARLIER**

ADAM POV

4:30AM

Adam couldn't sleep tonight. His mind was somewhere else, distracted. After Thomas had told him that name, he couldn't stop thinking about it. He wanted to kill the guy, of course, but he couldn't. He wouldn't. He was done with that.

But Adam was curious.

Adam got out of bed, put on a hoodie and sweatpants and decided to take a walk, leaving her and Moose sound asleep in her bed. Before he left her apartment, he stood in the doorframe and watched her sleep for a moment, the light of the moon hitting her cheeks and shining on her hair. Then, he left.

Adam walked until he was at where he wanted to be.

He stood in front of Ritchie's apartment and stared up at it. Adam had done a quick search on his computer while his perfect girl was showering and found where he lived. Adam knew what floor and the exact apartment number. He could go up there. He could do what he needed to do.

But he wouldn't. That wasn't him anymore.

Adam balled his fists in anger, but started to walk back to where he came from. Suddenly, a car pulled up next to Adam on the side of the road. Two people stepped out.

"Adam, right?"

"T-That's me, yes. Hi, Detective Gearhart. Hi, Detective Moretta,"

5:30AM

Gearhart and Moretta asked Adam if they could ask him some questions. Adam felt like he had no choice to accept. He rode with them to an office building and they took him inside of a small room. It looked like a makeshift interrogation room. Adam was trying not to let it show how nervous he was.

Gearhart and Moretta left Adam in the room for a while as they did God knows what. It was around 5:30AM when they finally came back into the room.

"What were you doing standing out there?" Gearhart asked. He was getting right to business.

"Sometimes I like to walk,"

"Do you know where you were standing?"

"Yes,"

Moretta started, "So you know you were standing at your girlfriend's alleged att—"

"It's not 'alleged' and yes, I know that's where I was,"

"Care to explain?" Gearhart said, jotting something in another fucking notepad of his.

"I didn't know until a few weeks ago. You guys talking to us made it come up again for her," Adam was technically lying but he needed to save his ass. He figured she wouldn't mind if he bent the truth.

Adam continued, "I couldn't sleep and took a walk. I happened to pass by, but I knew where I was so I stopped and just looked at the place,"

"Hm. I'm guessing when you found out you were pretty angry at the guy, huh?" Gearhart asked.

"Yes, just like every other person would be. Wouldn't you?"

"I would. I would want to kill him,"

Adam knew what Gearhart was doing. He wasn't going to play along.

"I wouldn't go that far, but yea, it hurts and I was angry. But like I said, I just happened to pass by,"

Speaking of passing by, now that Adam thought about it, he wondered why _they_ were there. Were they following Adam? Were they staying outside of the men on the lists apartments to keep a look out? Were they just passing by randomly? Adam could see it go either way. That made him more nervous.

"Hm. Do you know why _we_ were there, Adam?"

Gearhart was about to answer that question for him, thank God.

"Uh, no?"

Moretta answered, "We have the full list of files. Each of their places are surveilled until we think this guy's really gone,"

"So, you protect these people? The one's who did those things? With files against them?"

" _Allegedly_ did those things," Gearhart noted.

"They have files,"

"They're just reports. No proof for a lot of them. Besides, that's not what we're investi—"

" _Someone_ should be investigating that shit," Adam interrupted.

"Like I said, there's not physical proof for many of those, plus it's not our job,"

"You're right...no proof,"

"Hm?" Gearhart hummed.

"Can't do anything without proof," Adam said softly.

They didn't have proof on those guys and they sure as fuck didn't have proof on him. He wanted to make sure they knew that.

Moretta spoke now, "You take walks often?"

"Not often. My girlfriend doesn't like it when I walk alone especially since your case isn't going anywhere. She worries...but she worries about _everything_ ,"

"Do _you_ worry about you?"

"Why would I? I don't have a file against me. I'm not a piece of shit,"

They blinked at him because he was right. Moretta cleared her throat and changed the subject, "We want to hear more about where you're from,"

"Okay, what would you like to know?"

"Hometown?" Gearhart asked without looking up from his notes.

"Mishawaka, Indiana. North central part of the state up by Michigan," Adam gave an awkward, small smile, "It's no Manhattan,"

"Why'd you come here?"

"After I got my degree from the University of Texas, I moved to Philly to work. Uh, I worked for a few years there and then moved here for my PhD last summer,"

"Hm,"

"Would you happen to know where you would've been on these dates?" Moretta asked, sliding a piece of paper to Adam. It had all of the dates where those men were reported missing.

Adam nearly lied again, but not quite. Moretta never asked him what time of day, just the day itself. Adam answered, "Probably with my girlfriend or at work. You can verify the ones during the week with Dr. Kennedy at the university,"

"Do you mind if we take your fingerprints?" Moretta suddenly asked.

Adam's heart skipped a beat but he worked to keep his face calm, "Sure," He clenched his jaw but remembered that there were no fingerprints found anywhere...but if they _were_ to somehow find them one day, Adam would be a match. He figured he had to hold onto some hope that prints would never be found.

He had no choice.

"Great, thanks. It's just procedural for now," Moretta smiled.

"Okay, I understand," he replied. Adam figured it also might make him look a little less suspicious that he was _willing_ to talk _and_ willing to give his prints.

After he gave his fingerprints, Gearhart and Moretta decided that there was nothing more to ask him. In fact, it all seemed incredibly casual. Adam left feeling like he wasn't a suspect, rather just someone they wanted to talk to. Gearhart didn't give him any weird looks as he left. Adam couldn't help but feel that while he might have talked _too_ much, maybe it was just enough. Maybe it was enough for them to see that he was just a normal guy with nothing to do with this.

Maybe.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg this chapter was full of so many different things lmaooo. there will only be one more adam pov for the rest of the story. idk if you guys like those or not but have no fear, only one left.


	27. chapter twenty-six: maybe he just changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW/TW: our family is in town and they suck ass. weirdly enough tho, this one was super fun to write. i hope u enjoy.

**3 ½ Weeks Later**

**Thursday, May 6th**

"Are you nervous?" Adam asked softly as he stood next to you, leaning against a friend's big car you borrowed so everyone could fit inside. The both of you watched as people filed out of the airport.

"Yea, I am,"

"Don't be,"

"Okay,"

Adam kissed the top of your head, then went back to watching.

"Ar—Are _you_ nervous?" you asked, not looking up at Adam. Your eyes were fixed on the automatic doors that kept opening and closing.

"A little,"

"Don't be,"

"Okay,"

The air reeked of anxiety between the both of you as you stood waiting side by side. Today was the day your family was coming to the city to attend your graduation tomorrow. The shitshow was about to begin.

"Hey," Adam said, squeezing your hand.

You turned to him, "Hm?"

"It'll be fun," he tried to give you a comforting smile to make you feel a little better, but you could tell he was doing it for himself too. He was holding your waist with one of his big hands and had the other cradling the nape of your neck. His thumb brushed over your skin.

You smiled back, "Yea...yea it'll be fun,"

"I love you," Adam leaned down and touched his nose with yours.

You couldn't help but giggle and reply, "I love y—"

"YOOO!!!" a voice shouted at you from a bit of a distance. You and Adam darted your eyes to the voice. It was Michael. A smile instantly came over your face and you ran over to him, hugging him.

"Oh Mike, I've missed you so much," you whispered into his chest as you hugged him. You didn't realize Michael was nearly Adam's height until just now.

"Wait, where is everyone else?" you asked, pulling out of the hug.

"I dunno, I ran here. They should be here in a sec," Mike walked by you and toward Adam, "So _this_ is Adam!! Hi, I'm Michael,"

As Adam introduced himself, you held onto his hand and long arm and chimed in, "Michael decided against Columbia and is going to Purdue!" you looked at Michael, "That's where Adam went,"

"Oh ni—"

A series of 'hi's swept through the air. Your dad, mom, Leslie, and Cece came through the airport's automatic doors. You took a deep breath and smiled big, letting go of Adam's hand.

"Hi, y'all!" you said as you walked toward them. Your mom was the first one to give you a hug.

"You look tired!" she said, a little too peppy.

_So it begins._

You gave her a fake smile, then gave your dad an awkward side hug before moving to Leslie and Cece, hugging them. After you said your hello's, you stepped back to Adam.

"Um, so this is Adam," you held onto his hand as you introduced him to everyone.

Leslie's eyebrows shot up, " _Adam_ Adam?"

_Christ, Leslie._

"Mhm. So you met Mike. Um, this is my dad," Adam shook his hand.

Your dad smiled politely, "Nice to meet you, Adam. I'm going to have to step aside and take a work call real quick, excuse me," You bit the inside of your cheek in disappointment as your dad walked inside of the airport to get away from the noisy outside.

"Um, this is my mom. Mom, this is Adam," your mom smiled hugely and opened her arms to him. Adam hesitantly hugged her but smiled sweetly.

"Hello, nice to meet you," Adam said as your mom pulled away.

She looked at you with wide eyes and kept her big smile, "Wow he's tall!"

"Mom, he's right there," you said as you rolled your eyes and turned to Cece and Leslie. They were both grinning from ear to ear as they stared at Adam, probably fascinated with how good looking he was, "Um, Adam these are my sisters, Cecelia and Leslie,"

Cece instantly hugged him, "Hi! Call me Cece! I've heard _so_ much about you! Like, _so_ much haha,"

You shot her a look.

After Cece pulled away, Leslie pulled him in for a hug too, "She's messy right? When we were kids, her clothes would just be _everywhere_. I always had to pick up for her,"

_This is so embarrassing._

Adam laughed and agreed. You playfully glared at him.

"Oh, let me put your things in the car," Adam said politely, grabbing suitcases. Mike started to help him pack the car with everyone's things.

Your mom stood close to you, "I like him. He's tall...and polite...and handsome. He looks like a Greek god. His nose is just gorgeo—"

"Okay, mom! I get it!" you knew she wasn't wrong. You thought all of those things yourself but hearing your mom talk about Adam that way made you cringe. The two of your watched him load up the car. He looked so strong and handsome. Adam had a few hairs fall over his forehead, his hair looking messy and cute. When you looked at what Cece and Leslie were doing, you realized that you were _all_ watching Adam.

You hit Leslie on the arm and told her to go get your dad.

Once your dad finally came back over to the car, it was all loaded. You and Adam sat in the front while your family was packed together in the two backseat rows. Michael looked miserable in-between Cece and Leslie. You couldn't help but giggle. As you drove away from the airport and into the city, your mom started quizzing Adam on what seemed like his whole fucking life story.

"So Indiana, huh?"

"Yes ma'am," Adam replied.

Your mom was leaning so fucking close to the front seats, you could practically feel her breath on your neck, "You know, our Michael is going to Purdue. I heard that's where you went, yes?"

"Yes ma'am,"

"Oh you are too polite! Isn't he just so polite, hon?"

"Uhuh," your dad agreed, not paying attention. He looked like he was reading emails on his phone.

She asked more questions as the ride went on. Adam answered them all respectfully. He gave an answer, sometimes a small story along with it, but never too much information. Sometimes Leslie chimed in to ask him stuff about his doctoral classes and Cece would ask personal questions. The questions they asked were very telling of their personalities: Leslie was uptight and serious while Cece loved being informal and personal.

"Oh my, I'm so excited to see Nia! She's so cute," your mom exclaimed when you were getting close to the hotel they were staying at near the university.

Nia was _not_ looking forward to seeing them tomorrow and you knew it.

You smiled at your mom, "I'm sure she's excited to see all of y'all!"

"I'm excited to see Nia, too. She's hot," Michael said from the back.

You looked at him with knitted eyebrows, "Ew, Mike. In your dreams,"

Adam smiled as he paid attention to the road. His dimples were so fucking cute. The way he concentrated on driving and his grip on the steering wheel made your eyes become glued to them. You pictured his tight grip, like the one on the wheel, around your wrists as he held them above your head tightly.

_Oof, not now._

You looked back at your family and saw your mom, Cece, and Leslie were all staring at him, too. You decided to break up that shit real fast.

"Um so what are today's plans?"

Your mom snapped out of her weird stare and walked you through what they were wanting to do today in the city.

\--

"Okay, they're getting an Uber to the restaurant, but I think we can just walk. It's not too far and it feels so fucking good outside. Does that sound okay?" you called out to Adam as you put on your mascara in the bathroom. It was 6:30PM and you were in your apartment with Adam while your family was at their hotel. You were about to head to dinner.

He walked in and stood behind you and looked in the mirror, his dress shirt unbuttoned. Adam ran his hands through his hair, fixing it, "Yea, that's fine,"

"Do you like my dress? I dunno how I feel about it. I got it the other day—" you twisted your mascara tube closed and put it away, then turned around to face him, "—but I just can't tell if I like it. It kinda sits on my hips weird,"

Adam backed up a little to get a good look at you, then smiled. He stepped close to you again and hunched to your level, "Perfect," he said before kissing you softly. Adam touched the end of your dress at your mid-thigh, pulling it up slightly, "It would look better," he mumbled against your lips, "if it were on the floor,"

"Oh, it would?" you replied, your lips still on his.

"Mhm,"

Adam pushed you up against the small bathroom counter, then hoisted you to sit on it. He kissed you softly, but controlled, while his fingers traveled up your thigh. His tongue flicked against yours and his breathing was fast and hot against your mouth. Your hands on his broad shoulders slid down to the buttons on his shirt. You began to button them together. Adam pulled away and looked at you confused.

"We have to go," you smiled, working the third button from the top now.

His fingers twirled on your thighs, "Can't we say we're late? That I had to take Moose out?" he whined in a throaty voice.

You tugged his shirt and pulled him closer to you, "You want me so bad that you'd _lie_ to my parents?" you asked, your voice low.

Adam looked at you, his eyes dark. He took your small hand away from his shirt and moved it down to his pants, making you feel his growing bulge, "Yes," he said matter-of-factly in a raw voice. He wanted you to feel how much he wanted you.

You squeezed him ever so slightly, making his lips part and his eyelids appear heavier as he gazed down at you. You leaned forward and kissed him slowly on the mouth. Then, you dropped your hand and pulled away, hopping off of the counter and stepping passed Adam.

"Too bad. We have to go," you said, leaving the bathroom.

You could tell his jaw was clenching even though you weren't looking at him.

"Fine," he spit.

The restaurant your parents had chosen was at the very top of a nice hotel. After you and Adam walked there, you checked in at the front and they lead you to a small elevator. Stepping into the life, Adam pressed the button for the restaurant. It was on the fiftieth floor. As soon as the doors closed, Adam put his hand on the small of your back, caressing it. He then leaned over and began to kiss your neck, "You stopped me earlier," the vibrations of his deep voice tickled your neck and made electricity run through your veins it seemed.

"Mhm," was all you could say. He felt so good against your neck like this. Your core tingled at the sensation. He began to slowly run his hand up and down your spine as he still sucked on your neck. His fingers slid down to the bottom of your dress and slipped his hand under it, grazing his hand up your thigh and to your panties. Adam hovered in front of you now and watched your face. Over the fabric of your panties, Adam brushed his middle finger over your covered slit. You let out a small whine and felt your whole-body shudder in wanting. You felt yourself pulse between your legs, making you grab Adam's wrist and keep his hand on you. You looked at him with pleading eyes as he smirked. What was he smirking for?

Suddenly, his took his hand away from under your dress and stepped over, standing next to you instead of in front of you. Your eyebrows furrowed in frustration as your cunt still throbbed, wanting his touch. Then, the elevator dinged.

"Fuck," you whispered, totally forgetting where the fuck you were. Adam had that effect on you.

The doors slid open and Adam softly grabbed your hand, kissed your hair, and whispered against your head, "That's what you get," Then, he started walking toward the restaurant as you held onto his hand, cheeks red, a little annoyed...and very turned on.

Your family was already seated, so you took a deep breath and hoped for a normal dinner. When you rounded the corner, you saw your family at a big table in conversation. When they noticed you and Adam, your mom got up and went right to Adam, putting her arm around his and lead him to an empty seat, "Here Adam, you sit here. We got you water. Is that okay? Do you want something else? Wine? Coke? Is water okay?"

_What the fuck._

"Water is good," Adam saw that your parents and sisters already had glasses of wine filled, "We'll have wine as well," he said, looking at you. He didn't sit down, but instead walked back toward you. You had managed to not move at all while your mom was all over Adam. You guessed you were in some kind of weird shock.

Adam grabbed your hand and lead you to the seat next to his, then pulled out the chair. You sat in it and he scooted you up. Cece, Leslie, and your mom stared at him with lovey dovey eyes. He sat back down and smiled at you sweetly. Your mom sat in her chair, then snapped at a waiter walking by.

You hated when she did that.

"Wine!" she demanded as she snapped her fingers.

Adam was still smiling at you, then put his big hand on your thigh under the table and squeezed it trying to make you feel comfortable.

Your mom piped up again, "Wow, Adam. You are such a gentleman. Isn't he a gentleman, hon?"

"Uhuh," your dad agreed as he sipped on his wine.

Michael spoke now, "Can I have some wine?"

"No," your dad huffed.

"Come on, I'm eighteen,"

Cece flicked his head, "Mike, you're a baby. If you had one sip you'd collapse,"

"I'm not a baby! I've had alcohol before! Let me drink with you guys!"

Your mom cocked an eyebrow at him, "When have you had alcohol?"

You spoke now, "Mom, come on haha. He's in high school. Everyone drinks in high school,"

Cece and Leslie agreed while your mom looked shocked.

"I never drank in high school,"

All eyes darted to Adam. You furrowed your eyebrows at him, "What? Never in high school?"

"No," he smiled and looked around.

Your mom smiled widely, "Oh wow, I knew you were a good one,"

Adam smiled shyly.

Leslie grilled him now, "What were you? Like were you not popular? You seem like you probably were, though. But if you never had alcohol you probably never went to parties right? You're smart, though so what, were you like a library kid or something?"

"Leslie!" you kicked her under the table.

"What??" she smiled, "I'm just asking,"

The waiter filled you and Adam's glasses with wine finally. You immediately took two huge gulps. Adam sipped his too, then spoke, "No, I wasn't popular, haha. I was always in the library, yes. The only 'sport' I did was cross country,"

You slapped his arm lightly, "What? Why didn't I know that? You did cross country?"

"Mhm,"

"I did cross country in high school," your dad chimed in.

You smiled at your dad's connection with Adam.

"Really?" Adam asked.

"Mhm," was all your dad responded with. He was done with the small conversation. You chewed your lip in disappointment.

Mike started talking now, "Oh hey, whatever happened to that serial killer here? Remember when I told y'all about it over Christmas?? What happened with that?"

You saw Adam tense a little.

"Um, no one knows. They just kind of...stopped," you answered and took a sip of wine.

Michael frowned, "Dang. Why'd they stop?"

"How are we supposed to know?" you laughed uncomfortably.

"Maybe they didn't want to do it anymore," Adam said quietly.

"Whatcha mean?" Cece asked.

Adam looked around. By his expression, you assumed he thought no one heard him. He hesitantly spoke, "Oh um...maybe he just—" his eyes met yours, "—changed,"

"Well, whatever happened with him, I hope he's well. That shit was awesome," Mike laughed.

" _Language_ ," your dad warned.

Adam stayed looking at you, his hand squeezed your thigh as he softy smiled.

After everyone ordered and the food came, conversation remained. Cece and Leslie asked Adam hella questions about himself. Cece poked at what he did over Christmas break, knowing that it was when he broke it off with you. You gave her a look. Mike occasionally asked Adam about Purdue and Leslie was hell-bent on embarrassing you, telling Adam stories of your childhood. By the time everyone was done eating, you felt like Adam knew everything about you and your family. There was never a lull, except when your dad occasionally spoke, but other than that, it was quite a loud dinner...mostly because everyone was drinking wine except for Michael. The dishes were taken away and the dinner was over, but no one was ready to leave. Your mom ordered cocktails for everyone instead of wine now as you all sat and stayed talking.

"Oh, we never toasted!" your mom exclaimed, "Um, okay everyone get your drinks up. Okay okay. To Adam! What a fun addition to our trip!"

You pursed your lips and your eyebrows knitted together. Weren't they all here for _you?_ _You_ were the one graduating. _You_ were the one that was supposed to be being celebrated. You weren't jealous of Adam. You were upset that your mom had completely skipped over your accomplishment. Your eyes watered slightly but you wouldn't let them fall to your face. You faked a smile and clinked your glass with everyone else's.

"To...Adam," you mumbled.

You didn't notice that Adam didn't clink your glass. He didn't clink anyone's. It was because he put his down on the table and refused to toast. You looked over at him, confused.

" _I_ don't deserve a toast," he said uncomfortably, putting an emphasis on 'I'.

Your mom shifted in her seat and spoke before he could go on, "Oh, well of course you do!"

You put your hand on his leg and whispered so no one could hear, "It's okay,"

Adam ignored you, "I think we should be toasting the new Columbia graduate. That's why we're here," he said, smiling over at you. He said it so politely and with no disrespect to your parents.

You heard your dad scoff at the table, "It's what's expected of her,"

Your cheeks began to heat up and you started to squeeze your nails into your palms, offering a distraction to your father's words. Cece was staring at you apologetically, knowing how much that shit hurt you.

"Still impressive," Adam added. His voice was mostly calm but you could tell there was a hint of agitation, "Columbia's one of the best in the U.S., not to mention getting into a doc program," he gave your parents smile you could tell was fake and forced.

"Hm," your dad said before looking down at his phone, "I have to take this,"

As your dad left the area, you looked down at your lap. You weren't sure why you were so upset right now. Adam noticed and took your hands from your own lap and put them on his, holding your hands. He then leaned down and whispered, "I love you,"

You looked up at him and mouthed, 'love you more'.

"What time is your graduation tomorrow?" Cece asked, breaking your gaze with Adam.

"11AM,"

"Are we doing breakfast before?" your mom asked, pretending like she didn't just make this whole thing a little awkward.

You peeked up at Adam, then looked back at your mom, "Um, I have to be there earlier than that and I have to get ready and stuff so I think I'll just eat breakfast on my own and I'll just see y'all there...tomorrow,"

The conversation drifted to different things after that and was no longer uncomfortable, thank God. After your dad came back from his phone call, everyone decided it was time to leave. It was close to 10PM now and you were dead tired from talking to your family.

After saying goodbyes and 'see you tomorrow's, you and Adam walked home hand in hand quietly. When you got back to your apartment, you changed to pajamas, brushed your teeth, and got in bed. He did the same. You laid there next to him, trying to fall asleep but you couldn't. You wanted to know Adam's thoughts about your family...about your _dad._ Your back was against Adam's chest, him spooning you, and his hand was around you, holding yours. After twenty minutes, you gave it a small squeeze.

"Are you awake?" you whispered.

"Yes,"

"Are you just saying that because you can hear me? Like are you almost asleep or are you like fully awake?" you whispered again.

Adam sat up a little and rested his weight on his elbow as he looked down at you and smiled, "You're so fucking weird. I'm awake. What's up?"

You turned to lay on your back, looking up at him. There was a little bit of light in the room from your oil diffuser, making you able to barely see Adam's perfect, sleepy face, "What'd you think?"

"Of?"

"My family,"

Adam was very observant and good at judging character before he even got to know someone. Not that you needed him to analyze your family, you'd already done that plenty of times, you just wanted to know what _he_ thought. He was important to you. His thoughts mattered to you.

Adam bit his lip for a second in thought, "Well, Mike is funny. Seems smart but doesn't know how to use his intellect yet. Cece is a lot like you it seems. Not overly nice. Blunt. But she still cares. Um, Leslie...control freak, but that's mostly from what you've said about her. She kept brushing her fingers through her hair, though. She likes things neat. I don't think you noticed but while you were waiting outside of the airport, she patted your hair down from the wind a few times. She likes other people to be neat, too,"

You blinked at him. You didn't know he was _that_ observant.

"And your mom is...well, I think you described her well. She seemed impressed with me...but not in a way that she was complimenting _me_ but rather _you,_ "

The look on your face made him stop talking about your mom. You looked annoyed because you knew what he was saying was true and it pissed you off. Your mom would have never expected you to be with someone as nice, attractive, smart, and respectful as Adam.

"Um, your dad was colder than I thought. I figured you were exaggerating when you said he didn't listen or wasn't exactly present. It was really annoyi—no sorry, it really pissed me off that he didn't engage in the car ride and at dinner when it was clear your mom desperately wanted him to," he paused for a second, then continued, "and it seemed like you really wanted him to, also,"

"Yea," you said softly, "He was kind of rude at dinner...the way he laughed that one time. It was like he was laughing at _me_. I don't know, it's not a big deal. It just sucks, ya know? Ugh, I don't know why I brought this up I'm just ti—"

"You brought it up because it's important to you,"

You bit your bottom lip, "Yea,"

You knew Adam could sense your insecurity about your dad...how you wanted to jump through a billion hoops just for him to notice you...or say he's proud of you...something... _anything._ Whatever. Some people didn't even _have_ a dad. You should be grateful.

Right?

You sighed for a moment, then rolled over on your side, away from Adam, "Night, Adam,"

"Hey," Adam said, grabbing your shoulder and pushing you back to face him, "Do you want to talk more about it?"

"No, I think I'm just tired. We should sleep. I'll have to get up early and it's not a big deal enough to where I'm going to risk having dark circles under my eyes tomorrow," you smiled. The back of your hand grazed along Adam's jaw before he leaned down to kiss you.

"My favorite,"

"My favorite,"


	28. chapter twenty-seven: graduation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter with our family in it lmao so say ur goodbyes, especially to mike cause he's my fave.

**Friday, May 7th**

**COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY'S GRADUATION**

"I'm so fucking bored," Nia muttered. The two of you were sitting next to each other at graduation listening to the speakers. The large basketball arena was cold and left Nia's teeth chattering as she continued, "Like, why do we have to listen to 45 minutes of boring shit before we get a piece of paper that costed us like $100,000, ya know? Like, get it over with,"

You laughed at Nia's annoyance. It was weird, usually you were the one complaining, not her. But...today was different. No, the whole fucking past two months were different with you. You felt lighter with Adam. Happier. You had no need to complain about things. You were so happy you could die.

"Hah, yea but at least our names are super close on the alphabet so we can sit next to each other. Poor Thomas is all the way in the back," you giggled. The both of you turned your heads around to peek at Thomas. He was on his phone, of course. When you turned back toward the stage, you struck up a conversation that hadn't been talked about before: the future.

"So, I know you're staying here but...what are you and Thomas gonna do? Ya know 'cause he's going to D.C. and all...it's kind of far," you asked shyly. You didn't want to impose but you were curious.

Nia frowned, "We decided to spend as much time together until he moves in July. After that, it's um, well it's over," she tried to smile as if to say 'it's okay' but it really just came off as a 'I'm so fucking sad' smile.

"I'm sorry, Nia,"

She tried to smile again, "It's okay. Really, it is. There's a time for things to end and this is how ours is supposed to go...ya know?"

"SHHH!" a professor at the end of your row shushed at you and Nia.

You rolled your eyes and ignored them, whispering now, "I don't want you guys to end,"

"Me neither," she whispered back, "But sometimes things just do...end, I mean. It sucks and I'll miss him but it's just what is supposed to happen,"

"Supposed to? What do you mean?"

She thought for a moment, then replied, "Some things are just supposed to be and this is one of them. Things that happened in the past, things that happen in the present, and things that are going to happen in the future are just supposed to be. It's the universe,"

This was probably the most thoughtful and spiritual thing Nia had ever said to you. Most of what came out of her mouth was gossip or surface level talk, but this was different. Nia was different. As you sat there, you realized how much the both of you had changed in the past year. Your previous anxieties looked different now.

Life was no longer about failing an exam or who was gossiping about you at a college party. To you, it was now how to be a good partner for Adam. How to be a good friend. How to become a professional in your new field of study. For Nia it was how to work her way up for her new job in fashion. How to grow out of love. How to find herself in the big city.

Things were different.

You looked up and out into the arena's audience seats, trying to find Adam and your family. Yes, Adam sat with your family. You couldn't imagine the pain he was going through, probably listening to your mom blabber on about something irrelevant or Cece questioning him about how good of a boyfriend he was to you.

Your eyes scanned through the crowd until you finally saw them all. Your dad was on his phone, your mother was listening intently to the speaker, Adam was smushed between Cece and Leslie. They were both talking to him. Michael was at the end on his phone, probably playing a game, bored out of his mind. You took a deep breath and smiled.

You looked around some more because you were _that_ uninterested in what the speaker had to say. Parents looked adoringly into the rows of almost graduates. You figured each one was probably thinking 'my baby is all grown-up'. You glanced back at the stage for a moment but realized something in the audience caught your eye. Well, some _one_ caught your eye. You looked back to where the person was and found that your eyes didn't deceive you. It was Gearhart.

He was looking right at you.

You cocked your head to the side, wondering why he was even here. Was he scouting it out just to...look? Huh. You noticed his appearance wasn't usual, like the other time you'd seen him or how Adam also described him. He seemed like a clean-cut man, dressing well, and gel in his hair. Today, he didn't look like that at all. He was in casual wear, hair messy...and were those dark circles under his eyes? From what you could see, he looked like he hadn't slept in a week.

Your attention quickly shifted as the audience clapped. The speaker was done and it was nearly time for you to walk across the stage. When you looked back at where Gearhart was, you saw that he was gone.

Twenty-minutes and hella names later, you and Nia finally got to go up to the stage. As you waited on the stairs, Nia grabbed your hand and squeezed, "Friends forever," she whispered.

"Duh. We're not going anywhere," you replied with a smile.

Nia's name was called, so she gave you another smile, then let go of your hand and began to walk across the stage. Soon, it was your turn. The speaker called your name and it was met with cheers from your family out in the arena seats. You heard everyone yell your name and whistle, Mike and Adam being the loudest. You smiled up at them and accepted your diploma from the president of the university. Stepping off of the stage, you walked to the little picture area where they took your photo quickly. Then, you began to walk back to your seat.

That was until someone stopped you.

"Miss—"

You interrupted Gearhart and spoke with an overly annoyed tone, "Hi Detective. What can I do for you on this wonderful day that cannot possibly wait until...I don't know, Monday?"

He smiled, probably amused at your tone, then spoke, "I think you know something," his words were casual, yet carried so much weight. You were surprised at his...well his _audacity_ to bring this to you today. Not only _today_ but while you were walking back to your seat. He couldn't wait until after and you didn't know why.

"Know something?" you questioned.

"Yes. I think you know something. There's something about Adam and I think you know it," his face was serious.

"I don't know anything," you felt bold and continued,"—but what I do know is that you're grasping at straws because you don't know anything either. If you want to talk to me further and accuse me of something, I'd be happy to do this in a professional setting with my lawyer. Goodbye, Gearhart,"

As you started to walk away, he grabbed your wrist, stopping you. His eyes squinted at you, "It's him and I know you know it,"

"Touch me again and you're getting reported," you spit, shaking his hand off of your wrist. You spun around and fast-walked back to your seat, heart racing. You knew he didn't want to _really_ question you. Not officially. That's why he was here alone. No Moretta. Gearhart had his eyes set on Adam as the Frat Boy Finisher but it seemed like no one else did. There was no case against him. Just to Gearhart. That's why he was here alone to talk to you right _now_. Gearhart was desperate.

And it sucked because he was fucking _right_.

When you got back to your seat, Nia looked at you with wide eyes, "Who the fuck was _that_ and _why_ did he grab your wrist like that??"

You chewed on your lip as your heart was still racing in your chest, "Um, it's a long story," you technically didn't lie but you were trying to stall so you could think of a lie to tell her. You couldn't exactly share 'oh yea, that's the detective that is trying to pin the Frat Boy Finisher crimes on Adam, which by the way, he totally did and I knew it and didn't care about haha,'

Yea no.

"Long story? Bitch, tell me. I'll beat him up myself. Seriously, who was that?"

You finally thought of a lie. Not a good one...but a lie, nonetheless.

"He's just an old professor that gave me a bad grade and um, he tried to apologize but I told him not to touch me and that I was still mad at him,"

You really needed to work on your lies. First the priest thing, now this? Yikes.

Nia looked confused, "Um, okay. Well, fuck that guy,"

"Yea, fuck that guy," you smiled nervously.

After a while longer, Thomas' name was finally called, sending you and Nia jumping out of your seat and screaming loudly for him.

"THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND!!!" Nia yelled.

Thomas did a little wink at the two of you from the stage. You looked up at Adam and saw he was looking at Thomas and smiling. It made your heart feel warm and you completely forgot about your interaction with Gearhart.

After the ceremony was over, you, Nia, and Thomas walked outside together to find your families. Yours found the three of you first, unfortunately.

"Oh Nia!! How wonderful it is to see you!" your mom exclaimed, opening her arms to her.

Nia was usually a happy person who liked everyone but boy, did Nia not like your mom. She still smiled anyway, "Hi!" and gave her a hesitant hug. You said hi to the rest of your family and Adam, who gave you a small hug. Michael told Nia that she looked nice, to which she gave him a hug. The smile on his face looked like he'd just won the lottery or something. After a bit of small talk with Nia and Thomas with your family, they went off to find their own parents. 

Your mom made Adam take a picture of the six of you standing outside of the area. Then, to your surprise, she flagged down a graduate walking by and asked them to take a picture of everyone, including Adam. He looked surprised and darted his eyes at you to ask if it was okay. You gave him a small smile and said, "Come here,"

Adam gave the random girl the phone to take a picture. He tried to walk to the end of your family line, standing by Cece, while you were in the middle. Adam was quickly instructed to move to the middle, next to you. He seemed shy about it, as if he was intruding. If only he knew how part of the family he was.

"Okay," the random girl started, "1...2...3!"

She snapped a couple and went on her way after your mom deemed them to be okay.

"Oh, hey Leslie, will you take a picture of me and Adam?" you asked Leslie. You needed more pictures with him. So far, all you had was the photo from before Christmas, the one on Valentine's on the rooftop, and a few selfies he let you take with him.

Leslie agreed and smoothed down your hair, making sure it was nice for the photo. As she took the photos, you held on to Adam's side as his big hand was resting on your waist.

"Oh, Adam you are just so _tall!_ You look like a giant standing next to her! Oh my, when you have kids they'll be just the perf—"

"MOM," Cece said sternly, quickly shutting her up.

When Leslie was done taking your picture, she handed you your phone back. You showed Adam the pictures.

"Perfect," he whispered to you.

Your dad spoke now, "Lunch?"

"PLEASE!! I'm starving. That was so boring," Mike complained.

To your surprise, Adam addressed your parents, "I uhm—I was wondering if I could actually steal her for a minute?" he referenced to you.

Your mom raised her eyebrows, "Oh, sure, sure! We are gonna head to the restaurant for lunch. You two can meet us there?"

"Sounds great. We'll see you in a bit," he smiled, then took your hand, leading you somewhere as your family walked off as well.

You were curious, "Um, where are we going?"

"Secret,"

The two of you wandered further into campus. You took off your cap and gown now and held them as you walked, "I don't like surprises, Adam," you frowned.

He smiled at you sweetly and almost... _shyly_. It made you nervous.

Adam finally stopped at Schermerhorn Hall. It was quiet and dark with no students or professors inside. You gave him a confused expression but kept your mouth shut, letting him lead you to wherever the fuck this surprise was supposed to be at. His hand still in yours, Adam strolled down to the basement where his office was. As he began to unlock the door, you furrowed your eyebrows, "Okay, Adam what could possibly be in here?" He didn't answer as he took the key out and turned the handle. You rolled your eyes and stepped inside the office as Adam held the door for you. On Adam's desk was a small, white gift box complete with a light blue bow wrapping around it. You figured that was the gift for you.

The two of you weren't really 'gift' people. The only gifts you'd gotten each other were the magnet you gave _him_ and the snow globe he gave _you_. For some reason...this new gift scared you a little. You were so used to going through the motions with Adam lately, you'd forgotten how completely serious your relationship was. Every quick mention of running away to Alaska together or a laugh about eloping on a random, rainy Sunday was just for fun. You realized they weren't jokes, really. Not to either of you. You disguised them as jokes as you laughed and giggled but you knew behind the smile was a glint of hope that one of those weird scenarios would happen.

You didn't think that an engagement ring was in the box, but you knew whatever was in there was special.

Serious.

Important.

Something for Adam to tell you how _special, important,_ and _serious_ the two of you were.

You nibbled on your lip as you set your cap and gown over his desk chair, then turned to him, "Is that it? My surprise, I mean?" you motioned to the box.

Adam's hands twisted in front of him and he swallowed, "Mhm," his gaze met yours for a moment but he then quickly darted his eyes to the box, waiting for you to pick it up. Your heart rate picked up and you weren't sure why you felt like your body was going into fight or flight mode. It was just a gift.

Just a gift.

You took the box in your hands and sat in his chair as he leaned on his desk. His eyes were fixed on you as you undid the ribbon, taking it between your fingers and lightly pulling. Once the ribbon was off, you opened the box.

You wanted to cry.

Inside was a small, gold chain bracelet. You took the bracelet out of the box and held it up, observing it. There was a little charm on it. A heart. You felt your cheeks get hot and your heart pump faster.

On the heart was Adam's initial.

It was a mark. You were really his and he wanted you to know...for _everyone_ to know.

You must have been staring at it for a long time because Adam suddenly spoke nervously, "Is it weird that it's my initial? Is that weird? Oh God, it's weird. Fuck, I'm sorry. I um, I should have thought about it more. Um, we can swap it out with yo—"

"Is this your handwriting?" you asked in a broken voice, interrupting him. As you stared closely at the small 'A', you noticed it wasn't a regular letter, but like how Adam wrote his 'A's, "This looks like how you write it," you added. You still weren't looking at him as you kept scanning the piece of jewelry, your eyes brimming with tears.

"Y-Yes, that's um, that's my 'A'. Is that okay? I thought it might be nice but I could have just gotten it in the standard print. I don't even know if my 'A's are legible," he rambled nervously, "I just though—"

You interrupted him again, this time looking up at him. A single tear rolled down your cheek as you said smally, "I really, really love it," You stood up from the chair and got close to Adam, holding your wrist out and asking him to put the bracelet on you.

His big eyes looked down at you, sparkling. Adam took the bracelet from you and pulled it over your wrist, then fastened the hook through one of the chains. You stared at the bracelet against your skin. Adam did too.

He was the first to speak as the both of you marveled at it, "I want this to st—stay on you...forever," Adam's words were coming out uneasy and awkward, but you knew what he was getting at.

"Me too," you whispered. You thought your chest was going to explode with how much love you felt for this man. This couldn't be good for a person, right? Loving someone this much? It couldn't possibly be. This was too good to be true...but you couldn't help but soak up every bit of love possible with him, even though that meant if it ever came crashing down, it'd fucking break you. Shatter you. Fuck you up until the end of time.

But it'd all be worth it for Adam.

It was always worth it.

All of it.

The next thing you knew, you were crying. Adam leaned down and pressed his forehead against yours, his teary eyes glued on you and his breaths getting shorter. He held your hands and kissed them as his forehead still pressed on you. Adam's lip quivered slightly as the both of you stood there in that moment. He knew why you were crying and you knew why he was, too. The love was so strong that it physically hurt.

**Saturday, May 8th**

You spent all day Saturday playing games with your family and Adam at your apartment. Your dad actually decided to participate, which was nice. It seemed everyone got along, except the occasional fighting with you and Leslie or your mom and Cece. Your mom or dad didn't even bring up money like they did to you over Christmas. It was weird. Everyone seemed okay.

Adam looked like he was enjoying his time with them as he joked with Mike, laughed with Cece, and talked with Leslie. Your mom showered Adam with compliments, which made him uncomfortable at first, him being such a humble guy, but he eventually took them, smirking at you when your mom told him how perfect his nose was or how he's 'such a good height'.

After your family went back to their hotel on Saturday night, you heard Adam whisper in your hair as you were drifting off to sleep that he wished _he_ had a family like yours. Your body was too tired to move or speak, but your mind heard him and wished you could've told him something... _anything..._ but you fell asleep too quickly, leaving him alone with his thoughts for the rest of the night until he drifted off, too.

**Sunday, May 9th**

You and Adam borrowed a friend's big car again to take your family back to the airport. It was a nice and...interesting weekend to say the least, but you were glad to see your family go. They were tiring as fuck. You and Adam got out of the car, helping everyone with their luggage in the back. When everyone had their things, you went down a line, giving hugs and goodbyes.

First was Leslie.

"Bye, Leslie," you hugged her, "See you end of summer? Maybe? I dunno when I'll be back over there,"

Leslie smiled, her straight, white teeth sparkling, "Love you. Hey, maybe the next time I see you, you'll be engaged or something,"

"Funny. Probably not,"

You moved to Cece, "Bye, Cece. I'm gonna miss you,"

"Yea and I'm gonna miss Adam. I love him," she whispered in your ear to make sure he couldn't hear her.

You rolled your eyes and smiled, "Yea, I'm sure you do,"

You moved to Mike.

"Oh, Mike. I'm going to miss you so much," you said, hugging him tightly. He was truly special to you.

Michael broke the hug, "I'll miss you more. You and Adam should come visit me at Purdue in the fall,"

"I'm sure he'd like that," you smiled.

You moved to your mom.

She started tearing up, "Oh my, I can't believe my last baby girl is done with college and all grown-up. It's just hitting me now,"

_Wish it hit you three nights ago when you made a toast for Adam but whatever, I'm not bitter about it._

"I'll miss you," you said in a strained voice as she squeezed you close to her.

"He's just such a fine man," she said, whispering in your ear. She sounded like she was going to cry, "You deserve someone like him,"

Her words made you tense up. She'd never said anything like that to you before, in fact, this whole weekend had been about how awesome Adam was and how lucky _you_ were, not him. You guessed your mom realized the same went for you. You were lucky to have Adam and he was lucky to have you.

You moved to your dad. You tried to give him a side hug like the two of you usually did, but instead he wrapped you up with both of his arms. This affection was never given to you by him. You were a little shocked, but all you could do was take it.

"I'm proud of you," your dad said. It seemed like he was saying it through his teeth, as if he couldn't fully say it but was trying to. Emotion wasn't his thing. You guessed you got that from him.

"T-Thank you, dad," you smiled and felt water build up in your eyes. You quickly blinked them away.

As fast as your tears were gone, so was the hug. That was okay. You understood.

Adam went down the row, too, hugging Cece, Leslie and your mom. They all hugged him a little too long and tighter than you liked but whatever. It was a little funny they were obsessed with him.

Adam got to Mike and exclaimed, "Boiler up!"

"Hammer down!" Mike replied.

They were doing some weird Purdue call thing.

Adam was finally to your dad. As he shook his hand, your dad pulled him in and whispered something in Adam's ear for what seemed like forever. Whatever he said to him, you would never know because Adam would never tell you. It'd always be a mystery.

\--

"Glad that's over," you muttered as Adam pulled away from the airport.

Adam squinted over at you, then back at the road, "Didn't you have a good time with them? I thought the past two days have been good...right?"

"Ohhh, yea. I mean, shit didn't hit the fan like Thursday, which is good...but ya know, too long with them is a lot. There's a time to come and a time to go. It was for sure their time to go, haha," you laughed.

There was a beat of silence before he hummed, "Hm,"

"What?"

"It's just—" Adam pursed his lips and gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, "—well, it's just that seeing your family made me think of seeing my father,"

You wondered where he was going with this. The two of you planned to make a trip to visit his dad after he told you he found him. You figured it'd be hard for him, but like he said in Cape Cod, this was his last 'phone to hang up'. You knew that he felt like he needed to do this.

"Go on," you said softly, reaching out and taking one of his hands off of the steering wheel and into yours, letting it rest in your lap.

He bit his bottom lip and looked at you briefly before returning his gaze to the road, "Don't get me wrong, your family is nuts," that made you giggle softly, "but I had a...well, I had a really good time with them. I felt like they we—" he stopped what he was saying. You knew the rest of the sentence.

He was going to say he felt like they were his family, too...because now they really were.

Adam kept going but changed the direction of his words, "They were great and I—well, I just don't want to be disappointed. I know I will be. It's inevitable, but after this weekend, I don't want to see where I come from face-to-face again," his next words carried agitation in their tone, "I don't want to be let down by a father who _already_ let me down. He doesn't deserve to see me. He doesn't deserve to see me happy. He doesn't deserve that," he spit.

Adam was now unintentionally squeezing your hand to the point where you were screaming in your head at the pain. You kept a straight face, not wanting him to be upset with himself, as you patted his hand and asked him to relax it. His eyes went soft, "I'm sorry," Adam brought your hand up to his mouth and kissed it, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he kept repeating. He was treating you (and always treated you) like a delicate bird that needed help.

Something to be cared for and to not hurt.

He was treating you like no one ever treated him.

"You're right, Adam," you said softly. His turned his attention back on the road as you went on, "He doesn't deserve you. To see you. To hear what great things you have to say or what smart and interesting ideas flow through your brain. He doesn't deserve to know you. But...but you should think about why you wanted to do this in the first place,"

Adam's hand pulled away from yours and went back to the steering wheel, "You're being cruel,"

"I'm not," you said softly. You could get angry with him at his moodiness right now. You could cross your arms and look out the window, sighing and accepting that this was your 'fight' of the day. You could give up and put your arms up in surrender, letting him decide that seeing his dad wasn't the right move.

But you chose not to do any of those things.

Instead, you reached up twirled pieces of his hair between your fingers as he drove, "I don't need you to see your father. I don't need you to _not_ see him. I need you to do what's best for you. Only you know what's best for you," he looked at you with soft eyes again, then back at the road as you continued, "You said you needed to see him. I want you to tell me why again. I want you to remind yourself. If it doesn't sound right and you think you changed your mind, fine. B-But I want you to say why you wanted to in the first place,"

His grip on the wheel tightened and his eye twitched. You couldn't tell his mood. You hoped it wasn't angry. You hoped you didn't overstep. After a few seconds of him still not speaking, your fingers left his hair and you placed them back in your lap.

You tried. Now you could give up, you guessed.

You were looking out your window when Adam finally started to speak. It took him a while to say it, but he was finally giving you what you asked for.

"I wanted to see him to kill him. I was _going_ to. Then...well then you came back and I didn't want to hurt anymore. I didn't want to be so angry. I'm always so angry," he whispered. He couldn't look at you, but you didn't need him to. Adam just needed to continue...and he did, "It's so fucking exhausting hating someone. It's exhausting hating them and blaming them for why I am the way I am,"

His breath was getting shallow and there was a slight hint of a crack in his voice. Adam kept going, "I am the way I am because I chose to be. I don't want to kill him anymore. I don't want to hate him. I want to see him. I want him to see me. I want him to see me and what kind of man I became without him. I want him to see that I'm _good._ I feel _good_. Not like I'm 'good' like when someone asks 'how are you' and you say 'I'm good'...what I mean is that I want him to see that I'm a good man. I'm a good person. I'm good...and he didn't make me this way. I did. _I did,_ "

Adam gave you so much more than you were expecting. He gave you raw honesty, transparency, vulnerability, and a look into his feelings you hadn't quite seen before, at least not while he was sober. He reached over and grabbed your hand again. You knew in this moment, after hearing himself speak out loud, that he decided to keep the plans of seeing his father. He was going to hang up the phone.   
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my, I have the rest of this planned out and...we have one more adventure until things come to a close with our favorite serial killer. I hope you are ready for healing and heartbreak and goodbyes and everything in-between. I'll let you know when you are three, two, and one chapters away from the last chapter of in the dark.


	29. chapter twenty-eight: watch me leave.

**Wednesday, May 12th**

Three days after your family left, you and Adam set off to Jacksonville, Florida to see his father.

You knew this was not going to be a fun trip to the beach...but you packed a swimsuit just in case.

After getting off of the plane and exiting the airport to find your Uber, you and Adam were hit with the warm, humid, Florida air. Neither of you had been to this state before but you could tell it was going to be a pretty hard trip to get through because of the emotions and this fuckin' weather.

"Fucking hell I'm already sweating. Where's the Uber?" Adam asked sharply.

He'd been grumpy since yesterday. He was constantly doubting whether or not he should really be doing this and it was making him feel overwhelmed. You had to remind him about what he said in the car ride home from the airport on Sunday. That always reassured him.

But now that you were here, he was being even more of an ass.

"Adam, hold on, he's coming. He's in a blue Toyota Corolla and his name is Terrance," you showed him a picture of the driver from your phone. His fists were balled up tightly as they held onto his duffle bag and yours. He was being rude but at least he offered to carry your things, you guessed.

Adam cursed under his breath as you waited for your ride, "Fuck this fuckin' hot as shit fuckin' place," he mumbled.

"Jesus Christ, Adam. Chill," you muttered as you walked closer to the street as you watched the blue Toyota pull up, "He's here, come on,"

Terrance the Uber driver pulled up, stepped out of the car, and helped you and Adam put your things in the trunk. You took off your backpack and threw it in as Adam pushed in the duffle bags. He was being a bit forceful and it made your eyes roll. He was being such a moody baby today.

"Alright y'all, get comfortable. It'll take 'bout thirty minutes to get to where you're goin'," Terrance grinned as you and Adam scooted into the back seat. Terrance had a slight southern accent, something you and Adam weren't used to. Hearing his little drawl made you smile.

"Perfect," you smiled, then buckled your seatbelt. Adam sat on one side of the car by the window, while you were in the middle. You were pressing beside him, your shoulders bumping his and your knees touching.

Terrance started driving and after a bit, you reached over to hold Adam's hand. His hand quickly moved, making it to where you couldn't reach it. He didn't want you to hold his hand.

That was a first. 

"Um, hey. What's wrong?" you whispered, not wanting the driver to hear the two of you quarreling. Adam gave you a mean look. He hadn't given you one of those in a while.

"It's so fucking hot. Can you get off of me?" he asked as he scooted closer to the window, trying to get away from your skin on his. 

Your cheeks started to heat up. You were mad...but he was just being like this because he was overwhelmed. You wanted to tell him off but you also wanted him to just go through whatever he was going through how he needed it. You guessed you were going to be his punching bag for the next few days and that was okay.

You rolled your eyes and scooted away from him.

Whatever. Just let him be how he needs to be.

The rest of the ride was quiet and awkward as fuck. When you pulled up to the hotel you were staying in, Adam got out without a word and immediately began unloading your things. You gave Terrance an apologetic smile and said a small thank you. You pulled on your backpack and followed Adam into the hotel. You tried to keep up with his long strides, but your short legs just couldn't, so you trailed behind him.

When you got up to the room you were staying in, you took your bag from Adam and set it on the dresser. You then took out your laptop from your backpack and sat crisscross on the bed, Googling 'things to do in Jacksonville, FL'. You figured the two of you needed to go somewhere when you were here that might take Adam's mind off of the anxiety from seeing his dad.

Adam was unpacking his things, folding his t-shirts meticulously and setting them in the dresser drawers.

"We're pretty well traveled," you smiled, looking up at him from your laptop. You were trying to lighten his mood.

"Huh?"

"That small town upstate where we went for Thanksgiving, Buffalo, Cape Cod, now here. We're well traveled, don't you think?"

"I guess," he muttered and went back to unpacking his stuff. He was still in a mood.

You rolled your eyes, "Look, I can tell you're nervous to see your dad but—"

"Don't call him that," he spit and turned to look at you, "He's not my dad. He's my father. He doesn't deserve the title of 'dad'. It's too personal,"

Adam turned around again and resumed folding his clothes.

"Sorry, Adam," you apologized even though his tone wasn't really appropriate to you. In any other circumstance you'd definitely call him out for the way he was speaking to you, but you let it slide this time. 

You checked the time. It was 5:32PM and you were fuckin' starving. You opened up a new tab on your web browser and Googled places nearby to eat. As you were searching, Adam finished putting away his things and laid down on the bed next to you. You didn't look at him because you were still a little salty for his behavior today and kept searching for food places. After a minute, you felt a hand on your back that began to move up and down and side to side on you. You looked over at Adam. His eyes were closed but he was still softly rubbing your back.

"Sorry, baby," he said with a tired voice, "Everything is just a lot right now,"

_Oh, my. So angsty one minute, so sweet the next. What am I gonna do with him?_

You put your laptop on the side table and laid beside Adam on your stomach, holding yourself up by your elbows. His eyes opened when he felt you lay by him.

"It's okay. I understand," you said softly. His fingers started to twirl strands of your hair that were hanging down. All of his previous actions melted away, "Are you hungry?" you asked him. Adam nodded.

"What do you want to eat?"

Adam sighed, "I don't care,"

One of your hands cupped the side of his face, your thumb stroking his cheek, "Pizza? Italian? Mexican? Chinese? Whaddya want, babe?"

"Mexican sounds so fucking good," he groaned.

You giggled and leaned down, kissing his forehead, "M'kay I'll look up some places. Do you wanna take a nap? We can leave in an hour to eat if you wanna sleep for a bit,"

"Mhm," he hummed, then closed his eyes.

When you sat back up and were on your laptop again, Adam moved on his side, facing you, and draped an arm around your lap, making sure to keep you close. He was being kind again and it made your heart flutter.

**Thursday, May 13th**

You and Adam had a really great day. You had morning sex, explored downtown Jacksonville a little bit, and ate bomb ass food. You should have known one of his moods was gonna fuck it up.

At dinner, you accidentally brought up seeing his father tomorrow. Sure, you should have known not to discuss that with him, but his dad was the whole reason for why you and Adam were even in Florida. You simply asked Adam what time you were going to see his father. It ended up sparking a fight while you were in the middle of eating your burger. 

The ride back from dinner was quiet as you sat in the backseat with Adam: You on one side of the car, Adam on the other. The middle seat was separating you both. The poor Uber driver must have felt so fuckin' uncomfortable.

When you got back to the hotel, Adam didn't wait for you to catch up to him as he fast-walked inside. The elevator was nearly closing on you until you put a foot in, making it open back up. The asshole didn't look at you as you stepped inside, out of breath. The whole way up, nothing was said. When you got to your floor, Adam stepped out and practically bolted to your room. You had to fast walk to keep up, nervous he was going to let the door shut on you like the elevator.

Once you were inside, Adam went in the bathroom, slamming the door no less, and started to take a shower...alone. He never took showers without you anymore unless you weren't with each other. It made your heart hurt that he was being like this. You pulled on your pajamas and decided to wait and wash your face until he was done. While he showered, you went out on the balcony and leaned on the railing, letting yourself calm down outside in the humid, muggy air for a while. It was around 8:45PM now, the sun was gone, and the sky was dark. You were wishing on the fuckin' stars above that he'd stop acting like a cunt. Looking down, you saw the pool below. It was bright blue from the lights and you wished you could swim so fuckin' bad to wash Adam's shitty mood off of you.

After a bit, you peeked inside and saw Adam pulling a t-shirt over his head. It was hard to be mad at him when he looked so fucking hot. You huffed and stepped inside, walking to the bathroom to wash your face. As you washed your face, letting the cold water hit your skin while you finished up, Adam was leaning on the doorframe, watching you. You glanced over at him while grabbing a hand towel to dry your face.

"Are you going to be nice now?" you spit.

Adam looked down, "I'm sorry,"

You crossed your arms and cocked an eyebrow, "That's interesting. You already apologized yesterday for being an ass, yet you were still acting like one today,"

He tried to interrupt you, but you wouldn't let him speak, "Look, I was fine with being your punching bag at first. I figured you needed it but what the fuck? You're just being mean, now,"

Adam's jaw tightened, "Then stop being so annoying,"

You raised your eyebrows at that, "Ohhhh, so you're _not_ sorry. Alright, Adam. You have fun up here," you pushed by him and walked to your duffle bag, taking something out. You then started to strip as he stared at you.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he asked, hands on his hips.

You pulled on swimsuit bottoms as you replied, "Going swimming. I'm going to relax without having to be worried about being called annoying or having to dance around your fucking mood,"

Your top was now on too, and you put on a big t-shirt as a cover up. Then, you stepped in your slides, took a hotel key card and your phone, and walked out of the room. Adam was trying to get you to stop but you flipped him off and told him you'd see him later.

 _Fucker_.

When you got down to the pool, you noticed how loud it was despite you being alone. The shitty radio music that was playing on the equally shitty speakers filled the air. You took off your t-shirt and shoes, then slowly stepped into the pool, letting your skin adjust to the cold, cold water.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck," you shivered as your body went further in. You finally decided to just bend your knees, letting the water quickly rise up to your shoulders, "FUCK," you whispered loudly. Even if you yelled, you were pretty sure no one could hear you over the music, but you didn't want to sound psychotic if someone could hear you.

After tying your hair up into a bun, you swam to the deeper end of the pool and chilled there for a bit, staying afloat. You'd warmed up to the water by now and your teeth ceased chattering. You opened your mouth and let pool water in, then spit it out like a fountain. Then you realized how fucking disgusting the pool water was and quickly stopped, then giggled at yourself for doing that in the first place. You were just so fuckin' bored...but you sure as hell didn't want to go back up to that room right now.

"Hi," a voice came from behind you.

You spun around to see Adam in swimming trunks, then rolled your eyes and turned back to where you were facing before he showed up. The radio was now playing an old P!nk song and you really thought the night couldn't get any worse.

_Fighting with Adam and now P!nk is on the radio??? Fuck me._

Adam was now in the pool and wincing at the cold water as he stepped further in, "Come here—ah shit—please, baby,"

You cocked an eyebrow but swam over to him in the shallow end, "You don't get to call me 'baby' right now,"

You stood up in the pool, the water going up to your ribs, while Adam slightly bent his knees, making the two of you the same height. You cocked your eyebrow again, waiting for him to say something. Adam tried to grab your waist, but you pushed him away.

"Use your words, not your touch," you commanded.

He gave you a look that said, 'are you serious'.

You gave him one back that said, 'yes the fuck I am'.

Adam sighed and started to speak, "I'm sorry. Really, I am. You should be able to ask and talk about him without me getting upset. That's on me—"

_No shit._

"—and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry I called you annoying. You're not. At all. You're the opposite of annoying. I'm sorry. I love you so much and I'm so glad you're here with me," he finished.

"You don't get to take your frustrations out on me, Adam,"

"I know,"

"Tell me you won't," you demanded.

He squinted at you, "I just did?"

"No, no, no. Say it," you smirked.

Adam took a step toward you, no longer crouching down. He was towering over you in the pool now. His hand found the back of your arm and brushed it, "I won't take my frustrations out on you, baby. I promise,"

You stepped forward until your chest bumped his ribs and you had to crane your neck up at him, "You still don't get to call me baby," you reminded him in a low voice, "I haven't said you could,"

"Ah, I need your permission? Is that right?" his eyes darkened.

You bit your lip and started to breathe a little faster, "Mhm,"

Adam leaned down to kiss you, but you dodged it. 

"You don't get to kiss me, either,"

He was smiling now, "No kissing, touching, or calling you baby? Hmm, what do I get to do to you?"

"You can watch me leave," you smiled devilishly back. Adam looked confused, then caught on once you stepped away from him and got out of the pool. As you dried off with a towel, Adam watched you from the pool. You bent over, ass facing Adam, as you toweled over your legs. His eyes stayed on your body as you put your big t-shirt back on and said, "Bye, Adam,"

It seemed that you announcing your departure made him realize he was still in the pool and needed to get out now. His eyes were telling you he was ready to fuck. You were still deciding if you were going to let him.

Adam raced out of the pool as you smiled at him and went inside. You figured he'd only be a minute behind you, so you fast walked to the elevator, making sure he'd have to catch another one. Once you were on your floor, you booked it to the room and went in the bathroom, taking down your bun and quickly brushing through your hair.

Then, you took off your swimming suit and put on little pajama shorts and one of Adam's t-shirts. You knew he loved to see you in his shit. Just as you slipped it over your head, Adam rushed through the door. He was breathing heavily as he stared at you now, hair undone, in his t-shirt, braless. You could practically see his cock twitching in his swim shorts.

"Take those off," you pointed at his trunks.

Adam did as you said, eyes on yours the whole time. He pulled them off, revealing his semi-hard cock.

"Sit on the bed and put your back on the headboard," you commanded. Adam's eye twitched and you could tell he was hesitant, but he still did it.

You crawled on the bed and went to straddle him, feeling him under you. Your hands went to his face and cupped his cheeks. Leaning your face to his, you let your lips hover over his. He tried to kiss you, but you pulled back, not letting his lips fully meet yours. Instead, you kept teasing him with your lips, brushing them against his.

“You were mean to me,”

Adam ignored you, "I like seeing you in my shirt," he growled. His sweet, hazel eyes were clouded with lust.

Your voice came out in a whisper, "I know you do, Adam,"

He grabbed your hips and pushed them down onto his cock and moaned softly.

"Oh, babe. Be patient," you whispered, leaning down to kiss his neck. His breathing started to turn shallow and fast as you hovered over his sensitive skin. Giving him soft, controlled kisses was hard, especially because he was practically pawing at you. You were trying to go slow, teasing him, while he was ready to be pushed inside of you, filling you up.

You sucked on his neck and let your teeth slightly sink into his skin. As you did this, Adam moaned softly again, sending the vibrations from his throat to your lips. You traveled up to his ear and whispered, "So mean to me today...but now you want me, huh?"

Adam couldn't fucking take it anymore. He grabbed your face, pulling it back in front of him, and kissed you passionately. Moans escaped his mouth and fell into yours as you kissed. Both of your bodies were rocking against each other as you pulled in and out of his kiss, tongues tangling. You felt in-between your legs grow warmer and wetter. The pulse on your clit was getting heavier and stronger as you kept kissing him and feeling him underneath you. He was hard as a rock and you weren't sure how much longer he could last before he needed to really fuck you. You lowered your hips to brush against him. Adam let out a small grunt and tilted his head back slightly, wanting more. You took his bottom lip between your teeth and pulled as you brushed his cock against you again, your hips dipping.

"Ah—fuck, baby—"

You slapped his cheek, not too hard but definitely not too soft.

"Don't fucking call me that," you said him through your teeth.

He groaned your name.

Gripping his chin with one hand now, you whispered on his lips, "Oh Adam, I can't wait to get you inside of me,"

You dipped yourself onto him again, gliding your clothed cunt against his cock.

Adam was so flushed and ready, the only thing he could croak out was, "Yes. Now."

You wanted to resist and tease him more, but you were about to bust, too. Electricity was flying your body and your cunt buzzed in wanting hearing him groan for you. Knowing he was dying to fuck you made you so fucking delirious.

Adam took the bottom of his shirt on you in his hands and began to pull up quickly, as if it were a race, taking it off of you and throwing it somewhere in the room.

Then, he spun you over, your back now on the bed, laying down as he hovered over you. His head fell to your chest as he sucked around your tits, for sure leaving hickeys for tomorrow. Adam then sat up on his knees and with his fingers, hooked onto the waistband of your little pajama shorts and dragged them down your legs until they were completely off, leaving you both naked now.

As he stared at you on the bed, he began to crawl back over you, never breaking eye contact. He situated himself between your legs and your hands found his neck and pulled him down to kiss you. Adam's kiss was passionate as he pushed his tongue into your mouth and gave you bites in-between. Your legs were now hooked on his lower back and your hips naturally positioned themselves for taking him. Adam's cock pushed against your cunt. You were so in need of him inside of you, the small touch of his cock on you made you moan into his mouth.

He pulled his lips away from yours and kissed your neck as he grabbed his big cock in his equally big hands and brushed it over you again, leaving you panting harder, "A—Adam, please. I want y—ah—you in me now,"

His smile looked devilish as he breathed, "You look so good begging for my cock,"

Adam was still teasing you with his cock outside of your pussy, pressing himself against you, but never going in. You sat up, making Adam move as well, and pushed him over to where he was now laying on his back. Getting on top of him, you put your hands on his shoulders and pressed down, pinning him. He looked slightly surprised but let you keep going with whatever you were doing. You really didn't know, yourself.

You dipped your head to his and hovered your lips over his mouth, "Open," you demanded. Adam's mouth reluctantly opened. You gathered saliva from your mouth and slowly spit into his, something you'd never done before.His eyelids were heavy as he watched you spit in his mouth. He smiled.

Still straddling him, you sat up and started to glide your pussy on his cock, never going inside. You were in control again.

Adam tried to sit up and maneuver himself, but you pinned him back down and tsk'd at him, "Oh, no baby, you stay there,"

He was breathing hard now and twitching under you. You pressed on his cock again and a small moan left his mouth, "Please—ah,"

You let out a smile and cocked your head, "You look so good begging to be inside of me,"

Adam sat up and kissed you hard, his right hand around your neck and his left in your hair. He moaned in your mouth as you positioned yourself on his cock and moved your hips into him, finally getting him inside of you. The both of you said 'fuck' between your teeth as he entered you.

You adjusted to his size, as you always did, and then went in a routine motion with your hips, riding him. 

“Good fucking girl. You feel so fucking good," he breathed.

The two of you were breathing like you were running a fucking marathon. His cock was moving and hitting every sweet spot inside of you. Adam's moans in your ear were like angel's singing. He pulled your face to his and had you look in his eyes while you fucked.

"You're mine," he groaned.

"You're mine what?"

Adam smiled and squeezed your hips, "You're mine, baby,”

He kissed you briefly, then suddenly, he flipped and pushed you on your back and got on top of you again. Adam plunged his cock inside of you and lifted your right leg to his shoulder, fucking you from a better angle. You cried out in pleasure as he pumped in and out, each pump harder and faster than the one before. Adam was getting close, you could tell. You positioned your hips slightly, making his skin slap against yours louder, knowing that would send him over the edge.

You grabbed his face with your hands, "Apologize f-for being a dick,"

Adam's pink face turned red, his eyebrows furrowing, "I-I'm sorry—FUCK—I'm sorry for being a dick,"

As he pumped faster and thrusted harder inside of you, a burning sensation started in your core. The both of you were close.

"Fuck, I love y-you, baby," he moaned.

At that, you suddenly came hard, a wave of release crashing over your body. You clenched around Adam's cock that was still thrusting inside of you. You squeezed your eyes shut as you finished your orgasm until Adam told you to open them.

"Watch me cum inside of you, baby," he breathed.

You opened your eyes, still reeling from your climax, but watched him as he filled you with his cum, his eyes never leaving yours.

\--

After fucking a few more times, each time being less and less angry at each other, you and Adam finally cleaned up and got into bed to sleep. Adam turned off the lamp and faced you in bed. You bit your lip, nervous to bring up his dad again, but you felt like you needed to.

"Hey,"

"Hm?"

"Tomorrow is a big day,"

You felt Adam tense. You were really hoping he wasn't going to have another meltdown.

"I know," he said softly.

"How do you feel?"

You could tell he didn't want to answer. He did anyway, "Nervous...scared,"

You scratched the back of his head, "Makes sense," you let a moment of silence pass before speaking again, this time in a whisper, "I'm proud of you,"

Adam took in a sharp breath and put his forehead on yours. He didn't say anything for a long time.

"Will you just um, hold me?" he suddenly asked.

You'd never been the one to hold him. It was always the opposite.

"Okay," you agreed as you laid on your back, letting Adam snuggle up to you. He nuzzled his head on your chest and wrapped one of his arms around your waist.

You held him like that until he fell asleep.

**Friday, May 14th**

"Adam, are you sure you want me to go in?" you asked nervously as you rode in the Uber to his father's house.

His leg was bouncing from anxiety, "Yes. I want you with me,"

"Okay,"

You waited to go to his father's house until after 5PM, assuming he could have a job or something. Adam figured he'd definitely be home. You tried to convince him to call first instead of randomly visiting, but he insisted that he didn't want his father to have a chance to say no. Adam wanted to be able to show up and look him in the eyes.

Once you arrived, you really thought the Uber dropped you off at the wrong house. After checking the address again, you realized it was correct. You stepped out of the car with Adam and observed your surroundings. The house was in a neighborhood, but the homes weren't tightly packed together like a regular cookie-cutter neighborhood. They were spread out with huge front yards. The houses themselves were more like mansions, but a humble version, if that made sense. Adam grabbed your hand and stared at the house. You could tell he was trying to figure out how his father lived here.

"Are you ready?" you asked Adam, looking up at him.

He kept his eyes on the house and replied, "No, but I guess we're already here," he bit his lip, "Let's go,"


	30. chapter twenty-nine: forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend re-reading the story from the beginning before reading the next few updates. I'll be doing the same so I can relive everything before it's over.

**Monday, May 14th**

Adam's shaking finger pressed the doorbell button. It seemed like the two of you waited at that front door a billion years. Adam’s grip on your hand got tighter as you kept waiting for someone to come to the door.

Hopefully no one would be home so Adam wouldn't have the chance to kill them. You really weren't sure what to expect in there.

Despite your hopes, you saw a figure approach through the glass. The door unlocked, then opened, revealing a man who looked a hell of a lot like an older version of Adam.

 _His father._

He seemed clean and nicer than you expected him to look. He was wearing a button down and slacks, as if he'd just gotten off of work. The man's face fell and went white when he saw Adam.

"Adam,"

You could tell that was the first time in a long time Adam's name had come out of this man's mouth.

His father's jaw tensed, "I knew you'd come one day,"

Adam couldn't speak. You could tell he wanted to, though. His lips were parted and his Adam's apple bobbed up and down, as if he were on the brink of finding his voice. You decided to step in, introducing yourself, "Hi. Nice to meet you," you gave a little wave and told his father your name, "I hope we aren't intruding,"

"N-No, come in," Adam's father stepped back with the door, inviting you and Adam inside. You squeezed Adam's hand and walked in.

The house was fucking huge. The entryway itself was as big as you and Adam's apartments in NYC combined. Above you and Adam as you first walked in was a chandelier that sparkled and greeted each guest of the home. His father lived a life you weren't expecting. By the look on Adam's face, you figured he wasn't expecting this either. Adam looked physically sick and you couldn't blame him.

His father shut the door and started walking into the house, "Um, follow me. We can talk in the kitchen. Come,"

You looked up at Adam and gave him a reassuring smile, "Hey," you whispered, "You're okay,"

Adam took a deep breath and tried to smile back but it wasn't really working. Instead, he simply whispered back, "I'm okay," and brought your wrist up to his mouth, kissing his initial on your gold bracelet.

When you arrived in the big ass kitchen, Adam's father was getting down glasses and filling them up with water. He gave you and Adam a glass, then said you could all sit in the 'breakfast nook'. It was a rich people thing, apparently.

Adam never really disclosed what exactly he wanted to explicitly say to his dad, just that he wanted his dad to see him. Now that the both of you were here, it was awkward as fuck. Where to begin? Oh, hey man. You really fucked up your son. We just wanted to tell you he's good now, even though you suck ass. And by the way, he wants to murder you hahaha. You wished you could go off on him, but you wanted Adam to have his moment and do whatever he needed to do.

Glancing around, you saw some framed photos of a family.

_Oh shit._

It was obviously Adam's dad's new family. You looked at Adam quickly and saw he hadn't noticed the photos. That was probably for the best. You repositioned yourself in the chair, trying to block the pictures out of his view.

"Sorry, I'm Greg. I didn't introduce myself," his father said to you, reaching out his hand over the table. You shook it quickly, then pulled away.

_A motherfucker named GREG fucked Adam up?_

You put your hand on Adam's knee, letting him know you were here with him. His hand fell on yours instantly, holding it tight.

"I'm sorry to show up like this," Adam finally spoke.

"How are you? Y-you've grown," his dad commented.

 _Since he was sixteen? No shit, Sherlock_.

You could feel Adam's breathing quicken, so you brushed your thumb over his hand, back and forth, to soothe him.

"Good...I um, I'm really good,"

"Mm. Where—where do you live? Are you still in Indiana?" his dad asked.

"No, no. New York, now. The city,"

His dad smiled, "Ah, very nice. I've been a few times,"

They went back-and-forth a few more times, almost as if they were catching up about small and surface level aspects of their lives.

Watching them talk was like watching a really bad comedy movie, not that this was funny at all, just that it was so fucking hard to get through. His father was trying to be relational and Adam was being short, not that you blamed him. It was just so fucking uncomfy for everyone.

"Adam is getting his PhD in psychology at Columbia. That's where we met...well kinda, haha," you laughed, trying to make the conversation flow a bit easier. You could tell his dad was trying so you figured you'd help Adam out.

His dad looked a bit shocked, "Columbia? Wow,"

"Yea. Adam also went to Purdue and the University of Texas," You could tell Adam felt pretty uncomfortable with you talking about him, but you wanted his dad to know how smart he was and all of the really great schools he has degrees from.

"Impressive," his father said as he took a drink of water, “And you two met where?”

“Technically we met at Central Park,” Adam said, smiling down at you, “but we only barely met. We really officially met at Columbia. It’s a long story,” he chuckled.

Adam seemed to break out of his comfortability when he looked back at his father. Adam’s face was serious again.

There was a bit of an awkward pause until Greg spoke again, "Can I ask how you found me?"

Oof.

Adam bit his lip, "I uh—I'm good at finding people,"

_Serial killer things._

You quickly changed the subject, "Um, your house is really lovely,"

"Thank you. Usually there'd be teens running around but they're out with their mom right now," Greg said, looking directly at Adam.

Fuck. You shouldn't have brought up the house.

"Kids? Y-You have kids?" Adam asked. It didn't sound surprised or shocked, but seemed like he wanted to know more about them. Fuck, you realized Adam had _half-siblings._

Greg smiled and looked out the window, "Yea. There's four. They're thirteen, fifteen, seventeen, and nineteen years old. Really good kids," he glanced at Adam, "Want to see a picture?"

Adam's eyebrows raised slightly and he answered immediately, "Yes,"

His dad went to get a photo from what looked like the living room. While he was gone, Adam didn't say a word, but kissed your head and held your hand a little tighter again. When his father came back, he held a small framed photo and sat down. He set it on the table and slid it over to the two of you, pointing at each kid.

"Um, this is Caroline. She's thirteen, the youngest. This one is Violet. She's fifteen and is really into wanting to visit New York City. She loves looking at photos," Greg said, smiling at the picture, "Um, this one is Ava. She's seventeen. She's the oldest girl. And, this is Gregory—"

Fuck.

Gregory was the spitting image of Adam.

"—Gregory is our oldest. He's nineteen. He goes to the University of Alabama but he's done for the year so he'll be here for the summer,"

Adam nodded as he looked at the picture of his seemingly perfect half-siblings, "Beautiful family," he gulped.

"Thank you,"

You spoke now, "Yea, they're really beautiful children. I hope Violet can visit the city one day. We love it there,"

"Ah, yes we'd like to plan a trip for Christmas or something. Karen and I have been thinking about it,"

Karen was probably his new wife.

It was quiet again.

His father chuckled randomly, breaking the silence, "So what? Do you need money or something?"

Well, you guessed the small talk was over. You wanted to smack the shit outta his dad.

"No," you shot at him before Adam could reply.

"To kill me?" his father asked.

It made your eyes go wide.

 _Why, yes actually. That was the original plan according to Adam_.

"No," Adam answered.

"Well, what is it?" Greg pressed.

You could tell Adam’s heart was pounding as he answered, “I needed to see you...after all of these years. I just needed to see you. A-And for you to see me," Adam spoke carefully. You knew if he didn't control his tone and words, he'd get emotional or angry and he didn't want that. Technically, Greg wouldn't want that. He'd end up dead.

"I finally found you after all of this time and...and I needed to see you face-to-face," Adam finished.

His dad looked down at his lap, "Ah, I see. How's your sister?"

Adam's jaw tensed, "I don't know,"

Greg looked back at Adam, confused, "You don't know?"

"No,"

"You're mother?"

"I don't know," Adam said in a low voice. Your heart broke for him.

His dad took the picture of his new family back in his hands and looked at it for a bit, before quietly speaking, "You know, Adam...I've changed,"

Adam tensed again, "Yeah, I see the way you live here is different from back in Indiana," he said, looking around the home.

"No, it's more than that. I'm a different man. Um," Greg looked your way and started snapping in your direction, "Oh God, sorry, I've forgotten your name,"

You reminded him with a hint of attitude.

"Right, yes. Um, do you mind hanging out on the porch while me and Adam talk?"

You raised your eyebrows and opened your mouth, but Adam spoke up before you could, "No, she stays,"

Greg seemed irritated, "Okay," he said through his teeth.

_Well damn. Now I kinda wanna be out on that porch._

His father continued, "Adam, I'm a different man. I'm not the same father I was. I'm not the same man from back then...I came here after Indiana a—and had a fresh start,"

"Must have been nice to just leave your family and get a fresh start," you accidentally blurted.

You saw Adam try to conceal a small smile that formed over his lips.

His father didn't look pleased with your outburst. He turned his attention back to Adam, "I'm sorry I left. I had to—“

"You didn't have to leave," Adam muttered.

“What was that?"

You felt Adam's hand twitch in yours as he replied, "You didn't have to leave. You chose to. You could have stayed and become a 'changed' man with us. You're a coward," he said confidently. Adam wasn’t getting overly angry and you were so proud of him.

His dad’s jaw clenched but he didn’t say anything. He just sat across from the two of you in silence again.

"You know, it really fucked me up for a while," Adam told his father, "I was in a dark place for a long, long time...but I'm not there anymore,"

You could tell his dad wasn't sure what to say, so he just said, "That's great,"

There was another awkward pause.

"I think about you guys all the time," his father said softly, "You, your mom, and your sister,"

"What good is thinking?" Adam asked matter-of-factly.

Silence draped over the whole house for another minute or two. No one really knew what to say.

Greg finally spoke, “I think you should go,” he glanced at the expensive watch on his wrist, “They'll be back soon,"

"You're family," Adam seemed to remind himself.

"Yes, my family," his father looked down.

When the three of you made it to the front of the house again, Greg held the door open for you and Adam to leave. You stepped outside, but before Adam did, he held out his hand toward his dad. His father looked down at his hand, then back up at Adam.

He reluctantly shook Adam’s hand.

\--

The Uber ride home was quiet, as you expected it to be. You tried to sit on the other side of the car, letting the middle seat separate you and Adam, giving him space, but a few seconds after you sat down, Adam unbuckled your seatbelt and dragged you to the middle.

He wanted to be close to you.

Adam held your hands the whole way to the hotel.

When you arrived inside of your room, it was now 7:45PM, and you had no fucking clue what the rest of the night would look like. Would he want to eat something? Go get drinks? Swim? Sleep? You couldn't tell what was going through Adam's head as he silently walked around the room, picking up your dirty clothes and putting them with his.

"Adam?"

He was still picking things up off of the floor and didn't look at you as he replied, "Yeah?"

You sat on the bed and watched him organize a few more things, "Hey, we don't have to do that tonight. We can pack and clean tomorrow morning. We have time before our flight," you said softly, making sure to sound sweet and caring, not demanding. Adam was hunched over his duffle bag, but stood up straight and dropped his things on the ground after you were done speaking. His back was to you and he was facing the wall. He just stood there, staring. A good ten seconds passed of him staring before you decided to say something. It was kind of scaring you.

"...Adam,"

There was a small pause before he spoke, "He didn't get punished. He got rewarded,"

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, "What? Who? Hey, look at me. Come here,"

Adam turned around but didn't move. He stayed over by the bathroom wall while you sat on the edge of the bed. The look on his face was blank, like all emotion was drained from his face, "My father. What he did to us. He got rewarded for it. His life is perfect,"

Adam was hurting himself by saying this and it was breaking your heart.

"It lives in his conscience," you tried to tell him.

"That's not enough,"

You questioned Adam softly, "It isn't?"

"No,"

You thought for a moment, "Well, what is enough, then?"

"He deserves so much pain. Instead, he has so much love around him," he said in a low voice. Adam was so shattered and you knew you had to help pick up the pieces somehow.

"You have love around you," you said softly, "So much more love than you know,"

"I don't deserve it,"

"Yes, you do, Adam,"

"He doesn't deserve his," he spit.

"Maybe not...but what he did is something he has to live with,"

Adam's lip quivered, making his chin wiggle, too. He was on the edge of crying, "I just wish he didn’t leave,"

"Do you? Do you really wish that, Adam?" you asked, knowing he didn't actually wish that at all.

"...No, I don't," he whispered as his hand ran through his hair. You saw tears fall to his cheeks. Adam’s eyes crinkled as he squeezed them shut and his face scrunched up.

"Oh Adam, come here," you begged.

Suddenly, Adam started to cry...really cry.

Even though you didn't like crying in front of people, you cried in front of Adam a handful of times. He'd only cried in front of you three times, and it was only because you were crying first or because he was expressing how much he loved you. Those tears of his were nothing compared to this. This was a different kind of sob. Adam wasn't just letting a few tears fall with small sniffles, he was bawling like you'd never seen a man do before. His chest shook every time he let out a cry. Adam's big hands covered his face, concealing his sobs, and he slowly lowered to the floor where he was now on his knees, sitting back on his heels.

You stood up, not knowing what to do. Did he want to be touched? To be held? To be left alone? You weren't used to having to comfort him. He always comforted you. You felt useless right now, as if you weren't fulfilling your one job as his partner because you didn't know what to do. You didn't know what he needed from you.

Wanting to 'help' somehow, you stood in front of him, leaned over, and put your hand on his back, rubbing it. You wanted to tell him you were here with him.

Suddenly, Adam grabbed at the bottom of your shirt and pulled you down onto your knees with him. He took you in his arms and hugged you. It didn't feel like a 'hug' but more like he was holding onto you for dear life, not wanting to ever let you go. You held him back and stayed there with him as he cried over your shoulder. Every guttural cry of his was right in your ear and you felt the hurt and pain radiate off of him and onto you. You hated how much he pain he was in. Tears brimmed your eyes as you squeezed him tighter and kissed the side of his head over and over again.

"Never leave me," he whispered between cries.

"Never, Adam," your cheeks were wet as tears fell from your eyes, "Never,"

"You're mine f-forever,"

"Yes, Adam. Yours forever,"

"Forever," he reminded you.

"Yes, forever, Adam," you whispered.

After a while of holding each other, both of your cries softening, Adam pulled back, facing you. He cupped your face and stared at you for a moment, before kissing you hard. You took the back of his neck in your hands, holding him close. Adam broke the kiss and rested his forehead on yours, silently staring again. His eyes filled with tears once more as he gazed at you, "I love you," he breathed, then kissed you again, harder and more passionately, tears falling again, "I love you so much," he repeated against your lips, "More than I love anything,"

The love between you two was so much to handle right now. You couldn't help but cry into his kiss, too.

You didn't stop Adam when he started to pull up on your shirt, removing it. When he lifted it over your head, Adam's puffy eyes hit yours. Seeing him cry tugged at your heart and made you only want to be closer to him. You leaned forward and started kissing him again. First, it was a few long kisses, then both of your tongues were tangling together and passion took over. You felt electricity in your veins and your lips and chin began to quiver. You moved yourself to straddle Adam as he turned his body, his back now against the foot of the bed for support. Both of you were still on the ground, fully enveloping each other. His hands gravitated to your back and pulled you even closer against him. There wasn't a part of your body that wasn't touching.

The both of you were pulling back and forth, in and out of each other's kiss, quiet sobs falling into each other's mouths.

Your hands were running through his thick, black hair and started to pull at the strands when Adam began to kiss your neck. As he sucked on you, you drifted your hands down to pull up at his shirt and start to remove it with his help.

"Forever," he whispered with misty eyes before pulling you back into his kiss. His kiss was messy and emotional, like he was eager to have your mouth against his, completely consuming you. He gave your bottom lip a quick bite, thenpushed you down against his hardening cock that was trying to break free from his pants. You needed him inside of you so bad, you let out a small moan and started to feel your legs go numb in wanting.

Adam unbuckled his belt and removed the rest of his clothes, making you do the same. You straddled back over Adam and kissed him more. Breathing heavily, you managed to get out, "Adam—fuck me, already,”

He quickly positioned himself under you, gave you another 'I love you', and nodded. You slowly sunk onto his cock and shut your eyes as he filled you. Your mouth opened, letting out a whimper of pleasure. After you were comfortable, you began to move your hips quicker, letting a rhythmic motion take over. It felt like Adam was filling up every single space inside of you as you fucked him. You dipped your hips down as Adam lifted his, making sure he was hitting you deep, his cock ramming up to your stomach.

Adam grunted through his teeth, "I love you,"

Your cunt clenched at every dip onto him. Your senses were going crazy. You heard your moans on top of his, along with the slapping of your bodies against each other. You were getting intense pleasure in between your legs while pain hit your shoulders as Adam sunk his teeth into you with little bites that drove you crazy.

"More," you uttered in between breaths. Adam listened to you and bit down on your shoulders, leaving marks for tomorrow.

Your nails pressed into the back of Adam's scalp, making him grab your hips and push you down on him harder. He groaned on your shoulder, then raised one hand to grab your jaw, making you watch him. Adam's eyes seemed to get cloudy, his mouth was slightly open, and his eyebrows were knitting. You knew he was close.

"I love you, Adam," you whispered, breathless, as you tightened yourself around him, helping his climax.

Soon after, Adam came hard inside of you. It must have been the emotions from today and the intense love that made his moans loud, filling the room. You stayed on top of him as he came down, both of you breathing fast against each other. His big eyes stared into yours and your chest tightened. You'd been through so much with Adam as individuals and as a couple.

You knew life was going to be forever with Adam. The look on your face and the tears in your eyes again must have told him exactly what you were thinking.

Adam lifted your wrist to his mouth and kissed the gold bracelet on the charm of his initial, just like he did earlier.

"I love you," he breathed.

"Adam, I love you more,"

His soft eyes gazed at the bracelet, then went back to yours, "Let's shower,"

You kissed him softly, then rose up, letting Adam pull out of you. After helping Adam up off of the floor, you walked to the bathroom and started the shower. You both got in and let the water soak you, taking turns standing under the showerhead. As Adam stood under the water getting his hair wet, you wrapped your arms around his waist, hugging him. He hugged you back, his arms around you and his chin resting on the top of your head. You held each other tight, hoping the other would never let go.

You stayed there silently for a bit until Adam spoke softly, "I miss our shampoo, baby. I hate the hotel ones,"

You giggled against him, "I miss our shampoo, too,"

After a moment, you looked up at him, "Are you okay? After today?"

Adam took a deep breath and gave you a soft smile, "I'm okay,"

There was a beat of silence.

"You know, I-I don't have a family. I never really ever had one," Adam said, taking your face in his hands, "B-But _you_... _you're_ my family,”

Hearing him say that hit you like a ton of bricks. Your stomach fell and your heart raced. Adam was your family and you were his. You pulled him against you for another hug so he couldn't see you cry again.

\--

Adam was quiet on the way back to New York. In the Uber to the airport, on the plane, and back at his apartment, he stayed quiet. Adam wasn't giving you the silent treatment or anything, he just wasn't initiating conversation or wanting to discuss anything heavy. He was probably already doing that in his head. You figured he was trying to piece together the last few days and you knew he needed to process it in his own way. 

Hey, at least he wasn't being mean to you like earlier this week.

Back in the city, Adam stayed like that for a few days. He was mild-mannered, quiet, and also pretty needy. You weren't complaining, though. It was nice when he asked you to hold him before bed. He started to hug you longer than normal, kiss you harder, and whisper how much he loved you at night after he thought you'd already fallen asleep. He would constantly touch you throughout the day, always needing your skin on his. You figured he was needing to be comforted extra hard right now.

It was especially hard when Adam would tell to you to never leave him. You always reminded him that you never would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are three chapters left.


	31. chapter thirty: goodbyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter with Nia and Thomas. i'm so sad. i love them.

**Tuesday, June 29th**

Life felt like a rollercoaster with Adam for the past year. There'd be a few weeks of really good and a few weeks of really hard shit you two would be going through. After you and Adam got back from Florida and Adam started to feel better, you had a whole month of bliss before it got hard again. You and Adam weren't fighting or anything, thank fuck. It was hard this time because you were getting ready to say goodbye to Thomas. It just felt like life kept punching you in the face. You wanted to just run away from it all for a while. That cabin in Alaska you kept dreaming about sure sounded nice right about now.

You, Nia, and a few other of Thomas' close friends were throwing him a going away 'party' at a small bar a few blocks from campus. Adam didn't like get-togethers, especially with people he didn't know that well, but you convinced him to come along, insisting the two of you could get shit faced.

As you were putting on makeup in your bathroom, Adam groaned from the kitchen, "Are you sure you want me there? I'll see them tomorrow. Don't you want to spend time with your friends without me?"

You rolled your eyes and put on a thin layer of lip gloss, "Adam Douglas Driver, you're going with me," you called out.

You heard him groan again from the other room.

"Take like two shots of Fireball so you're feeling good by the time we get there," you said, walking out of the bathroom.

"Are you wearing lip gloss?" Adam asked when he saw you.

You smiled, knowing you never wore shit like this, "Mhm. We're going _out_ Adam. Going out calls for lip gloss,"

He smiled at you, taking in your appearance for a moment before responding, "It looks pretty,"

"Thanks," you blushed. Sometimes he reminded you that while the two of you were 'steady' he could still make your cheeks turn red, as if he were your middle school crush, or like back when the two of you weren't dating yet.

"Um, so...Fireball?"

Adam frowned, "Yeah, okay," he agreed, then got two shot glasses down from one of your cabinets. You got out the Fireball and poured the little glasses.

"Ready?" you smiled.

"I guess,"

You and Adam threw back the shot of Fireball. It burned like a bitch as the cinnamon whiskey went down your throat, but you were a professional at shooting this godawful liquid by now.

Adam scrunched his face in disgust, "Shit, this is terrible,"

"I know, babe. Come on, two more," you encouraged him while filling up both of your shot glasses.

"Fuck it," he murmured and threw back another as you did the same.

Adam had one more shot while you skipped the third, knowing that if you had more than two, your lightweight ass would be twerking on the subway in thirty minutes.

"Okay okay, let's go!" you excitedly yelped, tugging on Adam's arm.

He took a deep breath and kissed your hand that he held as the both of you walked out of the door.

\--

The bar was small but loud. There were a lot of people, but it wasn't quite packed yet this early in the night. The lights inside were a deep red. All you needed were purple and blue lights, then you'd be on the set of Euphoria.

"ADAM!!!!" Nia squeaked across the room as the two of you walked in. She ran to the two of you and hugged Adam tight, first.

"Hi, Nia," he greeted kindly.

You pursed your lips, "Hey, Nia! I'm here, too you know!"

Nia gave you a big smile and pulled away from Adam, wrapping you in her arms now, "Hey," she started to whisper in your ear as she hugged you, "So I'm already a little fucked up. You have to catch up with me, okay?"

You giggled, "Okay, Nia,"

Adam went to the bar and got you a vodka cranberry and himself a Crown and coke. When you had your drinks, you both went over to where everyone else was sitting and hanging out in one corner in the bar with an array of couches. You introduced everyone else to Adam. It was mostly friends from classes that you and Thomas both had. There were about ten other people there to say goodbye.

You and Adam sat down next to Nia and Thomas. Thomas leaned over and kissed your temple, saying hi. He then reached across you to shake Adam's hand. Adam actually smiled at him and made normal conversation with him, as if they were friends or something...because they technically were now.

_The crops are flourishing._

_My skin is clear._

_All is right in the world._

_What in the actual fuck._

You sipped on your vodka cranberry as you listened to group tell stories about Thomas. He was seriously loved by so many people. By the time it was your turn, you'd finished two drinks and felt almost drunk, your eyelids heavy and cheeks heated.

"Okay okay okay," you started, "My faaaavorite memory of Thomas is when—" you started to giggle, "—fuck okay sorry. My favorite memory is when Thomas and I were like sophomores, so like what? Two years ago? Yea. Yea, two years ago. Okay, so we were sophomores and we'd just gotten reaaaalllyyyy high together,"

Thomas started to laugh, knowing where you were going with this one.

"We really wanted snacks but we didn't want to go to the little store below his apartment. Sooo do you know what we fucking did?" you giggled some more, "We were soooo fucking high that we took an Uber from MAN-FUCKING-HATTEN to CAPE FUCKING COD—"

Everyone was laughing at this point, knowing this sounded like some shit Thomas would do.

"—because Thomas wanted to eat the snacks his family had there because he insisted they were the best. By the time we got there, we weren't high anymore and we were freaking out because we were in a different fucking state without a car. That's my besssttt Thomas story, hands down!" you giggled.

When everyone was done chatting about your story, it was the next person's turn. Because you were going in a circle, it was technically Adam's time to go.

"Um, well I haven't known Thomas as long as you all have," Adam started, "But my favorite memory was going on that fucking hunt for chicken that Nia needed even though she's vegetarian," he laughed, "We ended up um, bonding pretty easily," Adam smiled at Thomas.

"I knew it'd make you guys get along!!" Nia shouted excitedly.

As the next few people went, Adam got you and himself another drink. When he got back, he sat down and pulled you onto his lap. You giggled and wrapped an arm around his neck as one of his hands rested on your waist, the other holding his glass. You noticed Adam's glossy eyes when he brought his drink up to his mouth, sipping on his Crown and coke. You smiled down at him and took another sip of your own, then turned your attention back to the stories of Thomas.

A mutual friend began to talk about how Thomas would hit his dab pen in class, blowing the smoke into his backpack. Laughter erupted in the bar as the friend described how the professor was completely oblivious.

You shifted yourself slightly on Adam's lap, making be you able to sit more comfortably, when you noticed Adam was finished with his drink. He set it on the table in front of you and leaned back again, putting his now free hand on the outside of your thigh. As the two of you kept listening to the talk around you, Adam's fingers on your thigh stroked up and down, sending goosebumps all over. Your breathing fastened slightly at his touch.

You took the hand you had on the back of Adam's neck and started to twirl his hair, then scratch the nape of his neck, then twirl his hair some more. The two of you were lightly touching each other at first, but as it went on, his fingers slowly moved across your thigh toward the inside of it. He was no longer grazing your thigh but gripping it and running his hand up and down. Your scratches on his neck hardened, nails digging in his skin.

You felt Adam's growing erection pressing onto your ass under you.

Now looking down at him, and Adam up at you, his eyes were full of lust and his lips were parted. He wanted to fuck you right here, right now, and you wanted him to.

Adam tilted his chin up for you to kiss him, so you craned your head down slightly and kissed him softly. While your mouth against his was light, your nails dug into his neck harder and with more pressure. Adam's hand between your thighs drifted further up and under your dress, barely reaching your panties. He stroked his thumb dangerously close to your core, and in that moment, you decided you couldn't keep waiting anymore. Wetness grew between your legs and you needed him to fuck you.

"Wait thirty seconds, then you can follow me," you breathed onto his lips, then got up and shuffled to the very back of the bar by the restrooms. Waiting those thirty seconds, horny as ever, felt like you were waiting for thirty years.

When Adam was finally at the back of the bar with you, he instantly took your face in his hands and kissed sloppily, as if it were the last kiss he was getting before he died and he needed to taste every part of your mouth to remember you. He backed you up, kicking open one of the bathroom doors that was for 'single use'.

Adam locked it behind him and went right back to kissing you ferally. His tongue danced with yours in no specific rhythm, and his hands were all over you. You moaned into his mouth as the kiss deepened, and your hands raked through his hair. He kept backing you up until you hit the bathroom wall, where he pinned you there and, while kissing you, started to unbuckle his belt.

"Fuck, Adam," you breathed, "Quick,"

You hiked up your dress and turned around, face pressing against the wall. Even though you were a little drunk, you weren't gone enough to make a mental note to scrub your face extra hard tonight.

Adam freed his cock and pressed up behind you, leaning down and kissing and sucking your neck.

"Adammmm," you whined, wanting him to fuck you already.

He smiled against your neck and positioned himself at your entrance before gliding his cock into you. You moaned against the wall as Adam thrusted behind you, curses and your name leaving his mouth. Adam took your hands and put them above your head, holding onto them as he fucked you against the wall.

After you were both done, you had to clean up you and Adam's cum that was practically dripping around your entrance. When you decided you were done and looked decent enough to go out, you left the restroom first and walked back to the main area of the bar.

Nia looked pleasantly shocked to see you walk toward her, your hair probably messy and your eye makeup probs a bit smudged. Her jaw dropped, "You slut! You just got fucked in th—"

You quickly covered Nia's mouth, shutting her up, "Shh!"

You let her go as the both of you gave each other sneaky smiles and looked around, making sure no one heard about how much of a 'slut' you were.

"Y'all are worse than me and Thomas," she whispered.

You smiled and saw Adam was over at the bar now, talking with Thomas and a few other people. He noticed your gaze and smiled, then winked at you. 

"Yeah, we are," you replied to Nia.

\--

Later in the night, you and Adam were standing and talking, leaning against the wall casually. Suddenly, Adam held out his hand for you to take, as if he were wanting to...dance? You squinted at him, but took his hand and cocked an eyebrow, as if to ask, 'what are you up to?'

He smiled and pulled you close. Adam's hand in yours lifted in a dancing position, while his other hand rested at your waist. You naturally lifted your other hand to the back of his neck and slowly danced with him in the now crowded bar. He leaned down and rested his forehead on yours, his big eyes sparkling at you.

Adam pulled you even closer and had his hand on your lower back, now. The two of you swayed to the song playing, GONE GONE/THANK YOU by Tyler, The Creator. This wasn't exactly a slow dancing song, but you two didn't care. You'd slow dance to any song with him.

The Macarena?

For all you cared, it was a slow dance song.

The Office theme song?

100% a slow dance song if Adam wanted it to be.

But for now, you slow danced to Tyler, The Creator until the song was over.

**Wednesday, June 30th**

"Jesus Christ, Thomas. You have a lot of shit," Adam looked wide eyed at the mountains of boxes in Thomas' apartment.

"Yeaaaahhhh," Thomas agreed, stoned out of his mind. He was distracting himself from the fact that he was moving to D.C. today.

Nia picked one up and pushed it into Adam's arms, "Okay, let's get started!

The four of you walked each box downstairs and outside to the moving truck that Nia and Thomas were driving down to D.C. You and Nia didn't help with the big stuff, just the boxes. The both of you wanted to save the heavy lifting to Thomas and Adam. It wasn't because you were lazy or not 'strong'...You and Nia wanted to watch them put a sweat in, figuring it'd be hot as shit watching them move a bed, a couch, and a dresser.

...and it was.

You and Nia stood outside under the hot New York sun, watching them load up the last heavy item. Adam was wearing a shirt that was a little snug and hugged his biceps just right. The sweat on his muscles made them look toned as fuck. His long hair stuck to his forehead and neck. You could honestly fuck him right there in the street as everyone watched. Nia stared at Thomas the same way you stared at Adam.

"God, we're horny," you giggled, still gazing at Adam.

"Mhmmmm," Nia hummed seductively as she bit her lip, keeping her eyes on Thomas.

The boys shut the back of the truck and locked it up. Adam made his way over to you and kissed you, his way of just saying 'hi'.

"I'm going to say goodbye to them and walk home by myself. You should say goodbye alone. Have your own moment with them. Is that okay?" Adam whispered to you.

Well shit. You kind of forgot you had to say goodbye.

"Yea, that's okay,"

Adam pecked you on the lips again before spinning around and playfully grabbing Nia into a hug. He was getting more comfortable with her and it made your heart happy. Nia giggled as she hugged Adam, "Oh man, I'm gonna miss you over the summer!" she squealed.

"Hurry back. This one is going to be tired of me by August without you here," Adam teased, referencing you.

You watched Adam as he stepped toward Thomas now. Thomas shook his hand, but then was pulled into a hug by Adam. This was so fucking out of character for both of them. You could have sworn the world was ending or something.

They were talking to each other softly for a moment, and you and Nia couldn't hear what they were saying. When they were done saying goodbye, Adam waved at everyone again. He then kissed your cheek and told you he'd see you at home, then left. 

Now, it was your turn to say goodbye.

Nia practically attacked you with a hug. As she squeezed you tight, you asked, "When will you be back, again?"

"End of summer. We decided to stay with each other until I officially start my big girl job in September,"

"Well, I'll miss you,"

"I'll miss you more," there was a beat of silence, "...fuck, this summer is gonna hurt," she said, her voice tired.

You pursed your lips, "I know, but at least you'll get to spend it together...preparing, ya know?"

"I know. That's what's going to hurt...knowing it's over but choosing to sit with each other in it. It's going to hurt like a bitch but I'd rather hurt with him than hurt alone,"

You wanted to cry for her.

"Yeah,"

"Hey," Nia pulled out of the hug, "Enough about that. I'll see you at the end of the summer. Don't get married or anything while I'm gone," she teased, "Although, I wouldn't complain if you did. Fuck, _I'd_ marry Adam by the end of the summer if you weren't in the picture,"

"Nia, _goodbye_ ," you smiled and rolled your eyes, hugging her one last time before you'd see her again in two months.

You walked over to Thomas now, squinting at him, "You're not high anymore, right?"

He laughed, "No, I'm good now,"

"Good," you smiled. Your happy face didn't last long as you realized this was goodbye. Next thing you knew, you were crying like a fucking baby. You didn't want Thomas to leave New York. Hell, you didn't want him to leave the neighborhood.

He pulled you in for a hug as soon as he saw your face fall and tears stream out of your eyes, "D.C. is only four hours away. I'm not moving to Spain or anything," he joked to make you feel better.

"B-But you're _leaving_ ," you cried into his chest, "You're leaving and I hate it,"

"I can always come back and visit," he held you tighter and his voice cracked a little as he spoke, "You know I'm going to miss you. You were my first real friend here...and the first person I loved here. You'll always be special,"

That only made you cry harder and hug him closer, "Thomas—"

He interrupted you, but still held your hug, "I always thought I took care of you...looked out for you. I think I did while we were friends, right?"

"Yes, you did. Always,"

You could feel him smile, "I'm glad Adam is that for you now. I'm glad he makes you happy and loves you. I'm glad he takes care of you. I see the way he looks at you and...and it's the way you deserve to be looked at. I'm glad it's him,"

You pulled away and face him now, but still kept your arms around each other, "Me too," you sniffled, "You've always been more than I deserved. You've done things for me that have been so selfless,"

One big thing he did for you was deleting your file from the Title IX records so Adam wouldn't see it. You'd never forget that he did that for you.

"Thomas, I love you so much,"

"I love you more, but I have to remind you...I'm not _dying_ ," he smiled softly.

You laughed hard and slapped his chest, "You're leaving New York fucking City, though! That's basically dying!"

He chuckled and wiped your tears from your face. You figured mascara was running everywhere by now, making you look insane. You didn't care.

"Well...goodbye," you frowned.

Thomas palmed the back of your head and brought your forehead to his lips, kissing it for a few seconds.

"Bye, babe," he whispered.

A little piece of your heart was leaving for D.C. and there was nothing you could do to stop it. Life was moving quickly for all of you. Too quickly. Thomas was leaving the city. The city where you first met him. The city where you first became friends. The city where your friendship thrived. And now he was moving, leaving this magical fucking place. You thought he was crazy for leaving New York.

Thomas got in the driver's seat of the moving truck and rolled down his window. Nia was already sitting in the passenger's seat eating trail mix, "BYEEE!! I'll FaceTime you and show you his new place as soon as we get there! Maybe I'll make a cool TikTok of the before and after. I wanna be a TikTok influencer or something," Nia smiled. She always knew how to make you laugh.

"Love you guys," you giggled.

"Are you sure you don't want a ride to Adam's place?" Thomas asked.

"Yea, I want to walk," you replied. You knew you'd want some space for a second before having to be with Adam.

"Well, we're off, then," Thomas said nervously.

"Go!" you laughed.

"LOVE YOU!!!" Thomas and Nia both shouted. Thomas put the truck in drive and started down the street. Nia waved at you out of her window until they turned at the end of the road and were no longer in sight.

You opened your phone camera and checked your appearance...it was truly horrendous, but you didn't feel like fixing it, so you walked the six blocks over to Adam's, looking like you just got hit by a train. As you walked, you thought about memories with Thomas. Whether it was getting high as shit before your intro to psychology class or sneaking each other into your dorm rooms past designated hours, or getting coffee and studying together, you only really had good memories with him.

Fuck, you were going to miss him.

When you got to Adam's, you found him and Moose taking a nap on his couch. You got a glass of water and sat on a nearby chair, watching him sleep. You felt a little creepy but he looked so fucking cute. His chest was rising and falling slowly and every so often his nose would wiggle. Adam suddenly opened his eyes slightly and looked around the room until he saw you looking at him. He instantly smiled, then told Moose to lay on the floor, making room for you.

 _Poor Moose._

Adam turned to lay on his side, then opened his arms out, "Come here," his tired and raspy voice was soft as it broke through the quiet room.

You couldn't say no to his sleepy, boyish face. You laid next to him, letting him spoon you on the couch as he held you. Even though the couch was a little uncomfortable and your leg kept falling off, you smiled, knowing that you could sleep okay anywhere, in any position, at any time with Adam next to you. As long as you were in his arms, you were okay. You were safe. You were comfortable.

"Love you, Adam," you whispered, snuggling backwards against him.

Adam took your wrist and brought it up to his mouth, kissing his initial on your bracelet before dropping your hand back in front of you. There was a small pause before Adam spoke again.

"One rainy Sunday I'm going to marry you, like we joke about. But I'm going to do it forreal," he whispered against your head.

Adam instantly went back to sleep, just like that.

You didn't say anything, just laid there for a while, wide awake, feeling Adam's breathing on the top of your head. His breaths were slow while yours were shallow and fast after what he said. You never doubted that Adam didn't want you. After all, he kept reminding you lately that you two were forever, but he'd never explicitly said anything about seriously getting...married.

Maybe he didn't mean it and was just half-asleep.

Maybe he did mean it, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are two chapters left. I love you all.


	32. chapter thirty-one: how'd you do it?

**Wednesday, August 18th**

You and Adam were cuddling on his couch, watching TikToks. His laughter echoed through the room and it sounded so fucking heavenly to you. Moose laid on the floor in front of the two of you, soaking in the sun that was coming through Adam's big living room windows. It was a perfect day.

This is how it'd been all summer since Nia and Thomas were gone. You and Adam had no one but each other to hang out with, each day more fun than the last. You did shit like going to Coney Island, getting ice cream and going to the park, walking Moose around the block, and giggling at TikTok. Fun moments like this with Adam was what life was becoming all about for you. 

After a while, he took your phone, locked it, and threw it over to a cushioned chair across the room, then started to tickle you on the couch. He laid you on your back and got on top of you, digging his fingers on your stomach, neck, and thighs as you laughed and screamed his name. He started to kiss your neck as you laid there, still giggling from his touch. Your hands found his hair and tugged it back, pulling his head from your neck. You leaned forward and kissed him. You thought it was just going to be a peck, until you noticed Adam was pretty excited at this point. He kissed you hard and deep, letting his tongue wander, finding yours.

"Oh," you giggled against his lips.

Adam mumbled, "I could kiss you...all fucking day," between kisses.

"Mm," you hummed.

Your legs hooked around Adam's waist as he pressed further down onto you. His knee kept sliding off the edge of the couch, making him lose balance. You giggled into his kiss as he constantly tried to re-maneuver himself over you. Adam sucked and bit on your lip as your hands went from his face, to his hair, to his shoulders, and back. You didn't know where to put them, you just knew you had to keep touching him all over, making sure he stayed on you.

A small whine next to you made you and Adam stop kissing. Moose was staring at the two of you.

"Oh Jesus," you laughed.

Adam started to talk to Moose, making him lick Adam's face. Adam scrunched his face, then looked down at you like he had a terrible idea. Suddenly, Adam dipped his head to yours and wiped his cheek on your forehead, coating you with a little bit of Moose's slobber.

"Adam!!" you squeaked. You felt like you wanted to be mad but you just couldn't. Today was just too fun to be mad. You giggled underneath him.

_KNOCK_

_KNOCK_

_KNOCK_

The knock on Adam's door startled you. Adam furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the door. He wasn't expecting anyone. 

"Stay," he said as he climbed off of you and walked to the door. 

He looked through the peephole, then back at you with a strange look on his face. You cocked your head in confusion and sat up, wondering who it was. Adam turned back to the door and opened it. 

"Hi, Detective Gearhart. How are you?"

_Ah fuck._

You had told Adam about your little run in with Gearhart at graduation a few days after it happened. He was a little mad you waited to tell him, but you didn't want him to be worried. After all, you figured by the looks of Gearhart at the time, there was nothing to be worried about.

"Come in," Adam opened the door wider, where Gearhart could see you now as he invited him inside.

You gulped, "Hi,"

"Hi," Gearhart said. 

He wasn't wearing a suit or anything professional looking and there was no gun around his hip like you were expecting. He looked like a regular dude in his mid-fifties that had a desk job and a wife and kids back home or something.

Suddenly, Moose started growl and bark at him, just like last time he saw him.

"Shit, I'll put him in your room," you said, taking Moose by the collar and leading him into Adam's room. 

When you came back to the living area, Adam sat on the couch while Gearhart was on the chair. 

_That's where Adam threw my fuckin' phone._

"Hi, sorry. Um, I think my phone is under you. Do you mind checking?" you asked awkwardly.

_Jesus Christ this is embarrassing._

Gearhart stood and found your phone, handing it to you.

"Thanks, haha," 

You went to sit by Adam on the couch. He put a protective hand on your knee.

"So," Adam sighed, "What can we do for you?"

It was clear that Adam was assessing the way Gearhart looked right now. You could tell he was wondering what the fuck he wanted, especially since he appeared off the clock.

Gearhart straightened his back in the chair, "They made me retire. I got...I got too obsessed with the case," he cleared his throat. He seemed embarrassed.

Gearhart continued, "I had a theory put together in my mind. I told Moretta about it but she couldn't fully get behind it. I went to a higher up with it and they told me I was nowhere. It only made me work harder at solidifying my theory,"

_Wow, he's really going all in. No small talk. Okay._

"It was the only thing I looked at all day--this case, I mean. I have a family, you know. They worried about me but...but I was onto something. I really cracked it," Gearhart looked at his hands in his lap, "That's when my wife got with my team and higher ups, telling them to look at what the case was doing to me. They agreed. I mean, they were right. I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't sleeping. I was obsessed...but I knew I was right,"

Adam squinted at him when he was finished speaking, "Right about what?"

Shit. 

"I know it's you, Adam. It's you," Gearhart said, matter-of-factly. 

Adam sat there, staring at Gearhart. He wasn't breathing fast, or telling him he was a liar who needed to leave. He just sat there and looked at him for a moment. You got nervous as Adam's mouth opened.

"It's me, what?"

"You're a serial killer. It was you at Purdue. I know you went there. And it was you, here at Columbia. It was always you,"

_VGSKHSGISJLI_

Your stomach fell. You were wondering what the fuck was going to happen next with Adam and Gearhart. Would Adam punch him? Would he send him on his way and forget about it? You sat there, eyes darting between both of them. 

Adam chuckled, "Why are you here?"

"To see if I'm right,"

"Let's say I was a serial killer. Why would I tell you?" Adam asked.

You wanted him to shut the fuck up, so you lightly nudged him with your foot.

Gearhart nodded, understanding what he was asking from Adam, "I'm no longer with the FBI. I'm no longer with anyone. Like I said, they made me retire. They also think I'm insane after how much I obsessed over this case, trying to pin it on you," 

He laughed under his breath, then continued, "To be honest, I don't give a shit about those people who are missing. I told you when I spoke to you last time that I'd want to kill someone like that if they hurt someone I loved--"

"You were playing your cop role," Adam interrupted him.

Gearhart pursed his lips together, "I didn't lie about that. Look, I just need to know if I was right,"

Adam's eye twitched at Gearhart. 

"You were right,"

Your eyes went wide and your voice went up about thirty octaves, "Adam!"

He didn't look at you, just kept his gaze at Gearhart, "It's okay,"

"What??" you said, panicked. 

"It's okay," he reassured you, squeezing your knee lightly. 

_Adam, you dumb shit._

"You were right, Gearhart," Adam said to him, smiling.

Gearhart smiled back, "I knew it,"

_Why do men?_

"How'd you do it?" Geahart asked, leaning forward in his seat, "I have to know,"

Adam tensed his jaw, then looked at you, "Will you take Moose on a walk?"

Your lips parted and you wanted to tell him to get Gearhart the fuck out of here, but you didn't. You just nodded and kissed his cheek nervously, "Okay,"

You smiled smally at Gearhart, then put on your shoes and took Moose out. You gave one final anxious smile at Adam before you closed the door behind you.

\--

One hour and about forty trips around Adam's block later, he texted you to come home and that Gearhart was gone. You raced with Moose up the stairs and busted through Adam's door.

"Why the fuck would you tell him??" you shouted at Adam as he stood in the kitchen, eating a Fruit Roll Up.

Adam put his hands up in surrender at you, "It's okay," his voice was calm. 

_HOW THE FUCK IS HE CALM??_

"Adam, no it's not! What were you thinking? Adam, what if—I dunno what if he—"

"It's okay," he repeated, voice still hushed and unbothered. 

"It's _okay_?! It's NOT okay, Adam!" 

"Yes, it is. It's okay," Adam grabbed you and pulled him close to him. Good thing your arms were locked under his because you could strangle him right now.

"You're not making sense," you whispered. You were so fucking confused. 

"He won't...say anything, I mean," Adam looked down at you smiling. He was completely fine. He wanted you to be completely fine. Should you be?

"What makes you so sure?" you asked quietly. 

"He won't, baby. It's okay,"

You bit your lip and wanted to protest more, but you didn't. You decided to trust Adam's judgement. You had no other choice. 

**Friday, August 20th**

"Get the fuck uppppp!" Adam nudged you.

"What time is it?" you whined, eyes still shut. The motherfucker was really trying to wake you up early on your last few days of summer.

Adam hit you with a pillow, "9:30. Get _up_ ,"

You groaned and got out of bed, pushing him away from you and heading to his bathroom. You were annoyed. Adam tried to pull you in for a hug to be an ass, so you shoved him again and shut the door behind you.

"Ah, come on, baby," he smiled on the other side, "It's gonna be a good day. I'll make coffee,"

_Yea, you better._

After peeing, brushing your teeth, and washing your face, you put on light makeup and trudged out of the bathroom. You pulled on some shorts, a t-shirt, and your socks and tennis shoes, then walked to Adam's kitchen. He had a big smile on his face as you took your coffee from him, rolling your eyes.

"What's so fucking important that we have to do today?" you asked, sipping on your coffee.

Adam chuckled, "You'll see,"

"Fuck youuuu," you groaned at Adam. You turned to Moose now, who was standing between you and Adam, "Not you, Moose. It's your father. He's simply awful,"

Adam ignored you, "Chug that shit, we're leaving in five,"

Five minutes later, Adam put a leash on Moose and walked with you out of the door. Once you got outside, the sun was shining bright, but it was still a bit early enough to where it wasn't hot as fuck yet. Adam grabbed your hand and led you to your death for all you knew.

As you walked, Adam was comfortably quiet, taking in the sounds of the city. Looking up at him as he strutted with you and Moose down the sidewalk, you noticed how he must look to others. He was an incredibly attractive, tall man with a dog who looked like it could fuck someone up, and a girl on his other arm. The way Adam walked was with purpose, even if he had a little waddle sometimes. He never smiled at strangers, always looking serious, like a true New Yorker if you'd ever seen one.

Then, you remembered last summer when you and Adam were strangers who passed by each other every day, he always smiled at _you_.

Just you, you hoped.

You and Adam walked for a while when you realized you knew exactly where he was taking you.

Central Park.

When you got to the big park, the two of you started on the path, going in the direction toward the arch where first saw Adam everyday last summer. You concealed your giddy smile as you walked with him in silence.

You approached the arch and walked under it. As you kept going, Adam stopped and pulled at your hand, making you stop, too. Adam was just standing in the middle of the path, looking at you. You thought he was hypnotized or something.

"Um, hello?" you waved your hand at him.

Adam smiled, but still didn't say anything. He seemed nervous. Wanting to break whatever the fuck was going on, you crouched down and got to Moose's level, petting him.

"This was a nice walk. Thanks for waking me up," you smiled up at Adam as Moose licked your face, "I like coming back here with you...where we kind of met, haha,"

Adam's jaw tensed for some reason. His smile faded and his expression was one you couldn't read anymore. It was blank, almost, but there was a hint of something else there. You could tell his breathing sped up as you straightened your back and stood close to him.

"What..." you swallowed. The way he was looking down at you made your mouth dry up and your stomach twist. Something was different.

Adam's eye twitched as he stared at you. His hand reached up and took a strand of your hair between his fingers, twirling it as he spoke, "Do you know what today is?" he asked, his voice low.

"...no," you really didn't know what he was talking about.

He smiled held the sides of your head in his big hands, now. Adam brought his face close to yours and kissed you softly.

"Adam,"

_Kiss._

"What's today?" you mumbled against his lips.

Adam nudged his nose on yours for a brief second, "It's been a year...today. It's been a year since we met on this trail," he smiled, " _Really_ met,"

\--

**_A stick snapped under your foot, so naturally, you freaked the fuck out and hid behind a tree. Peeking out, Mystery Man was looking right at you. You could die right there of embarrassment. Your soul felt like it left your body and was just letting your body awkwardly stand there, staring right back at Mystery Man._ **

**_Stepping out from behind the tree, you brushed your shorts off a little and said, "Uh, hi. Uhm, sorry I was just—um..."_ **

**_Mystery Man finally spoke, "Are you following me?"_ **

**_"Uhm, I was kind of following you...just now...not like all the time or anything. I mean—I, uh just have been meaning to say hi," you step closer, "I see you everyday walking here at the same time as me. I just um, wanted to say hi I guess,"_ **

**_Silence. His face hadn't changed facial expressions. He was still confused as fuck. Great._ **

**_The silence made you uncomfortable, "I just see you every day and I'm about to start my last year at Columbia so I won't have much time to walk anymore and I guess I just liked passing by you every day and I just wanted to know if you wanna get coffee or...something,"_ **

**_He still looked at you like you were the strangest person he'd ever come across. Mystery Man started to back up, pulling his dog with him, "I—uh have to go, sorry," he muttered anxiously._ **

\--

"A year...holy shit," you whispered.

"I know, baby,"

"What a fucking year,"

Adam was still holding your face. After a moment, he said sadly, "I would do so many things differently,"

"I wouldn't,"

"I was awful to you... _Christmas_ ," he reminded you painfully. He made it sound like even saying the word was poison to his lips.

You smiled, "I wouldn't do anything differently," you thought of what Nia said to you at graduation and continued, paraphrasing Nia, "Some things are supposed to be. That was one of them. It's why we're where we are now... _here_ , right _now_ ,"

Adam took a deep breath and brushed your hair behind your ears, "Let's keep walking,"

He took your hand and lead you and Moose back around the trail, toward the streets. As you walked to wherever he was going next with you, Adam always kissed the top of your head every time you had to stop at a street corner, waiting to cross.

Adam ended up taking you to the Hungarian pastry shop. You guessed he wanted a snack or something.

Adam insisted that you go in together, but you knew Katinka didn't allow pets inside, so Adam made you beg her to let Moose in, "Please Katinka, just let us bring Moose inside for like thirty seconds!! _Pleaaasssee_!! I've got a ten dollar bill with your name on it! Please!" you begged.

She rolled her eyes at you, "Fine,"

You grinned and waved at Adam through the glass, telling him to come inside.

"Ehck," Katinka let out a disgusted noise, looking at Moose.

"Love you, Katinka," you winked, then turned to Adam, "Okay, what do you want? I'm not really hungry so I'm not gonna ge—"

Adam interrupted you, "Oh, I don't want anything," you furrowed your eyebrows at him in confusion as he continued, "I wanted to take you to the second place we spoke,"

\--

**_When you looked up, you saw a familiar face._ **

**_Mystery Man._ **

**_"Oh, so you're following ME now," you say angrily as you spin your head back to Katinka, catching his scent._ **

**_Ah, he smells so good._ **

**_"No, uh—I didn—I didn't follow you," Mystery Man awkwardly stuttered._ **

**_You didn't look at him, "Whatever,"_ **

**_As you were paying Katinka and taking your pastry, you just couldn't help yourself. You turned back to Mystery Man and questioned, "What's with your face? Like, why did you look like me talking to you yesterday was so terrifying? And why do you look like that now? Seriously dude, do I have an extra arm that I can't see? Jesus,"_ **

**_His face went from shocked to slightly frustrated, "I'm not allowed to be shocked when someone is following me in the park? And then when I see them again the very next day somewhere else? I'd say you're the one following me,"_ **

**_You glared at him and pursed your lips, "I don't like you. I'm glad you didn't want to get coffee with me. Fuck you, dude," you grabbed your to-go bag from Katinka, "Thank you, Katinka," and stormed out of the store._ **

\--

You laughed, thinking about how much you hated Adam after he rejected you in the park, "Oh Jesus...yea that was here,"

Adam stepped close to you and brushed his fingers through pieces of your hair again, "Mhm,"

His gaze was intense as he stared down at you, like he never wanted to look away. You couldn't help but stand on your tiptoes and kiss his chin.

"It's been over thirty seconds," Katinka said, annoyed, interrupting your little moment with Adam.

He smiled sweetly at her, "We're outta here,"

You grabbed a ten dollar bill from your wallet and gave it to Katinka to say, 'thanks for letting us bring Moose in here and have eye sex in front of you'.

Adam took your hand and the two of you left. You thought you were done for the day, but Adam didn't turn to go toward his apartment. He was going toward campus.

"Okay, what now?" you asked suspiciously.

"We have lots of memories in lots of places," Adam replied, matter-of-factly.

You kept walking with him until you got to Schermerhorn hall. Adam swiped his ID and the doors, that were usually locked for summer hours, unlocked. He held open the door for you and ushered you inside. Adam took your hand again and walked with you up the stairs.

"Is it okay if Moose is in here?" you asked.

Dumb question.

"Who's gonna kick us out? You? There's no one here," he chuckled.

Adam finally stopped when you got to room 242.

You stepped inside and turned on the lights to the big lecture hall. Adam walked up to the front and looked out into the empty seats. He let Moose off of his leash and let him run up and down the stairs. He finally looked at you as you stood next to him.

"The third time," he said quietly.

_The third time we spoke to each other._

\--

**_You took a deep breath, rolled your eyes, and began walking to the empty chair next to him where you put down your backpack, "Of course it's you,"_ **

**_Adam matched you, "Of course it's YOU,"_ **

**_He's such a fucking dick._ **

**_"I'll handle the course. You just sit there and pass the handout to the class when they get here," he stubbornly ordered._ **

**_Fuck this Adam guy._ **

**_"Uhm, I can do a lot more than just pass out papers. Just because I'm a TA doesn't mean I can't do the teaching. Dr. Kennedy lets m—"_ **

**_He interrupted, "I'm not Dr. Kennedy,"_ **

**_You shot him a glare._ **

**_If looks could kill, he'd be dead._ **

**_So._ **

**_Fucking._ **

**_Dead._ **

**_When he dismissed class, everyone packed up and raced out of there. You were trying to pack up your shit as fast as possible too when Adam grabbed your attention and asked, "What's your name?"_ **

**_"You don't get to know my name," you swing your backpack around your shoulder, "See ya around,"_ **

\--

You giggled, "Oh my God, I wouldn't tell you my name,"

"I remember," he smiled, then stepped behind you, putting his arms around you, resting them on your stomach as you held them. His head nuzzled in your neck, where he softly kissed your sensitive skin. Suddenly, Adam attacked you quick kisses, making you laugh and hold the back of his head.

He could be so silly...so cute...so sweet sometimes.

"Um, is there anywhere else you're taking me to relive our first couple encounters where we were mean to each other?" you asked, turning around and putting your hands around the back of his neck.

"There's a two more but there on the way home,"

"Okay,"

Adam put Moose's leash back on, then the two of you left the room and walked down the stairs. When you stepped outside and in the now hot sun, you started to walk down the steps outside of Schermerhorn.

"Wait," Adam smiled, "Sit on the stairs, right there," he pointed at a specific spot.

"...okay?"

He stood in front of you and let the memory come back.

\--

**_"Let me walk you home," he said as he stood in front of you at the bottom of the pavement._ **

**_You looked up at him in shock. He had put on a hoodie, "Um...no? Thomas is walking me. By the way, you look like a serial killer with that hoodie on," you looked back at your phone and Adam chuckled softly._ **

**_"Bye!" you said with attitude when he wouldn't leave._ **

**_Adam was smiling as if you were dumb, "Sorry, I wasn't asking. I'm walking you home. Come on," he half turned his body to walk away, waiting for you to join him. You hesitated for a few seconds and bit your lip._ **

**_I mean...what's the worst that could happen?_ **

\--

"I'm so glad you walked me home that night," you said softly, tears pricking your eyes. You quickly wiped them away. Adam held his hand out to you, helping you up.

"Are you upset?" he asked, worried.

"Oh, no. Just...happy,"

Adam stared down at you again for a second.

"Let's go home,"

As you walked home with Adam, you thought about when you walked home with him _that_ night. You knew he was thinking about it, too.

\--

**_Adam smiled and the two of you headed toward your apartment. It was a pretty quiet walk between you and Adam. Small glances were shared every now and then and occasionally your hand would brush passed his, leaving your fingers tense. Eventually, you put them in your pockets to avoid further physical contact._ **

**_"Why did you do that? In the park? Why'd you get all weird and leave when I just asked if you wanted to get coffee?" you randomly asked in the silence._ **

**_After a moment of thinking, he replied, "Well...it just surprised me, that's all. I guess I uh, got used to just passing by every day...when you spoke to me I just wasn't expecting it. I was used to our routine, I guess,"_ **

**_It was silent for another two whole fucking minutes until you muttered, "You really hurt my feelings, you know...at the park then the pastry shop, I mean,"_ **

**_Adam looked apologetic, "Sorry...I didn't mean to. You weren't the friendliest at the pastry shop, though,"_ **

**_Your eyebrows furrowed and anger boiled up inside, "Uhm, why do you think I was so rude to you? Because you were weird with me the day before. I think I'm justified, asshat," well, all hope of being civilized was gone so you continued, "Why the fuck do you look at me like that? Like you're so shocked and grossed out by me. Honest answer,"_ **

**_"I am shocked by you," he said quietly, "The way you speak, your mannerisms...they're all so...intriguing, I guess," he added._ **

**_Rolling your eyes you said, "Well, glad to know I'm so fucking intriguing to you. Why are you even walking me home?"_ **

**_Not missing a beat, Adam responded, "Because I want to,"_ **

**_He looked down at you and you stared up at him as the two of you waited for the crosswalk signal to light up. His hazel eyes glowed with the help of the streetlights and you felt your breath starting to hitch. He was so close to you. So close you could touch him. So close you could kiss him if you wanted._ **

**_BLINK_ **

**_The bright crosswalk light lit up and snapped you out of your trance. It seemed like Adam was also a little startled by the light. You gave him a small smile and walked across the street by his side._ **

**_"Uh, you can go now. I've only got a block left," you told Adam._ **

**_"No, I'll walk the whole way there,"_ **

**_"Uh, noooo. You can go. I'll be fine," your eyebrows knitted in annoyance._ **

**_He stepped so close to you, your chest almost touched his ribcage, "Haven't you heard? Students are going missing. You don't want to be out here all alone," he said quietly._ **

**_Your eyes widened and all of the saliva in your mouth seemed to dry up at once._ **

**_"You look scared," Adam stated._ **

**_Stepping back, you said, "I'm not scared of anything. This was such a fun walk, let's never do it again. Goodnight, Adam,"_ **

**_Spinning around, you quite literally ran the rest of the way to your apartment._ **

\--

When you got back to Adam's apartment, you took off your shoes and stretched. Damn, he made you walk a lot. You were tired as fuck and it was only noon. Adam took the leash off of Moose, but his eyes stayed on you as you got a drink from his kitchen.

He was looking at you funny again.

"Do you want water?" you asked, trying to get him to be normal.

"No,"

You filled your glass and hoisted yourself on the counter to sit. Adam made his way to you and positioned himself between your legs to be close. You took a sip of your water and looked at him suspiciously.

"Okay, what now? You look like you want to eat me or something," you teased.

Adam looked down and saw your bracelet. He held up your wrist and was deep in thought, playing with your charm. You set your glass of water next to you, then brushed your fingers through his black hair.

"Adam,"

He finally looked up at you again.

"This—" he pointed all around, "—started because of a year ago, today. Every place. Every memory," his voice was hushed, "I can't believe it's been a year,"

Your heart tugged in your chest.

"Me either,"

His forehead pressed on yours, "You're my favorite,"

"You're my favorite, Adam,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's one more chapter left. I love you all. fuck this is gonna be hard.


	33. chapter thirty-two: one rainy sunday.

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

**Saturday, November 27th**

The weather was fairly shitty in Alaska this time of year, but you said 'fuck it' and came anyway. Today was the first nice day out since you'd been here this past week. Snow blanketed the ground outside as you stared out of the big windows in front of you. It was bright as hell from the sun reflecting off of the white snow, but you couldn't stop staring. It was just so fucking gorgeous here. You were surrounded by tall, skinny trees, whose leaves were long gone by now, probably suffocating under the heavy snow. Mountains peeked out behind the trees and you really thought your life couldn't get any better.

The warm hot chocolate in your hands helped you stay cozy. You brought it up to your lips and blew, cooling it down, then sipped, feeling the liquid in your throat travel to your stomach.

This was nice and all, but there was something missing. You sighed and felt bored. While you loved looking out at the nature, it was boring because you were by yourself.

But then again...

It felt _good_ to be alone.

You hadn't been alone in a while.

After you drank your hot chocolate, you set the mug in the sink. Your new kitchen connected with your new living room, making it an open concept space. While it was an 'open concept', that didn't mean that the place wasn't small. Sure, it was bigger than your apartment in New York, but it was still a little cabin in the woods.

You didn't mind it, though.

You didn't need a lot of room.

A month ago, you were browsing Zillow one night and came across this perfect cabin right outside of Anchorage. You really couldn't help but reach out to the realtor who was selling it and ask about it. A week later, you flew to Alaska without telling anyone and checked it out. When the realtor showed you around, you realized it was perfect.

Maybe you were dumb with your grand-dad's money that he left you, but you didn't give a fuck. You bought the place that very weekend.

This past week was the first time you _really_ got to stay in the cabin, moving some things in. You wanted it to be a little place you could go to get out of the city during the summertime or on holidays. Hell, maybe you'd even invite Nia up for a weekend if she wanted to come even though she hated the outdoors.

You were doing well so far in your first semester of grad school as a PhD student. It was hard as fuck but it was fun. You got to teach an intro to psychology course for the freshman at the university that you really liked. It made you feel smart and like you really had something of your own. It made you feel like you weren't a shitty college student anymore.

But while it was a good semester, you needed a break. That's why you were here, now. To get away from it all. School, the city, _everything_.

Being in Alaska was bomb as fuck despite the shitty cell service. There were cool animals out right now. The other day you saw two owls and wolf prints in the snow. There were no bears this time of year around where you were, thank Jesus. You remembered back to last Thanksgiving at the other cabin in upstate New York.

—

**_You rolled your eyes, shook your arm from his grip, and started walking up the cabin's steps toward the front door._ **

**_"You're fuckin' lying, Ada—" you were cut off by a hand covering your mouth, pulling you backward aggressively._ **

**_Fuck, I'm so fucking stupid. Adam is going to kill me. This is the fuckin' moment. I knew it. He's gonna kill me, oh my God. I'm such a dumb bitch._ **

**_Adam started to pull you backward so you tried to fight back. You clawed at his hand around your mouth and tried to kick him. God, you were bad at fighting._ **

**_"Shhhhhhhh, shut the fuck up. Stop moving," he aggressively whispered in your ear._ **

**_You kept kicking at him, crunching dead leaves against the ground in the process. You really sucked at fighting back._ **

**_"There's a fucking bear, you dumb shit. Stop," he whispered again._ **

**_Fuck._ **

**_You immediately froze, staring at the cabin's porch._ **

**_There was a fuckin' bear staring right at you and Adam._ **

**_Adam slowly took his hand off of your mouth and pulled you behind him, acting as a shield for you._ **

**_His hand was reaching behind him, holding yours tightly. He started to back up, making you slowly back up as well. When you were around 200 yards from the porch, Adam decided to stop and told you to sit. He plopped next to you and decided the two of you should wait until it leaves._ **

—

That memory made you miss him.

While it was _nice_ to be all alone for once while Adam was at the store, you were over being by yourself, so you gave him call.

Adam picked up after a few rings.

 _"Hi, baby,"_ Adamgreeted you. His voice over the phone was smooth and warm. You could stay on the phone forever with him just to hear him speak.

"Hi. When will you be back?"

" _I_ ' _m three minutes away. I know you missed me so much while I was gone but don_ ' _t worry, I'll be there soon,"_ he teased.

You giggled, "Okay, okay. You got the pie crust right? That's like the one thing I really needed,"

_"Yes, baby,"_

Fuck, you loved the way he called you that. You felt your heart skip through the phone.

"Okay okay okay. Love you. See you in a sec,"

_"Love you, bye,"_

You set your phone on the couch and went to the kitchen, mixing the pumpkin pie filling with the spices. Once you had that crust, it could go in the oven, setting you and Adam up for a perfect Thanksgiving dessert. Well, Thanksgiving was technically two days ago, but you forgot about making a pie...so you guessed two days later would do.

Three minutes went by and Adam walked through the door with a few groceries in hand.

" _Fuck_ , the store is so far from here," he complained, handing you the pie crust, "and it's cold as shit,"

"You're the best," you smiled and brought it in the kitchen, "Also, you should wear beanies more often. It's cute,"

Adam shed his layers and took off his beanie as Moose ran around the cabin. He gave you a smile.

"Noted,"

Adam continued as he walked toward the bedroom, "I'm going to take a shower real quick,"

"You're taking a shower?" you frowned.

"Yes, I need one and I'm cold. I've been thinking about hot water since the second I left. I'll be quick," he said, starting to take off his shirt.

"Without me?" you smirked.

Hearing that come out of your mouth made you sound like a fuck boy but...you guessed you could be a fuck boy for Adam.

Adam smiled and kept walking, "Come on, then,"

You quickly put the pie filling in the crust and practically threw it in the oven, then fast walked to shower with Adam. He was already in, so you stripped quickly and opened the shower door, stepping inside with him. You didn't _need_ a shower but you didn't really ever want to miss an opportunity to be with Adam in this way. This was your 'thing' with him. Showering together was just a given now. If you ever had to shower alone, it didn't feel right.

Adam moved to let you wet your hair and body under the shower head. The water was hot as it hit your scalp and face, just like you liked it. When you got here with Adam a few days ago, one of the first things he made you buy was 'that good coconut shampoo'. He had it in his hands now, spreading it through his hair. You switched him spots. The bubbles from the shampoo ran down his chest and stomach as he rinsed it out. You couldn't help but stare as you grabbed the bottle and rubbed shampoo in your own hands, bringing it to your hair to wash, too.

After Adam was done, he traded you spots. Even though your eyes were closed as you rinsed, you felt Adam's eyes on your body. You knew he was scanning you just like you scanned him. When you were able to open your eyes, you saw that you were right. He was staring at you with dark eyes and his erection was pulsing.

"Come he--" you started to say until Adam kissed you hard, backing you up against the wall. He was needy of you, apparently. You felt between your legs start to throb in excitement as his hands on your body touched _everywhere_. His tongue was reckless and his face pressed harder onto yours, letting you know he meant serious business. Adam's hips pushed against you, leaving his hard cock pushed against your lower stomach.

He was pressing you against the wall with his body when his right hand started to snake up to your neck. His big hand gripped your throat and tightened the grasp, leaving you moaning into his mouth. Pulling away from his kiss, you reached down for his cock and gripped it. Adam's eyebrows lift in surprise and you his lips parted.

You quickly lowered to your knees, never breaking eye contact. A smirk appeared across his face until you kissed the tip of his cock, each time letting your mouth envelop around him further. He looked down at you with heavy eyes and a loose jaw. You finally took all of him in your mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat. As you worked your mouth around his length, Adam took a fistful of your hair and moved your head faster. Despite the mild choking and tearing up, you liked this. You liked satisfying him and seeing pleasure drape over his face with every suck. He was usually the one pleasing you, so it was nice to be able to do the same for him when he let you. Not long after, Adam grunted through his teeth, "Swallow,"

You felt him twitch in your mouth as he filled your throat with his cum. After you swallowed, you stood up, kissed him softly on the shoulder, and went back under the warm water to wash your face. Your jaw hurt like a bitch but you figured you'd do anything for him, even if it meant a little jaw pain.

After you were both done in the shower, you got out and toweled off. You put your towel around your hair and Adam wore his around his waist. Life was just this simple: giving head in the shower and being super chill about it.

You put on clothes and played with Moose in the living room for a bit while Adam assessed the kitchen area.

"What color cabinets?" Adam asked, leaning against the small kitchen island. He had a pad of paper and a pen in his hand that looked like it was mini-sized.

"I was thinking like a sage green? Does that sound okay? With cream walls?" you asked Adam, walking over to him. You wanted this place to be perfect and home-y and you really loved that shade of green, especially for a kitchen.

"It's your place, you pick," he replied nonchalantly.

"It's _our_ place," you reminded him. Adam didn't like that you bought the cabin and referred to it yours _and_ his. He said it didn't feel right to him. As far as you were concerned, what was yours was his and what was his was yours by now.

There was a beat of silence before Adam spoke again, "I like sage green cabinets. I think it'll look nice,"

"Really?"

"Mhm. Cream walls would be nice with it too, but we'd have to figure out the countertop. I think granite would be good but we'd have to pick just the right color," he thought out loud.

This place was becoming more and more like a home for the two of you in the past week. Adam was fixing up the place, replacing the flooring in the kitchen, painting the walls, you name it. The living room had random paint swatches all over as you and Adam were still trying to figure out what the perfect color for in there should be.

"We can always figure out the countertop stuff over Christmas break," you suggested.

Adam turned to you, "You don't want to go home?"

"Home like... _Chicago_? With my... _family_?" you shuddered at the thought of spending Christmas with them again this year.

"Yeah, your _family_. You're already spending Thanksgiving here with me. You should go home for Christmas,"

"You're my home,"

Adam cocked an eyebrow, unimpressed, "Family is important,"

"You're my family,"

He sighed, "You know what I mean,"

"Well, where are _you_ gonna be?" you crossed your arms.

"Wherever you are,"

You stepped beside him and put your arm around him as the two of you stood next to each other, looking out of the kitchen window, now.

"Good," you said quietly.

Adam really only had you as his family now. After his visit with his father, you asked him if he wanted to ever try and find his mother and sister. You didn't want to push it because you didn't know if that was even a good idea, but you just decided to ask anyway.

He ended up saying no, that life was the way it was right now for a reason. You were his family now. _Your_ family was his family now. He wanted to stop living in the past. He wanted to let it die.

So you never asked again.

You let go of Adam and got a glass of water.

"By the way, we're not staying with them for our whole three week break. I wanna come up here and finish some stuff,"

"Okay," Adam agreed. He grabbed his phone and started taking pictures of the kitchen, making sure he knew exactly what it looked like so he could be a little interior designer in New York while he couldn't be here in person.

Speaking of his phone, you got Adam an iPhone a few days ago for his birthday, but after a tough two days with it, Adam decided he still hated them. He insisted his flip phone was so much better and more durable. Adam wasn't wrong but you thought he was weird for not wanting to soak up the digital age that the two of you lived in. After all, he fucking loved TikTok, but decided he'd rather watch it on your phone with you. He returned his iPhone and went right back to his flip phone. So, there he stood in your kitchen, holding the tiny flip phone in his giant hands, looking dorky as ever.

But hey, that was your Adam.

You left the kitchen and went to the living room, checking out the paints on the walls. Did you want cream? Did you want a fun color? Maybe a dark blue? No, you didn't want it to feel like a cave. Fuck it, what about neon orange? Adam would fucking hate that.

_Ugh._

You gave up after a bit of going back and forth between colors in your head and sat on the couch, staring at the wall. Adam was still in the kitchen looking around at things he needed to fix.

Pretty soon, you'd have to leave this little domestic life that you created with Adam in your cabin in Alaska and go back to the city. Your tiny apartment would never compare to this.

This whole week had been nothing but sex in each and every part of the cabin. Yesterday, you were swatching the walls with paint when Adam spread paint on your face with his finger to be playful. The next thing you knew, you were on the living room floor with painted handprints on your neck, cheeks, and wrists, trying to regain the air in your lungs after Adam fucked you.

"I don't want to leave on Monday," you groaned and threw your head back on the cushion.

"I don't want to leave either but we have grown up shit waiting for us in New York," Adam reminded you.

You frowned.

Your phone alarm went off, signaling the pumpkin pie being done. You jumped up from the couch and went to the oven, taking it out.

"Ooooh babyyyy, I love pumpkin pie!!" you said excitedly as you set it on the counter. You ran to the fridge and got out the whipped cream.

"The pie's not even cool yet," Adam chuckled.

You pursed your lips. Sometimes you got too excited.

"Dang it,"

You were walking back to the fridge with the can when Adam stopped you, grabbing the cream. He sprayed some in his mouth, then took your chin between his fingers and pulled it down, opening your mouth and giving you some. For the next few minutes, you both stood in the kitchen eating whipped cream out of the can. You sat up on the counter, Adam standing between your legs, feeding each other.

Adam decided to be silly and spray some on the tip of your nose. He kissed it off, making you giggle and wrap your hands around the nape of his neck as he stood close.

"Hmm," you thought out loud, wondering where to put the whipped cream on him.

You sprayed a bit on his neck playfully. You weren't meaning for it to be sexual at first, but after you were already down at his neck, you couldn't help yourself. Adam tilted his head slightly as you leaned down and sucked it off of him, your lips on his sensitive skin sucking and your tongue brushing him, making sure you got every last bit. Adam breathing was heightened against you. As you stayed at his neck, you felt his shallow breaths hit the top of your head.

When you were done, you sat up straight again and found Adam looking at you like he wanted to devour you.

He didn't, though.

Not yet.

The look in his eye made between your legs get warm, but you were pretty sure he already knew that. He knew just what to do to make you unravel for him. To make you whine for him. To make you beg. You were about to. You wanted him so fucking bad, but you wanted to wait...to see what else he had up his sleeve to make you do all of those things.

Adam smirked and took the can, lifting it to your ear. He put a little on your ear lobe, then took your waist and violently pushed you even further against him. Your hips were pressing against his stomach, only making you want him more. You concealed your whimpers, wanting him to go on.

Adam slowly brought his head next to yours, to your ear. He licked it lightly, then started to softly suck on it. His exhales ticked your ear and made your heart beat a million miles an hour. While he sucked your lobe, Adam's hand drifted from your waist, over to your thigh. He rested it on top at first, then slowly moved it inward. He was just waiting for you to whine his name.

You almost did.

His thumb stroked close to you, never going fully between your legs. It was clear that he still wanted you to beg.

You pulled his face in front of you and sprayed a little whipped cream on his pink, plump bottom lip before he could do anything. You lightly sucked it off of him as his mouth was parted now. He looked down at you as you let go of his lip. Adam lifted the can to your mouth and put a little on your bottom lip so he could do the same to you. He dipped his head down and sucked the cream away.

"I think we should find more places to put that," you breathed.

"I think we should," Adam said darkly before picking you up and taking you to the bedroom.

\--

After your sticky, yet tasty, excursion earlier today, you and Adam played games for the rest of the night and ate dinner. You smoked his ass in Connect Four while he insisted that he simply ~let you win~. Your big baby of a boyfriend was a sore loser and it made you giggle.

When you got in bed, Adam turned the light switch off and made his way over to you, bumping into shit on the floor.

"Goddamnit, I'm putting a lamp on the list of things we need for as soon as we get back here," he mumbled in the dark.

You turned on your phone flashlight to help the poor guy out. When he got in bed, you turned it off and plugged your phone into the charger. Adam pulled you next to him, making you lay your head on his chest.

"Night," you said, voice raspy from being tired.

He didn't say goodnight back.

He didn't say anything at all for a few seconds.

"I like this place," he said softly, "And I like that it's just the two of us. We don't have to deal with anyone. Our little place to be completely alone,"

_Our little place_

_Our little place_

_Our little place_

That sentence rung in your ears.

Adam yawned, "Goodnight," completely unaware the weight of his words on you.

"Night, Adam,"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Sunday, November 28th**

You woke up the next morning to you spooning Adam, your hand over his side. Usually, he spooned you but it was always nice when you were the one holding him. You kissed his back as he slept, then rolled out of bed and went to brush your teeth. After you left the bathroom, you quietly walked to the kitchen, starting up some coffee. As it was pouring, you went to the living room and opened the curtains, shedding some natural light around the place.

You went back to get your coffee, put a little creamer in it, then went back to the big windows. The weather outside was gloomy. It was cold as fuck and raining. All you wanted to do today was lay around with Adam and Moose and relax on your last day in Alaska.

"Hi," Adam greeted you as he emerged from the bedroom. He rubbed his tired eyes and walked over to you, taking your coffee from your hands and sipping some of it.

"Hi, sleepy,"

Adam looked out the windows and commented before walking away to probably brush his teeth, "What a nice day to lay around,"

You really loved how alike the two of you were.

After breakfast, Adam lit a fire in the fireplace to really set the rainy day vibe. You helped even more by playing indie folk music on the little speaker that was on the fireplace mantle.

Adam sat on the couch, reading a book while you sat on the floor between his legs, facing the fireplace. Adam had one hand holding his book, the other playing with your hair mindlessly. Sitting here with Adam, so comfortable and domestic, felt right. You wanted to have him read a book and play with your hair while a fire flickered around the room for eternity.

Time with Adam sometimes felt like a ticking clock. When scary thoughts of ever breaking up in the future popped into your head, you felt ripped open even though it hadn't happened. No relationship is perfect, but to you, this one _was_. It was _worth_ something. You wanted to remember each moment, just in case it vanished one day. If it ever vanished, what would you do? You're life didn't make sense without Adam. You didn't remember a world a year and a half ago when he didn't exist to you.

These thoughts were self-sabotaging and idiotic.

But you still had them sometimes.

And right now, they were circling your mind as you sat between Adam's legs, his fingers twirling your hair.

This could be gone one day, you realized, and that made you feel like you'd just been punched in the gut. You tried to stop the tears that were falling from your eyes, but you couldn't. It was so embarrassing to cry for seemingly no reason, but here you were, crying on the floor in a perfectly happy moment.

You were ruining this.

Adam noticed your sniffles and put down his book, picking you up and sliding you on his lap, looking worried as ever.

"What? What's wrong?"

You covered your face with your hands as you started to cry harder.

"Hey, talk to me," Adam whispered, his hands pulling yours away from your face.

"I'm sorry, I just--" a little sob escaped your throat, "I just love you a lot,"

Adam tried to stop the smile that was forming over his face but he just couldn't conceal it, "You're crying like _this_ because you _love_ me a lot?"

He made you laugh, "Yes," as you continued, your smile went away, "I don't want to lose you,"

Adam looked like he understood now.

"You'll never lose me,"

You sniffled and hugged his neck, burying yourself in him, "I'm sorry, I'm just being dramatic. Sometimes I get in my feels when I think about how much I love us...and then I just ruin it,"

"Look at me,"

You picked your head up and rubbed your eyes, "Yea?"

"Don't think that shit,"

You let out a small laugh under your breath, "Easier said than done,"

"You know how much I love you, yes?"

You bit your lip, "Yes, of course,"

"And you love me? I mean, you love me so much that you're crying about it, so you love me a lot, yea?" he smiled.

"Yea," you sniffled. You had stopped crying now, fully paying attention to Adam.

"Okay then. That's all that matters,"

"Sorry,"

"Don't be sorry. You gotta tell me when you think that dumb shit, though," he started to tickle you in his lap.

"Adam!" you giggled.

Suddenly, he stopped. His smile faded. Adam pulled you in to hug him. He held you tight against him and this time, he burrowed himself into _your_ neck. He stayed there for a while, breathing on your skin and holding you. If you had to pick a moment to savor forever, it would be this one. It would be Adam holding onto you and burying himself into you until you dissolved into him. It would be holding each other tight as an orange glow danced across the walls. It would be here, right now, with him.

Adam still held you, but looked at you now. He wanted to say something and you could tell he was nervous about it. He kept trying to open his mouth to let the words out, but it took him a second to find his voice.

"Sometimes I get scared too," he said quietly.

You pushed his hair back as he continued.

"B-but I just remember...I just remember _us_. I remember how much I love you. How much you love me. Then, I know it's okay,"

You stared at him, not knowing what to say.

He continued.

"I used to feel so—" he thought about the word he wanted to use, "—so in the dark about well...everything. I don't feel that anymore with you. I'm _not_ in the dark,"

Adam squeezed his eyes shut as if he were embarrassed, "This is corny but...you're my light. You know?"

"That's not corny, Adam," you blushed.

There was a moment of silence that hung through the air as Adam held you close, one of his hands around your wrist, holding your gold bracelet. You never took it off, ever. You never wanted to.

Adam's next words hit you like a train.

"Let's get married on a rainy Sunday and then come back to our cabin in Alaska," he softly mocked what the two of you used to say. Your running joke was becoming real life.

"That'd be something," you whispered quietly.

Adam was still looking down at your bracelet that he was holding in his hand, "We've got half of it down...our cabin in Alaska,"

You laughed softly, letting a moment pass.

You didn't know what the next year would look like with him, hell, you didn't know what the next _week_ would look like. All you knew was that with Adam, you didn't need to guess. You didn't need to speculate. You didn't need to do any of those things, because you promised each other forever. The in between fights didn't matter in the long run. You both knew that at the end of the day, you had each other's back. You were one. That's how it was going to be, you both decided. That's how it was going to be forever.

As you sat on his lap, something was pulling at you, and you could tell it was pulling at Adam, too. The way you both just sat with each other in this moment, not saying a word meant something. Your breathing was fast and anxious. There was something in the air that wasn't being said ... mentioned ... _suggested_.

You breathed out a staggered breath, feeling nervous. You put your forehead on Adam's, making him look at you. You wanted to speak but bile was rising in your throat and your stomach twisted. Your eyes watered again.

"Adam,"

"Hmm," he hummed. It wasn't a question of what you were about to say.

He knew.

"It's Sunday," you whispered.

Adam's grip on your waist tightened and he took a sharp breath in.

"It's raining," he whispered back.

There was another beat of silence.

"Okay," your voice cracked and your heart swelled, the tears in your eyes were building.

He couldn't tell you were completely serious.

Adam chuckled and whispered over the crackling of the fire, "Nia would kill you. God, your _mom_ would kill you. Imagine us really getting married right no—"

"Okay," you repeated yourself, slightly louder.

"Okay?" he squinted.

Your lip quivered as you started to smile, "Adam, I want you...f-forever. You're my favorite. Let's just...do it,"

His eyes widened at you as he started to understand. You saw his eyes start to water as he stared at you. You wondered what he was going to do, what he was going to say.

Adam suddenly took your face in his hands and kissed you hard. You squeezed your eyes shut and pushed your hands through his hair as he held his lips on yours with force. Your tongue grazed his lips and he let you in, reciprocating with his own. Kissing Adam was second nature. It was right. It was home.

As quickly as he started kissing you, he stopped, and pulled away. Adam gazed at you for a moment, his thumb stroking away a loose tear. There was nothing but love for you in his eyes. It radiated off of him. You hoped he felt your love, too. You had so much for him, it was unbearable sometimes. _Now_ felt like one of those times as your heart raced, both of you saying nothing to each other, just breathing and thinking.

Everything leading up to now flashed through your mind. The park. The arch. The pastry shop. The MoMA. Schermerhorn hall. Your apartment. His apartment. The cabin upstate. Buffalo. Valentine's Day. Graduation. Jacksonville. Here.

All of it.

Every moment with him. Every second. Every scene played in your head as you sat there. You knew he was picturing it all, too.

Adam gave you a small nod. 

You gave one back.

He kissed you again before breathing against your lips, "I'll go warm up the car, then,"

One rainy Sunday-- _this_ rainy Sunday--you and Adam decided to give each other forever. Finally.   
  
  
  
  


**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't believe you stuck around 'till the end but here we are: the end. wow, what a wild ride that was. I really, really, really am so fucking sad to see my depiction of Adam come to a close but I'm so glad I was able to create this.
> 
> to everyone, thank you bunches for the love. I hope you loved this story as much as I loved cultivating it. I dead ass poured my heart and soul into even though I should probs be focusing in school. anyway, thank you again. I hope this story meant a lot to you as it did for me.
> 
> I'm planning on continuing writing new things, so if ur bored and into that, follow me or whatever so u can stay up to date with whatever the fuck new weird story I come up with if u want.
> 
> I love you. I love you. I love you.
> 
> y'all are 'my favorite'.
> 
> love, alyssa.
> 
> @_daddykylo_ on insta if u wanna stay in touch and what not


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